


‚Forbidden Love‘

by ItsKarla



Category: robron
Genre: Aaron Dingle and Robert Sugden deserve a happy end, Alternate Universe - Actors, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Awkward Boners, Awkward Tension, Bottom Robert Sugden, Domestic Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Flirting, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Masturbation, Panic Attacks, Pining Robert, Protective Robert Sugden, Scars, Selfcare, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Topping from the Bottom, biphobic language;, mentions of abuse, pining Aaron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-02-01 03:37:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 152,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21360445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsKarla/pseuds/ItsKarla
Summary: Aaron Dingle is a soap actor.He is closed off and a workaholic, but Aaron is quite content with his life.When he gets a new co-star (I wonder who that might be?!), his life is turned upside down.OrThe Robron-Chrolli mashup nobody ever asked for.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 218
Kudos: 574





	1. A new face

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a Robron-Chrolli mashup, but in fact it is a Robron story.
> 
> I have never worked for a soap, so everything I write about the workflow at a serial drama production company is fictional.
> 
> The first chapter is from Aaron’s perspective, the second will be from Robert’s. It switches as the story continues.
> 
> This is my first ever fic and I‘m scared, so please don‘t hate it.  
Also I am not a native speaker, I apologize for errors.

Please note: this first chapter isn‘t edited, there are probably a lot of errors. 🤣 It gets better from the second on, I had great help with this story.

when I uploaded this, I honestly didn‘t expect people to be much interested in reading it 🤣

_There has to be a catch._

Aaron was sure of it. But Chrissie White was just sitting behind her ridiculously huge desk and stared at him with a wide grin.

„So what do you say?“ she asked. And well, what are you supposed to answer to that question when it was your boss who was asking it?

He just came back from being on holidays for five weeks, his longest time off since he started at Lawrence White Production eight years ago. Aaron couldn‘t wait to go back to work. He loved his job. His colleagues were his family, the studios were his safe place and acting was the only thing he was ever good in.

_That is because you‘re acting all your damn life._

And that was pretty accurate, wasn‘t it? Aaron left school with mediocre grades and basically no plan what to do with his life. He only knew one thing: he needed to find a job to earn enough money and to move out. And he needed it to happen quickly.

Willing to do almost everything for a bit of cash, Aaron surfed around on different job sites as his eyes landed on the job ad of LWP. It was a huge ad which grabbed his interest immediately. Lawrence White Production were looking for an actor, teenage age, for a new character in their daily soap ‚Forbidden Love‘.

Aaron bit so hard on the inside of his cheeks that he tasted blood. He knew this soap, he had watched it for hours during his countless sleepless nights, the reruns that were shown at 2 am in the morning. Being wrapped up in a blanket, he had tried to mute his thoughts with the light entertainment of a girlie soap. Brain off, telly on. Never ever would he admit it loud - but he even kinda liked it. He knew all the current stories and actors.

It was an open casting, they wanted a fresh face and acting experience wasn’t necessary. ‚Olli Sabel‘ was only supposed to be a short term character anyway. But damn fuck, Aaron was 17, didn‘t have another job at the time and nothing to loose. So he went to the audition, scared shitless, not really knowing what he was actually doing, but in the end he held a contract in his shaking hands.

He stuffed his belongings in a total amount of two small bags and left the place that had never felt like home on the same day. After a few nights on the sofas of different mates, LWP offered him a room in one of their apartments. It was a flatshare with two other actors and the room was not much bigger than a fitted wardrobe, but Aaron wasn‘t picky and never happier in his life. For the very first time he felt like he belonged somewhere. His character Olli quickly became a fav of the audience, so his contract was extincted, first from six months to a year, than to two years and now he was a permanent cast member of the most long-running daily soap on British telly.

Aaron just came back to work after his holidays half an hour ago with a smile on his face. But when he opened the front doors of the huge building, greeting the receptionist Mary like he always did, she told him to go straight to Chrissie. What did the boss want? He knew that it was unlikely something good.

„Aaron, we have a new story planned for you! You‘ll absolutely love it!“ started Chrissie and her shrill, overexcited voice made him almost flinch.

_Doubt it._

„Ollie is going to get a new love interest!“ she said with a smug smile on her face.

Oh alright, he expected it to be worse. A new love interest could be a nice turn for his character. But then, the doubts slowly crept in. This was actually too nice for a soap.

_There has to be a catch_.

„So what do you say?“

Aaron cleared his throat instead of answering her question. „Is it someone of the cast?“ he asked instead, thinking about his other colleagues. But the characters were either taken or definitely not into men. „Or is it someone new?“

„Oh! It is someone new indeed! A fresh face...“ Her eyes landed on her desk as her voice trailed off. A small smile was on her lips.

„Allright then, when‘s the audition?“ Aaron wanted to know, already glancing at the clock on the wall on his left. He couldn‘t wait to get out of Chrissies office as soon as possible. Her strong perfume hang in the hair and started to give him a headache.

„Aaron, Aaron, Aaron“, Chrissie chuckled and her huge earrings clacked as she shook her head slightly. „I have to say, I admire your determination. You are a man of not many words, but I like that! I think you are one of our best actors, you know that, right?“ she asked and smiled.

Aaron shifted around on his chair and pressed his lips together. Hearing the praise from Chrissie made him instantly uncomfortable. He was not good in taking compliments, and surely not from her. Even after all those years, where journalists, fans and colleagues told him how talented he was, he couldn‘t quite believe it. He was always sensing a ‚but‘. Seeing that she wasn‘t getting the reaction she wanted, Chrissies smile faltered a little.

„So, considering you are one of our most beloved stars, we are sure that you can play with everyone and it will be amazing!“ Chrissie continued and made a dramatic pause, „And that is why we already have someone!“

And he didn‘t see THAT coming.

„But what about a casting?“ Aaron frowned. Usually producers and the guys from the casting department wanted to check if the actors get along or have some sort of chemistry in front of the cameras. Screen tests and castings were a normal procedure every actor knew. But Chrissie White waved her hands like she wanted to get rid of an unwanted smell.

„Nah, not needed! This guy is brilliant, Aaron!“

„But shouldn‘t you check if we have... dunno, chemistry or summat?!“ Aaron couldn‘t stop himself.

Chrissies smile died completely. „Aaron, I know this is not easy to understand, but in my position you have to make desicions and you have to make them quick sometimes!“

With every fibre of his body, Aaron fought against the urge to roll his eyes.

„I tell you something, but I don’t need to remind you that this stays between us,“ Chrissie continued and Aaron nodded. „Forbidden Love is... how can I say this... I mean, I wouldn‘t call it crisis, but...“ She chuckled, but it sounded a bit off.

_No, this can‘t be true, please no_.

Aaron swallowed, but didn‘t dare to say anything.

„The viewer ratings are low, you know that surely. The ice for soaps is getting thinner and thinner, people want those stupid reality shows now“, Chrissie twisted her mouth in disgust. „God, I hate them so much“, she muttered to herself. „Anyway. We- I had to do something. So we will have a relaunch, with a new opening title, a new website and all. FL needs some new big stories, new faces. I want more emotions and more angst and I am absolutely confident, that Chrollie will be our best shot!“ She said it as if he was supposed to know what the hell she meant.

„Chrollie...?“ Aarons voice trailed off.

Chrissie rolled her eyes and huffed a laugh. „It‘s a shipname! Christ, Aaron! Start using social media for heaven’s sake!“

Now it was Aaron’s turn to scoff. He avoided social media for years now, even if he was very well aware that he had a pretty big fan base on facebook, instagram and even twitter. He had actually tried facebook in the beginning of his career, but he could never think of anything interesting enough to get posted on his page, so his account practically died after a few months.

„This is an official order by the way!“ Chrissie said, pointing with the pink fingernail of her index finger in his direction. „Because this is going to be a part of the relaunch strategy. We need social media to make this big. Instagram lives, facebook articles and twitter takeovers and all this stuff. Our socials are already working on it.“

Chrissie went on and on, talking about a campaign and press events and new photos for the homepage, but Aaron barely listened. It all seemed a bit too much, what was the big fuzz about Ollie having a crush or new love interest or whatever? How was this supposed to be the solution for the low ratings of the show? He glanced again at the clock on the wall, hoping that this would be over soon. He nodded at some points of Chrissies monologue and faked his best ‚interest face‘. Chrissie was oblivious, Aaron was a good actor after all.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second when he finally stepped out in the hallway. That woman was stressing him out so much, she was just too much fake. Fake lashes, fake tan, fake nails, fake jewellery. Fake everything. Luckily he had not so much to do with her in the past, but Aaron wondered if that might change now with Chrissie‘s Chrollie-idea.

_What a shitty shipname_.

He walked towards the lift. Chrissie had ordered him to get his new script from the writers, who had their offices on the second floor.

„Hola señior, que tal?“ he heard a voice from behind. Aaron couldn‘t help but smile as he slowly turned around.

„You really need to practise your spanish, Patrick!“ he said with slight amusement in his voice.

Paddy Kirk beamed at him, spreading his arms, gesturing with his hands for him to come closer. Aaron was unlike his character Olli not the hug-type, he just didn‘t like it when someone came into his personal space. But with Paddy it was different. When Paddy wrapped his arms around him and pressed him close to his massive body, he just let it happen and closed his eyes.

Paddy worked as an accountant for LWP. He was huge and shy and had a rubbish taste in clothes and jokes. Aaron liked him from the first minute on. They were an ill-matched pair, the teenage acting greenhorn and the elder number cruncher, but somehow they became friends. Paddy managed to find him a bigger flat, organised the movement, sorted his bank account and helped him through the tough time, when Aaron finally admitted being gay. It was when his character Olli came out. The whole storyline had Aaron riled up, he was moody, got drunk almost every night and into fights with the wrong people. He was close to lose his job, when Paddy took him aside and had a heart-to-heart with him. At the end, Aaron just nodded and cried and Paddy wrapped his arms around him and made it alright. Ever since these strong arms meant some sort of safety for him.

_If Paddy was my dad- _

Aaron stopped himself quickly to go THAT path in his mind any further. He gulped and patted Paddys broad shoulders.

„Missed me that much, eh Patrick?“ Aaron tried to lighten up his own mood with a little mocking. Paddy didn‘t take it bad, he never did. In fact, his smile got even wider when he stepped back a little and looked at Aaron.

„Nice tan, mate! So I take it Ibiza was good?“ asked Paddy and made some awkward hip twist which obviously was supposed to be a dance move. Aaron laughed, thinking back to the last two weeks that he had spent on Ibiza with his best mate Adam.

„Yeah, was really cool, but I‘m glad I‘m back now.“ Paddy pulled a face.

„Said noone on their first day after holidays, ever! Weirdo!“

Aaron shrugged and scratched his eyebrow, feeling slightly embarrassed. „I‘m on my way to Natalie for the new script. Lunch later?“

„Definitely!“ answered Paddy, „I wanna hear all the stories about Ibiza!“ He winked, then he froze and got red like a cherry. „Wait... not, I mean, not all ALL stories... not the... just the err... yeah.“

Well, this got awkward quickly.

„Right, I’m going.“ Aaron shook his head, but couldn’t stop smiling at Paddy’s trademark clumsy stammering.

He loved Natalie‘s office. The room was small and a total mess. There was paper everywhere, huge piles on the desk and single sheets on the floor. It always made Aaron smile, because it was so oldfashioned that she printed really everything out. Natalie was the head of writing, she supervised all the freelance writers and had to check the continuity, storylines and character developments. She used one wall as a massive flipchart. Fotos of the characters were pinned there and linked with strings in different colours. Under each foto was a short profile of the character attached, birthday, favourite food, colour and music, trademark sentences, bad habits, relationships and family backround. Her wall was ‚Forbidden Love‘ in a giant diagram.

  * Oliver Sabel
  * Born: 15.09.1995
  * Relatives: Henriette (Mother, lives in Germany) Lars (Uncle) Charlie (Aunt) Olivia (Cousin)
  * Job: Café ‚No Limits‘ (owner)
  * Status: single, gay (Coming out aired: 26.02.2013)
  * Former relationships: Tom (2013-2014)
  * Likes: his job, his friends, printed shirts, being honest, flirting, his auntie Charlie
  * Favourite colour: green
  * Favourite food: everything on the breakfast table in his flatshare
  * Favourite music: Coldplay
  * Bad habits: impatience, jealousy

Aaron loved playing Olli. Olli was funny, charming, easy.

_Everything that you‘re not. _

Aaron sighed as he stood in the open door and watched Natalie typing a text into her computer like a maniac. He knocked on the doorframe and cleared his throat. Natalie finished her sentence, stopped typing and looked up.

„Awww, look who‘s back! And with a tan even!“ she beamed at him and got up from her chair. Aaron prepared himself mentally for the ineviteable hug and although hugging was not his thing, it felt good to be back at what he considered as home.

„Hiya Nats, I‘m coming from Chrissie, to get my new script!“ he said to cut the small talk about his holiday short before it could even start.

Natalie rolled her eyes, went back to her table and started searching in her paper chaos.

„You have no idea, Aaron! You were lucky that you weren‘t here. The script for the next 6 weeks was already finished, when she came around the corner with this new storyline. We‘ve written days and nights, working our arses off and the she handed the script BACK to us and said: Oh Natalie, I think you can do better than this!“ Natalie tried to copy Chrissies voice and pulled a disgusted face, while she was still going through her papers. „Can you believe it?“ she went on with her rant, clearly in the mood to get it all off her chest. „We put so many extra shifts in this and she didn‘t even say ‚thank you‘. Instead, we had to do it a third time! Stupid arrogant cow!“

Aaron huffed a laugh. „Don‘t hold back, Nats“ he said smirking and folding his arms.

To say Chrissie was not very popular among the employees would have been an understatement. Everybody knew that, except Chrissie White of course. Aaron watched in awe how Natalie found his script in all the papery mess.

„Here you are, I hope you like it!“ she winked as she handed him the files.

Aaron stared at the script. He heard Chrissies words in his head, reminding him how important it would be to make this a success. The file was way more bigger than his usual 6-weeks-scripts and it felt heavy in his hands.

He met Paddy in the canteen and if there is one thing he definitely didn‘t miss during his vacation, it was the stuff they sold as ‚food‘. Aaron grimaced at the squelching sound the mashed potatoes made, when the lady behind the counter smashed it on his plate without finesse. He mumbled a ‚thank you‘ and went to their table.

„Soooo... Ibiza...“ Paddy started grinning.

Aaron rolled his eyes, feeling uncomfortable immediately. He wasn‘t to keen on sharing holiday gossip with Paddy. Especially when there was barely something to gossip about. Adam and him slept long, chilled on the beach (which Aaron found rather stressing, because he stayed in the shadow and kept his shirt on), got drunk in different clubs and headed back to their hotel. Adam pulled three times. Girls he met in the clubs and fucked them right there and then on the toilets. Aaron didn‘t pull, but he didn‘t want to anyway.

_It’s better this way, less complicated. _

And he was not gonna talk about that with Paddy. He knew that‘s what Paddy wanted to hear, if he met someone, if he was happy and all that. He kept asking it regularly and everytime Aaron would cut him short. Paddy was the closest to the loving Dad he always wanted and as far as Aaron had an idea of ‚love‘, he loved Paddy. He knew that Paddy cared about him genuinely and he trusted no other person like the older accountant. But hell no. No way would he spill details of his non-existent love life to Paddy. Or to anyone for that matter. So Aaron did, what he did best: cut it short.

„ ...was hot!“ Aaron said quickly. „And you know I hate hot!“

„Why did you go there in the first place then? The canaries are hot during summer, that is hardly a surprise“ Paddy chuckled.

Because it was Adam‘s idea and he didn‘t want to led his friend down. His only friend besides that bald man sitting across him. Aaron sighed.

„It was fun, okay? Me and Ads had a good time“ he said, hoping that would stop Paddy to ask further questions now.

Paddy shot him a look, nodded knowingly. He knew Aaron wouldn‘t tell anything more. They ate quietly for a few minutes. Aaron started to relax again, then he cleared his throat.

„So, I spoke to Chrissie. We are getting a new actor?“ Aaron asked and he tried to sound nonchalontly.

This was one of the reasons to ask Paddy for lunch, he wanted to know something about the new boy wonder. Chrissie was so full of praise for him, it made Aaron curious. Paddy’s face lit up.

„Yeah, yeah!“ he said enthusiastically. And then he got serious again as he shoved behind: „Don‘t know anything about him, really.“

Urgh, Aaron felt a disappointent pang in his gut. Usually Paddy was very well informed about the things that went on. His office was on the same floor as Chrissies and he knew how to make friendly small talk to her PA.

„Nothing? Really?“

„Honestly. It was really weird, Aaron. She came back from a 3-day-weekend and was over the moon about this actor that she had met,“ Paddy said. „She said, he is going to be a big number and all.“

„And is he actually that good?“

„How should I know?“ Paddy chuckled.

„I meant... What did the casting guys say? Was Paul there?“ Aaron asked, getting impatient.

Paddy shot him an unreadable look. „There was no casting, Aaron. Chrissie went for the weekend, came back and offered him the contract right there and then.“

Aaron clenched the fingers around his cutlery and his jaw dropped.

„Meeting in 10, fourth floor!“

Aaron jumped from the sofa. Phoebe, Chrissies PA had ripped the door to his wardrobe open, had poked her head in and shouted the order towards him.

„Yeah, alright. Don‘t bother to knock!“ Aaron scowled at her, but she had already left again. He sighed and rubbed his eyes.

It was his second day back, he was reading the script and learning the first lines. They had e-mailed his schedule for the upcoming weeks and according to that he would be shooting again on friday, which left not much time for preparation.

The conference room was already crowded when he arrived. Natalie was there, as well as two other writers, Jason and Shaun. Sam from the make up and wardrobe department smiled and waved ar him while she talked to two people from the PR. Aaron couldn‘t remember their names. Two of the social media team stood in the corner, eyes glued to their phones, thumbs typing furiously over the screen.

„Oi, Dingle! Good to have ya back!“

Aaron turns to the booming voice that belongs to Stephen, his favourite director. He fist bumped him and greeted two other camera guys behind him. Right in that moment, the door opened. Aaron could hear Chrissie before he saw her.

„...absolutely no need for that, you‘ll see!“ She laughed.

They all took a seat, Aaron managed to get one as far as possible away from the head of table, where Chrissie was standing now. And then Aaron realised that she was not alone. A man was standing next to her.

_Fuck. Me._

He was tall, taller than Aaron. His thick - _thick_ \- thighs were covered with perfect fitted jeans. Aaron let his eyes travel over his crotch-

_Fucking hell. A bulge_.

-over his upper body that was unfortunately pretty much hidden under a white shirt and a maroon jacket. The blond hair was perfectly styled, short on the sides, a bit longer on top. His face was gorgeous, with a perfect nose and shiny eyes. Aaron tried to figure out the colour, but he was too far away. Damn, why did he take the back seat?! His eyes landed on the man‘s mouth. These oh-so-kissable lips, soft and full. This was by far the most beautiful man Aaron ever had seen. He swallowed and then he suddenly realised, that he had a big lump in his throat and his heart was beating like a jackhammer.

„Hi guys, thank you for coming to this meeting!“ Chrissie said in that moment and clapped her hands to get the attention of everyone.

„I know this was at short notice, but we have some important things to discuss today!“ she paused, turned half around to Mr big-package and smiled fondly.

Said Mr let his eyes wander over the faces in the room.

„As you all know by now, we have a new actor on the show and I want to talk to you about his character and his upcoming story“, Chrissie continued, turning back to her audience.

Mr big-package‘s eyes finally met Aaron‘s. The Blond stilled, then the right corner of his mouth tilted upwards to a half sided smirk.

„Welcome your new colleague, ladies and gents! Our new actor, Robert Sugden!“ Chrissie announced, still smiling.

Aaron forgot a moment how to breathe. Robert Sugden. The new actor. Olli‘s new love interest. The bloke he was going to touch and kiss in front of the cameras.

_Fuck_.


	2. A new job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert meets Aaron for the first time in private and things don’t go as he planned it! Let’s say, the first days of Robert‘s new job as a soap actor are intense...
> 
> Robert‘s POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooos, seems I had to change the language to ‚explicit‘. 
> 
> I apologize in advance for my poor attempt on writing smut.

He heard a dull bump. And then some more. Rhythmically.

Bump. Bump-bump. Bump.

When Robert got closer to the door, he could also hear harsh pants and low groans. He stood a moment just listening, then he finally knocked at the door. He got no answer, just the mix of panting-bumping-groaning. Robert decided that he waited long enough and pushed the door open. 

He had planned the moment in his head. When he would meet Aaron Dingle in person for the first time. How he would confidently walk up to him, offer his hand and put on his widest smile. No one prepared him for this though.

_Fucking holy motherfucker. _

Aaron Dingle stood there, half turned away from the door. He was boxing a punching bag that was hanging from the ceiling. His curly hair was sticky on his forehead, his skin covered in a thin layer of sweat, glistening in the light. Small drops of sweat ran down his neck, over his back until they were soaked up from a black wifebeater.   
  
Robert shamelessly let his eyes wander over the fabric, over the muscles underneath it, the broad shoulders and the strong arms. Aaron was wearing shorts and Robert could see his legs working and muscles twitching with every punch. It was a real life porn fantasy.   
  
Robert was pretty sure that he just had some sort of religious experience. He was so zoned out, he hadn‘t even noticed that Aaron had stopped his workout. His eyes snapped back to Aaron‘s face, which was staring at him, slowly frowning. He seemed to wait for something, looking at him challenging, the chest-   
  
_Damn! Those pecs!_

-heaving and falling as he tried to catch his breath. And Robert Jacob Sugden was suddenly lost for words. Huh.   
  
“Huh?“ was the only thing he managed to get out. That didn‘t happen to him usually. He always had a smart mouth and stammering incoherent stuff felt foreign and weird.  
  
„I said, what do you want?“ asked Aaron, still panting. He sounded harsh, grumpy and impatient. Robert felt taken aback.

“Err hi!“ he said as he found words again and made his way to Aaron almost like he had imagined it before. “I‘m Robert“, he offered his hand for a shake.   
  
Which was stupid. Really stupid. Because - of course - Aaron was wearing boxing gloves. Was it possible to frown AND raise your eyebrows at the same time? Robert was pretty sure Aaron did exactly that right now. He pulled his hand back awkwardly.   
  
_Jesus, get a grip! You‘re acting like an idiot. _  
  
„I know.“ Yeah well. Of course he did, he was at the meeting yesterday, wasn‘t he? Robert mentally kicked himself. This was all going wrong, this was not how he had planned this! 

“So, again. what do you want?“  
  
“Yeah, seems like we are going to share a dressing room!“ Robert said cheerily. He didn‘t know which reaction he expected from Aaron Dingle, but surely it wasn‘t the scowling face he made.   
  
_Rude_.   
  
That stung. Of course Robert had done his research, he had watched video clips with Aaron on youtube. Interviews, backstage clips, red carpet videos (they were pretty rare, Aaron only went to two award shows in all the years on the scene). Basically everything he had found. He had read magazine articles about him too, to ‘get to know him‘, at least sort of.   
Robert was an actor himself, he knew that it was quite unlikely that Aaron had very much in common with his character Olli in real life. Olli was always smiling, always friendly, always nice - nobody could be like that for real.   
All the research he had done had led him to one conclusion: Aaron Dingle was shy and unpretentious.   
  
The Aaron Dingle who stood in front of him right now was nowhere near shy though, he was just fucking rude and irritating as hell.   
  
_And so bloody sexy. _  
  
And also that yeah. But firstly rude. And irritating.   
  
“Don‘t get too excited about it,“ Robert snapped finally as his pride kicked in.   
“Just tell me where I can put my stuff!“ He pointed to a bag in his left hand.   
  
Aaron didn‘t make a move to offer him a drawer or anything, he just stood there and his eyes flicked between Robert‘s face and the bag, back and forth.  
  
“You know what, don‘t bother! I‘ll help myself!“ Robert looked around, trying to figure out where to put his things.   
  
Aaron‘s boxing had taken him by surprise, so he hadn‘t paid much attention to the room before. It was not really big, it had a sink and a large mirror next to the door. On the left side was the punching bag and a hanging rail with clothes. Robert recognised Olli’s colourful shirts and trademark cargo pants. On the right side was a drawer and a rack and on the opposite side of the door was a comfy looking grey sofa and a mini fridge.   
The first thing Robert realised was the lack of personal things. There were no photos, no posters, no postcards or books. The rack was full of letters though, probably fan mail.   
The second thing: Aaron was a grumpy shite but at least he had some decent taste in furniture.   
Said grump cleared his throat and got Roberts attention back. 

“Look, I‘m sorry, okay? They haven‘t told me that we were going to share the room.“   
  
Aaron sounded less moody, the frown was gone. He bit his bottom lip and his piercing blue eyes even looked apologetic. Robert’s anger melted like ice on a hot summer day. Jesus, that look should be illegal.   
  
“And also you could‘ve knocked or summat,“ muttered Aaron and shrugged.   
  
“Excuse me? I did!“   
  
Aaron sighed and scratched his eyebrow. His rude attitude seemed completely gone. “Ok. Look. Can we start over? You just caught me on the wrong foot.“   
  
“Noticed straight away that you need to practice your foot work!“ Robert shot back, finally feeling confident again. He even managed a slight smirk as he nodded with his chin towards Aaron‘s legs. Aaron‘s mouth fell open as he glanced down. When he looked back up, Robert could swear there was a tiny smile on his face.   
  
“Yeah well, if you know so much about it, you can show me how to do it right!“ Aaron said. And then he blushed.  
  
Aaron Dingle blushed and it looked adorable and Robert felt a strong pull in his belly, especially when Aaron nibbled at his lip again.   
  
_Did he just flirt with you? _

Despite all his research, Robert couldn‘t find anything about Aaron that was really personal. Every interview or article was about his work, his character and the current stories in Forbidden Love. No word if he was gay or straight or if he was seeing someone.   
So Robert had just assumed that he would be straight, but now he was not so sure anymore.

_Maybe you‘re not barking up the wrong tree after all. _  
  
  
The ice was broken afterwards and Robert was relieved. Aaron emptied half of the rack and the top drawer for him. Meaning, Aaron took the sport shirts and boxing equipment and stuffed it in another drawer. Robert made a pained noise.  
  
“Everything alright?“  
  
“If you throw it in there like that, the shirts are going to wrinkle,“ said Robert, emphasizing the last word.   
  
“Uh-huh“, Aaron deadpanned and made some sort of upside down smile with his lips. It looked a lot like he was shrugging with his mouth. Robert stared at the chaos in the drawer, cringing.   
  
“Can I...?“ he started and instead of waiting for an answer, he just took everything out and started putting it away again.   
Sports gear on the left side, shirts on the right side. He even folded them neatly. Robert knew that Aaron would probably think he had a screw loose, but he couldn‘t help himself.   
Aaron crossed his arms and watched him with narrowed eyes, but didn‘t stop him.  
  
“Happy now? Mr Monk?“ he said with slight amusement when Robert was finally finished and of course he had a smug smirk on his face.   
  
“Yeah erm“, Robert cleared his throat. “I… Sorry. Sorry if I crossed a line here, but... wrinkles, Aaron!“ he gestured, but he realised how pathetic this must sound.   
  
Aaron smiled at him, honest to God smiled at him. This was not Olli smiling on his telly, this was an Aaron Dingle smile and it was real, all over his face, making his blue eyes sparkle.   
And it was like the sun was rising. Robert‘s heart did weird things and he felt warm all over.   
  
_He should smile more often. I need to make him smile more often._   
  
“S‘alright mate, I‘m not complaining,“ Aaron said warmly.   
  
Robert started to unpack his things.   
  
“Mate, you do know they have hair products in the make up room, yeah?“ asked Aaron, still smiling as he glanced over his shoulder.   
  
“Pff. You don‘t know what you‘re talking about, my stuff is marvellous!“ Robert shot back, trying definitely NOT to think about how close the other man stood next to him. Aaron chuckled.   
  
“Marvellous. Right“, he snorted.  
  
Robert loved the sound of his voice, low and scratchy. It made his body tingle. Just the image of Aaron using that voice during sex, moaning his name...   
Robert felt the blood rushing south and froze. Oh great, an awkward boner on his first day was just what he needed.   
But then Aaron made a joke about Olli’s hair (it was curly and fluffy, while the real Aaron preferred a gelled hair-  
  
_a very sexy gelled hair_   
  
-look) and then the tension was gone.   
  
They had an easy conversation flow. Aaron wasn‘t much of a talker, but Robert noticed that he had a sharp tongue, and it was fun to return his puns. After the bumpy start, Robert quickly gained his full confidence back.   
Mostly they were bantering about the things in Robert’s bag.   
Aaron mocked him about the comic books he arranged in the rack (“They are graphic novels, Aaron!“) and the three different sorts of tea he put in the drawer (“I’m surely not sipping some sludge from the canteen. Feel free to try them, but don’t forget to thank me later.“).  
The last item was a framed picture.   
  
Robert took it out of his bag and felt his throat tighten slightly. Sarah Sugden smiled her most beautiful smile, looking all happy and carefree. He remembered it, the moment when it was taken. It was Christmas. Her last Christmas. 

  
She was his Stepmother, technically, married his father when he was a little kid. And she became his mum, the best he could ever wish for. Jack Sugden died in a car accident when he was 10. One moment everything was fine, he still heard Sarah shouting that he should wash his hands, because they would eat dinner the minute his Dad arrives. But it wasn’t the Range Rover of his Dad that pulled up the driveway shortly after. It was a police car and suddenly Robert, his brother Andy and his sister Vic were half-orphans.   
Robert missed his father, of course he did, but he was too young to fully understand what that meant. Sarah had lost her love and was alone with three kids now, but instead of falling apart, she tried to bring them even closer together.   
  
He could still smell the hot chocolate, he still felt the soft blanket under his fingers and he still heard her voice, humming the title melody of their favourite TV show.  
Watching ‘Forbidden Love‘ was their 30 minutes every day, Andy was too old to watch a soap and Vic too young to be interested. So it was him and his mum and sometimes ice cream, but always hot chocolate. 

After she was diagnosed with cancer it went quick. The tumors had already spread in her body and there was nothing they could do. 

„She your mum?“ The raspy voice brought him back to present, into the dressing room at LW Production. 

_My dressing room, mum. I made it_.

He swallowed against the big lump in his throat, willing to hold the tears back that blurred his vision. Robert was glad his back was turned to Aaron so the other man couldn‘t see it. 

“Yeah“, was all he managed to say, because he was too afraid his voice would break. He put the picture in the rack and cleared his throat.   
“We were close.“   
  
“Were? You‘re not anymore?“ Aaron sounded soft, the complete opposite of the aggressive behaviour earlier, but Robert was too emotional to take note of it.   
  
“She died.“ Two simple words. What else was there to say? Whatever he could tell Aaron, whatever he could say about those few months from her diagnosis to her death - there were no words to describe that time. The pain she was in, the fear him and his siblings felt, the helplessness that ended in ugly fights between them.   
  
“I’m sorry.“ Two simple words. And a touch. Robert felt a hand on his shoulder, softly squeezing. It was simple, but comforting and better than every word Aaron could have said in that moment. He felt himself getting calmer again, the gentle touch helped a lot. Robert felt his skin tingling, because Aaron’s hand was so warm, hot almost, burning through his shirt.   
  
Suddenly he noticed how close Aaron was. He stood so close behind him, he could even feel the heat of his body and could smell the musky scent of cologne, sweat, detergent and Aaron. It was intoxicating and his mind went to overdrive.   
Robert imagined turning him around to grab him, push him up against the wall. To let his hand wander over the black wife-beater, feeling the muscles underneath, caressing that perfectly built body. To slide a leg between Aaron’s, to roll his hips and get some friction. Robert remembered how Aaron had groaned earlier when he did his boxing.   
  
_I bet he makes the prettiest noises in bed._   
  
And hello, there was awkward boner at work number two and it only took like half an hour. Robert squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shove the pictures in his head aside. Maybe he would come back to them tonight when he was at home, but now was not the time.   
Definitely not.   
They were talking about his mum, for Christ‘s sake. He cleared his throat and turned half back to Aaron.   
  
The sight was breathtaking. Aaron looked at him, open and soft. His eyes were ice blue, Robert noticed, the studio lights didn‘t do them justice.   
  
“Thanks“, he uttered. “What about you and your mum? Are you close?“   
  
He just said it to make some small talk to ease the tension, to hide the fact that he was mesmerised by Aaron. His words seemed to hit the other man like a punch though. He drew his hand back and Robert missed the warmth of his skin immediately. His face literally shut down, he furrowed his brows and pressed the lips together. Robert could see the muscles of his jaw twitching.   
Aaron, still in his sports gear, grabbed a towel, muttered something about taking a shower and just left.   
  
_Shit_.   
  
Robert made a mental node: Aaron Dingle didn‘t like to talk about family or at least his mother. Somehow that made him even more intriguing.   
  
  
  
His head was spinning and it was only his second day at LWP.   
The first rule he learned: everything was scheduled. Everything was different to the work in a theatre, where he was used to spending weeks with creative discussions and rehearsals until the opening night. But that life was gone now.   
  
Chrissie‘s PA had emailed him the plan for his first week beforehand. „Forbidden Love„ had quite a huge cast, but some actors had less shooting days and they only appeared in smaller stories, whereas others had the bigger stories and were more in the focus of the show.   
Aaron and him were part of the second category. Meaning: he wasn’t going to have weeks to fit in, to get used to the new job and to rehearse. He had only days.   
  


“Keep it still, will ya?“   
  
Sam from the wardrobe department was dancing around him as she took his measurements. Robert stood like the Jesus statue in Rio de Janeiro and she fiddled with the tape on his naked upper body. He didn’t mind being shirtless. Robert had been working out for years and he was very well aware that his body was built nicely - that’s what the random hook ups always tell him too.  
  
Sam was nice, bit too chatty, but Robert tried to ignore that and find it helpful. Sam was a perfect source for gossip, because she had worked for LWP for almost 20 years now and knew practically everything. She was one of the people you needed to be friendly with. She was at least 14 or 15 years older than him, around 40, Robert guessed. But she was still attractive with her long blonde hair, her petite face and long, skinny fingers.   
And yeah, Robert was flirting with her. Just a bit though. Only to get to know her and to make her spill a few stories.   
  
He knew he was good at being a charmer and it didn’t take long until Sam practically ate from the palm of his hand.  
  
“So Samantha,“ he purred her name and by the giggles she made, he knew she liked it. Women are so easy sometimes, he couldn‘t help but smirk. “Tell me something about Aaron. I mean, we have the room together, we will shoot a lot together, it‘s best if I get to know him a bit, don‘t you think?“   
  
“Absolutely!“ she agreed, paused and frowned slightly. “I am sorry though, I think I am not very helpful, I don‘t know much about him.“   
  
Robert‘s eyebrows shot up. Aaron had been here for 8 years and Sam didn‘t know him really?  
  
“I mean, he works a lot. The filming units love him, because he is totally professional, he never moans about anything, even if they shoot late at night or super early. I honestly don’t envy you guys, I know many actors are sitting in the make up at ungodly hours and then they have to shoot until it’s dark outside. I don’t wanna scare you, Robert, but I hope you know what you gotten yourself into!”  
  
“Aaron,“ he tried to remind her as she paused her rambling for a second to breathe.  
Yes, he knew what he had gotten himself into, it was all he worked for in the past few years.  
  
“Yeah Aaron! Right. That’s all I know basically. He is closed off pretty much. I always tell him not to frown all the time, because of wrinkles. I mean, none of us get any younger!“ She laughed. “He obviously doesn‘t listen to me, does he? He always looks like he just licked a lemon or something. I really don‘t get it, he is actually kinda cute, if he wouldn‘t do this glare-to-death thing.“   
  
Robert hummed.   
  
_Very cute actually. _  
  
“You do work out a lot, huh?“ Sam asked smiling as she slid the measuring tape around his chest. Her eyes eagerly wandered over his body, Robert noticed and felt pretty pleased.   
“You could work out with Aaron together, he does a lot of sport. Shame though he doesn‘t show it like you do. Whenever I bring him new clothes, he tries them on alone or goes to the bathrooms to change. I mean, I know he has a good package underneath his shirt, I measured him too, but I never got to see it. Sad.“ She sighed and laughed.   
  
Robert swallowed. From what had seen yesterday, Aaron had a nice package indeed. Abs and pecs. Definitely hot pecs. And nipples.   
That image of Aaron in his boxing gear, all sweaty and panting, was burned into the back of his eyelids. As soon as he closed his eyes, the other man was there.   
  
He was about to pop another-  
  
_Omg I feel like a horny teenager again_  
  
-boner at work, as Sam suddenly changed the topic:   
“Hey, you wanna know what people say about you?“   
  
That peaked his interest and grumpy, sweaty, sexy Aaron was forgotten. Ok not forgotten. But at least his dick relaxed again.   
  
“Spill!“ It was only his second day, he barely met any people so far - what could possibly be said about him?   
  
“You seem to be a nice guy, so I am going to tell you.“   
  
Robert felt his stomach sink. This is how someone starts to tell you something bad. This is the 101 of letting someone down nicely.   
  
“There are some rumours,“ Sam continued, “I mean, not from me! Not that I‘d spread them! But... you know, people talk and I heard a few bits here and there...“ she paused Robert had to bite the inside of his cheek to fight back a bossy comment for her to just tell it already.  
„Rumour has it, that you love one-night-stands and that you change your conquests like other people change their underwear.“ 

He should have been prepared for something like that.   
He wasn’t.   
It hit him like a truck, but somehow he managed to keep a straight face.   
  
Robert felt anger rising. This was ridiculous, who was spreading this shit about him and how did they assume this without even knowing him? Of course he had sex, but he was single, so it was hardly a crime, was it? And he didn‘t pull all the time, maybe three, four times a month. That seemed like a pretty normal amount of fucking to him.  
  
Starting his new job with a reputation like this would definitely not be easy, but Robert was not here to get life long friends, he was here to act like he wanted it for bloody years now. And he was determined to prove to everyone that he very well could be professional.   
  
In the meantime, Sam went on her knees to measure his legs, her fingers were slightly touching his crotch. He was wearing jeans, but her face was only a few inches away from his cock and Robert noticed that she took a good look and blushed.   
  
There was silence and considering what she just said to him and in which position she was at the moment, it was super awkward. Robert swallowed and went for the only thing that came to his mind to solve the tension: humour.   
  
“Oh really? Well, I‘ve got you on your knees and it only took me 10 minutes!“   
  
Sam reacted how he hoped she would. She laughed, the awkward tension was gone and Robert laughed with her.   
  
And - of course - just in that moment, the door to the dressing opened and Aaron stormed in. When he noticed Robert and Sam, he stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes flicked from Robert‘s smile to Sam who was still kneeling with the measuring tape at his crotch, grinning and blushing.   
Aaron’s face went blank, he clenched his jaw. Robert knew what it must look like. Maybe Aaron had heard the rumours too. Before Robert could say anything, the other man started talking.   
  
“Sorry, I...“ He cleared his throat. “Erm, yeah. I‘ll be back in half an hour, when you‘re finished then. Or whatever.“   
  
Robert opened his mouth.  
  
_Aaron wait, this is not what it looks like, we just-_  
  
The door shot with a loud bang, as Aaron disappeared quickly.   
  
“Whoa, our Aaron is just a little ray of sunshine, isn‘t he?“ she jokes, but Robert doesn‘t feel like laughing.   
  
  
  
He didn‘t see Aaron much after that. Robert had an appointment with the make up department, mostly because of his hair. He got a new haircut, a bit shorter on the sides and they decided that sports guy Christian wouldn‘t spend much time for styling so it would stay flat on screen.   
  
Robert couldn‘t argue with the logic and his daily time on the make up chair would be even shorter. They took pictures with a polaroid camera of him and pinned it on a wall. Every actor had pictures there with general styles of the character. It was a help for freelance make up artists.   
  
Robert found Aaron‘s photo in a nanosecond. The fluffy curls, the big smile and those damn blue eyes. Seemed they had pretty big fun when they snapped the pic. Robert loved that bright happy face on Aaron. Yes, from what he learned so far, the other man was closed off, but this carefree side was somewhere behind the frown and curled lips. And Robert was determined to see more of it.   
  
They gave him a plain black shirt and sent sent him into Studio 3 where he was supposed to meet a photographer for his head shot. It was a pretty important shooting, because that picture will be put on the “Forbidden Love“ homepage, given to the press and it will be his autograph card.   
  
_My autograph card. _  
  
Robert couldn‘t hold back the big smile as he walked through the sets he only knew from telly so far. It looked so much smaller in real life than on screen, but it was real and he was actually here.  
  
For others it might be just a soap, housewife entertainment, but for Robert it was so much more. He thought about what his mum would say if she knew about his new job. She would probably call all of their neighbours and annoy the shit out of everyone because she couldn‘t stop rambling about her son. At least he hoped she would have reacted like that.   
  
The shoot was in the set of Olli‘s flat. It took about an hour to get a series of good pics and when the photographer put his equipment away, Robert took a look around in the set.   
  
It was a big living room with an open kitchen and a dining table. Robert was surprised by all the details and little things they had added to the set, especially in the kitchen. Every little item was thought through, from the (empty) food boxes to the little magnets on the fridge. There were pictures of Olli, Olli and his auntie Charlie and other characters who had lived in this apartment.   
  
Robert took out his phone and snapped a few pics of the scenery. Quite a few pics were close ups of Olli‘s photos, just to log all the details on camera, of course.

  
  
On the next day, Robert had a meeting with Chrissie White to discuss his character. When he stepped into Chrissie‘s office, he wasn‘t only greeted by a strong wave of sweet perfume, but also by a lovely lady called Natalie from the story department and another woman called Priya Sharma.  
  
“Robert, it‘s good to see you!“ Chrissie chirped and hugged him as if it wasn‘t only two days ago when they were both in that conference room.   
  
“You too, Chrissie.“   
  
It turned out, Priya was an actress as well and she was about to play his character‘s girlfriend.   
  
Christian was a sports student with not enough money coming in he is forced to move in to flats hare. Olli’s flat share. Christian had recently spent some time in prison, serving time for a crime he hadn‘t even done. He had been covering for his father, who died in an accident during his time in jail.   
  
Robert had to swallow. Yeah, he could play that, losing a father without being able to say goodbye. He knew that feeling, but he didn‘t tell the others. This was a business meeting, not coffee time with sharing sentimental childhood memories.   
  
Christian had started his sports course and was finally getting his life back on track. He had even found a girlfriend, Coco.  
  
Priya smiled during the whole meeting. She was a real beauty, Robert thought. Flawless skin, thick and shiny black hair and almost black eyes. Her teeth were perfect, as well as her body from what Robert could see. Plus she seemed to be nice. Shooting with her should go well.   
  
When Natalie talked about the background of their character’s relationship, Robert smiled at her which got him an even bigger smile in return.   
Chrissie White cleared her throat.  
  
“I am sure, you‘re going to be a great addition to our permanent cast, Priya, even if your contract is only limited,“ she said and smiled.   
  
Robert guessed it should be a fond look, but it felt fake and what she said sounded just odd in this meeting, that had been nothing but nice and productive so far. Awkward silence settled in.  
  
Of course everybody at the table knew about the limited contract already, because as Chrissie Whites big plot twist wanted it, Christian was not as straight as it seemed at first and he was about to fall for his flatmate Olli sooner or later.   
Robert felt his skin prickling at the prospect of shooting with Aaron a lot. Of getting close to him.   
_You can snog him and you even get paid for it._   
  
Robert felt the adrenaline and anticipation. He was ready to start right now. One more day.   
On Friday he was going to shoot his first scenes, first with Aaron, then with Priya.   
  
Acting un-chronologically was something new, very different from his theatre experience. It had something to do with the logistics of shooting in different sets with several camera units.   
  
Chrissie reassured him that the directors and people from the story department would always discuss every scene beforehand and Robert was sure he could handle it. What he couldn‘t handle was the hand that she laid on his arm in a soothing gesture.   
  
Robert swallowed back the words that threatened to come out of his mouth.   
  
_Play nice with the boss. _  
  
He knew how to schmooze the ladies, so he flashed her a bright smile. It didn‘t surprise him that Chrissie fell for his act and smiled back happily. 

When he got home, he was exhausted. It was so much in such a short time. He showered, ate and - in hope of getting tired enough to sleep already - he started to read his script for tomorrow. 

Tomorrow. He was going to shoot with Aaron tomorrow. Due to both their busy schedules, he hadn’t really seen him since yesterday morning and now he felt a thrill of anticipation like earlier in the meeting.   
  
His dick twitched in his pants as he thought about sweaty Aaron in his sports gear AGAIN.   
  
And suddenly he wasn‘t tired anymore at all, quite the opposite actually. Robert went to his bedroom and stripped quickly out of his clothes. Just the thought about Aaron made him half hard and Robert gave in, fell, with a little sigh, on his bed.   
  
He thought about that black shirt, that fitted Aaron‘s toned body like a second skin as he grabbed the lube.   
He thought about Aaron‘s incredible pecs and his hard nipples as he grabbed his cock.   
He thought about pinching those nipples and sucking a bruise on Aaron’s neck right below that stubble as he started to stroke slowly.   
He thought about the noises Aaron would make and how his mouth would fall open in pure pleasure as he pulled quicker.   
He thought about Aaron’s lips and how amazing they would look around his cock.  
  
“Fuck!“   
  
Aaron would kneel in front of him, and Robert would fuck that pretty face, feel the heat of that mouth. And Aaron would take it, take it so good, make him fall apart quickly, make him beg for more. He needed more, he needed-   
  
“Fuck me,“ he groaned to his empty bedroom, but he was too far gone to care.   
  
Robert slicked up his left hand with lube and turned half on his right side, just enough to slide the arm behind his back down to his arse. He groaned loudly and shuddered as the cold, wet finger touched his rim.   
  
He wanted it, needed it and Aaron would give it to him. Aaron would look up, his face wet with sweat, Robert’s cock still hitting the back of his throat. He would pull back and say:   
  
“Spread ‘em.“   
  
His voice would sound hoarse, wrecked. And god yes, Robert would do it, anything to get Aaron inside him. So he‘d grab his own arse cheeks and spread them, shuffle his feet further apart to make more room. Aaron would suck his own fingers, to make them wet.   
  
_Fuck yes _  
  
And then Aaron would tease his rim, but not push in, he would take his cock back into his mouth and suck eagerly. So good, so fucking good. Robert would start begging any second, because he was so close and it felt so perfect, but it was not enough.  
  
The fingers would push in without warning and he would finally be full, stretched with Aaron‘s fingers. They would move in and out, scissor and curl and finally hit the right spot. His knees would buckle and Aaron would moan, his mouth still sucking him in and Robert would feel the vibration on his cock and that’s it, yes, that’s   
  
“Aaron!“ he shouted as he came.   
  
The orgasm washed over him, the cum shot in thick spurts across his chest and stomach. 

When Robert finally came down from his high, his ears rang and he panted heavily. He didn’t know when he last came that hard, if ever. He didn’t bother with tissues, there was too much jizz and lube everywhere, so he went directly for another shower.   
  
Tomorrow. He stood under the hot water and his thoughts wandered back to the rumours at LWP about him. They couldn’t be further away from the truth.   
  
Robert didn‘t want random hook-ups. Nameless people, who always took but never gave. He wanted more.   
  
Tomorrow he would start filming with Aaron Dingle.   
Tomorrow he would start to win him over. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robert seems determined, but is Aaron even interested?  
And what is Chrissie White up to?
> 
> Would you rather like to read each chapter from one POV (either Robert or Aaron) or should I switch during the chapters?
> 
> I haven‘t decided on that yet.


	3. A new flatmate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert Sugden is everywhere and it drives Aaron crazy.  
He doesn‘t even know why.  
Or does he?
> 
> Aaaaaaand the first Chrolli scene happens!
> 
> Aaron‘s POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castlist:  
Aaron Dingle - Olli  
Robert Sugden - Christian  
Priya Sharma - Coco  
Laurel Thomas - Charlie  
Jimmy King - Lars  
Katie Addyman - Olivia  
Ross Barton - Andy
> 
> In my AU, Robert and Katie never happened. Katie and Andy are not together, I used her birthname instead of Sugden. She is an actress, who‘s playing Olli‘s onscreen cousin Olivia, who will appear in further chapters.
> 
> The relationship between Andy and Robert will be addressed as the story continues. (spoiler: it is still complicated)

Robert Sugden was everywhere.

Robert Sugden was everywhere and it drove Aaron crazy.

He left after Robert asked about his mother, because honestly, what could he have possibly answered?

It was clear as day that Robert had a deep connection with his mother. The way he held her picture, how his fingers stroke over the frame, how his voice broke when he talked about her.

It was actually a wonderful thing to see: the arrogant mask Robert wore on his first day in the conference room, was completely gone. This Robert was so different, so shy and yet so open.

_ And so damn cute. Adorable really. _

Aaron felt his heart beating faster. And when Robert turned around and looked at him, he could barely breathe. It was the first time he stood close enough to Robert to get a proper look at his eyes. They were green AND blue, like the ocean and Aaron could see some small brown dots as well.

_ And freckles. All over his nose and his cheekbones. _

Just as his knees slowly turned into jelly, Robert opened his mouth and asked about his mother.

And just like that, the moment was gone.

_ And there WAS a moment, there was something between us. _

He still wasn‘t sure what it was though. Because suddenly, Chas. Aaron didn‘t call her mum or mother, she was just Chas. A woman who gave birth to him and then left him. He could barely remember what she looked like, but Aaron didn‘t _want_ to remember what she looked like or what she was like or if she had blown cold air on his skin when he had bumped somewhere as a toddler.

He didn‘t want to. Because thinking about _her_, meant thinking about _him_.

And that was simply not an option.

So he left, he just left and when he came back after a shower ten minutes later, Robert was gone and Aaron felt uneasy. He wished he could talk to Robert. He didn‘t know how he could possibly explain his behavior without mentioning Chas, but leaving it like that just didn‘t feel right.

The speaker in the corner cracked and startled him. The voice of the unit manager called a few actors to go to studio 2. Aaron‘s name was amongst them. It was the common procedure for actors to wait until they were called to shoot.

They needed Aaron for a scene in Olli‘s pub, but he only had to stand behind the bar, pull pints and say two sentences. Easy.

That would take his mind off Robert.

“...with her?! Are you sure?“ he heard Scott, the assistant director, say the moment he arrived on set.

“Yeah, that‘s what I‘ve heard. I couldn‘t believe it either!“ answered Sophie, a girl from the make up department.

Aaron wasn‘t one for gossip so he just greeted the crew, got in his place behind the bar and waited. The crew was busy getting the cameras in the right position, his colleagues who had more lines in this scene practiced their lines and timing.

Sophie came over to him, already waving her powder brush, so Aaron just closed his eyes. The make up part was his least favourite thing when it came to his job. After all these years it still felt awkward that other people touched his face, came too close sometimes. He knew that it was a necessity though, so he always just closed his eyes and tried to keep his breathing even. They did they make up base first thing in the morning, now he only needed a quick freshen up, thank god.

“But considering the fact that he got this job without a casting, makes me think…,” Sophie said. She was obviously still talking to Scott. “...you know? Maybe it‘s true? He wouldn‘t be the first one to sleep his way up.“

“But Chrissie?“ Scott whispered. “Even that Robert Sugden bloke can‘t be that desperate for a career, Soph!“

Aaron‘s eyes snapped open. Robert and Chrissie.

It felt like a punch in the gut. In the same second Sophie hit his eye with the brush.

“Fuck!“ he gritted out. The powder stung like hell and made his eyes water.

“Oi, you have to keep them closed!“ she tsked him and threw a half hearted “Sorry!“back.

“Just get it done,” he grunted and closed his burning eyes again.

Robert and Chrissie. And suddenly it made sense. What Paddy told him. Chrissie went to that event, met Robert, they had sex and - boom - he got the job. Aaron could practically see it, how he schmoozed her, laughed at her dumb jokes, accidentally brushed her arm. Robert pulled the whole stunt for sure and who was Chrissie to say no to a handsome bloke like Robert?

The way he had waltzed into that conference room, the way she did smile in his direction. It was really obvious, when Aaron thought about it now.

_ This guy is brilliant. _

That had been Chrissie‘s words about Robert. Only she hadn‘t meant his acting skills, she had meant his horizontal qualities.

Aaron was glad when Sophie finally announced that she was finished. The last thing he needed right now were more details about Chrissie and Robert.

He felt stupid, so so stupid. A moment between them? He huffed a bitter laugh. Yeah right. Whatever he thought that had happened between them was wishful thinking. Of course it was.

_ Why would a man like Robert - who could have women like Chrissie - give just one little fuck about you? _

The answer was so simple. He wouldn‘t.

The truth hurts, they say. And damn it did hurt.

And then it hurt that it hurt so much. Three days ago, he didn‘t even know that Robert Sugden existed and now he made him feel miserable and Aaron didn‘t even understand why. Why did it matter what Robert thought of him? It shouldn‘t matter, he was his colleague, his co-star. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Okay guys, everybody on their position, we‘re ready to shoot!“ Scott shouted.

Only when Aaron wanted to grab a glass to pull a fake-pint he realised that he had balled his hand into a fist. In fact, he had his fingers clenched so tightly that they were almost cramping. He spotted the deep imprints of his nails in his palm, they looked red and angry.

It should hurt, but it didn‘t.

When they were filming, he missed the right timing once and forgot his stupid one-liners twice.

Aaron tried to ignore the questioning looks of his co-stars and crew.

  
  
  
  


Wherever Aaron went, Robert was already there. At least the gossip about him was.

When he just wanted to grab a coffee in the green room, he heard two other actresses talk about how much Chrissie would ‘glow‘ since she met Robert.

_ What the fuck does that even mean? _

Aaron frowned and left with his coffee to get some fresh air outside. Of course he wasn‘t alone in the yard of LWP. A huge part of the area was the outside set of the soap. House facades, a little park, two shops. Here and there were small groups of people, some were rehearsing scenes, others went for a smoke or a quick coffee break like Aaron.

“...and don‘t get me started on that arse!“

“Yeah, he really is some eye candy, right?“

Aaron sat down on a bench, not far away from two girls he briefly knew because they worked under Paddy as accountants. Their chit-chat washed over him and he didn‘t pay much attention. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Finally, he could relax for a moment.

“Absolutely. You think... I mean, I am pretty sure he flirted with me... you think I should go for it? Make a move?“

“I‘m not sure, hun, I heard he is with Chrissie. You surely don‘t wanna mess with her!“

_Unfuckingbelievable_.

Aaron groaned. He just wanted to sip his damn coffee in peace and quiet, was that too much to ask?

Of course Robert flirted with the ladies although he was with Chrissie. This was just getting better and better. Not only was he a womanizer who sleeps with the boss, he was an arsehole womanizer who sleeps with the boss.

  
  
  


“Fancy a pint?“ Paddy asked him as they both left the building in the evening.

Aaron thought about it. He wasn‘t really in the mood, Robert had been on his mind pretty much the whole day. A Top Gear marathon where he could just switch off his brain seemed like a very good idea, so Aaron just wanted to go home. He sighed. He knew he should go out more, meet people, have a social life. Adam told him that all the time and yeah, deep down Aaron knew his best friend made a good point.

“Since you asked about Robert yesterday, I might have some news for you on that front!“ Paddy whispered conspiratorially. He grinned, obviously proud of what he found out about the new actor.

And well, no. Aaron couldn‘t have that today.

“Can we postpone it?“ he said quickly. “I‘m already busy tonight.“

“Are you meeting Adam?“ Paddy asked.

Aaron knew he meant well, but it suddenly felt like an interrogation. It wasn‘t Paddy‘s business who he was going to meet. And it stung that the question sounded almost rheto, like he seemed so sure that Aaron would of course only meet his mate and not some hot bloke. As if that wasn‘t even a possibility. Which - in fact - it wasn‘t really, but Paddy didn‘t need to know that.

“I said I‘m busy“, Aaron gritted out, emphasizing every word.

As he saw the hurt expression on Paddy‘s face, he realised how harsh his words had come out and he felt immediately guilty.

He scratched his eyebrow, mumbled an apology and a rushed goodbye and left.

  
  
  


He just wanted this day to be over.

Aaron kicked his shoes off and let out a deep sigh. He shoved a frozen pizza in the oven and grabbed his script. Tomorrow he would only film Olli scenes, Christian was gonna have his first appearance the day after.

And with that thought his mind was back at Robert.

_ Dammit! _

Whenever he closed his eyes, Robert was there. Slowly turning around, with his perfectly soft expression on his face and that deep look of his ocean-coloured eyes. As if he could look straight into Aaron‘s soul.

Aaron tried to focus on the script, but he couldn‘t really concentrate. He let out a frustrated curse and rubbed his eyes. Why did his stupid mind still circle around Robert flaming Sugden? It drove him crazy and it had to stop. He needed a distraction, he needed his brain to shut up, he needed-

He needed.

His eyes landed on his laptop. He hesitated for about two seconds, then he threw his script away and grabbed the laptop. He opened it and went for his favourite site. After a few minutes of scrolling he finally clicked on a video. That one of the blokes had blond hair and the other black curls was just a coincidence he told himself as he opened his pants and grabbed his half hard cock.

He didn’t even bother to get lube, spit would do, and he came even before the alarm on his oven told him the pizza was ready.

  
  
  


He felt better the next day, more relaxed. Aaron couldn‘t explain what happened yesterday, why he was so obsessed with Sugden. Today was going to be much better. Definitely. Robert was his co-star, who he sleeps with is none of his business, right?

His mind was focused again, which was good because he had to film quite a few scenes today with his colleague Laurel. She played his TV aunt Charlie and she was a lovely woman, absolutely uncomplicated and top professional. Working with her was always a pleasure, so Aaron was really looking forward to this day.

And with that spirit Aaron rushed to his dressing room, opened the door forcefully and-

_ Fuck _

There was Robert, a very shirtless Robert. With unbelievably broad shoulders, a flat hairless chest and-

_ I wonder if there are freckles too, dammit I am too far away to have a proper look. _

-two nipples that screamed ‘bite me’. Aaron let his eyes wander over this glorious body down to the abs, and yeah he could see the muscles there on Robert‘s stomach. So he definitely did workout. Under his belly button Aaron thought he saw a happy trail, but the hair was blond and hard to spot on Roberts perfect pale skin. Aaron wished he was closer to see it all, maybe to touch even. He felt his fingers tingle and the heat rushing towards his crotch.

_ What a fucking sight. _

And then, only then he heard a chuckle. A female chuckle to be precisel It suddenly hit him that there was Sam on her knees,

_ Was she there the whole time? _

And she had a smitten smile on her face. Aaron could see that her cheeks were flushed with a slight red and her hand was between Roberts legs. It was like a bucket with ice cold water washed over him. His eyes snapped back up to Robert‘s face, who looked at him with an uncomfortable, maybe even embarrassed expression.

Of course he was, Aaron had just interrupted him getting laid. Maybe Sam was about to give him a blowjob or a handjob or something.

It was too much all of a sudden, so Aaron just did what he always did: he left.

He felt the blood rushing loud in his ears. He was aware that he had said something to Robert before he had closed the door. But he couldn‘t remember what it was for the life of him.

  
  
  


Aaron didn‘t know how he did it, but somehow he managed to get his shit together to do his job properly today. Once he dove into Olli-mode, everything felt easier, lighter.

He wasn‘t grumpy, socially constipated Aaron Dingle anymore, he was Olli. Good natured, cheerful, charming, openly gay Olli, who had loads of friends and a lovely aunt.

“Aaaaand that‘s it, thanks guys, great job everyone!“ the director shouted as their last scene of the day was finished.

“Really well done today!“ Laurel smiled at him fondly.

The reality came slowly back. It always felt like coming back to the surface, leaving Olli somewhere down under.

Aaron smiled back at Laurel, squeezed her shoulder and hurried back to his dressing room. He was in a good mood all in all. The scenes went well, they finished earlier than expected. Aaron was really looking forward to getting home to shower and to hit his bed.

He wished he had seen or heard them earlier. He would have just turned around and walked away. But of course Aaron got around the corner just to see Robert further down the corridor. It was not only him, he was with Chrissie and another woman Aaron didn‘t know. A dark haired beauty.

They laughed, the brunette threw her head back and bared her long, slim neck. Chrissie moved towards Robert and laid her hands on his arm and the small of his back. Robert looked like he was pretty pleased with himself, eyes flicking between the two women beside him.

_ Being Robert Sugden must be so fucking easy. _

Aaron just wanted to disappear. The last thing he needed was for Robert to turn his head and see him standing there and staring. He didn‘t wanna face Robert. Or Chrissie. Or the other woman. Aaron went slowly backwards, still facing the cosy scene between the trio. Only when he reached the corner, he turned around to walk away.

He had managed to get Robert Sugden for a few hours out of his head, but now he was there again with full force. Aaron sighed. Why did he have to be bloody everywhere? He absently pulled out his phone, to check if he had calls or messages. When he saw messages from Adam, he let out a relieved breath. A bit of a distraction from his best friend was what he needed right now.  
  


13:42

**Adam**: Oi mate, you alright

14:22

**Adam**: fancy a pint later?

15:55

**Adam**: you‘re prob busy filming, just gimme a call yeah

15:56

**Adam**: loooooove youuuu

Aaron couldn‘t help but smile. It was so typically Adam. A pint with his best mate sounded just perfect.

  
  
  
  


“Oi Aaron!“

Something hit him in the face. A peanut, Aaron realised a second later. He looked up, just to meet Adam‘s gaze.

“What?“ Aaron barked.

The word came out harsher as he wanted. He knew he sounded rude and grumpy, even more than he was usually. And that was saying something. But count on Adam that he didn‘t take it bad. He did his signature grin and his brown eyes looked at him, eyebrows slightly rising.

“Sorry, was miles away“, Aaron muttered ruefully.

“What‘s up, mate?“ Adam asked and ungracefully stuffed another handful of peanuts in his mouth.

Aaron sipped at his pint, just to avoid answering. Because what was up with him?

The truth was, he didn‘t know. Not really.

Or maybe he did. Maybe his sulkiness had something to do with a certain Blond. Aaron sighed.

“Is it work?“ Adam started fishing.

And that would be the correct answer normally, because work was Aaron‘s everything. Work, sports and Adam, to be precise. He was aware how sad it was that he didn‘t have more hobbies or friends. He found solace in the fact that he was good at his job, but sometimes, like now, that was only a small comfort.

“No. Yes. I dunno.“ He sighed again.

Ever since Robert Sugden showed up at LWP he felt tense.

There was something about the man that made his skin tingle. And that was weird. Unfamiliar. He wasn‘t used to feeling like that.

Of course, Robert was attractive,

_ Very attractive _

Aaron had eyes to notice that. But there was more. There was more and that was weird, because he didn‘t even know Robert. Not really. He knew that he liked poncy body products, that he had a thing for tidiness and that he had a close relationship with his mother.

It was not much he knew, but it was adorable and _something_.

But Robert was so out of his league, it was ridiculous. He was gorgeous, tall, blond, had a perfect face with perfect teeth and a bloody perfect jaw. He was funny and had a smart mouth.

_ And I am just me. _

Just Aaron. Grumpy, boring Aaron.

Another peanut hit him.

“Geez mate! No, yes - what now?! Just tell me!“ Adam insisted.

Aaron scratched his eyebrow. He trusted Adam. Adam knew everything about him. Well almost everything. At least he knew that he could talk to him about Robert. Maybe talking would help. Wasn‘t that was his therapist had told him for years?

“It‘s... there is this new guy, at work...“ Aaron started, but was suddenly at a loss for words.

Adam looked at him, waiting and Aaron felt his cheeks heating up.

“And he‘s hot or what?“

Aaron snorted. Adam and his blunt attitude - sometimes it was okay, often it was annoying, but right now it helped to ease the awkwardness. Aaron cleared his throat.

“Yeah, he‘s hot“, he admitted and damn, saying it loud felt surprisingly right.

“So what‘re ya gonna do about it?“ Adam asked, nuts crunching.

“Nothing? I guess?“ Aaron shrugged.

“Why?“

“What do you mean, why?“ Aaron frowned.

“Mate! You‘re fucking blushing over that bloke! He must be really something then. Go for it, tiger!“ Adam said enthusiastically, nudged Aaron‘s shoulder and laughed.

He surely meant it in a good way, but Aaron felt a pang in his chest. Adam never had trouble with women. If you like someone you try to get to know them, woo them, date them and get together with them - that was his motto and the success proved him right. Adam easily pulled one-night-stands, had a history of various girlfriends.

His best friend was a true catch: with his black curls, his brown eyes and full lips, he was pretty good looking. On top came his ever so happy smile and his good-natured soul. Adam was the freaking real life version of Olli Sabel.

And Aaron could admit it now that he had a crush on his best mate, but he was long past that. Adam was the brother he never had. Adam was straight, and Aaron was...

_ Falling for Robert. Fuck. _

“I don‘t know if he‘s even into blokes...“ he started and realised how lame it sounded. Aaron shrugged, because he didn‘t really know what else to do.

“Duh!“ Adam said, rolled his eyes and pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket. “That‘s what social media is for!“ he grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.”What‘s this lads name?“

“Errr.... Robert. Robert Sugden“, he kinda rolled it on his tongue, like to try out how it felt saying the full name. He liked the sound of it.

Adam typed on his phone. Paused. Typed again. Thumb gliding over the display.

“Ha! Gotcha!“ he shouted triumphantly and handed the phone across the table. “That him?“

Aaron looked at it, curiosity rising. He felt his heartbeat speeding up.

It was a twitter account.

**Suggers** @itssugden

it said. It was Robert’s twitter account, indeed. There was a small photo of him where he flashed a carefree smile into the camera. On top of the page was a bigger photo that showed a red neon sign on a black door saying ‘stage entry‘. Quite an artsy shot.

Under Robert‘s pic was a short text.

“Actor, bi, geek. Instagram.com/itssuggers“

Bi.

_Bi_.

Robert was bi. Aaron swallowed hard. Actor, bi, geek. So simple, so nonchalant, so sure of himself. Aaron wished once more he could be like that, just a little bit.

„Yeah, it‘s him,” he managed to say finally.

“Aaron!“ Adam said and pointed at the phone. “See? He‘s bi! So if you like him, you should go for it!“

Adam‘s big grin was reassuring, encouraging, but Aaron still heard the voices of his colleagues and that image of Chrissie White touching him was in his mind. Robert was in a relationship and he still flirted with other people.

And even if - IF - Robert Sugden was interested in him, Aaron would sure as hell not be another notch on his bedpost.

Instead of answering his best mate, he clicked on the instagram link, biting his lip as the page loaded. And then there were pictures, loads of them. Aaron‘s eyes widened.

_ Holy shit! _

Robert arm in arm with a group of other people, smiling happily. Robert in a costume that looked like from the mid-age. Pictures from a theatre, the stage, other actors during rehearsals, Robert on a make-up chair, snapping a selfie in the mirror. Aaron‘s favourite was a close up of Robert’s face, taken by a professional photographer. The light was perfect, his ocean eyes looking powerful and green, and

_ Freckles. Ohmygod, these freckles. _

He imagined trailing a finger over them, his thumb softly stroking over the cheek bone. He wanted to kiss them all, on a lazy Sunday morning, lying in bed, snuggled up under the blanket, hot bodies pressed against each other.

Aaron stared at the picture, mesmerized. His stomach did summersaults and his body felt like it was on fire.

And yes, he was falling for Robert, there was no point in denying it anymore, he was falling hard.

  
  
  


Turns out, spending the night surfing on Robert‘s social media when he was about to shoot his first scenes with said man, was probably not Aaron‘s smartest move.

No, wait. Cancel the ‘probably‘.

It was only 7 am, when Aaron sat on the make-up chair and he could barely hold his eyes open as Sophie put wax onto his hair to make it look fluffy and curly. In that moment the door flew open and Robert Sugden rushed in.

“Morning boys and girls, some of you I have already met, others I haven‘t. I‘m Robert, the new guy, I‘m playing Chris!“ he said cheerily.

The others replied with Hello‘s and Good morning‘s and waved with brushes and hair dryers. They had four chairs in total, every one was occupied and the make up artists were busy to get all actors ready for their scenes. In between the people from the costume were sorting the clothes. It was a bit loud, chaotic and hectic like every morning, and normally Aaron would just use the constant chatter and noise to zone out to get in the right headspace for the filming.

Today was different though. Not only was he exhausted from last night, he also was hyper aware of Robert‘s every move. How he talked to the others, shook hands, laughed about jokes. Robert was one of those persons who entered a room and filled it with their presence.

It didn‘t go unnoticed that only after five minutes Robert was surrounded by four women who were hanging on his lips as he told them the story of how his Porsche broke down this morning.

_ Of course Robert Sugden drove a Porsche. _

Aaron rolled his eyes which got him a questioning glance from Sophie. The door opened once again and a brunette woman came in. Aaron remembered her from the hallway, she was the one who was talking to Robert and Chrissie.

“Hi guys, I‘m Priya! Nice to meet you all,” she smiled.

Then she saw Robert and went to hug him. They even exchanged kisses on the cheek. Aaron always thought, only french people would do this. It looked utterly cozy. Aaron hated it.

“Priya? You‘re playing Coco, right?“ Sophie asked.

Aaron closed his eyes for the powder brush as he heard Priya answering a Yes.

_Brilliant_.

So this beautiful woman was about to play Robert‘s onscreen girlfriend. Aaron knew about Coco from the script of course, they had scenes together too. But somehow he never imagined Coco to be that pretty. He felt a knot forming in his stomach, hot and heavy.

_ Fuck my luck, they‘re gonna kiss in front of me. _

He groaned lowly.

“Ready to shoot, Aaron,” Sophie said as she was finished with him. “Oi, Robert! You‘re next here!“

Aaron got up from the chair. He tried to ignore Robert walking in his direction. He tried to ignore that those ocean eyes landed on his face. He tried to ignore the whiff of Robert’s cologne that just smelled fucking delicious. He tried to ignore the small body contact as they walked past each other in the small room. It was just their arms rubbing together underneath the elbow.

And Aaron couldn’t ignore that. Even if they were both covered with fabric-

_ Who the hell even wears shirts with elbow patches except granddads beyond their seventies? _

-he felt his arm starting to tingle. And then his shoulder, his chest, his belly and as he stood, finally in the hallway his whole body ached with want. He wanted to touch the other man so badly, it was overwhelming.

“Aaron in studio 3, please!“ the speaker went off.

He tried to calm his breathing and swallowed hard. This was going to be a long day.

  
  
  


The first scene with Laurel was okay. Aaron felt that it wasn‘t his best acting, but considering his lack of sleep, it went without bigger slips.

“Ready to bring on some Chrolli-magic?“

“Why am I not surprised that you use that shitty ship name?“ he snorted as he turned around to face Robert.

Robert, who was wearing sports gear because Christian was a sports student, and whose hair was floppy on his head. It made him look younger. And soft. It made him look like sunday mornings in bed.

Aaron really needed to stop fantasizing about Sunday mornings in bed with Robert.

If he only knew how.

“Shitty? Ouch!“ Robert touched his chest in mock hurt.

“Hope this wasn‘t your best acting, mate,” Aaron commented dryly with his chin nodding towards Roberts chest.

“Double ouch.“

Aaron couldn‘t help but smile. Hearing stories about Robert and thinking about him had made him so tense and anxious, but actually being around him and talking to him was easy. Surprisingly easy.

The director came over to discuss the scene with them. It was Olli and Chris‘ first meeting. He explained the camera shots he wanted to take, were they should stand, which emotions were required.

As he left and they got in their position for the light and camera check, Robert looked at him.

“Do you like improvising?“ he asked suddenly.

“Sometimes. They don‘t like it if you screw the script completely, but yeah. A bit. Why?“

“Sounds perfect for me!“ Robert flashed him a bright smile and a cage with butterflies opened in Aarons belly.

It took a few minutes until he noticed that Robert hasn‘t answered his question. But before Aaron could ask once again, they were told to go into the start position.

  
  


**Olli is on the sofa in his flat as the bell rings.**

**He drops his magazine and opens the door.**

**Christian (out of breath): Hi, I‘m Chris, are you Olli?**

All Aaron could do was stare. Robert has put the jumper off and had tied it around his waist. He only wore a white T now. A very wet white T-shirt, which was transparent now, clinging on Robert’s body like a second skin. Fuck he could even see his belly button and his nipples.

_ Bloody bastard. Improvising, my arse. _

The wet shirt was not in the script, he would most definitely remember that. What he couldn‘t remember was his bloody next line. He knew he was supposed to say something, but his mind was blank.

**Christian: Sorry for my appearance, I am training for a half marathon and I was just running when I saw this! (holds up a piece of paper)**

Aaron‘s mind was still foggy, he tried desperately to catch up, to get back into the script, but that was really hard when Robert was basically half naked in front of him.

_ Fuck, this shirt! _

**Christian: The posting about you looking for a new flatmate?**

Finally it clicked in Aaron‘s brain and he slipped into Olli-mode.

**Olli: Yeah yeah, the posting of course. I‘m sorry I was... I‘m Olli!**

**They shake hands.**

**Olli: So you‘re looking for a room? (invites Christian in)**

**Christian: Yes, I started studying and I figured that a flatshare would be easier** **to handle.**

It went smoothly from that on. Robert was a fantastic actor indeed with a perfect timing. They finished their first scene without mistakes although they hadn’t even rehearsed.

“Improvising eh?“ he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Robert looked down at his wet shirt and smirked.

“Thought it would be more authentic,” he said. “You know, I had some visual aids of sweaty men lately.“

Robert smiled at him and Aaron felt his knees turn into jelly. He wandered if Robert insinuated their first encounter in the dressing room. But no, that wasn’t very likely. Robert said ‘men’ - plural - so he probably meant men from the gym or-

_ Or his one night stands. _

Yeah. Aaron told himself not to get his hopes too high.

“Hey guys, wanna have a look?“ the director shouted.

They walked to him and his little monitor, where the rest of the crew was already waiting. They watched the scene together. Aaron saw himself staring at a half wet Robert, gaping almost lost for words. He felt the heat rising and a panic bubbling in his stomach. What if others noticed how much he was affected by the other actors presence? Or - even worse - what if Robert noticed?

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut as if that would help to fade reality out.

“Ha! Well done boys, that‘s a wrap! Robert, congrats on your first scene!“ the producer said. “And Aaron? I really loved how Olli was helplessly drooling over sporty Chris. That was really well acted!“

She clasped a hand on his shoulder and the others murmured their agreement as they went back to business to get ready for the next scene.

Aaron let out a nervous laughter, tried to avoid looking in Robert‘s direction at all costs.

_ Yeah. Acted. _


	4. A new follower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert just wants to spend his Friday evening with Aaron and then enjoy a quiet weekend.
> 
> Yup. It doesn‘t happen like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castlist:  
Aaron Dingle - Olli  
Robert Sugden - Christian  
Priya Sharma - Coco  
Laurel Thomas - Charlie  
Jimmy King - Lars  
Ross Barton - Andy  
Katie Addyman - Olivia

Robert felt smug. He had just managed his first scene for the show without a slip, the crew was happy with the result and the idea with the wet T-shirt had paid off. 

_ Aaron had checked me out. _

Or yeah okay fine, Olli had checked him out. He told himself that several times.

Robert knew that Aaron was a brilliant actor, he had been watching him for years after all. But STILL there had been this moment, when he felt Olli’s (Aaron’s?) gaze all over his body and Robert was not sure if that was just acted or if it was real. 

So let’s take it, maybe - MAYBE - it was Aaron in that few seconds, what did that mean? Could Aaron be into blokes? Had Robert a chance?

He threw a glance at his co-star, who was currently reading the script for the next scene. His head was tilted slightly, the beautiful ice blue eyes were glued to the pages and he had poked his tongue out.

“Hey boyfriend!” 

He startled at the voice behind him and swirled around. Priya smiled at him and Robert panicked for a small moment about if she had noticed him staring at Aaron like a creep. He tried to shake it off quickly.

“Hey yourself! Ready?” 

The next scene would involve Priya with her first appearance as Coco. It will be airing days after the scene they just shot but it took place in the same set, Olli´s apartment, so they were about to film it right now. Working unchronologically really was something he needed to get used to. 

He practiced the lines with Priya, then the woman responsible for continuity took a polaroid of him with his still wet white T shirt and wrote the scene number on it. 

“Here get changed into this, will ya?” the costume girl gave him a new outfit. “We have a little changing room over there, in case you ́re too shy to strip in front of us.” She grinned and pointed over her shoulder.

“Be right back,” he said and smirked.

“Shame, Sugden!” he heard her shout after him as he walked away. 

The amount of times he had been hit on since he walked through the door of LWP a few days ago was insane. He had heard rumours before, about affairs on and off set at Lawrence White Production. Actors loved gossip, but Robert had never really believed it. Now though he came to think that there might be a lot of truth in that rumour. Robert would be lying if he said it didn't feel good to be wanted, of course it did, it was a nice ego boost. But it was simply not what HE wanted. All he was interested in, was a grumpy dark curly haired actor.

_ Always the toughest challenge, Robert._

The voice in his head sounded very much like his mum. He sighed. When he opened the door of the changing room, he saw somebody with their back to the door, hastily pulling his shirt down.

“Sorry, I didn't…” his voice trailed off. The other person was Aaron. Robert had seen a little bit of his skin on his lower back, but it happened too fast to memorise it. 

_ Fuck, if I had come only 10 seconds earlier…!_

Aaron turned around, now fully clothed. Robert sighed again and silently cursed the universe.

“All yours now,” Aaron said and when Robert raised an eyebrow, he froze. “The room, I mean.”

_ I wouldn’t mind the other meaning too._

He didn't say it out loud, but he couldn't hold back the grin when he saw Aaron’s cheeks slightly turning red.

“Aaron Dingle,” he teased, “is that your way of flirting?”

Aaron stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Robert chuckled, before he took pity on him.

“Only joking. When you really want to flirt with me, I at least expect you to wink at me,” he said lightly and smiled at Aaron.

Flirting always came easy for him, like a second nature. Maybe that's why his colleagues assumed that he had a lot of one night stands, Robert realised, but this was different. Flirting with Aaron was different. His heart pounded in his chest, his hands were suddenly clammy and he felt a strong pull in his stomach. He was nervous. He didn't want to screw this up, not after all those years watching Aaron on his TV, after working so hard for this job, to be here with him. 

Aaron stared at him, then he scratched his eyebrow and did the mouth shrug that Robert had already seen a few times.

“Guess I’ll let you know then, when I do flirt with you,” he said with his scratchy voice that sent shivers down Robert’s spine. 

The icy eyes were fixed on his and Robert could feel the atmosphere shifting, his breath hitched-

_ Wink! Come on, do it!_

Robert could basically feel the tension in the air, he was ready to lunge forward, shove Aaron against the wall and just kiss the life out of him.

But Aaron, the beautiful bastard, only grinned, grabbed his clothes and left. 

Robert sighed wearily, shook his head and huffed a laugh. Yeah, he had flirted a lot in the past, but he didn’t need to be a pro to realise what just happened. 

_ He said WHEN, not IF. _

  
  
  


Robert felt like he was on a high afterwards. The acting was fine, a few mistakes but nothing major. The crew was incredibly professional and friendly. Robert didn’t mind the periods of waiting between takes, when they adjusted their cameras and lights. It gave him time to read his lines and to talk to Aaron. 

The other man explained the daily routines to him and Priya, which people were important to listen to or where to go when you needed something. It was really helpful advice and Robert appreciated it. He loved finally hearing Aaron say more than a few words and he thought that he could spend hours just listening to this wonderful, deep, scratchy voice. 

At the end of the day Robert wanted nothing more than to ask Aaron if he wanted to grab a quick dinner together somewhere. Not like something date-official, just a burger or something to get to know each other better. Just when he had the words planned out in his head and he opened his mouth to say them, Priya stepped into his line of sight.

“Hey boyfriend, fancy having dinner with me?” 

_ What? Nooo!_

Priya smiled at him. His eyes flicked to Aaron, who watched them with tight lips and tense shoulders. This was not what Robert wanted, not after they had this intense day and he actually thought that he made some progress on the moody-actor-front. Preferably Robert would just let Priya down and ask Aaron instead, but he couldn’t do that, could he. Colleagues etiquette and all.

“Yeah, fine,” he said to her and looked over to Aaron. “You wanna join us?” he asked with a little hope to still spend the evening in the other man’s company.

Aaron just glanced between him and Priya and cleared his throat.

“Nah, I’ll leave you to it,” Aaron said and lowered his eyes.

And then he left with a small smile towards Priya and Robert let his shoulders drop.

  
  
  


Dinner with Priya was okay, but Robert couldn't help but think about Aaron the whole time. He imagined that it was him on the other side of the booth, about what he would have chosen from the menu, about what they would have talked about. He knew so little about Aaron, it was frustrating. Robert was aware he was probably shitty company for Priya, short, clipped replies and not paying much attention. He felt a bit bad for her, but she seemed to be oblivious. After he had finished his burger, he muttered something about a headache, apologised and as he left he tried to ignore the surprised expression on Priya’s face.

He fell on his couch and fished his phone out.  
3 missed calls.

Robert groaned to the empty flat and rubbed his face. 

_ I can’t deal with that now. _

He opened his camera folder instead and flicked through the pictures he had taken in the past few days. He especially loved the ones on the set of Olli’s apartment-

_YOUR apartment_

-the other day. Since Chrissie White herself had given him permission to hint on his social media about his new job, he opened his twitter. He tweeted a bit every now and then, was far away from being a nerd, but he quite enjoyed it and he had almost 6.000 followers which he was pretty proud of.

**Suggers** @itssugden

Guess where I spent the past few days? :-)

Robert added a selfie with the TV set in the background. It was not the most creative tweet. He hit the button anyway. He plugged his phone in and got ready for bed. It wasn’t even late and it was the weekend on top, but the week had been stressful with all the new people, the long days and the lack of time to get prepared for everything… Robert was exhausted, he felt like he had been thrown in a deep lake. It was either struggle and stay on the surface or drown.

He fell asleep just minutes later.

  
  
  


When he walked into his kitchen the next morning he was on autopilot. Making coffee, grabbing a mug from the cupboard, leaning against the island and blowing and sipping the hot brew, grabbing his phone to check his notifications.

And then he almost let drop his Star Wars cup.

**Forbiddenlover** and 25,000 others have followed you

He saved the cup from dropping, but nearly choked on the coffee in his mouth. His eyes started to water and it took him good five minutes to get a grip before he grabbed his phone again to scroll through the notifications.

“Fuckin’ hell?” he shouted to the empty kitchen.

Apparently it took only half an hour for the first of his followers to recognize the soap set. And then all hell broke loose.   
  


**chiara** @chilove99 

isn’t that from that TV show Forbidden Love??

**Sam** @s_w_ omg your right

**mynameis** @nickjacobsmith

a new acting job?

**Forbiddenlover** @t_j_skin

can you confirm that Robert Sugden is a new cast member @officiallyforbiddenlove?

The list went on and on like that, there were so many tweets and retweets that Robert’s eyes grew bigger and bigger.

And of course online magazines jumped on the bandwagon quickly, spreading the alleged news without even having a confirmation or anything.

**tellytalk** @tellytalk_mag

Actor Robert Sugden hints new role via twitter, read the full story here

Well, that escalated quickly. His phone buzzed, it was a message from Chrissie White. Robert felt dread pulling in his stomach. The boss writing at 9am on a saturday morning surely can't be a good thing. His thumb hovered over the notification and he took a deep breath before he hit the button.

8:58

**Chrissie White**: Your tweet has caused a lot of stir up. Meeting at 7:30 on monday in my office to discuss further proceedings. Bring Dingle. 

“Good morning to you too,” he muttered to himself and swallowed.

Soooo… was this bad? 

_This was bad, right? _

It sounded bad. Was “stir up” something Chrissie wanted? Robert realised that maybe she wanted to break the news herself, maybe throw a big press conference or something. Damn, she was probably pissed off. Then again, she had given him permission to tweet about it during that meeting with Priya. And what the hell were “further proceedings”? Like, was he fired now? He looked over to the picture of his mum on the wall. She was smiling fondly back at him.

_ What do I do now?_

She didn't answer, but his phone lit up with a new notification from twitter.   
  


**ForbiddenLove** @officiallyforbiddenlove

Welcome Robert! Yes, it's true! Robert Sugden @itssugden just joined our cast and he starts with a big storyline in a few weeks. More info coming soon…

He let out a long breath. So he wasn’t fired, otherwise they wouldn’t have confirmed it officially. Robert threw a relieved smile towards his mum, when it hit him. “Bring Dingle” Chrissie had written. What if Aaron started shooting later than 7:30 on Monday? Robert didn’t have Aaron’s number, how was he supposed to let him know about the meeting?

He debated for about five seconds whether to reply toChrissie and ask for Aaron’s number, but he decided against it. Bothering the boss with that wouldn’t be very professional, would it. Plus Chrissie obviously expected him to have the number already. 

Robert thought about his options. He didn’t really have other numbers from LWP, apart from Chrissie’s, so he couldn’t ask his colleagues. He knew from his own research that Aaron wasn’t active on social media, but he still had a facebook account. It was worth a try, Robert thought, and opened the app.

The picture of Aaron was definitely a few years old, but it was cute nevertheless. It showed Aaron as Olli on the TV set, with fluffy curls and a colourful hawaiian shirt. It was an official promo pic, Robert reckoned, because it looked professionally taken.

Robert sent a DM to Aaron with his mobile number and the plea for a phone call, but seeing his last post was years ago, Robert knew that this was pretty much a dead end.

Then he scrolled the page down. He remembered that in the few postings Aaron had mentioned and tagged a friend.

_ There you are, Adam Barton. _

Robert wondered if Adam was a relative to Ross Barton, who played Olli’s friend Andy. Barton seemed not that common and considering that they lived in the same area?

Fortunately, Adam was very active on facebook, his latest posting was just 12 hours ago. Robert scrolled down the endless timeline of food pictures, selfies, gym posies and youtube trailers of action movies. 

On every pic Adam flashed the same broad toothy grin. Robert snorted. And this guy was Aaron’s friend? He couldn’t see one similarity. He opened the messenger.

**to Adam**:

Hi Adam, this is Robert Sugden, I am a colleague of Aaron’s and I have to pass him an important message regarding his schedule on Monday. Would you please give me his number? Thanks, R

Now he just had to wait. Robert went back to scrolling through Adam’s pictures, hoping to find some of Aaron. Deep down he knew that this behaviour might be a little tiny bit stalkerish, but Robert decided that he didn’t care about that.

_ What Adam doesn’t know… _

And there he was. A gel haired Aaron, all dressed in black, sitting in a pub with a pint in front of him. He showed off his trademark frown which made Robert smile. It was a snapshot, only a few weeks old, which had caught Aaron obviously by surprise.

“A sunshine in the night” was Adam’s dry comment to the picture and Robert felt a little stab in the stomach. Maybe they weren’t just friends. Maybe they were a thing. Maybe Aaron was in a relationship for years.

The messenger app popped up and Robert was surprised that Adam was already awake. He thought, he would be the I-sleep-until-noon-type.

**Adam:**

Robert, huh

Robert frowned. What kind of question was that? He rolled his eyes to the empty living room.

**to Adam:**

yes. Like I wrote. Or like my profile says.

**Adam:**

Mate, you’re requesting sensitive information here

**Adam:**

the number of my friend, who is a well known actor. I’d like to check who you are

**to Adam:**

Does this happen a lot?

Robert couldn’t help himself, although he dreaded the answer. He didn’t wanna know if Aaron got hit on often. But at the same time he was curious. He made another coffee, while he waited for Adam’s answer.

**Adam:**

your not the first

The spelling mistake made Robert bite his lip, but he held himself back from correcting Adam and felt a bit proud of himself for it. He didn’t want to come across like a smartass. He needed this number after all.

**to Adam:**

Yeah well. I am an actor myself. I started shooting with him this week. Wanna check my profile? I have instagram and twitter too.

**Adam:**

Not necessary. He might have mentioned you.

Robert groaned and pinched his nose as he walked back into the living room. Why were they having this goddamn conversation then? He imagined Adam sitting somewhere with his stupid shit-eating grin on his face, feeling smug for taking the mick. And then-

_ Wait, he mentioned me? _

Robert sat straight up on his couch, his heart suddenly on double speed. Aaron had talked to Adam about him!

**to Adam:**

Oh did he? What did he say?

Robert hoped it didn’t sound too eager. He sipped at his coffee and burned his tongue. He was still cursing when Adam’s reply popped up.

**Adam:**

That he can’t wait to snog ya

For the second time that day Robert almost dropped his cup. Yes, he knew it! The awkward flirting and all, he couldn’t have read it wrong. Aaron was interested! He was just about to write something really really stupid, when Adam’s next message came in.

**Adam:**

:-D

**Adam:**

On screen I mean. Your playin the new lover, right?

Oh yeah right, on screen. Robert slouched back on the sofa and let out a breath. This conversation was starting to get on his nerves, he just wanted the damn number. He deleted the message he wanted to send and typed a new, shorter one.

**to Adam:**

yup, that’s me. So, the number please?

Adam finally sent the number and made him promise that he won’t pass it on to anyone else.. Robert rolled his eyes. Adam seemed to be a good hearted guy - he was Aaron’s friend after all - but so damn naive. But who was Robert to complain when he finally got what he wanted.

**Adam:**

best if you text him, mate. He doesn’t answer calls with unknown number

Robert frowned at this information, but it was soon forgotten because he finally had Aaron’s number. One good outcome of Chrissie’s short message. 

He typed four messages only to delete them before he sent them. Talking to people was easy, never a problem. When he could see and hear the people, read their reaction, Robert knew what to shoot back, thanks to his smart mouth. But texting was different, because texts were permanent, black and white. You could always open the app and re-read the text. Wording was important. 

He was not sure how much he should explain to Aaron via text about his tweet and the “further proceedings”. He'd rather explain this on the phone, because _ talking. _Easier and all.

**To Sexy Flatmate:**

(oh yes, Robert felt very smug for the name he chose for Aaron’s contact)

Hi Aaron, it’s Robert Sugden. Would you please call me? Sorry for bothering you on the weekend, but it’s about work on monday. Thank you. R

Quite pleased with his text, Robert finished his cuppa. All he could do now, was wait anyway.

  
  
  


About four hours, 30,000 twitter and 40.000 instagram followers later - Robert couldn’t get over the sheer amount of people who wanted to follow him all of a sudden-

_ Seriously, where do all these people come from?! _

his phone rang. Robert’s heart sped up when he saw that it was actually the Sexy Flatmate. He glanced at his watch, it was almost 2 in the afternoon. So Aaron was either the sleep-until-noon-type or he just wasn’t arsed to check his phone first thing after waking up. Both options seemed likely.

“Hi Aaron, Robert here,” he said, staring into the distance. He wished he could see Aaron right now. Was he still sleepy, with fluffy curls on his head? Or was he already showered, smelling absolutely, sinfully good, laying relaxed and half naked on his bed?

“Who gave ya my number?”

Well, that didn’t sound sleepy or relaxed. That sounded grumpy and just rude. Robert felt his excitement fading away.

“Good morning to you too,” he mumbled lowly.

“What?” Aaron barked.

“Nevermind. Adam gave it to me, we texted earlier this morning,” Robert explained.

Aaron muttered something under his breath, Robert thought he heard the word “traitor” along with expletives.

“Look,” Robert started quickly, “It was kind of an emergency and I asked him for it. He didn’t give it to me until I could confirm that I was really me. I don’t wanna cause any trouble between you two, okay?”

There was silence on the other end, then Aaron let out a long breath. The raspy sound went directly into Robert’s ear and down his spine.

“Yeah, okay. Sorry for snapping. So what's up?”

God, he could listen to Aaron’s raspy voice over the phone all day. Or all night. If the acting work dried up one day, Aaron could easily switch to phone sex. He would make a ton of money.

When he heard something rustling on the other end of the line, Robert snapped out of his trance and cleared his throat. Right, no fantasising about phone sex with Aaron.

“Well, I kinda tweeted something last night, a picture of the TV set…” Robert said and as he heard Aaron groaning loudly, he added quickly: “Let's say it escalated, the show did an official statement and Chrissie wrote me a message to show up to her office on monday at 7:30 to discuss further proceedings - with you.” 

Another long breath on Aaron’s side. Followed by silence. Dead silence. Robert pulled the phone off his ear to check the display. The call was still connected.

“You still there, Aaron?”

“Yes. What the fuck are further proceedings?” Aaron asked.

“Hell if I know!” Robert huffed, then there was another silence. 

Robert didn’t like it. The silence made his body tingle and his skin itch. Yesterday had been so good, and now everything felt so awkward between him and Aaron. It was one step forward and two steps back. Robert couldn’t have that. 

“Wanna come over for dinner?” he suddenly blurted out before his brain could catch up with what he just said.

He froze, because now the question was out and he couldn't take it back. He didn’t even know why he had asked it or where it had come from. Aaron must think he was crazy.

“I could show you my tweet and we could think about our own ideas for further proceedings. To be prepared for Chrissie on Monday,” he added, pleased with himself that he came up with this explanation. It sounded logical. Sort of.

“Alright,” Aaron’s voice finally scratched into his ear.

_ Huh. _

Robert needed a full ten seconds to understand what just happened.

“Great! Around 6? I’ll text you the address, see you later!” 

Robert hit the end-button before Aaron could change his mind. He clasped his hand across his mouth and just realised then that he was grinning like an idiot. He had a date with Aaron Dingle! 

His mother smiled her knowing smile.

“Don’t give me that look! It’s a date, end of!” he told his mum and pointed a finger towards her. This was going to be good!

  
  
  


This was going to be a disaster. 

He somehow messed up the pasta, as he accidently put too much eggs in it. Today of all days! This was his best recipe, he had cooked it hundreds of times and it never happened before. Robert cursed when he realised that he hadn’t enough eggs left for a new try. And it was not nearly enough time to buy new ones.

_ Relax, you still have time to find- _

The doorbell made him jump. Aaron was over half an hour too early! He looked around his kitchen which looked like a bomb had hit it. In panic mode Robert just threw the dirty bowls in the dishwasher and tried to clean the flour from the table with his hands. 

It rang again, followed by a hard knock. Damn, Aaron was in the building already.

“Coming!” he shouted as he stumbled towards the door and with a quick look in the mirror he realised in horror that he had flour everywhere.

_ Fuck! _

Well, it was definitely too late for a shower now. He took a deep breath, put on a flashy smile on and opened the door.

“So my brother is a soap star now and I have to learn it from the internet!” 

Vic’s accusing tone hit him first, then her shoulder bumped into him when she pushed past him into his flat. Robert’s mouth fell open. His sister was the last thing he needed right now in his messy apartment without a proper dinner. And suddenly he had enough. Can‘t anyone justfucking say ‘hello‘ anymore?

“Hello to you too, sister dearest. What is it with people and bloody manners today, eh?” he spat angrily, when he slammed the door shut. 

_ Oh that felt good. _

Victoria looked at him in confusion with her big Bambi eyes and his anger melted away. Damn, she had that effect on him.

“What are you talking about?”

“Forget it,” he sighed. “Look. Vic. I am sorry-”

“Sorry for not picking up my calls?” she interrupted him, “Or at least calling back?”

“I am sorry because I don’t have time for this now,” Robert said slowly, ignoring her accusation. She was a master in guilt tripping him, she was his little sister and he always felt protective about her, especially after their father’s death, and she knew it. She knew it and sometimes she used it. But not today, Robert decided, when Aaron was due to show up in 25 minutes.

“Why? What’s now?” she asked. She looked around his apartment and of course she saw the mess in his kitchen. “Are you making pasta?” She suddenly gasped and grinned at him. “You ARE making pasta! You have a date, don’t you? Nobody makes fresh pasta for an ordinary dinner!” She clasped her hands like she had just solved a mystery.

“Nice work, Columbo,” Robert rolled his eyes. “Now please just go, I need to fix the food and I don’t have time to talk right now, okay? I’ll call you tomorrow, I promise.”

He wanted to kindly shove her back to the door, when she raised her forefinger and looked sternly at him. Robert let his shoulders fall in defeat. He knew from experience that he had lost.

“Fix the food? I can help!” she exclaimed. “I am a Chef after all. Come on, Robert. I’ll fix your dinner and you tell me something about your date!”

She smiled at him and just went into his kitchen before he could answer her. Robert looked at the ceiling, searching for help, answers, anything.

_ Breathe in, breathe out. You got this._

When he approached his kitchen, Vic had already stuck her head into his fridge, making disapproving sounds. Probably because of his lack of ingredients. He wanted to go to the shop this morning, but then it had all gone to pot. 

“It’s not a date,” he said eventually. “It’s more a work dinner.”

She peeked around the door of his fridge and raised her eyebrows.

“Uh-huh, “ she said and went back to fixing his dinner.

“Honestly. A colleague is coming over and we are going to discuss work for Monday.”

“Uh-huh,” Vic commented. Obviously she finally found something edible, because she started to chop like a maniac with the biggest knife she could find.

“Because we have this important meeting on Monday.” Robert started to clean the table, properly with a towel this time.

“Uh-huh,” Vic said and grabbed a pan.

She had cooked for him a few times before and she was familiar with his kitchen. Robert watched her working and had to admit that he was pretty impressed with her cooking skills. Vic really could turn a handful ingredients in some delicious food porn. 

“Is it someone from the show? Forbidden Love?” Vic eventually asked and turned around when everything was sizzling in the pan.

As far as Robert knew, Vic was never a big fan of Forbidden Love. She knew what the show meant to him though. Every now and then she had watched it with him and their mum, but it had been mostly a Sarah-Robert thing.

“Yes. Errm, it’s Aaron. Aaron Dingle.” He just loved the sound of his name. Vic’s face lit up.

“Oh yeah, the gay one - Olli, right?”

She didn’t mean it bad, but Robert felt it like a slap in the face. Vic only remembered the character because he was “the gay one”. That shouldn’t define him, but obviously it did. Olli was the funniest, most loyal character. And wouldn’t you remember him for his questionable hawaiian shirts rather than for being gay? Robert just nodded at Vic and gritted his teeth before he said something he would regret later.

“And is he gay in real life too?” she wanted to know, giving him a look.

“I don’t know,” he snapped, “And it doesn’t matter, because this is a work dinner.”

“Alright,” she held her hands up in defense, “no need to get touchy.”

He opened his mouth, but his reply got stuck in his throat when the doorbell rang. Robert swallowed. Vic grabbed his shoulders.

“Food will be ready in ten. It's a Thai Curry. I’m sorry, I had to improvise, but it should be edible,” she said and gave him an encouraging squeeze. 

They went to the door and Robert couldn’t to see Aaron. Suddenly Vic turned around,drawing his attention back to her.

“Robert, we still need to talk about the other stuff. Call me tomorrow, will ya?” she looked at him, going into full Bambi mode again and Robert sighed.

“Fine.” He shrugged and got a beaming smile in return.

“Great. Hope your date goes well, big bro!” she chirped and then opened the door.

“It's not…” he started, but the words died on his tongue when he saw Aaron in the hallway. Aaron looked startled at the woman slipping out of his apartment door.

“Love you!” Vic shouted cheerily over her shoulder before she stomped down the stairs.

And then she was gone, finally. Robert let out a relieved breath before he took in Aaron. He was dressed all in black again, with a plain shirt and skinny jeans-

_ Oh yes, please _

and neatly gelled hair. The sight was mouth-watering, except for that deep frown on his forehead. Robert had seen this frown quite a lot in the past few days. He’d give anything to look inside Aaron’s head, to know what the other man was thinking.

“Have I interrupted summat?” Aaron pointed with his thumb over his shoulder where Victoria just left.

“No! No, not at all,” Robert assured him quickly. “Come in!”

When Aaron walked past him, they were so close that Robert could smell him. It was a mixture of shower gel, shampoo and cologne. Absolutely perfect.

_ Oh hello! That arse in those jeans is absolutely perfect too. _

The black fabric really hugged all the right places, the thighs and calves too. Robert didn’t know that he had a thing for legs, must be the Aaron effect.

Aaron looked around a bit, almost shy, until Robert lead him with a small gesture into the kitchen. 

“I apologise for the mess,” Robert said when he saw the chaos in the kitchen. Vic had saved his arse with the food, but she had just left everything laying around after she had used it. “I had some trouble with my eggs and then Vic showed up unannounced. At least she saved us from eating toast or we would’ve had to order something. She is a Chef, you know? It’s always good to know someone who cooks for a living. Little sisters, eh? Often annoying, sometimes helpful.”

Robert suddenly shut his mouth, when he realised that he was rambling. It didn’t happen to him often, only when he got nervous. And he was starting to get nervous, because Aaron was so quiet, just standing there, next to the island, hands in his pockets. It would be good if he would say something, because _ conversation. _

_ Is it hot in here? It’s so hot, damn, I’m fucking melting. _

“Your sister?” Aaron asked finally, biting his lip.

“Yeah, her name’s Victoria. Do you have a sister?” he asked and bit his tongue in the same second. The last time he had asked Aaron about his family, he had left. 

Aaron’s eyes flicked towards the ground and he looked sad for a moment.

“Yes,” was all he finally said. Then his eyes wandered up again and landed on Robert’s face. “And for the record: I wouldn’t mind eating toast.”

He smiled a little bit and for a moment Robert forgot to breathe. 

  
  
  


They both agreed that Vic‘s Thai was definitely better than toast though. Eating with Aaron was nice, Robert enjoyed every second, but he could feel some sort of tension. 

Aaron sipped his beer while Robert settled for wine and the icy eyes laid on his face.

“Can I ask you something?” Aaron asked, worrying his lip again.

“Sure. What is it?” Robert said and laid back on his chair to get comfortable.

“Why did you ask Adam for my number and not Chrissie?”

Robert was surprised by this question. He thought Aaron wanted to talk about Monday, but obviously that phone number thing still bothered him.

“I don’t know. She sounded like she expected me to have your number already and I didn’t want to come across unprofessional in front of the boss,” he explained.

“The boss…?” Aaron echoed. He seemed surprised by that phrase and Robert frowned. Was he missing something here?

“Yeah.” He laughed, sounding a bit unsure, “that’s what she is, right? The boss?”

That seemed to be the correct thing to say, because Aaron visibly relaxed and even smiled in return. Robert loved that soft expression, it was such a heavy contrast to his usual scowl. And then it finally clicked in Robert’s head.

“Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he said raising his hands in defeat. “You thought me - and Chrissie? What, that she is my girlfriend?” He couldn’t believe it.

But Aaron’s cheeks turned red which confirmed Robert’s thought. At least the idiot had the decency to blush. Him and Chrissie, he huffed a laugh. Yes, he had wanted this role really badly. No, not so badly that he’d get horizontal with her. 

“Chrissie is not my girlfriend. And neither is Vic!” He watched as Aaron got more and more embarrassed. Well, good.

“And Priya?” Aaron muttered so lowly that Robert almost didn’t hear it.

“How many women do you think I have, Aaron?” 

Robert just crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. He should probably be mad at how Aaron could honestly think he was screwing several women at the same time. But seeing Aaron so defensive and almost apologetic melted the anger away quickly. Aaron squirmed in his seat, eyes shooting in all directions in the room except towards Robert. 

“Dunno,” muttered Aaron. “She called you ‘boyfriend’.”

Robert leaned over the table and gave Aaron a knock on the head.

“Ow!”

“As in on screen-boyfriend! You idiot.” Robert shook his head. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Aaron was jealous.

_ Oh my god, he IS jealous!_

“Pack the shit-eating grin away,” Aaron said, but smiled himself.  
  


The atmosphere changed after that, it got more relaxed. They settled over on the couch and started talking about acting, about Forbidden Love, about Social Media. Robert showed Aaron his accounts and the different apps, and as Aaron told him that Chrissie had officially ordered him to get twitter and instagram, Robert thought it was brilliant idea to set them up RIGHT NOW.

Aaron had his fourth beer and there wasn’t much wine left in the bottle, when they found a twitter name. Robert had almost fallen laughing from the couch when Aaron honestly asked what would be wrong with Aaron.

“Much to learn, you still have.”

“Don’t go Yoda on me, it’s not my fault that this is all shit. Just choose something, as long as it’s not hufflepuff69 I’m alright with it,” grunted Aaron and made Robert chuckle.

They went for @justaarondingle and used the same profile pic as from facebook. 

“So we need something to say about you and your account, something short, on point,” Robert said, looking encouragingly at the other man. Aaron did his upside down mouth frown and shook his head as he thought about it.

“I’m an actor,” he finally suggested.

“Really? Aaron?” Robert’s eyebrows shot towards his hair. “Well, a bit more would be nice. What you like or something!”

Two laughing fits and another glass of wine later, Aaron’s twitter account went online.

**Dingle** @justaarondingle

_ Acts for a living. Likes toast. _

Robert wanted to snap a selfie and damn, if that wasn’t the perfect opportunity to snuggle closer to Aaron. To press his side against Aaron’s, to throw an arm around those broad shoulders. And Robert loved how good Aaron felt. How warm and strong and solid. Such a pity that the moment was over too quickly.

**Suggers** @itssugden

Say hi to this fella! Thought I might introduce @justaarondingle from @officiallyforbiddenlove to the wonderful world of twitter. :-)

Robert loved the selfie with Aaron, especially the fact that Aaron was looking absolutely carefree. His blue eyes were shiny, framed by small wrinkles around his eyes. The toothy smile created the most adorable hamster cheeks Robert had ever seen. 

_ So fucking cute. _

He added it to the tweet and hit send. In the same second a new notification popped up.

**Dingle **followed you

Robert chuckled. He got thousands of new followers today, but this was the one who really mattered. Aaron smiled back and put his phone away.

When he got ready to leave it was long after midnight. Robert couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He didn’t want Aaron to go, not now, not ever. The evening had been so perfect, so nice. He wished they could just get ready for bed together, like a real couple with little every day routine.

_ Don’t get sappy Suggers, you’re drunk. _

Damn fuck, he really was. He was into the second wine bottle and had stopped counting Aaron’s beers a while ago. They stood on the doorstep, both slightly swaying.

“I had a nice evening!” Aaron’s voice was even scratchier than usual.

“Yeah, me too,” was all Robert could say. He bit his tongue because he didn’t trust himself not to say something really stupid.

“Night Robert,” Aaron whispered, winked at him, turned around and went down the stairway.

They hadn’t talked once about the stupid meeting on Monday, Robert slowly realised.

_ And he winked at you. _

Robert stood in the door of his apartment, mouth open, staring into the empty hallway until the lights automatically switched off.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I checked all twitter names. They shouldn‘t exist - if they do it‘s accidental! Let me know and I edit it.
> 
> Sooooo... what is that unfinished business between Robert and Vic?  
And what do you think about the meeting with Chrissie and her ‚further proceedings‘?  
:-)


	5. A new week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has a really bad day.  
And then it goes from bad to worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, it‘s getting angsty in this chapter.  
I don‘t consider my writing that good that trigger warnings would be necessary, but please read the tags (I have updated them)
> 
> The dialogue during the Chrolli scene really happened and can be watched on yt! :-)

For the first time in probably forever Aaron dreaded going to work. And it had nothing to do with that bloody meeting. Okay, it had  _ partly _ to do with that bloody meeting, because Chrissie White on a Monday morning ranked about as high as a root treatment at the dentist.

But the real reason why he hadn’t slept all night was because he had to face Robert.

Saturday evening had been amazing. The food had been delicious and the conversation was, after a bumpy and quite embarrassing start on Aaron‘s side, easy flowing. At least he knew now that Robert was single and not shagging every available woman at LWP. 

Aaron had loved their little banter and Robert‘s little jokes. He didn‘t know the last time he had laughed that much. Honestly, he couldn’t remember. It had felt  _ good _ , just really good being in Robert‘s company. Sitting on his ridiculously comfy couch, watching the other man when he was busy creating that twitter account.

It was a sight that would be burnt in Aaron‘s memory forever. Robert‘s cheeks had turned slightly red because of the wine, his lips shiny and lush and Aaron had wondered how they‘d feel against his own. And he had been mesmerised by Robert‘s hands when he had watched him gesturing and typing over the screen of his phone. 

_ Those long, slim fingers and all the things they could do. _

And then Robert had taken the selfie and had hugged him tight. Aaron didn‘t do hugging usually. Aaron didn‘t like people in his personal space. 

Except Adam and Paddy… and... yeah, no. Even with them it always felt a bit awkward. 

_ But then, Robert.  _

Everything felt different with Robert. He had loved the squeeze of Robert‘s grip around his shoulders, had felt more than alright with being pressed against his side. He hadn’t felt crowded or uncomfortable. In fact, he had wanted it to last even longer, to not let go. 

It had been a perfect evening with a perfect man.

He had felt really, truly happy for the first time in ages, absolutely giddy from all the bantering and joking and laughing. Robert’s eyes were fixed on his as they had been standing in the doorway. And maybe it had been that overwhelming feeling of happiness or maybe just the alcohol, but suddenly he had winked at Robert.

He had winked at Robert. 

And that ruined it all.

  
  


He woke up on Sunday morning with a throbbing head and an awful beer taste in his mouth, when it hit him. He had been flirting with a man who had been clearly flirting with him before. And now, what? Robert would  _ expect _ things, wouldn’t he?

Like a proper real date. Given Robert’s clothes and the fact that he drove a Porsche, he would probably choose some poncy restaurant, where they had tables ready laid, with several forks and knives. Where they didn’t put prices on the menu and have an extra card only for wine. Aaron didn’t like poncy restaurants. Not that he had been to one before, but still.

And Aaron had never even been on a proper date. Or in a relationship. He hadn‘t got a clue what that even meant - being in a relationship.

His parents sure as fuck didn’t count as role models.

His whole body went hot and cold when he thought about holding hands and exchanging cheesy love emojis on whatsapp. Because that’s what couples did, right? At least that’s what Adam did, when he had a girlfriend. Aaron couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t do this.

Besides, Robert was a colleague, his bloody co-star. What on earth had Aaron been thinking? Getting close to Robert was a bad idea. Messing around in the workplace hardly ever went well, he witnessed it a few times at LWP already. It always ended in nasty fights, affecting work. And eventually one of them had to look for a new job in the end. Because you don’t wanna get your Ex moving on with their life rubbed in your face every day. 

_ Let’s be honest, everything you might wanna start with Robert, is doomed from the start anyway. You‘re gonna mess up and then what? _

Somewhere deep down, Aaron knew that he was overthinking things - it was just a bloody wink, ok! - but he couldn’t stop his racing mind, constantly bouncing back and forth thinking about the worst consequences of his stupid flirting.

He spent the Sunday in bed, keeping his phone switched off. He didn’t wanna talk to Adam, who had sent him quite a few messages with apologies for giving his number to Robert. Aaron wasn’t mad at his best friend, at least not anymore. He just didn’t feel like talking at all.

Plus there was this stupid twitter account. Robert had gotten so excited about it, Aaron just kinda rolled with it. But when he had switched his phone off last night, he already had over 20,000 followers. 20,000 people. The mere thought about how many it would be by now was scary. These people were expecting tweets now. Funny one liners about his celebrity life and flashy selfies from his exciting behind-the-scenes life, you name it.

And it was too much. He couldn’t live up to these expectations, Aaron knew this for a fact. He wasn’t funny, he was a grumpy arse, and he was very much aware of this, thanks. He didn’t live a celebrity lifestyle - damn, he still drove his rotten VW Golf - and behind the scenes life was anything but exciting, it was long hours of waiting, standing around, rehearsing and getting makeup on. 

But people were  _ expecting  _ things. Robert was  _ expecting _ things.

It was years ago, when his anxiety had hit him that hard. The knowledge of being overdramatic didn‘t make it easier, it made it even harder. It made him feel weak and pathetic.

_ Seriously who freaks out about getting close to a hot bloke? _

_ I’m gonna stay single forever. _

Aaron pulled the blanket over his head and wished he could just hide from his thoughts, but they followed him into the darkness.

  
  
  


He couldn‘t hide from Monday either. He still felt anxious and tired after a sleepless night when he opened the door to their room at 7:20.

Of course Robert was already there, sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine. When he heard the door, he put the paper away and got up. His face lit up when he saw Aaron and the blue shirt made his eyes extra sparkly. He was so cheerful and beautiful and perfectly styled at this ungodly hour that it felt like a punch in Aaron’s stomach. 

“Hi Aaron!“ he said and took a few steps in his direction.

Aaron grunted back in response and he noticed that Robert‘s smile slightly faltered and he stopped in his tracks. The silence that followed felt awkward and tense.

“Yeah,“ Robert stretched the word, then he remembered something. “Hey, I brought you coffee! I didn‘t know how you‘d like it, so I ordered milk on the side. And here is some extra sugar. I hope you like coffee. They had so many different types of tea, so coffee seemed to be the easier choice. Or are you more the Espresso type? Wouldn’t take you for a Latte drinker, if I’m honest. Well… yeah.“ 

Robert shut his mouth abruptly and went to the bookshelf where he had put the stuff. 

Aaron wanted to hide somewhere, just disappear. Bringing coffee was such a damn thoughtful move.

_ Why does he have to be so nice? _

Because he was perfect. Perfect and adorable. Aaron hadn’t spent one second thinking of getting Robert something to drink, it didn’t even cross his mind. He felt so stupid. And he wasn’t worth the hassle. Why did Robert even bother?

“I just finished a cup five minutes ago,“ came out Aaron’s mouth, before he could really think about his words.

Robert stopped in his motion, let out a little ‘oh‘ and put the cup back on the shelf. This was clearly not the reaction he had expected. Aaron realised that he was a let-down already. Well, no surprise there. Yet he felt it like another kick in the guts.

Aaron lowered his eyes, because it was unbearable to watch Robert’s smile falling. He threw his jacket on the couch, just to  _ do  _ something and not to stand around awkwardly.

“It’s time. You comin’?” he asked and walked towards the door already, barely glancing over his shoulder.

On their way to Chrissie’s office he did everything to avoid Robert’s gaze, but he could feel the other man’s irritated looks. Aaron hated himself for it.

  
  
  
  


After Chrissie and Robert had hugged and exchanged kisses on the cheek, there was a short moment when Aaron panicked and thought that he was expected to do the same. But Chrissie just nodded and smiled to him and he nodded back. Which was a bit strange after the cosy greeting with Robert, but schmoozing her would have been too much and Aaron was glad that Chrissie had sensed his reluctance.

They sat down at the round table in her office and Aaron thought back to last Monday, when she had told him about his new co-star. He couldn’t believe that it was only a week ago, so much had happened since then.

“I am glad you both could make it despite your busy filming schedule, but I think it is important to discuss the next steps after our unexpected announcement on Saturday. Robert, that was quite a move from you,” she started, shook her head, but smiled fondly. When Robert opened his mouth to say something, she raised her hand to silence him. “I didn‘t think it would blow up quickly like that if I‘m honest, but well…“ She chuckled. “Here we are.“

Aaron still wasn‘t over her shush-ing move. If he didn‘t know already that Robert and her weren‘t a thing, he’d definitely know it now. How rude. He scoffed quietly and leaned back in his chair. 

“So, we have four press requests by now, one only for print, three including video. I suppose we will get more today when the journos have finished their morning conferences.“

She went on about about strategies, phone calls with their PR team and a social media campaign, but Aaron zoned out. This was about Robert anyway, he was the newbie, the new face that everybody wanted.

Aaron felt absolutely knackered after that awful night and damn, those plush chairs were fucking comfy. His eyelids got heavier and heavier as he slouched down a bit more until he found the perfect position.

Robert elbowed him.

_ Rude. _

He cursed silently and rubbed the spot on his arm. When he looked up, he met Chrissie‘s and Robert‘s eyes. She looked a bit salty, Robert slightly amused.

“What!“ he barked.

“I asked if this is a problem for you?“ she repeated.

Aaron had no idea what she was talking about. He tried to remember the last thing she had said in her monologue. He cleared his throat as he came up blank and searched Robert‘s eyes for help. Thank god, he got the hint.

“The exclusive interview we are going to do, for the tellytalk magazine,“ said Robert slowly so Aaron could follow.

Oh. So this would not only be a story about Robert, it would actually include him as well.

“Why should that be a problem?” he finally asked, frowning.

He wasn‘t keen on giving interviews, but it came along with every bigger storyline as a part of the job. At least the ‘we‘ implied that they would do this together, so he wasn’t alone in the spotlight this time and that was a plus.

“Aaron,” Chrissie sighed. “I don’t know how to say this, but there’s probably no point sugarcoating it… You suck at interviews.”

Aaron sat upright in his chair and opened his mouth, but she just made her bloody shushing gesture.

“We all know it’s true,” Chrissie continued before he could say anything. “As much as I love how you play our Olli, I have to say you’re more than a bit closed off everytime you talk to the media. Your answers are barely longer than three words and you’re always scowling.” She pointed with her finger in his face. “See? This is the scowling face!” she said triumphantly.

_ What the hell…? _

“So please, Aaron, please...” She pressed her hands together as if she was praying and looked towards the ceiling. Aaron clenched his jaw and wondered if she maybe had the best acting skills out of the three of them. “Can you just PRETEND to enjoy doing the interview? You’re an actor after all-”

“One of your best. Those were your words, last week!” Aaron muttered.

“One of our best actors indeed, thanks for the reminder,” agreed Chrissie and pursed her lips, “So it should be manageable for you, to just be a bit… less you? And maybe be more like Robert?”

On a normal day, her bitchy insult would just bounce off of him. Aaron would just give her a mouthy replay, silently call her a few names and it would be okay. Unfortunately today wasn’t a normal day, it was a bad day and she hit a nerve.

_ Because she’s right. _

Nobody likes the grump. It occurred to him that the double interview would make him look even more grumpy when he was in direct comparison to Robert. The scruffy loner vs the perfect son-in-law.

“Look, Chrissie, I don’t think-” Robert started, but once more she interrupted.

“I am sure, we understand each other, don’t we?” she asked sweetly and smiled her fake smile.

Aaron hated this fake smile so much. Ok, no. She was definitely NOT a good actress.

Her snobbish attitude always showed at one point sooner or later. But that was probably how you turn out when you got everything you wanted in your life served on a silver platter. He had to remind himself why she was in that position. It wasn’t because she was overly experienced or actually qualified for the job, it was because she was daddy’s little princess. 

Lawrence White had been a media mogul, responsible for a handful of successful shows, when he wanted to enter the fictional business. How he’d gotten the idea for the show had been his favourite story to tell and he did so at every Christmas party. Aaron had heard it quite a few times.

Lawrence had an argument with a young Chrissie when she got so angry that she grabbed the nearest book on the shelf and threw it at him. It landed right at Lawrence’s feet and the old man looked down. The story was about twins who got separated after birth and grew up in different society classes. Lawrence did what so many producers before him had done: he stole the idea, added a new twist and the soap was born. A tragic love story between the two siblings gave “Forbidden Love” its name. 

Two years ago Lawrence had decided to take a step back and to put his daughter in the executive chair, against the advice of some of his most loyal employees - like Paddy for example. Well, that hadn‘t been one of Lawrence‘s wisest decisions and it showed more and more.

Aaron crossed his arms and laid back on the chair again. 

Chrissie went on as if nothing had happened, talking about the exclusive interview and a bigger press event which will be held two weeks before Robert’s first scenes would air.

“The timing couldn’t be more perfect. We use the event not only to promote your storyline, but also our other autumn stories,” Chrissie said cheerily and clapped her hands in excitement.

Aaron tried his best not to roll his eyes. He wasn‘t sure if he succeeded.

  
  
  
  


**Coco and Christian are in the kitchen.**

**Christian (writes a shopping list): Parmesan cheese…**

**Coco: And organic eggs.**

**Christian: Why not ordinary eggs?**

**Coco: Just think about the poor animals in their cages!**

**Christian: Ok. Organic eggs then…**

**Olli (enters the kitchen): We’ve run out of toilet paper as well!**

**(Christian rolls his shoulders, seems to be in pain)**

**Olli: Come on, I’ll give you a massage…**

He swallowed when he laid his hands on Robert’s shoulders. Robert was so warm against his skin, Aaron could feel the muscles underneath the fabric. He slowly moved his hands, tried not to press too hard or too soft, and Robert actually relaxed under his touch. Aaron let his eyes wander over the broad shoulders, down the spine to that glorious peachy arse.

For a brief moment, an image flashed up in Aaron’s brain. Robert, a very naked Robert Sugden, bent over the kitchen table,  _ begging  _ him, moaning- 

“Cut! Stop it!” the director shouted and Aaron snapped out of it. “What happened Aaron? Your missed your cue!”

Embarrassment washed over him, as he thought about how many cameras and eyes had been on him. Did anybody notice anything? They held the script under his nose and told him what he had to say. 

“Yeah, yeah, alright, got it,” he mumbled.

  
  
  
  


**Olli: Come on, I’ll give you a massage…**

He couldn’t wait to get his hands back on Robert. His fingers kneaded the tense shoulders. He stood so close to Robert that he could actually feel his body heat coming off him like a heater. Aaron got lost in the feeling again. He wondered if it was like this for a real couple.

_ Does this happen in real life? _

It felt so fucking domestic, it was like-

“Cut!”

He jumped back, letting his hands drop. The surroundings were suddenly back. Cameras, lights, the microphone above his head. 15 People were staring at him.

Fuck, he’d messed up - again. 

“Sorry guys,” he sighed and scratched his eyebrow.

Aaron needed this bloody day to be over as soon as possible. This was the third scene he had messed up. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had fucked up so royally. Oh yeah, maybe he could remember.

It was when he was struggling with his coming out. He had gotten really depressed and angry at the world, lashing out at everybody. Somehow he had managed to suppress it on set for a while, but at some point it had started to affect his acting. Aaron was pretty sure that if Paddy hadn’t talked and listened to him, he wouldn’t be on the show anymore.

The team started to get nervous, they were already behind the schedule. Soap shooting was kind of assembly-line work. There was only a certain time slot to get a scene done, because the crew was needed for the next shooting, other actors were waiting in the green room for their call. 

Aaron hated being the one responsible for causing them stress. Usually he dealt with the pressure very well, sometimes it was tough when they had long days with more than 12 hours, but mostly it was okay. Today however, on this Monday from hell, he felt the stress like a big stone lying on his chest. It felt hard to breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut, tried to get a grip, to remember his stupid lines in this scene.

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. It’s gone, I can’t remember anything. _

He snapped his eyes open and grabbed the script hastily. The letters seemed to blurr. His heart started hammering in his chest so fast it almost hurt. This couldn’t happen to him now! Aaron had just read the same line for the third time, when the director announced:

“Ok guys, everybody in position. Camera and sound ready?”

_ No wait, I need to read this, I’m not finished- _

“Aaron?”

He still stood there with the script in his hands, all eyes on him. The studio lights burnt like the sun. Suddenly he felt his body going hot and cold, and he started to sweat.

“Sorry, I don‘t feel well,“ he heard someone say and realised only then that it had been him.

Everything sounded muffled, except for the rush of blood in his ears. That was deafening. He just dropped the script from his numb fingers and left the set, because he really really needed to get out to get some fucking  _ air _ . Aaron could feel the looks burning on his skin, but he kept staring on the floor, didn‘t dare to look up.

He walked faster and faster, when he reached the studio doors, he was almost running. Breathing was still hard, the stone on his chest felt heavier with every second.

Aaron grabbed the door handle, but everything was getting blurry. He managed to get it at the second attempt. 

“...that‘s better. That‘s it. Come on, Aaron. With me. In…. out….“

Aaron blinked in confusion. There was Robert in front of him, talking to him.

_ Where did he come from? _

Robert had his hands on his shoulders, gripping him tight, but Aaron couldn‘t dwell on the feeling of finally having these wonderful fingers on him.

Because breathing was  _ hard.  _

“Hey hey, slowly. Deep breaths. In…. out…Like that,“ Robert said in a soothing voice. He kept talking like this, until Aaron finally felt a little bit better.

It was hard to tear his gaze away from those wonderful deep blue-green eyes, which were looking at him with concern, to take in his surroundings. Aaron was crouched on the floor, in the hallway,  _ outside  _ the studio. And about 30 feet away from the door.

_ What? I just was IN there! _

He frowned, wanted to speak, but he couldn‘t get a word out. There was a terribly loud noise and it took Aaron 10 seconds to realise that it was his own breathing.

“Are you with me again? It‘s okay, Aaron. It‘s alright,“ Robert kept on talking in this low voice.

How could it be okay? He was IN the studio and the next second he was in the bloody HALLWAY! And where the hell did Robert come from? Aaron tried to stumble to his feet and needed the wall for support.

“What? What happened?“ he managed finally.

“I think you just had a panic attack,“ he said carefully. Robert took his hands from his shoulders and held them up in a calming gesture as if Aaron was some sort of wild animal. His worried eyes searched Aaron’s face for signs of another wave of panic, when he didn’t find any, he relaxed slightly.

“How…“ Aaron swallowed hard and his throat felt raw. “How did I get here? The last thing… I was in there…“ He pointed towards the studio door. His arm seemed heavy, like a hundred pounds, and suddenly he felt exhausted. “And what are you doing here?”

“You really worried us, Aaron! You looked like shit in there, even with your makeup on,” Robert tried an easy joke to lighten up the mood, for which Aaron was thankful because it actually worked. 

“I just wanted to check if you were okay,” Robert went on in a more serious, but soft voice. “And then I found you here, on the floor. You scared the hell out of me, I thought I’d need to call an ambulance or something.”

Aaron managed a weak smile to apologise. He leaned on the wall, the cold stones helped to clear the fog in his head.

“Thanks for… uh, the help with… How’d you know what to do?”

“In a book I read, one of the main characters had a panic attack and they tried to soothe him and get him to breathe properly again,” Robert smiled and leaned next to Aaron. “I knew reading my mums cheesy rom-coms would pay off one day.”

“Robert Sugden, fan of cheesy rom-coms,” Aaron snorted.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Robert joked back and pointed with his finger towards Aaron.

They fell into silence after that. Aaron calmed down completely and the feeling of tiredness was overwhelming now. He felt like he could sleep for days. At least his brain was finally, finally quiet. He sighed in relief.

“Has this happened before?” Robert asked.

Just when he thought he was doing better, Robert had to ruin it. Because before Aaron could suppress it, a memory flashed up and made his stomach turn. He felt his hackles rising.

“No!” he couldn’t look Robert in the eyes as he lied. He pressed all the thoughts back, way back in his head.

“Wanna explain what happened in the studio?” Robert offered.

Deep down, Aaron knew he meant well. It must have been a terrifying sight to find your colleague on the floor with abnormal breathing. But no fucking way was he having this conversation now with Robert.

“I said, I don’t feel well,” he pressed out, shifting off the wall. “Maybe I have eaten something wrong, I dunno.”

“Bad food doesn’t end in panic attacks, as far as I know,” Robert urged.

He sounded genuinely worried and Aaron hated it. He knew that Paddy was worried about him all the time, Adam was worried about him - although he didn’t show it that often, thank you, Adam - and now Robert as well? It made him feel so weak. Why was he everybody’s charity case?

Aaron finally had enough.

“Why are you even bothered?” he snapped. 

“Aaron…”

He turned to walk away when he felt Robert’s hand on his wrist. Aaron pulled his arm away almost violently. How dare Robert play the concerned workmate now, when HE was the reason for his anxiety yesterday, for his sleepless night, for this stupid meeting with Chrissie where he had to swallow another insult from her, for this bloody interview and all the upcoming hassle with the media. The anger suddenly erupted like a volcano. 

“This is all your fault, you know? You and your bloody tweet!” he spat furiously.

Robert froze and looked at him in total confusion with big eyes and mouth open.

“What?!”

Aaron did what he did best. He just left.

  
  
  
  


He went home, crawled into his bed and called in sick on tuesday too. He hadn’t pulled a sickie in years. Aaron knew that it would screw the whole filming schedule, not only for his scenes, but also for all the other actors and camera crews as well. He just caused a lot of people a lot of extra stress, but he couldn’t go to work. He just couldn’t. 

When he was finally able to leave his bed, he checked his phone. 6 missed calls and 4 messages from Paddy.

9:12

**Paddy:** Hey pal, heard you’re sick today. How are you?

11:01

**Paddy: ** Maybe you’re still sleeping. Sorry for disturbing you. Get well soon!

12:20

**Paddy:** People say something happened in the studio yesterday. Please answer when you read this!

13:30

**Paddy:** I am really worried now, Aaron. Please call me.

He groaned and rubbed his face. Of course, Paddy would have heard all about yesterday, he was such a sucker for gossip. Aaron felt guilty for concerning him, but he didn’t wanna talk to Paddy, because he honestly didn’t know what to say.

_ Hey Patrick, anxiety hit bad the past few days because I am freaking out over a crush? _

Yeah… no.

He startled as a key turned in his front door.

“Aaron?” he heard Adam shouting in the hallway.

Aaron closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. He couldn’t deal with Adam either. Why couldn’t they just leave him the fuck alone? He opened his bedroom door and stepped out.

“You know, I gave you the key for emergencies!” he hissed not wasting time on polite greetings.

“Seeing as you just got out of bed at…” Adam looked at his watch, “three in the afternoon, I’d say this is a fucking emergency. You look like shit, mate.”

“Aww cute,“ Aaron deadpanned and walked past Adam into his small kitchen. “Why are you here anyway?“ he asked over his shoulder, preparing a cuppa. Caffeine was needed badly right now.

“Paddy called me.“

“Of course,“ Aaron groaned through gritted teeth. He didn‘t have just one nanny, he had two. Waiting for his coffee he turned around to glare at Adam who stood in the doorway.

“What is it Aaron?“ he asked simply.

When Aaron refused to answer, he flailed his arms. “Don‘t gimme THE SCOWL, mate! I mean, what‘s up, honestly? You never call in sick and Paddy said something about your work yesterday! You can‘t be mad at us for being worried!“

Aaron crossed his arms and stayed silent. He knew he was acting like a stubborn child, but he couldn‘t bring himself to care about it. Adam sighed.

“Alright, fine. You don‘t wanna talk about it. Got it. Just… are you okay?“ Adam asked and looked at him with his puppy eyes.

Aaron hated the puppy eyes, because urgh. He couldn‘t be sulky when Adam looked at him like that.

“I‘m trying to be,“ he said eventually, letting his shoulders drop. He still didn‘t want to talk about his freak out, about his panic attack. Paddy and Adam were already worrying about him, he didn‘t need the added pressure.

Adam didn’t ask further questions and Aaron was glad that his best friend knew when it was best just to keep the mouth shut. Chances were high he would have snapped again like yesterday. He felt guilty about how he treated Robert. 

Aaron poured a black coffee and one with milk and three spoons of sugar-

_ Gross _

-for Adam. They sat at the table and sipped the hot liquid in silence. His thoughts switched automatically back to Robert. Whatever kind of blossoming connection they had - it was surely dead after yesterday. Aaron rubbed his eyes. He had fucked that up quicker than he thought. At least now, since that bridge was burnt, he could go back to normal.

Working, eating, sleeping. 

This had been enough for him for years, he didn’t need a stupid crush, he didn’t need more complication in his life. Honestly. Time to focus on the important things again.

“You know what?” Adam said finally as he finished his coffee. He banged the cup on the table and commanded: “Go, grab your sports gear!”

“What? Why?” Aaron frowned.

“Cos I love your stupid bum in sexy shorts,” Adam said dryly. “To hit the gym of course. C’mon mate, it’s been weeks since we worked out together!”

  
  
  


Aaron had to admit it: the gym was a brilliant idea. He was sweaty, tired and his legs were trembling. And it was the best feeling ever. His brain was silent, the anxiety was gone. He hadn’t even thought about Robert for two hours.

He had just finished another exercise when he walked over to the bench to grab his water bottle. Adam sat there, typing on his phone.

“You’re not putting photos of me in the gym on your facebook, right?” Aaron said, half joking, half serious and raised his eyebrows. With Adam, you’d never know.

He looked shamelessly over his best friends shoulder and saw that he was texting Paddy.  
  


**to Paddy:**

Look who’s out on the pull.

He added a picture of Aaron running and pulling weights behind him.

Aaron rolled his eyes.

“So funny, mate,” he muttered and his traitorous friend only shrugged and smirked back.

The phone beeped.

**Paddy:**

If only! 

**Paddy:**

Thanks Adam.

Honestly, he loved Paddy and Adam. They were the two most important people in his life. But damn, if they would just stop fussing around about everything Aaron did! Or didn’t do. Like “meet someone” or “get laid”. It was so annoying. Why were they so bothered with his sex life? Aaron couldn’t get his head around it.

He was very happy with his sex life, thanks. Even if it barely existed. He didn’t need sex that often. When he needed it, he had his hand. And when his hand wasn’t enough, he went to a club to find someone for a quick blowjob. Aaron was fine with that. He knew that most men had a higher sex drive, a much higher sex drive - exhibit A just sat next to him - but he had no desire for more.

Maybe he wasn’t normal. That thought had occurred to him years ago, but well, you can’t miss what you never really had.

Adam got up suddenly and stopped Aaron’s train of thought.

“I’m hungry. I really need a burger in my belly or things are gonna gettin’ ugly here. You in?” he asked, smiling.

Aaron’s stomach rumbled before he could give an answer.

  
  
  


“You asshole!” Aaron shouted to Adam and people’s heads turned in their direction to have a look at what was going on.

They were still at the restaurant. After they had finished their burgers, Adam started a conversation about his work and Aaron jumped in. They talked and talked… and without really thinking about it, Aaron told him about his breakdown yesterday. 

Looking at Adam’s extremely pleased face, he realised that this had been his best friend’s plan all along. To take his mind off things, to make him relax and then to somehow bring him to tell him what was going on.

“Dunno what you mean,” Adam smiled innocently.

“You planned this, for me to spill about work,” Aaron shook his head and sighed. He shifted on his chair and felt heat creeping up his face. Admitting the panic attack, even to Adam, made him feel so fucking  _ vulnerable _ .

“Hey,” Adam said quietly. Apparently he had sensed Aaron’s mood change and grabbed his arm across the table. “It’s okay, you know?”

“How? How can this be okay?” Aaron huffed.

“Everybody has bad days.”

“Oh yeah?” he shot back. He couldn’t believe that Adam had bad days, not like this. “When was the last time you had such a bad day that you had a panic attack in front of dozens of people, Adam? Or that you couldn’t even leave your fucking bed? I spent the whole of Sunday in bed, I could barely get up to take a bloody piss!”

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have said the last thing, but once he started he found he had no filter to stop. This was embarrassing already anyway.

Adam stayed silent.

_ Yeah, thought so. _

“Look, I’m not judging or anything. Wanna tell me why you felt like that? Maybe when we find the reason, there is something we can do about it. I dunno. Be prepared for when the situation happens the next time,“ Adam suggested finally.

Aaron sighed and scrubbed his face. He’d rather just leave it like that.

“Just tell me. I am not going to let this drop, you know me. I can be persistent.” Adam grinned at that.

“I think I am crushing on Robert Sugden!” Aaron blurted out behind his hands, because they were still covering his face.

There was silence. Aaron let the hands slide down slowly, pulling the skin on his cheeks with them. Adam was just staring at him, big eyes, mouth open.

“Aaaaaand….?” he asked flailing his arms in circles.

“And what?”

“So that’s it? You had a mental breakdown because you wanna bone Sugden?”

Adam chuckled and Aaron winced at the words.

“Shut up, this isn’t funny,” he hissed. “I knew I shouldn’t have fucking told you.”

“Okay okay, I‘m sorry. That was inappropriate. Seriously though - I don‘t get it. What has this Robert got to do with your panic attack?“

At least Adam had managed to bite back his laugh and had gotten back to being genuinely concerned. Aaron sighed. The cat was out of the bag now, wasn‘t it? So he told Adam everything, like everything, starting from the first encounter in their dressing room, their first scenes, the dinner at Robert‘s and how it made him feel the day after. All his fears about risking his job, messing up because he had no idea of relationships, being a disappointment. 

Adam just sat there and listened. He didn’t interrupt, just nodded and tilted his head occasionally. Aaron couldn’t remember seeing his mate that quiet. Small mercies. 

“So what kind of a sad loser am I?“ Aaron asked finally and smiled bitterly. 

“Oi! None of that! You‘re not a loser. You‘re a grumpy git, a shitty driver,“ Adam teased with an evil grin, “and you really really have shitty taste in football, because c‘mon Manchester OBVIOUSLY is the best-”

Aaron snorted. “In your dreams, mate!“

“-I pretend that I didn‘t hear that, because you‘re still upset, buuuut you‘re definitely not a loser.“

Adam nudged his shoulder and Aaron was grateful for the little banter, because it took off some of the edge. His best friend always seemed to know how to handle his mood. 

“Okay, it happened. A lot of people get overwhelmed with stuff and react to it. I just want to go back to the reason for all this and make you see that this might  _ seem _ scary now but it could actually be, maybe a  _ good _ thing!“

Aaron wasn‘t convinced and he said so.

“From what you told me, Robert had been flirting with you first, so he seems to be interested. The feeling is mutual. Then you‘re worried about shagging someone from work. Okay, understable. But why expect the worst outcome already? Chances are 50/50 that it might work. What if Robert is really the one for you? What if he makes you happy? Schroedinger‘s cat, mate!“

“Which cat now?“ Aaron frowned.

“Big Bang?“

Aaron just stared at him blankly.

“Urgh how can you work for telly but not watch it yourself?!“ Adam rolled his eyes. “Nevermind. Point is: you won‘t find out if you don‘t try! And I get it - I totally get - that relationships can be scary. But you don‘t have to marry the bloke next week. You’ve only known him for a few days so far, maybe just start having lunch together in the canteen or something. Get to know each other better, see how that works out. Baby steps. If he‘s really into you, like I think he is from what you told me, he‘ll be fine with taking it slow.“

Aaron thought about it. Really thought about it. He had to admit that what Adam had said sounded surprisingly smart.

_ Maybe he is right, what do I have to lose anyway? _

Except for his job. No way would he be able to shoot happy or intimate scenes with Robert as his onscreen boyfriend if this didn‘t work out.

“If you‘re worried about your job now,“ Adam continued because he was a goddamn mind reader as well now, “just let me put it like this: he is the newbie, you‘re the award winning viewers fave. So if anyone needs to go, it‘s him.“

Aaron let out a long breath. 

“You deserve some good stuff, Aaron. Paddy believes it, I believe it… now you just need to start believing it too.“

His best friend smiled fondly at him and Aaron felt his eyes burning. 

“Fuck you for making me cry!“ Aaron laughed and shoved Adam across the table. 

He felt good, incredible in fact compared to yesterday. It would have been a really nice bromance moment, but Adam suddenly grabbed his phone and typed. When Aaron frowned at him, he grinned smugly.

“I‘m texting Paddy. He owes me 50 quid. I knew I‘d make you talk, you just can‘t resist my charm!“

Adam pinched his cheeks and Aaron slapped his hand away. He groaned and rolled his eyes. 

“And now I‘m following your twitter. Aaron Dingle on twitter, who‘d have guessed that would ever happen?“ Adam joked and clicked his tongue.

_ Yup, bromance moment gone. _

His friends are the worst, really. 

  
  
  


When they left the restaurant, it was already late. They had a few beers and Adam‘s sweet tooth had demanded a dessert. In between, Adam had continued his pep talk and tried to give Aaron a real ego boost. It felt good to hear all that from someone whose opinion mattered. 

And Aaron felt relieved that he opened up to Adam. Talking about his feelings would never be easy for him, but tonight it had been a good thing. Because it brought Aaron to an important decision in the end.

_ When I go to work tomorrow, I‘ll speak to Robert, I‘ll apologise and then we‘ll go from there. _

Baby steps. First he needed to put things right between them again. He had treated Robert like an asshole. Aaron thought about the words he wanted to say to Robert as they walked towards Adam‘s car.

The door of a club on the other side of the street opened and Aaron heard the sounds of a booming bass. He turned his head to look, just a reflex because of the sudden noise.

A man exited the club, waiting on the sidewalk. Seconds later the door opened again and another man came out. 

_ Robert! _

Aaron‘s heart sped up. What a coincidence! How big were the chances? Maybe this was a sign from the universe or something. Maybe he should go straight over to him and talk to him right now?

He saw Robert turning towards the other man who had waited… who had waited for Robert, Aaron realised slowly, because they were talking and laughing. And hugging. And kissing.

_ And maybe I am too late.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I‘m sorry.


	6. Start over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things end, some things start over in Robert‘s life.  
Oh, and there is a photoshoot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, last thing we heard about Robert was him leaving a club with another man....
> 
> I apologise in advance - it can only get better from now on, am I right? You know me, Robron is bloody endgame!!

Robert woke up slowly. He didn‘t open his eyes yet, but his other senses came to life. It was warm under the blanket, really warm, hot almost. The bed shifted as something moved and reminded Robert why it felt hotter than usual. A body was suddenly pressed against his stomach, the arse against his crotch. He felt a tickle in his face and opened his eyes finally. 

He saw the back of a head. Dark curls.

_ Aaron. _

Images of perfect mornings with lazy wake up sex, breakfast in bed, cuddling and kissing until noon flashed up in his head.

His alarm went off and the radio switched on automatically. Robert snapped out of his daydream, reality hit him. He felt like a bucket of cold water was splashed over his head and his sleep clouded mind was suddenly awake.

“Morning.”

“Hey Mike,“ he answered, then he rolled on his back - the other man‘s body heat suddenly became too much - and rubbed his eyes.

_ Right, that’s not Aaron, stop fantasising. _

Fuck Aaron Dingle and his stupid Grumpy McArsehole attitude. His bloody mixed signals and his goddamn  _ wink. _

Robert‘s chest ached when he thought back to Saturday evening, when everything was fucking perfect and he thought that he and Aaron were actually getting somewhere.

And then Monday happened and Aaron had been so closed off and rude as if the weekend hadn‘t happened. It felt like a kick in the guts, really. Somehow Aaron had made HIM responsible for his foul mood, like - what?!?

_ Fuck Aaron. _

When Aaron didn‘t show up on Tuesday, Robert started realising how stupid he had been. What an utter fool. 

All the years he had watched Aaron on his telly, read interviews about him, watched youtube clips about him... Somehow he had ended up imagining Aaron being a bit like Olli and that realisation hit hard. He had been falling for some idolised celebrity, like a silly fanboy.

He was a bloody actor himself.

He should have known better. He should have known that Olli was just a fictional person, that Aaron was probably totally different in real life.

And boy, was he different. 

Robert let out a low groan of frustration because of his own stupidity.

“Alright?“ Mike asked, still sounding sleepy.

“Nope.“ Robert popped the ‘p’ and got up eventually.

Waking up next to Mike was new and awkward. They had known each other for a few years now and had some kind of silent fuck-buddy-arrangement.

Whenever Robert wanted a quick fuck without strings attached, he would go to ‘Insomnia‘ - Robert never got over the uncreative choice of name for a night club, but at least the people were nice there - a well known lgbtq friendly club, where Mike was a regular guest.

They would chat for a bit, a quick update of what happened in their life since their last encounter, blah blah. The usual small talk. They would leave together, either end up at Mike‘s or his apartment for a quick fuck and go their separate ways again after. He didn’t even have Mike’s number - knowing that Monday’s and Tuesday’s were his off days was information enough. 

It had worked quite well so far. Mike was a Chef and basically married to his job, he had no interest in something serious. For Robert it was the perfect way to get laid. No flirting, no wooing, just a good old fashioned quickie. Maximum fun with minimum bullshit. Win, win.  
  


This was the first time that Mike stayed over night though, they must have fallen asleep quickly. Robert definitely had no interest in sharing a cosy breakfast with the other man.

“I need to shower or I‘ll be late for work,“ he said and went to the bathroom without looking back.

Yeah okay, that was pretty shitty behaviour. Mike was some kind of friend at least. But Robert couldn‘t handle any of that right now. It was fun at night with a few beers, in broad daylight with a sober mind not so much. Mike would understand surely, Robert knew they were cast in the same mould.

He stepped into the shower. The warm water felt like a sudden relief. His hair and his skin smelled like a gross combination of beer, sweat and sex. Robert was glad to wash it all off.

It was weird. He  _ should _ feel relaxed, he always did after he got laid. But Robert didn‘t feel anything near being relaxed, more of the opposite. 

He spent longer than usual cleaning his dick. Memories from last night came up, when Mike was on all fours on the bed and he had fucked him rough and quick. Robert had watched his cock sliding out and pushing back in Mike‘s arse, had let his look wander over his broad back up to the dark curls. And for a tiny moment he had imagined it had been Aaron. It had been Aaron that moaned with every thrust, that clenched around his cock so fucking tight.

_ Yes, Aaron, fuck you feel so good, god yes! _

That had been enough to take him over the edge and he‘d come suddenly and forcefully without warning. 

Robert leaned his forehead against the cold tiles and sighed. 

When he walked into his kitchen, still closing the buttons of his shirt, he was surprised to see Mike sitting there, fully clothed, sipping a coffee as if it would be the most normal thing in the world. He thought he would have left by now. 

“Just wanted to check if you are alright. You seemed... off,” Mike said warily. “Have I done something wrong?”

“No! God no, Mike,” Robert rushed to say. Good old Mike, of course he would blame himself for Robert’s mood. 

The sentence “it’s not you, it’s me” was on his tongue, but it sounded too cliché. Mike had prepared him a cuppa already and Robert hesitated a moment, didn’t know what to make of it. He wanted the other man to leave as quickly as possible, but a coffee was a coffee and damn needed at this time of the day, so...

“I’m fine,” he said instead, sitting down at the table, “just a lot of work at the moment. I told you, I started a new job recently. And then there’s some family business on top, which I absolutely don’t need right now….Thanks for the coffee, by the way.”

He smiled and Mike waved a “you’re welcome” gesture in return. The other man looked at the table and swallowed, obviously thinking about what he wanted to say next.

“Sooo… you’re not cheating on your boyfriend Aaron?” he finally asked.

Robert choked on his coffee so hard he started coughing. He felt heat creeping up his neck. How on earth could Mike know about Aaron?

“What?!” he croaked.

“You called me Aaron, last night…” Mike explained. “Before you fell asleep, you said ‘Night Aaron’...”

Robert closed his eyes for a brief moment. God, this was embarrassing, this was the worst. A job in Canada suddenly sounded very attractive - just far far away from this mess.

He couldn’t even remember that he had said that.

What the hell were you supposed to reply to this? Robert just stared at his cup, willing to end this awkward conversation simply by the power of his thoughts.

“Look, I know we had a nice little arrangement, mate. It is perfect, when we both are single. Not gonna stroke your ego because it’s big enough already, but the sex with you is really great... But seriously, I am not a homewrecker. My ex cheated on me and it was the worst feeling ever when I found out. So, I’m not that guy, Robert. I can’t do this-”

“Aaron’s not my boyfriend,” Robert blurted out, just to stop Mike from rambling. “He is a colleague at my new workplace.”

Robert sighed. Mike’s expression changed from irritated and confused to a knowing smile.

“I see,” was all he finally said.

Robert hated that look on Mike’s face. As if he had it all figured out. Fuck, Robert himself hadn’t figured it out yet. His relationship with Aaron was complicated and even that felt like a euphemism at the moment. 

Mike was his fuck buddy, someone for small talk and a quickie, not his best friend or his damn therapist. Robert had no reason to explain himself or discuss his feelings with the other man. Also this awkward morning scene needed to end like 10 minutes ago. Robert cleared his throat and looked at his watch without really checking how late it was.

“Yeah, sorry, I need to go to work now,” he muttered when he got up.

He ushered Mike into the hallway. Robert was relieved, when they finally left his flat. Their arrangement had worked really well in the past, but now it all felt weird and tense. Mike needed to take the bus to the other side of town and Robert had to take his car. They ended up facing each other in an odd goodbye moment.

“Guess I’ll see you around,” Mike said, when they parted. 

_ I don’t think that will be anytime soon. _

  
  
  
  


He honestly expected Aaron to be gone another day. But he sat on the makeup chair, getting his fluffy hair done, as if nothing ever happened. Robert’s heart did some strange change of rhythm thing.

Aaron looked up as he heard the door and when he saw Robert, his face turned into his trademark scowl. So he was still pissed off then. A reminder where they stood. 

“Hi everybody!“ Robert said, trying to sound happier than he was.

He would not show Aaron Dingle that he was in some way affected by his rude behaviour. Simply because he wasn’t. 

_ I‘m not! _

He flashed a smile and got smiles and ‘good mornings‘ in return. He saw Aaron muttering something but couldn‘t hear what.

“Oi Robert, over here!“ the makeup girl, Cora, shouted. “Aaron, you‘re finished. Your arse is requested on the outside set!“

“Not only there, I heard!“ Phil, the only male makeup artist, sing-songed, which got him laughs in return.

He was like the living chliché of a man in the beauty business. A total queen with makeup, glitter shirts and high heels - very out, very proud and very loud. He winked at Aaron. Robert expected Aaron to give a grumpy reply, but his co-star just flushed red like a tomato and bolted out of the room.

Phil let out a whistle and looked around to the others.

“Still waters… ‘s all I’m saying, guys…” Phil waved his hairbrush and clicked his tongue.

Cora smiled and started to put the foundation on Robert’s face and he closed his eyes.

“Phil, when will you stop hitting on the poor lad?” Cora shouted across the room. She sounded like she was still smiling.

“Didn’t know Aaron was gay,” Robert threw in, trying to sound like he didn’t care.

_ Tell me everything you know!!!! _

“Sweetheart, my gaydar is never off,” Phil informed him, “it’s only a matter of time until he’s mine!”

Robert opened his eyes as a pang of jealousy hit him and he saw Cora in the mirror chuckling.

“Phil’s been saying this for years now,” She rolled her eyes. “Truth is, we don’t know anything about Aaron’s private life. He never mentions anything or anyone, he never brought a plus-one,” Cora shrugged. “Shame though. He is such a cutie.”

“And he’s mine!” Phil chirped in and got laughs in return.

_ We’ll see about that, Phil. We’ll see. _

Robert remembered that Sam had said the same about Aaron. How someone could work for years for the same company and no one really knew anything about them was beyond Robert. It all made Aaron more intriguing. Somewhere underneath this rough shell of scowls and shrugs and frowns, Robert had seen a sensitive and shy, but also a funny side.

He wondered what else was hidden under the surface. He closed his eyes again for Cora to finish her job.

  
  
  


Robert had only been shooting with Ross Barton for 40 minutes and he wanted to strangle him already. Ross played Olli’s friend Andy. On the show he was a sunny-boy, a bit naive, but adorable like a little puppy. In real life he was not only arrogant, but also not very bright. And that was always a bad combination.

“Oi, Sugden, since you filmed mostly with Dingle so far...” Ross said and made a pause, ”how does it feel to finally working with a pro, eh?”

He did a weird bark, which was supposed to be a laugh. 

“I dunno yet, I’ll let you know when I’ve finished my first scene with Jimmy,” Robert shot back.

Jimmy King played Olli’s uncle Lars. Robert had met him in the hallway and they‘d had a nice chat. Lars was rarely in the center of a big storyline, more or less a B-character, but Jimmy didn’t seem to mind. He was loud and funny and Robert honestly couldn’t wait to work with him.

“So funny,” Ross said dryly and pulled a face.

“You’re saying I’m not a pro, then?”

The raspy voice made him jump and when he turned around quickly he saw Aaron standing only about two feet away, holding a takeaway coffee cup. The intensity of Aaron’s blue eyes on his face made his heartbeat speed up. Robert was absolutely helpless against the effect the other man had on him. Usually his mouth would blurt out a cocky reply before his brain could catch up, but now the words stuck in his throat. He coughed awkwardly, as if that would help to spill them out.

“Yeah… I mean… no. No! Of course not.”

_ Smooth, Robert. _

Aaron’s face softened and he let out a small breath.

“Can we talk?” 

And damn, no one could ever say no to that face, Robert decided. He quickly checked with the crew when they were ready for the next shot, and when they told him that they would need around 10 minutes, he nodded with his head towards his left for Aaron to follow him. They went to another set, the restaurant of Olli’s aunt Charlie. It was empty and half hidden in the dark. They sat down at one of the tables and Aaron put the cup down, before he scratched his eyebrow.

“Look, err…” Aaron started and cleared his throat. “I wanted to say sorry, for… you know… everything.” He made a vague gesture with his hand and bit his lip.

God. It was adorable. Endearing.

Robert melted in seconds. Angry? Had he ever been angry at Aaron? He couldn’t remember. He just wanted to lean over the table and kiss that stupid beautiful face. 

“I was pretty rude to you on Monday, and yeah… I didn’t mean it. I can’t even explain it really,” Aaron sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I just had a really bad day.”

The apology came unexpectedly and had caught him off guard. Once again, Robert was lost for words.

_ The Aaron effect. _

Aaron kept his eyes on the table, fiddled with the coffee cup and radiated nervousness and embarrassment.

“Aaron?” he finally said, having mercy.

The other man raised his gaze slowly from the tablecloth and when his blue eyes met Robert‘s, he felt his heart twisting and aching.

“You really suck at apologies,“ Robert said without heat and he smiled softly. 

Aaron snorted. 

“Apologies, interviews, handling the stupid twitter app…“ he listed and his voice trailed off.

“I could help you with the interviews and twitter,“ Robert offered, his heart beating fast in his chest, “And apologies aren‘t needed that often, hopefully.“

Aaron looked at him for another second, then he let his shoulders relax slightly and his mouth twisted into a small smile.

They shared an intense look and Robert felt the atmosphere shifting.

_ Are we flirting again? _

God, it was so hard to tell with Aaron! 

“Hey, I brought you this!“ Aaron said suddenly and pushed the paper cup across the table. “I remembered your poncy tea stash and I just asked for the most fancy tea in that little shop down the street. I hope it‘s still hot.“

This had to be the longest sentence he ever heard Aaron say.

Robert looked at him and then at the cup, stunned, took it and sipped carefully. The tea wasn’t too hot anymore, just perfect to drink and it tasted of orange and peppermint. It had a spicy note as well. Ginger. Robert‘s eyes fell shut and he couldn‘t hold back the low moan that escaped his lips. God, this was one perfect tea.

“Should have saved that poorly delivered apology and just given me this perfection of hot liquid,“ Robert joked finally.

“Ouch.“ Aaron touched his chest in mock hurt. “But noted.”

The little banter had erased the last bit of tension and it felt a bit like last Saturday. He still had no idea what had happened with Aaron on Monday, but Robert wouldn’t press it, if he had  _ this  _ with him. Aaron had apologised - in his very own awkward and cute way - and he had brought tea, that was good enough for Robert. 

“Robert? We‘re ready to shoot!“ he heard the director shout. 

_ Noooo. _

He wished that moment would have lasted longer, he wished he could just sit together with Aaron and chat with him. Try to make him talk about literally anything, just to get to know him better, to listen to his voice, to watch him talking. Robert sighed when he got up eventually.

“Got to go back then...” he said lamely. 

“Yeah. Shooting with Ross, huh?” Aaron asked, grinning, and Robert groaned. 

“God, how have you done it for years? I wanna kill him already!” 

Aaron chuckled and they walked back to the set of their flat, where the crew got in position to film the next scene.

“Aww, aren‘t you two cute,“ cooed Ross when he spotted them.

Several heads turned in their direction, curious eyes flicked between him and Aaron.

Robert honestly didn‘t mind what Ross or anybody for that matter thought about them, but he felt Aaron go tense again. And he couldn‘t let that happen, not after that little moment they just had.

“You‘ve got something between….“ Robert pointed towards his teeth and then to Ross.

To see that arrogant smile disappearing in a nanosecond was more than satisfying. Ross slapped a hand across his mouth and stormed off the set, probably towards the restrooms.

_ Puffed up idiot. _

“Guess I’ll see ya,“ Aaron said and shoved his hands into his pockets.

Robert tried not to follow the movement with his eyes, he really tried, but somehow his eyes ended up on Aaron‘s crotch and-

“I need to freshen up the powder!“

_ Really, Cora, now?! _

Robert cursed silently at her bad timing, but put on a friendly smile.

“Sure,“ he said to her and looked at Aaron again: “Lunch together, later? We should be finished around 1?“

Robert hoped it sounded casual, because it was, in fact, totally casual. Just a lunch with probably lousy, unhealthy food in the canteen, surrounded by colleagues. No biggie. 

But hell, he would take every chance he got. 

“Yeah okay, see you then,“ Aaron said after a second.

And then he smiled. His whole face lit up and his icy eyes sparkled with the reflection of the studio lights. Robert felt warm all over. Making that face smile was his absolute favourite thing. He could look at that sight forev-

“Err, close your eyes!“ Cora interrupted. Again.

When Robert closed his eyes, the last thing he saw was Aaron snickering.

  
  
  


“You got the number of the closest hospital in your phone contacts?“ Robert asked, when Aaron approached. “In case we catch food poisoning or something.“

Aaron grinned.

“What, you scared your sensitive palate can‘t handle Margaret‘s Shepherd's Pie?“ he teased.

Robert loved this side of Aaron. He felt pretty smug about that little joke he had prepared as an icebreaker, to avoid awkwardness before it could even arise. 

They walked into the canteen together. It was a large white room with white tables and wooden chairs, the walls were decorated with black and white film stills from former episodes. 

Julia and Jan, of course. Forbidden Love‘s tragic twins who fell in love with each other because they didn‘t know they were actually siblings. 

The ex villain of the show, Clarisse, looking like the absolute sin with her badass black bob, the smokey eyes and the cigarette she was holding. 

The lovely Laurel as aunt Charlie on the set of her restaurant right before she was about to break out in laughter. 

And then, Olli. The picture was definitely a few years old. Robert remembered that shirt Olli was wearing, because it was one of his favourites. He hasn‘t seen it on screen for a while though and made a mental note to look for it in their room. 

_ That shirt definitely needs to make a comeback. _

“Is this your first time in the canteen?“ Aaron asks as they went to the serving station.

Robert hummed and let his eyes wander over the silver tubs of different whatevers. He hated canteen food. Everything looked just the same, was kept hot for hours and tasted dull due to lacking spices.

“Not too keen on Montezuma‘s rage,“ he muttered.

“Monty who?“ Aaron frowned.

Robert bit the insides of his cheeks to keep the laughter in. Aaron‘s confused face was adorable.

“Nevermind. So, the Pie is okay, you say?“

“Margaret swears it’s a family recipe.“ 

Aaron shrugged and Robert decided to trust his taste. Margaret was a cute old lady who called everyone ‘luv‘ and she left Robert stunned when she knew exactly who he was, before he had even said a word. He ordered the Shepherd's Pie and got an approving smile in return.

“There you go, luv,“ she said when she passed the food over the counter, then she turned to Aaron and said rather loud: “Such a cutie for our Olli, am I right?“

She added a wink and Aaron flushed and scratched his eyebrow, like he always did when he felt uncomfortable. Robert was glad that he stood on the other side of the counter, Margaret was most definitely one of those old ladies who liked to squeeze cheeks.

They sat down in a quiet corner. Robert noticed the looks of the other people. Some he met already, others were still strangers. He tried to focus on the man in front of him and that wasn‘t really a difficult task, because-

_ I‘m having a lunch date with Aaron! _

“Sooo Jamie Oliver, this okay for you?“ Aaron asked after a few minutes of silent eating.

“I‘ll live,“ Robert admitted and grinned. 

He wanted to keep this conversation alive so he went for the obvious topic.

“Appreciating delicious food is hardly a crime, is it?“ he smiled. “I started cooking when I was a teen, I would have chosen it as a profession, if my teacher wouldn‘t have talked me into drama class.“

Robert didn‘t go into detail, because he didn‘t want to ruin the mood. He would never forget how he joined his mother in the kitchen after his father had died. His mum had tried to hold it together for the family, but Robert had noticed the bags under her eyes, her crying when she had thought everyone was sleeping and how it had affected her concentration during the days. She kept forgetting things and after she had nearly burned the house because she didn‘t switch off the hotplate, Robert had decided to cook together with her. Surprisingly they‘d discovered that he not only liked it, he was also pretty good at it.

“I usually live off take away, can‘t cook for shit,“ Aaron admitted sheepishly.

He bit his lip as if he felt bad about admitting that.

Just when Robert wanted to reply, someone sat beside him with a loud groan.

“Nothing beats Margaret‘s Pie, right?“

Robert stared at the bald man, like - what?!

_ Who are you? Why are you sitting here with us? Go away! _

“Paddy!“ humpty dumpty introduced himself with a dopey smile.

“Paddy!“ Aaron hissed lowly.

Robert noticed a silent eyebrow conversation between the two men. He was definitely missing something here. 

“I just wanted to say Hi,“ Paddy said defensively. 

Another eyebrow convo. Robert hoped that Aaron told humpty dumpty to sit at basically ANY other table except this one. 

After an intense who-blinks-first-has-lost contest, Aaron huffed in annoyance, crossed his arms and shook his head in disbelief. Paddy had won, Robert reckoned.

“Robert,“ he offered.

“I know,“ Paddy snickered.

They ate in silence after that. Robert was pissed off. This had started so nice and now it ended in awkwardness. Aaron didn’t look too happy either. Robert still tried to figure out what the deal between Aaron and this Paddy was. 

“You know, I‘m a bit confused, Aaron. When I asked you earlier if you wanted to grab lunch, I am pretty sure,“ Paddy pointed with his fork in the air to emphasise his words, “that you said you were filming without a break and had no time to eat…“

Robert raised his eyebrows at this very interesting information and Aaron looked like a deer caught in headlights. 

_ Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. _

Robert didn‘t even try to fight back the smug smile. Aaron had ditched Paddy to have lunch with HIM instead. 

Paddy‘s eyes flicked between him and Aaron. The moment when the penny dropped was priceless, because the older man had zero filter to keep his emotions in check. His face looked like one big ‘O’.

“Oh! I mean, I- I-, well…“

“Just leave it, will you!“ Aaron said through gritted teeth to save them all from Paddy‘s awkward stuttering.

“I just wanted to check how you were, after you were ill…“

Aaron slammed his cutlery on the table and glared at Paddy.

“Seriously, I wasn‘t well for ONE fucking day, Paddy! Besides you checked on me through Adam, didn‘t you?“

“Only because I was worried,“ Paddy insisted.

“I‘m not a bloody 3 year old! Stop treating me like one!“

“Pulling a sickie is just so unlike you and then Adam said you haven’t left bed until afternoon, and-and-and now, I-I mean, you look just fine to me…“

Paddy started to stutter more as his rambling went on. Robert watched the two men with narrowed eyes and tried to understand what was happening between them. He had no clue how Aaron even knew the bald man, but it seemed that they had some sort of weird friendly relationship. Somehow like father and son. 

The fact that Paddy had obviously sent Adam to check on Aaron, just because he was ill, seemed a bit extreme though. 

Robert was deep in his thoughts and when Aaron stood up suddenly, he jerked on his chair. 

“I’m not having this conversation now!” Aaron tried to lower his voice, but some colleagues were watching anyway.

And then he just left. Robert looked after him, hesitating. Should he go, find him and talk to him? Or did he need space? What the flippin’ heck just happened??

“He always does this. Leaving.” Paddy sighed.

“I’ll go check on him,” Robert muttered to him.

He’d rather chase after Aaron than to finish this awkward lunch with Paddy. Aaron wasn’t far, Robert saw him in the hallway just outside the canteen. He jogged to catch up and noticed Aaron’s stiff shoulders, his tensed jaw and his gaze that was avoiding his own.

“This Paddy knows how to ruin Pie Wednesday! Neither of us finished our meals - I bet Margaret is in tears as we speak,” he tried for a joke.

This time however it hadn’t the wanted effect, Aaron didn’t react at all. Okay, it was a lame joke after all. Robert had longer legs, still it took some effort to keep pace with Aaron. His colleague took a sudden turn to the right and left the building, Robert followed him. While he tried to figure out what to say next, they just walked in silence across the court. Aaron took a few deep breaths and for a horrible second Robert expected him to have another panic attack, but Aaron finally slowed down.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “for what happened with Paddy.” He shook his head and bit his lip. “He gets a bit too much sometimes.”

It was an inappropriate moment to appreciate the beauty of that man, but damn this lip biting. It should be illegal. Robert had to close his eyes for a second to get back into the situation.

_ Aaron upset. Comfort Aaron. _

Right.

“You’re a quick learner in the apology sector.” He smiled when he noticed that Aaron relaxed a bit. “Besides, you don’t even need to apologise. He really seemed kind of nosey.”

“He is. I mean, I know he means well, but…”

“I get it. Family, eh?” 

Robert bit his tongue in the moment it had left his mouth. Aaron and Paddy came across so much like a father-son-duo, he hadn’t even thought about it, before he had said it. 

Aaron shot him a long look and nodded finally.

“Something like that, yeah.”

  
  
  


The interview with the Tellytalk Magazine was on Friday. Before Aaron and Robert were supposed to meet the journalist they got a briefing from the PR team about what to say on their upcoming story and not to spoil too much. They got sheets with possible answers to questions that might come up. Robert read it carefully, it was his first big interview and he didn‘t want to screw it up.

“Ready?“ Aaron asked with his low, hoarse phone sex voice.

Robert looked up and got lost in those blue eyes for a second. Things had been really really good for the past two days. The filming had been a lot easier since the tension between them was gone and Robert got more and more used to the rhythm of working on a TV set. They had lunch together again on Thursday - Paddy was nowhere to be seen, thank God for that - and they shared a few coffee-slash-tea breaks. 

The more time Robert spent with Aaron, he noticed that yes, Aaron was nothing like his character Olli, but he wasn‘t Grumpy McArsehole either. He was just incredibly shy and insecure and he hid it under a shell of moody laddishness. 

“As ready as I can be,“ he said.

A group of people was waiting for them on the set of their flat, Priya, Sam and Cora were amongst them. When they arrived one of the guys left the group, walked in their direction and shook their hands with an extra broad smile. 

“Hi Aaron, good to see you again. You must be Robert then, I am Devon Laurie and I’m going to do the interview today! Really looking forward to hearing all about Chrolli!“

Robert didn‘t know what to think of this Devon. He came across pretty smarmy and seemed to be one of those guys who always in a superduper good mood and extra fun at work. Good for him, mostly annoying for the rest.

Devon wanted to do a photoshoot first, hence why Priya, Sam and Cora were there as well. He needed different motives of Olli, Christian and Coco. Robert had thought this was going to be an easy job. He only did a few radio and newspaper interviews about his theatre plays so far, these high gloss magazine shoots were something new and a lot more complex than he expected. 

Aaron went to get changed and that transformation amazed Robert every time. When he came back, he was wearing blue jeans and a red shirt with large flowers in pink, yellow and orange. Sam made an approving sound. Yes, it was a miracle to put on this style and still look hot, but Aaron managed it. 

Robert’s outfit was a sporty one. Sam pulled the grey trackie pants that sinfully low on his hip bones that he was worried about losing them completely with one wrong movement. His shirt was just a white undershirt with a very very deep cut out. 

Priya looked like a goddess. She wore a lovely summer dress in dark blue, definitely a counterpart to Aaron’s colourful appearance. The skin on her legs and arms was covered in a sparkly oil, which made her basically shine. 

“Alright guys, let’s start!” the photographer said. “We’re gonna do different sets, okay! We’ll start with one where you-” he pointed at Robert and Priya, “are in the front and you’re in the back.”

He told them where to stand, positioned his flash and did a few test shots to check the light. 

In the first pictures Robert and Priya were just ordered to stand next to each other and to smile. Robert felt Aaron behind him and he was very tempted to turn around to get a glimpse of the other man, but he had to look into the camera.

“So now, you two are gonna turn towards each other-”

“Are we still smiling?” Priya asked, switching her position.

“Yes, please! You are very loved up, the happiest couple ever, okay? And you-” the guy said to Aaron, pointing over Robert’s shoulder, “You look at them and you’re not amused at all, in fact you’re jealous that they are so adorably hot together.”

The little break gave Robert the chance to look at Aaron and he met his eyes for a short second, before the other man flicked his gaze quickly back to the photographer.

“Think I can do that,” Aaron muttered.

Robert tried to focus on Priya, who was very close now. They smiled at each other, the light flashed up a few times and Devon shouted a “Yeah, looks great guys, try to get a little more cosy!” from somewhere behind the photographer. Priya placed her hands carefully on his arms and stepped even closer. She had to crane her neck to look up to him and Robert pulled her into a soft embrace. 

To get the right angle for the light and the perfect face in the moment the flash went off was harder than he thought. It looked so easy when others did it, but Robert quickly realised that it wasn’t really his thing. His cheeks already hurt from the stupid smiling, he accidently looked into the light and went almost blind for two minutes and he had to twist his upper body slightly in a weird way to get a better angle towards the camera.

Robert was glad when they switched positions for the next set. This time, he was in the front alone, Aaron and Priya stood very close behind him. He could feel her dress touching his left arm whenever she moved and turned, and he felt Aaron’s calm presence and his soothing body heat on his right side. Robert was told to look “happy”, “sad”, “worried” and then “undecided”.

_ What the hell was that supposed to mean? _

Robert did a weird grimace, which he hoped looked “undecided”. All he could do was pray that they wouldn’t print this particular photo. 

“You’re doing really well so far,” the photographer told them with an encouraging smile and Devon, who sat behind a monitor, poked his head up and nodded enthusiastically. “Now! We are going to the next step. Robert and Aaron, it’s you in the front now and Priya in the back!”

Anticipation rose in Robert’s belly. Finally! He shot a smile towards Aaron and got an upward ticking corner of Aaron’s mouth in return. Well, Robert counted it as a smile and it made his heart beat faster.

They soon reached the point where they were told to look at each other. It hadn’t happened that often that he was that close to Aaron’s face, apart from his very first day in their wardrobe and the selfie on his couch. When Aaron slowly lifted his gaze and looked at him through his black eyelashes, Robert’s heart skipped a beat and he felt hot all over. 

He could finally let his eyes wander over Aaron’s features, his perfect nose, down to this beautiful mouth and as if on cue, Aaron‘s tongue licked over his lips, made them look lush and glisten obscenely in the lights.

_ God would that mouth look so good around my cock! _

The last thing he wanted was to pop a boner in front of all these people, especially Aaron, so Robert forced himself to think about doing laundry, washing his car or… or calling back Vic.

Urgh. Okay, that was a pretty good mood killer. Still, Aaron was so close that Robert could feel his breath on the exposed skin of his chest. 

The way the blue eyes looked at him, so open, so soft and almost vulnerable, made his knees buckle, like it happened to teeangers in stupid Hollywood romances. Robert had never felt like that before.

Aaron’s gaze flicked between his eyes, as if he was searching for something, silently asking for something, and then it landed on his mouth. Just a quick moment, blink and you miss it, but Robert hadn‘t missed it. 

Fuck, was this Aaron or Olli? Was it real or acted for the photoshoot? Robert‘s head was spinning, he just knew one thing with overwhelming clarity: he wanted to grab his face, stroke his thumbs over the perfectly trimmed beard to feel how scratchy it was and then kiss Aaron. He wanted to lick into his mouth and nibble and suck at his lips until-

“Okay guys, now kiss!“

_ Fucking finally!  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!
> 
> Good cliffhanger?


	7. Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay guys, now kiss!“
> 
> Aaron and Robert are doing a photoshoot to promote their storyline...  
And things happen.

“Okay guys, now kiss!”

_ What ohmygod_

It all happened so fast, suddenly Robert’s lips were on his own. Aaron’s eyes fell shut, his head was spinning and his heart contracted so hard that he wondered if that’s what a heart attack felt like.

_ I should have brushed my teeth after coffee._

But either he didn’t have bad coffee breath or Robert just didn’t mind, because the soft pressure on his lips increased. His brain was in absolute overdrive. Was he doing it right? Should he press more against Robert? Was the angle good enough for the camera? 

_ Where should I put my hands?_

He felt them slightly shaking, so he laid them very very carefully on Robert’s biceps and hoped that the other man didn’t notice how clammy they were. The touch of Robert’s skin was electrifying, warm and soft. Underneath, he felt the strong muscles. So perfect.

Robert moved his arms and then there was a touch, first only fingertips, on his neck. Then he felt the palms of Robert’s hands lying on his jaw and his thumbs slowly stroking over his cheeks. A featherlight caress. The tiny movement made Aaron’s whole body tingle.

Robert pulled his head back and Aaron missed his lips in an instant.

_ Are we finished already?_

He didn’t open his eyes, but Robert was still there, only maybe two inches away and he let out a shaky breath, hot against Aaron’s mouth. Then Robert kissed him _ again. _ With a little more pressure. Somewhere in Aaron’s head a lightbulb exploded and it all went black.

Aaron wanted more, needed more. Not only closed, dry mouths pressing against each other, he wanted to actually feel the lips _ between _ his own. If he only knew how to make that happen. It took all of his courage to open his mouth slightly. He hoped that Robert would get the hint. 

And boy, did Robert get it. He tilted his head a bit to the right and went straight for Aaron’s bottom lip, to give it a gentle squeeze between his own lips. To make it wet and smooth. To softly suck it in his mouth. Aaron let him take the initiative, because he just wanted to _ feel._

And it felt amazing. Yes, of course, he had kissed before. But TV kisses hardly counted, because they were usually just a quick mouth-to-mouth peck. The random blokes in the alley behind the gay club didn’t count either, because Aaron always needed alcohol to build up the courage to actually go out there to find a random hook-up. The best thing was, when he got his handjob or blowjob without kissing at all, but some blokes insisted on that part, so it was a necessity sometimes.

But _ this, _this was nothing like a too-wet-too-sloppy kiss that tasted like stale beer.

Robert’s upper lip was between his own and it felt exactly like it looked. Soft and lush and fucking amazing. Like it belonged there, a perfect fit.

Robert opened his mouth a little bit more and tipped his tongue against Aaron’s bottom lip. Like knocking, a silent plea to get in. Aaron reacted before he could even think about it. He just went with it, followed Robert’s lead, trusted Robert’s actions. 

Another new feeling. To give himself over. That’s what corny lady novels might call it and it sounded dead cheesy. Still, it was true. 

Robert’s tongue licked into his mouth and the sensation shot straight to Aaron’s groin. It was hot and wet and Robert made a low noise and Aaron couldn’t stop thinking about what else this tongue could do to him. Where he wanted to feel it on his body. 

He had to grab Robert's shirt to get a hold, because his knees were like jelly. His hands fisted the fabric over his pecs. Robert still had both hands on his cheeks, now he lowered one arm and moved it around his waist to stabilise him and hold him close. 

And they were so close. Their bellies were slightly touching and it would probably only take a little roll of his hips to rub his half hard cock against Robert. The urge to give in and seek some friction was overwhelming. His body was full of _ want _ and _ need, _it would only take one grind against Robert’s crotch to make him fully hard. Maybe he could even come like this. 

Aaron felt like bursting already. This was his first real kiss. And he had never imagined that it could be like this. And he had never imagined that it would happen with a man like Robert. 

“So! That’s it! I think we have it.”

_ Oh my god. _

The photoshoot. Aaron tore his eyes open and jumped back. The lights were incredibly bright and he needed a short moment to readjust to the surroundings. Cora and Sam were whispering excitedly and Priya shot him a smirk when she walked past them. Aaron suddenly felt cold. The photographer was fiddling with his camera and his face was beet red and Devon’s expression was the definition of surprise. Embarrassment burnt deep in Aaron’s chest, when he realised that they just made out not only in front of their colleagues, but also _ journalists _.

He dreaded looking at Robert. It had felt too real, if he would realise now that it was just fake on Robert’s side - just a photo job, just _ Christian - _he couldn’t take it. If this kiss was just that perfect in his imaginary bubble, then he was more than happy to stay in that bubble a little bit longer.

He rubbed his hand across his forehead. It was supposed to be baby steps with Robert. Be friends with him, get to know him better. Fuck, for all Aaron knew, he had boyfriend. Or at least a thing going on with that man from the club. And with that realisation the bubble burst. Well, that was short-lived. His heart ached when he thought back to the sight of Robert kissing the other bloke. 

_ He probably laughs his ass off, because you suck in comparison._

Surely Robert had kissed a lot of people. He seemed so confident and open with his sexuality. 

Aaron hated that his mind automatically went in this direction. He didn’t want to think like that, jealousy was an ugly thing and he knew that it was self-destructive, but somehow he couldn’t stop himself.

“Well, err…” Devon started and cleared his throat, “I’d say we have a lot of good shots, right Ozzy?”

The photographer - Ozzy - just nodded and grunted, cheeks still flushed.

“The interview’s next!”

  
  
  


“We are not live, if you wanna start over with an answer, feel free to do so,” Devon said.

He was in full journalist mode now, as he leaned back on his chair, crossed his legs and looked expectantly at Aaron and Robert. They sat at their TV set kitchen table. Right behind Devon was the Tellytalk camera pointing in their direction. The little red light indicated that they had already started.

“Robert, let’s start with you. You are the new face at ‘Forbidden Love’. Can you tell us something about your character and your upcoming storyline?”

Robert flashed a winning smile and told Devon about Christian, his relationship to Coco and the friendship with his flatmate Olli. 

“I have heard, it’s not only a friendship between the two men?”

“Christian is at an important point in his life. He’s always been with women, but somehow Olli turns everything upside down. Christian starts feeling things he never felt before. It’s going to be a very bumpy road, a very emotional road, but that’s all I can say right now, I’m afraid.”

Aaron watched his co-star while he talked. The answers had been part of the preparation so far and Robert was so calm and confident and charming, Aaron was in absolute awe. Robert‘s eyes sparkled when he tried to emphasise something and his voice was like pure sin. 

_ And don‘t get me started on those hands. _

It was mesmerising. Robert moved them a lot while he talked and Aaron watched his long fingers and he... Just. Couldn‘t. Stop. Staring.

“Aaron?“ 

What? Right, Devon.

“Sorry, what?“

“I asked, how it is to work with Robert,“ Devon repeated and Aaron was relieved that he didn‘t look annoyed. 

“Oh right! Yeah, working with Robert! It‘s…err it‘s been a real pleasure so far. He is an absolute professional and filming with him is quite easy actually.”

“The cast and crew are truly awesome,“ Robert added, “They made it very easy for me to get used to the workflow on a TV show. Everybody is so supportive and I can give that compliment right back: working with Aaron is an absolute dream job!“

And with that Robert looked at him and smiled softly. It made his heart stutter and his stomach flip. 

“You say this is your dream job - how come? Many actors would rather do movies than daily soaps…”

“Okay, I'll tell you a secret…” Robert said to Devon, still smiling. “I have been watching ‘Forbidden Love’ for almost 15 years now. Consider me a fan! Especially of this lad here.”

Aaron sat upright in his chair and looked at Robert, stunned. This had definitely not been in their interview preparation sheets from the press team. Devon’s eyes lit up at this information. He was practically forming a headline out of it already.

“Really? Tell us more!”

“It became a thing between me and my mother. We watched it every day together, after my father had died. When Olli first appeared, I remember that I felt connected to him immediately. He was this loud, sassy teenager struggling with the world and I could kinda relate to that, I guess.”

Robert had been watching him for years. He had no idea.

“And then they aired Olli’s coming out story,” Robert continued and shot him a brief look, “and I could practically feel everything he felt. ‘Forbidden Love’ helped me to come to terms with being bisexual and I will be forever grateful for that.”

Aaron just stared, open mouthed. He helped Robert with his coming out. He was a part of the reason why Robert spoke so openly and honestly about his sexuality. Wow. 

He swallowed. Robert was so brave, and he was such a coward. Aaron stared down at his hands, too scared that anyone would read it on his face. Only Paddy and Adam knew about him. And they had been great, really. But still. Aaron had never said anything at work, because there hadn‘t been a reason to. He never had a boyfriend, so why bring it up?

_ Coward._

“Aaron, did you know that?” Devon‘s question startled him.

“I had no idea…” He cleared his throat and forced himself to look up and smile for the camera, having Chrissie’s words echoing in his mind to not just be a grumpy git, “It was a very intense story we did back then. I got a lot of response from the fans - and still get letters from viewers that it helped them with their coming out. I am glad that I could be a part of this...err… process.”

They shared another look. Robert still smiled and it made Aaron even more guilty.

“You really did help me,“ Robert said quietly.

And god, Aaron had to look away, because he felt hot suddenly and not in a good way. 

“You know, Devon, you asked earlier why I didn‘t want to do movies, but a soap instead. That sounds as if acting on a daily basis isn't as valuable as making film, but that‘s not true. I think we have an important responsibility, especially for teenagers. The stories we tell, the messages we send out, have an impact on them. And that‘s what Christian‘s story is about as well. To struggle with being who you are and to realise that the only right way is to be honest to yourself and to others.“

Aaron went very still. His heart beat heavy in his chest and his throat felt tight. He counted silently to 20 to calm down. The last thing he needed was a panic attack in front of a journo and his camera.

It sounded so damn easy, what Robert had said. And of course, he was right.

“Is that your motivation? To be now what Aaron, a.k.a. Olli, was for you back then?“

“I hope that we can reach the viewers with the emotions we put into the scenes. If I could help others to accept themselves, then I‘d be really happy.“

“I‘m gay!“

_ OhmygodhaveIjustsaidthat?!_

Aaron‘s heart stuttered painfully. Devon stared at him, his face was an expression of sheer surprise. That meant he _ had said _it. He just blurted it out. Aaron felt Robert‘s eyes on him too, but he didn‘t dare look back. 

“Aaron…,“ Devon started, carefully thinking about his next words, “you have never spoken about your private life before, if I remember it right… so, wow! Is this the first time you’ve admitted this?“

_ What have I done?!_

His instinct told him to run. Get out of here. Just out. Because... air. He needed air. He couldn‘t breathe. Aaron felt his muscles tensing, ready to jump up and bolt. But then Robert laid his hand on his arm and squeezed softly. And that helped. He focused on the touch, Robert stroked his thumb over his skin. It calmed him down, slowed down his racing mind. Robert was here to support him. Aaron swallowed painfully against the lump in his throat. 

“There, err… are a few people who know, but err… I have never admitted it in public.“

His own voice sounded weird in his ears. 

“I realised it myself while we were filming Olli‘s coming out, but…, what Robert just said, err… I noticed that I never…“ he trailed off. 

God he was just stammering bullshit now. He scratched his eyebrow and counted to 10.

“That is actually very brave of you Aaron, I am glad that you opened up during this interview,“ Devon said, knowing that he just hit the lottery jackpot with this story. 

The rest of the interview was just a blur, Robert did the talking mostly and Aaron was thankful for that. He threw in some bits here and there, but he couldn‘t really remember what he had said afterwards.

Devon thanked them and then it was suddenly over. Ozzy started to pack his equipment and Devon scrolled through his phone.

Aaron sat there, feeling numb. He still couldn‘t believe what he had just done. Maybe he should ask Devon to cut it out, to not mention it in his article. This had to be possible, surely? He’d known this journalist for years now, he wouldn‘t share this information against Aaron‘s will, right?

“Aaron?“

He stood up, turned and saw Sam and Cora looking at him. His stomach sank. Of course they had heard it, which meant in about 2 hours everybody at LWP would know. No way these two could keep that kind of gossip to themselves. There was no turning back now. 

“Just…“ Sam started and suddenly she practically jumped at him and hugged him so tight that he could hardly breathe.

Aaron froze, his hands somewhere behind Sam‘s back until he remembered to move. He patted her shoulder slightly. And when she finally released him, Cora squeezed him just as much. They repeated how brave he was, how cool it was and how relieved he must feel now. Aaron felt himself nodding automatically.

_ Is this really happening?_

A hand on his biceps. Robert.

Robert pulled his arm and before Aaron even knew what happened, he stood in the set of Charlie’s restaurant.

“Breathe.” 

Robert’s voice sounded dull in his ears and it took Aaron a few seconds to realise why. He was on the edge of a panic attack. Robert must have dragged him away from the others to prevent anybody noticing. Aaron had never felt so grateful. 

“Okay, that’s better. Just breathe.”

Robert’s voice had this wonderful soothing effect, just hearing it made everything easier. Made him calm down.

“How are you?” Robert asked, when Aaron finally had his breathing under control. 

Aaron huffed and leaned against one of the tables because his knees felt like they might give way any second. 

“I dunno. Do you think I made a mistake?” His voice sounded shaky and he felt the tears burn in his eyes. Aaron was glad that they were in a darker area of the studio, where Robert hopefully wouldn’t see it. 

“No, absolutely not!” Robert moved next to him. “I know this is a massive step and everything seems pretty scary right now…”

“People will _ know, _Robert!” Aaron turned his head away and wiped a hand over his eyes before the tears could fall..

“Hate to break it to you, Dingle, but half of the staff already guessed it anyway.”

Aaron looked back at Robert sharply. 

_ How could they…? I’ve never said anything._

“You know,“ Robert said and started grinning, “Phil’s gaydar is never off.”

And hysterical laughter bubbled up in Aaron’s belly and he barked out a laugh.

_ Bloody Phil…_

Robert laughed with him and that somehow did the trick. Aaron relaxed slightly, but his shoulders were still so tense that they hurt. He rolled his head carefully from left to right and sighed.

“Look, I suppose Adam knows and Paddy knows, right?” Aaron nodded. “And they don’t care. I don’t care. Sam and Cora don’t care. Phil is gay and nobody at LWP ever gave him a hard time about it, as far as I know.”

“But what about the outside world?” Aaron had to close his eyes, as if that could blur reality out.

People on the street usually recognised him for his role in Forbidden Love, because he was an actor. Now they would probably recognise him because he was the gay guy from telly. He let out a watery breath. 

“Not gonna lie just to make you feel better - yes, there will be hype in the media for the next few days. But then something else happens and you being gay is going to be yesterday’s news. Literally,” Robert reasoned.

Damn, everything he said sounded so clever. For the first time since his revelation, Aaron felt a little bit of hope, that this might not be the end of the world. 

“Can’t believe I did it,“ Aaron muttered and shook his head.

“You definitely surprised us all! Did you see Devon‘s face?“ Robert snorted, “Poor lad almost fainted.“

They chuckled, then Robert went serious again and his green-blue eyes looked at him so fondly that Aaron‘s chest hurt.

“Just a suggestion, but you should maybe tweet the news yourself, before Devon makes it a big story. That way you‘ve got it in your own hands.“

Aaron thought about it. It was a good point. To wait for Devon‘s article or tweet or make a facebook post, without knowing what it would say or how he would edit the video, would probably kill him. 

“I err… kinda haven‘t opened my twitter since last saturday…“ Aaron admitted sheepishly and Robert‘s face fell.

“You‘re kidding.“

“Nope.“

“Aaron!“ Robert stood up and flailed his arms.

“Robert!“ Aaron mimicked.

Robert shot him a ‘really?’ look and Aaron shrugged.

“Gimme your phone,“ Robert ordered shortly and held up the palm of his hand.

“Wha-”

“Give it to me.”

Aaron pulled it out of his back pocket, unlocked it and gave it to Robert. He watched the other man as he typed on his phone, then Robert looked up, absolutely shocked.

“You‘ve got over 200,000 followers and you only posted ONE tweet,“ he said awestruck. “Damn…“

He started to let his thumb fly across the display and Aaron was surprised at himself, how much he trusted Robert to handle this.

200,000 followers sounded massive. When he tweeted something thousands of people would read it. Aaron tried not to think too much about that, but his hands got clammy again, no matter how hard he tried to stay cool. He hated being the center of attention.

Robert held the phone under his nose.

**Dingle **@justaarondingle

Hey guys, there is something I wanted to tell you: I came out today in the middle of an interview with @delaurie for @tellytalk_mag. No biggie, right? #loveislove 

“Like that?“ he asked.

Aaron swallowed. He liked the text, it sounded nice. Easy. No biggie. Except that it was. It was fucking huge! Aaron wanted to crawl into a dark cave and just hide until the worst was over. Why had he even blurted it out?

_ Damn Robert and his beautiful words._

That baby steps thing had really worked out well. Not. Aaron couldn’t believe how quickly his life had turned upside down since Robert crashed in. Or he crushed on Robert. However you wanted to put it. One thing was absolutely clear though - it was impossible now to go back to how things they were before.

Firstly because he was out now, or at least he would be soon. Secondly, now that he tasted a tiny dose of ‘how it could be’, ‘how it was’ was just not enough anymore. Aaron had never missed having a boyfriend, because you can’t miss things you never experienced. Sometimes he had missed sex, yeah of course, but he had found ways to deal with that. 

However, now he knew how it felt to kiss Robert and he craved more. And not just with any man, he wanted_ Robert _. The fact that his co-star unfortunately had a boyfriend might be a little problem, admittedly. They had looked pretty cosy when they had kissed outside the club, but Robert had flirted with him too, hadn’t he? Somehow Aaron had to find a way to win Robert over, he decided as he looked into this perfect freckled face. 

_ Damn, even here in the dim light I can see his freckles._

He couldn’t let him go, now that Aaron knew how it felt to have him. And that had been just a simple kiss, there was so much more he wanted with Robert. So so much more. Fucking everything.

But that meant to open up. To flirt. To be brave.

“Okay.” It was barely a whisper.

Robert’s face lit up, then he hit ‘send’.

  
  
  


Robert basically only left his side to take a piss and to get them a coffee. Aaron was really thankful for that. They went into their room and switched the notifications for his twitter off, because his phone wouldn‘t stop buzzing. It was overwhelming.

There were so many messages, thousands of them. Replies, re-tweets - and as far as Aaron saw they were mostly positive, which was a relief. But still, there were some idiots as well.

**Jeff** @jeff46424799 replying to @justaarondingle @delaurie @tellytalk_mag

Omg just another wannabe actor who wants attention

And other shit like that, people with fake names and without pictures insulting him for being a fag, religious freaks who tweeted about hell and all that. He tried to shrug it off in front of Robert, but deep down it hurt.

Robert tried to point out the massive encouragement he got from all sides, not only from fans, from other actors he knew as well. News accounts picked up his tweet and created articles. And yeah, it was mostly positive, but Aaron couldn’t really relax. He felt on edge and the worst thing was that his skin started to itch. That hadn’t happened in years. 

He had no idea what he would do without Robert. He did everything he could, talked to him, distracted him with little jokes.

“Oi! Smile!” Robert cheered.

Aaron looked up from his phone, suddenly Robert was pressed against him cheek to cheek. He heard a photo click and his colleague snickered.

“Did you just take a pic?” Aaron asked dumbly, still trying to process what happened. 

“No,” Robert deadpanned and typed on his phone. A mischievous grin spread on his face.

Aaron noticed a new tweet and clicked on it.

**Suggers** @itssugden

.@justaarondingle took a big step today! Very proud of him. He probably hates this snapshot, so be nice to him 😜

Robert had added the pic. Of course HE looked like a model with his perfect smile, whereas Aaron‘s face was just full of confusion, mouth slightly open, a frown on the forehead, eyes looking somewhere out of focus. 

Aaron groaned when he saw it, but at the same time the tweet made him feel warm inside. Robert was proud of him. 

He hit the retweet option and typed with sweaty fingers:

**Dingle** @justaarondingle

To all of you out there: thanks for your support, it really means the world. 

To my lovely colleague: watch out, this pic screams for revenge…

It took a lot of courage to hit send. Only a few seconds later Robert laughed beside him on the couch.

“Revenge eh? Bring it on!“ he smirked.

Aaron’s heart hammered faster. Just when he wanted to shoot something back, his phone rang. Adam. Of course he had read the news by now.

“Sup Ads?“

“Sup Ads? Sup Ads?? SUP ADS???” Adam shouted into his ear like a maniac. “Maaaaaate!!“

Aaron laughed and wiggled on the couch until he was settled in a comfortable way.

“Yes Adam?“ he said innocently, Robert rolled his eyes and shook his head, but he smiled.

“I just read it! Congrats brother, that‘s massive. How come?“ Adam sounded genuinely happy.

“Thanks, mate. I dunno. It was something that Robert had said during the interview…“ he looked at Robert and got a fond smile in return, “and that made me think…“

“Robert huh?“ Aaron could practically hear the eyebrow wiggle. He felt his cheeks redden.

“Shut up,“ he muttered.

“Aww, he is with you right now, isn‘t he?“ Adam was clearly loving this. “That‘s cute.“

“Stop it,“ he hissed and tried to hide his burning face by turning away from Robert. “We’ll speak later, yeah?“

“Ugh Aaron. Alright, mate. Love ya, stinky cheeks!“

Aaron just ended the call and let out a long breath. What a day! A giddy laughter erupted from his belly considering how surreal it all felt. Robert was still here, Adam was still his friend and he was still a pain in the arse. And the world still turned.

  
  
  


Chrissie was fuming at first, because Aaron had drawn the attention of the media onto him without speaking to her first. When she realised how much positive feedback the show got because of the hype (apparently “candystorm” was the right expression for what was happening), she looked like the cat who got the cream with gleaming eyes and a smug smile.

When the new week started, some politician said something stupid and the media launched at him. Robert had been right, Aaron’s coming out was literally yesterday’s news now. The storm was over just as quickly as it had broken down on him. It felt weird, unreal. 

His life went on just like that. He got a few clasps on the shoulder on Monday morning, by noon nobody talked about it anymore.

_Huh._

Aaron and Robert went back to filming, which was really nice now. It just clicked between them on set and no matter how long or stressful the day was, Aaron simply enjoyed working with his co-star. Robert was absolutely talented, sometimes even a bit cocky - but all in all very adorable. On the work front everything was perfect.

It was the other front that got Aaron impatient. Bloody baby steps. A coffee and a tea, sometimes a quick lunch break. He loved the little moments they shared. Robert‘s cockiness, that he showed when others were around, was completely gone then and he was just full of fond smiles and dry humour. 

Every day when they parted with a small wave or a pat on the shoulder, Aaron‘s heart ached at the thought that Robert was probably going to see his boyfriend now. 

He had no idea what he could do to change that. Adam‘s advice (“Just tell him that you want to bang him!”) was unsurprisingly not helpful. He didn‘t want to talk to Paddy about it, and so another work day ended with a friendly nod when they both got into their cars to drive in different directions.

Aaron was frustrated. He threw the keys to his flat into a bowl on the little table in the hallway and groaned in annoyance. He was frustrated and horny. On the way towards his bedroom he slipped out of his boots, jacket, shirt and trousers. He left it on the carpet just where it landed, tidying was the last thing on his mind right now.

The sheets felt cold on his hot skin when he laid down. His body was burning and tingling with need. Aaron closed his eyes.

_ Robert has ruined me._

Never had he _ wanted _ someone so much before. He rubbed his face with both hands and imagined that Robert was with him right now. His hands slowly moved down, he felt the scratch of his beard, then the soft skin of his neck and the hard muscles of his pecs. He pinched his nipples, wondering if Robert was into this, if he liked to play with them. Roll them between his fingers and pinch them, bite them. His dick twitched. 

He thought about Robert’s perfect body and his fingers tingled at the thought of touching his chest, caressing the skin down to his bellybutton, stroking over the happy trail. Was Robert vocal in bed? Did he moan or grunt or hiss when someone blew him? 

His cock was so rock hard that it almost hurt. Aaron gasped.

_I need I need I need!_

He fumbled with the drawer next to his bed, his hands were shaking because he fucking needed to get off _ now! _When his hand finally found the little bottle he sighed in relief. 

The lube was cold, but only for a second. Aaron didn‘t bother about finesse, he just grabbed his cock and gave it a few harsh tugs. 

_ God yes!_

It was enough to take the edge off and Aaron slowed down and took a few deep breaths. He didn’t want it to end in 2 minutes - lord knows, he was _ that _horny, it wouldn’t probably even take that long at all. 

Aaron spread the lube over his cock, making it wet. He stroked his thumb over the head and hissed. 

The thought of Robert‘s big hands and long fingers shot straight into his belly. He imagined those perfect fingers curled around his cock, squeezing just right whilst pumping up and down. 

He licked his lips, trying to remember how amazing Robert‘s felt against them. Aaron laid his left hand on his balls and rolled them with his palm.

He moaned loudly and threw his head back on his pillow. Just the mental image of rubbing himself against Robert, kissing him, touching him, set his body on fire.

_I want you I want you_

Aaron pulled his legs up and searched with his hand on the bed for the lube again. He grabbed the bottle, held it above his cock and squeezed. The liquid ran over the head and the shaft, down over his balls. It tickled. The sensation when he felt it between his arse cheeks, hit him in hot waves. 

His position alone, lying naked with legs spread wide, exposed, wet and needy, felt so obscene. Aaron tossed the lube away and sneaked his left hand past his balls. Usually he just jerked off quickly to get release, but nothing about how he felt right now was _ usual. _

He didn‘t often play with his arse. When Aaron touched his hole and smeared the lube up and down his crack, he couldn‘t fathom why. Because it felt fucking amazing. 

_ Oh god Robert with his long fingers... _

He whined softly. Robert would most definitely be a tease in bed, he would play with his rim, until Aaron relaxed and still he would wait for Aaron _ to beg _him to fuck him with his finger. 

_ Please fuck me, please do it!_

The finger slipped inside him, fucking finally. The intrusion felt foreign, it stung a little bit, but it was a pain just on the good side. Robert would whisper how tight he was. Aaron imagined Robert‘s cock, long and thick. Would it even fit in there?

He twisted his wrist and when he found his sweet spot, he sucked the air loudly through his gritted teeth. Precum dribbled on his stomach and reminded him about his neglected hard on. 

It didn‘t take long to find a perfect rhythm between stroking his cock and pushing the finger into his arse. Aaron was panting with every thrust, moaning when he hit the spot. He licked his lips a few times and tried to remember Robert‘s mouth and that perfect kiss.

Heat started pooling in his belly, his legs started to shake and he knew he got close. It was the thought of Robert‘s fingers deep in his arse, fucking him, kissing down his neck, licking over his pecs and then sucking hard on his nipple, that pushed him over.

Aaron came with a shout, white dots dancing behind his closed eyelids. Cum splattered across his stomach and even hit his chin. His heart felt like a jackhammer in his chest.

Then he just laid there, panting and gasping for air, when his whole body started to tingle in the afterglow. Slowly he let go of his oversensitive cock and slipped the finger out of his arse.

Aaron started grinning like an idiot. The mess everywhere was just gross and sticky, but fucking hell, he had never felt this good before. 

  
  
  


Almost five weeks since Robert had walzted into his life, almost three weeks had passed since Aaron’s coming out hit the news. That’s when he decided that he had enough with baby steps.

_ Fuck baby steps._

The pace was agonisingly slow and Aaron wanted to speed things up a bit. It took him three days and another pep talk with Adam to build up the courage to ask Robert out for dinner. Nothing fancy, just maybe a burger or something. He looked up restaurants on the internet, studied their menus online, checked their ratings, looked up photos. 

He finally decided on one little diner just outside of town. Although he was “just” a soap actor, paparazzi happened sometimes unfortunately. Especially since his coming out, he knew the media was just waiting for him to show off his boyfriend. Aaron had noticed a few photographers following him to the gym and back home like creepy stalkers. They always stood on the other side of the road, kept their distance, but he could feel their camera and their eyes on him. Normally it wasn’t much of a problem because he just headed from his flat to his car and from the car to the gym, but dinner with Robert was something different. Something he wasn’t ready to share with the public. 

Aaron booked a table as far away from windows as possible, he knew it was probably paranoia, but _ just in case. _ The plan was to ask Robert if he wanted to grab dinner, totally casually. The collar of his black shirt rubbed against his neck and he hated it.

_ Thanks Adam, for this wardrobe advice._

He grabbed the sink in their changing room and took a few deep breaths. 

_ Get your shit together, it’s just dinner._

Just dinner. Totally casual. He jumped when the door opened. Robert rushed in, staring at his phone, muttering something and starting to look for his bag immediately. He hadn’t even noticed him really, and Aaron felt his fragile courage crumbling. 

“Hey,” he greeted.

Robert didn’t look up, he just grunted in response, grabbed his keys and his sunglasses.

“Are you-” Aaron had to clear his throat, because he felt a golf ball sized lump which made talking suddenly difficult, “are you already leaving? I was wondering if we could have dinner-”

“Sorry, I can't. Okay? See ya!” Robert said in a rush and before Aaron could react, his colleague left and he heard the door shutting with a quiet click.

Rejection settled in and tugged like a spike at his heart. Of course, Robert had better things to do. Just because he spent his breaks with Aaron and had a laugh with him on set, didn’t mean he wanted to hang out in his spare time as well. He dialed the restaurant with numb fingers and cancelled the table, muttering something about being sick. That sounded a lot better than, my date didn’t want to be my date. The collar rubbed against the sensitive skin of his neck again and Aaron felt absolutely stupid.

  
  
  


He didn’t know why, but it got even worse after that. Robert was suddenly short and clipped on set, withdrew from their breaks and left quickly after the last take was finished. Aaron wondered what he had done wrong, thought about their conversations, if he had said something or done something, but he came up blank. 

The high that he had been riding after his coming out was gone by now, instead there was just sadness. What made it worse, was that he had no idea what to do. Whenever he tried to make a step towards Robert, he felt the other man pulling away more. 

Aaron was on the way to their shared room, when he heard a voice down the hallway, just around the corner.

“...can we talk about this later, please?”

Robert. He was talking to someone. Aaron peeped around the corner and saw Robert on the phone, standing with his back turned to him. He was aware that staring and eavesdropping was totally creepy, but he couldn’t help himself. 

“I just don’t see what the point is, really.” Robert sounded stressed. 

“And whose fault is that, huh? I didn’t start this!” Not only stressed now, but angry as well.

“Don’t… please… I didn’t mean to…” Defeated. 

“Okay. Look, I’ll try. This is all I can say at the moment.” Robert sighed and dropped his shoulders.

“I’ll call later. Yeah, love you too. Bye.”

_ Love you too._

Sounded like Robert had trouble with his boyfriend, like really serious trouble. The pieces fell into place. Robert’s behaviour in the past week made sense now. Aaron was deep in his thoughts, so he noticed just a moment too late that Robert had turned around and was now staring at him. He’d been caught out.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to eavesdrop, but…” Aaron shrugged. “Are you okay?”

Robert just kept staring at him, absolutely frozen. Aaron could see the muscles of his jaw tensing and twitching. Damn, he was probably pissed off that Aaron overheard his private conversation.

“You seem to be a bit… I dunno… off? Lately?” Aaron said carefully. “Look, you have been there for me after the interview and that has really helped me… And, err… If you need someone to talk to, or something, you know you can talk to me.” 

He cursed inwardly because he was _ that _bad with words, honestly. Robert always had the right words and he was just stumbling bullshit like an idiot.

“Are you finished now?” Robert finally asked and Aaron felt his heart sinking.

“Mate, I’m really really sorry for-”

“With work, Aaron,” Robert emphasised. “Are you finished with work?”

Aaron frowned, trying to understand where this question was heading.

“Err, yeah, I was about to leave…” he pointed with his finger down the hallway.

Robert suddenly grabbed his hand and dragged him to the exit.

“Robert, what-”

Anita was on the reception desk today and she shot them a surprised glare over her rimless glasses. Aaron really wished he could enjoy the fact that he was finally holding hands with the hottest man alive, but Robert’s grip was a bit too tight and he walked pretty fast and Aaron nearly tripped over his feet to keep it up with him.

“Robert! Where are we going?” 

They came to a halt next to a silver Porsche and Aaron remembered that someone had said that Robert would drive such a car. 

“I wanna show you something,” Robert simply said and opened the car. 

Aaron stared at his co-star in utter confusion, hesitating. What the heck was happening? Robert just got in the car and put his seatbelt on. Unbelievable. Aaron watched himself shaking his head in the reflection of the side window. Eventually he got around the car, opened the door and slid in on the passenger side.

Robert drove out of town, always a little bit above the speed limit. There was no music, just the roar of the engine and weird silence. He looked at Robert and noticed how tense he was. The fingers around the wheel were white because of his tight grip. The jaw was still working and he swallowed a few times.

“I’m really sorry, if I’ve upset you-” Aaron started, feeling his throat tighten.

“Don’t be daft,” Robert interrupted him.

He shot him a quick, fond look and a small smile and Aaron relaxed a little bit. So whatever it was, Robert wasn’t pissed off because of him. Surely, he would tell him soon. That’s what this whole stunt was about, Aaron reckoned. 

They passed a few crossroads and took different roads, Aaron had totally lost orientation, but Robert knew exactly where he was heading to. He turned left onto a small farm track that led into the woods. The road was small and bumpy and Aaron was worried about the poor Porsche. Just when he was about to ask again where they were driving to, they reached a glade and Robert stopped the car.

Aaron looked around. There was a little stone cottage on the right side. It must have been a pretty house once, but now it was in a poor state. The roof had at least three holes from what Aaron could see and all the windows on the ground floor were smashed in. The last time someone cut the plants in the front yard must have been years ago. It was a sad picture, really.

Robert opened his seatbelt and sighed. Aaron turned around and saw him looking out of the windshield at the house. His beautiful green eyes were unbelievably sad. Aaron had never seen him so sad before.

“This is where I grew up.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most parts of this chapter before Philip Schofield came out.  
It is coincidental.  
I thought about to wait with the release of this chapter... but then again, I had it finished, so... 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Next chapter will explore Robert‘s past and we switch the POV again! 😃


	8. Robert‘s past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tells Aaron about his family, but the day ends not like he expected it.  
And will good things come to those who wait?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a bit. Sorry.

The sadness washed over him like a wave, pushed him under. Every little stone held memories of his childhood. When a ten year old Andy just took the tractor for a little drive that ended first in Mum’s flowerbed and then then with two weeks house arrest. When little Vic shouted “catch me if you can” and started to run around the house until he caughther and tickled her so hard that she cried of laughter. When his Mum decided it was a good idea to try cake recipes from an old cookbook - unfortunately they tasted awful but no one had the heart to tell her, so they ate them anyway. 

It wasn’t all bad, they had good times here. And then it fell apart. Just like their little house. Robert loved the cottage and seeing it in this state hurt. It hurt physically in his chest. 

_ Mum would be devastated if she could see this. _

And that thought was the worst, really. He felt like he was failing her. His vision got blurry suddenly and his eyes started to burn. Robert blinked a few times, not willing to let the tears fall.

“Robert?” the soft, hoarse voice that he loved so much, helped him to snap out of his miserable thoughts. “Why are we here?”

Aaron looked at him, his face was nothing but open and encouraging_ . _ Robert counted himself lucky that he got to see this side of Aaron. Most people at LWP knew basically nothing about him, even after all the years he had worked there. To them, Aaron was just a grumpy hermit. 

_ Why are we here? _

Because Victoria had just gotten too much. Again. Because Robert wanted to talk to someone that wasn’t his little sister, before it drove him insane. The fact that he came up blank when he thought about people he would consider as friends, was maybe concerning, but no surprise for Robert. 

Yes, he knew a lot of people, making acquaintances was easy for him. He was a master of small talk, a champion of schmoozing other people, he always kept them entertained. A cocky comment, a little joke, a flashy smile. But it was all about them, never about Robert.

Real friends? Zero. Aaron always said Adam was a pain in the arse, but at least he had an Adam. 

_ Maybe I am the hermit. _

But it all was different for Robert when it came to Aaron. The past weeks had been amazing, the best time ever. He loved the job, he loved the people - except Ross - and he fell in love with Aaron. The real one. Not Olli or some idolised expectation that he had had in the beginning. And yes, he could admit the l-word now, because it was simply the truth. He was in love with Aaron and every day Robert discovered a new side of him, which made him even more interesting. 

Aaron was like an onion, the outside layer was dry and rough, but once you pulled that off, the inside was completely different. Robert was determined to peel the layers off, to get to the core. The juicy parts. Robert couldn’t stop the hysterical laugh that suddenly needed to burst out. The comparison between Aaron and an onion was just too stupid. 

“Robert?” Aaron sounded something between concerned and amused. There was a small smile on his face as well as his trademark frown. 

Robert’s laughter died quickly. Aaron wanted to know why they were here and the truth was, Robert had no idea. He just needed to get out after that phone call with Vic. And then Aaron offered to listen to him. Robert felt absolutely grateful for that, because he trusted the other man. Even after that short time, he trusted him more than anyone else. If there was one person he could talk to, it was Aaron Dingle. But - where to start? So he just grabbed him and brought him here. It just occurred now to him that he didn’t give Aaron any explanation so far. 

His phone buzzed, which bought him a bit more time to think about what to say, so he took it out of his pocket and looked at it.

  
  


17:46

**Vic**

I’m sorry for earlier. Can I come over and we can talk?

  
  


He sighed and put the phone away again, definitely not in the mood to answer. He didn’t want to type something that he regretted later.

“Someone’s giving you a hard time?” Aaron asked quietly and fiddled with the seam of his black jeans.

Robert leaned back on the headrest and let out a long breath, “My family.”

Aaron’s head shot up and he looked... surprised? As if he expected a different answer. Robert once more wished he would know what was going on in Aaron’s head.

“You offered to listen if I wanted to talk and I _ do _, but I didn’t know where to start, so I thought I would bring you here. Turns out, I still don’t know where to start.” Robert let out a frustrated laugh. “Haven’t really thought that through.”

Aaron bit his lip. “Wanna go outside and show me around?” he offered and opened his seatbelt.

“Yeah, come on, let’s do that.”

The air smelled different than in the city. It was a beautiful summer evening and the air was warm and rich with several scents of the forest, earth and wild flowers. It smelled like home and Robert took a few deep breaths. 

“My Dad was a farmer,” he finally started as they walked towards the cottage.

Aaron smiled and shook his head slightly.

“What?” he wanted to know.

“Really didn’t take ya for a country bumpkin,” Aaron teased.

It was just a simple joke without heat, but it cut deep anyway. Aaron couldn’t know that he hit the mark with his little comment.

“That’s because I’m not.”

Aaron must have sensed his sadness, because his smile slowly fell. Robert cleared his throat.

“He expected me to follow his footsteps, but tractors and farming and wearing rubber boots all day was just not for me,” Robert admitted. 

The bitter memories, that he normally kept hidden, bubbled up to the surface. He didn’t mention the fights between his father and his mother that he overheard when he was upstairs, reading his books or painting something in his sketch block. Sentences like “It’s your fault that he is a homebody and “he should go out more, like other kids his age,” still rang in his ears. He didn’t mention the disappointed looks that he got, when would rather help his mother at home than to go out on the fields. He didn’t mention the dead silence of his father when he talked about his future plans at dinner - he wanted to be an artist… well, that didn’t come true, but being an actor was close enough at least.

_ What would you be saying now, huh Dad? _

They reached the little fence around the house. He remembered that they painted it every spring to prevent the wood from weathering. Now it looked rotten, like it would break apart with the next gust of wind and the colour was peeling off. 

“Did I ever tell you about Andy??” Aaron shook his head. “He’s my brother, 4 years older than me. They adopted him. You wouldn’t have guessed it if you hadn’t known. He was so much like my Dad, loved all the farming stuff, helped him a lot.”

Robert knew he sounded bitter, but damn, he was and he couldn’t hold it back even if he wanted. He opened the little gate for Aaron to go through and then they walked through the front yard. 

“Mum had flowerbeds on this side,” he told Aaron and pointed to the left, “and vegetable patches on this side. She spent hours outside in the summer to water and rake everything.”

Robert looked at the wild mess of weeds and bushes everywhere and sighed.

“Anyway, it wasn’t _ that _ bad, you know. I mean, it sucked back then, to feel like a disappointment. But when I look back now, I think, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all? Because then he died-” he sucked in a breath, “my Dad died and it all got so much worse.”

Aaron stayed silent and Robert was grateful that he didn’t say the usual phrases that people use when someone tells you about a dead parent, because he really couldn’t take it right now. Talking about this was like picking at old wounds, it made him feel raw.

“Victoria was too young to understand it, really. We tried to explain it to her, but it took ages until it had finally sunk in. Andy was a teeanger when it happened and it hit him hard. He started skiving, got into fights and all that. My Mum tried to hold it together, but she was at breaking point herself. She thought she could hide it from us, but I noticed anyway.”

Robert left out all the nasty bits and pieces again. He didn’t want to dig too deep into the shit, didn’t want to load too much information on Aaron. 

“What about you?” Aaron asked.

Robert tried to push the door open with his shoulder and paused. “What about me?” he frowned.

“How did you cope?” 

Robert felt taken aback. Nobody had ever asked him that question. Surely not Andy, not Vic, not even his Mum. 

“I have never thought about it really…” he admitted slowly. “I guess, I just had to go on? I looked after Vic and tried to be there for my Mum...”

_ When Andy wasn’t. _

Was the unfinished ending of the sentence, that he didn’t say out loud. He swallowed and threw himself against the door. Robert knew that it wasn’t locked, but the old wood had distorted after the years and got stuck every time. Eventually it sprang open and they went in. 

It was gloomy inside, the air was humid due to the damaged roof and it smelled a bit like grandma’s basement. The entrance area was pretty small, straight ahead were the stairs up to the bedrooms. The carpet on them had been beige once, now it was just a dirty grey. The colour on the wooden walls was blistering because of the dampness. On the left side was the former living room. It was empty now, but Robert could see their brown leather sofas and his Mum’s bookshelf next to the fireplace in his mind’s eye. On their right side was the kitchen. The table and the chairs were gone, but the old cupboards were still there. Some of the doors and drawers were open and everything was covered with a thick layer of dust.

Aaron took a silent look around. Suddenly Robert felt nervous. He was showing his home to the other man. Yes it was an empty old ruin more or less and there were no parents to introduce, but Robert was antsy anyway. He wanted Aaron to _ like _ this house, although it was in this state. Somehow this was very important to him.

“I bet this was a lovely place,” Aaron said so quietly that he almost missed it.

“It really was,” whispered Robert, feeling utterly relieved.

He went into the living room. An old mattress laid in the corner where the telly had been. Robert kicked empty bottles of Vodka and Tequila out of his way-

_ My home is now a place for teenagers to get wasted, brilliant. _

-as he walked towards the window that looked out onto the back yard. He looked through the broken glass. The forest ended on the front side of the house, and this side was just open fields, with a tree here and there and a few little hills and valleys. No other houses, just nature. When he was a kid, he remembered that he had thought the fields were endless. 

“Wow, that’s beautiful,” said Aaron, who was suddenly next to him.

Robert turned his head to say something about his father’s fields, but the words were stuck in his throat at the sight he saw. The sun was already low and golden, it shone directly through the window and lit up Aaron’s face. His pupils were small, due to the light and the iris looked incredibly blue, the bluest Robert had ever seen. Like a bright summer sky. 

His skin glowed, the tan built a nice contrast to the stubble. The stubble that had felt so bloody amazing under his fingers. He wanted to feel it everywhere on his body.

_ You are beautiful. _

Absolutely, heart achingly beautiful. Robert wanted to kiss him so badly, it was overwhelming. He missed feeling those perfect lips. God, that kiss during the photoshoot, that had to be the hottest thing ever. And it was _ just a kiss. _ Robert had been so on edge afterwards because his mind wouldn’t stop imagining all the things he wanted to do with Aaron. All the things he wanted Aaron to do with him. 

He realised that he was just staring like a creep and that snapped him out of it. They were here because of his messed up family story, right. 

“Most of the land belonged to us, but my Mum had to sell it after my Dad died. She couldn’t really go to work with us kids and her depression, and we needed the money. Plus it was just too much work for us. She sold everything, but she kept the house, she really loved this little cottage.” Robert took a deep breath to prepare himself for what he wanted to say next. “A few years later she got ill. Cancer. There wasn’t much they could do, it had already spread through her body, and then we could only sit around and do nothing.”

His voice broke at the last word and his throat was painfully tight. It still hurts after all these years. Seeing her in the hospital bed, only skin and bones, too weak to even move her head on the pillow, and her face. Her face was the worst, the pale skin just sunken in. She didn’t even look like herself in the end. Robert won’t ever forget the sight of her. He’d give anything to have her back.

“Vic was just a crying mess and things between me and Andy were pretty bad at that stage.“ He paused for a moment, trying to sort the things he wanted to get off his chest. “ I had figured out that I was bi,” Robert shot Aaron a small smile, but his eyes were stinging, “and I just wanted to tell her. I had to tell her before she died.”

He swallowed.

“And? Did you?” Aaron asked softly.

“Yeah,” Robert breathed. “She took it great, really. Said that she loved me, no matter what. And I was so relieved, that this massive thing was out now and that it went so well. But the next day, when I came to the hospital... she’d gotten much worse. It just happened overnight.” Robert looked down and kicked dirt with his shoe, because he couldn’t look at Aaron for the next part. “Andy was furious, he blamed me, said it was my fault, that if I hadn’t _ put my garbage _ on her-” Robert spat the words with disgust, “then she wouldn’t be in that state.”

“But that’s bullshit!” Aaron said vigorously, stepped closer and laid his hand on Robert’s shoulder. “You know that, right?”

“I told myself that it was grief talking,” Robert nodded. “And then I had this important casting coming up… I told Andy and Vic to call me as soon as Mum got any worse, I made them promise to fucking call me, when it happened.”

The tears burned in his eyes, but Robert willed them to stay there. Thinking about the worst day ever felt like getting his heart out all over again.

“When I came back to the hospital after the casting,” he continued with a shaky voice, “the doctors told me that she had died just an hour before.” He felt Aaron’s grip on his shoulder tighten, giving him a squeeze. “Turns out, Andy was with her and he called Vic just in time. Unfortunately somehow he forgot to call me.”

He would never forgive Andy for that, never. 

“God Robert, that’s awful,” whispered Aaron.

“Yeah. That’s not the end of the story though.”

  
  
  
  


And so he ended up telling Aaron everything, even the messy parts. That he had slept with Andy’s fiance, just out of revenge. Robert left out the part about how ridiculously easy it was to lure her into his bed. He wasn’t proud of his actions, of course not and he feared Aaron’s reaction. He couldn’t bear it, if he thought differently of him now. But Aaron was surprising as always, because he wasn’t judging, just listening, encouraging him to let it all out with gentle squeezes on his arm or shoulder. 

He told Aaron that even when they had had their own apartments in the meantime, he had driven out here once a week to check if everything was alright. One day he’d come to find everything empty. All of Mum’s things were gone. Her furniture, her little porcelain figures, her clothes, her jewellery, everything.

A few books and pictures was everything he had left from her.

He felt his heart hurting in his chest when a buzz in pants stopped his sad thoughts. A new message. Robert pulled his phone out and checked who it was, although he was like 99 percent sure that it could only be Vic.

  
  


18:36

**Vic**

Are you ignoring me now? That‘s just awesome.

Robert practically _ heard _ the tone of the message, the accusation. He _ saw _her face when she had written it. And that was still just too much to deal with, now that he felt so damn hurt. He would answer later, he decided, shoved it back in his pocket and looked back up to Aaron, who was patiently waiting for him to continue. 

“Andy wants to sell the house,“ Robert said bitterly, “that‘s why he hired a company to remove all the stuff, to clear everything out. He already hired a decorator too.“

_ Over my dead body. _

He was still sad, but the anger slowly took over.

Robert rolled his shoulders, straightened his back. 

“Can he do that?“ Aaron sounded genuinely concerned.

“Nah.“ Robert couldn‘t help but feel smug. “My lawyer stopped it. Mum didn‘t leave a will, so it belongs to all three of us, he can‘t sell it just like that, I won‘t allow it. And that‘s the situation we’ve been stuck in for years now. We are only talking through our lawyers.“ 

“What‘s your sister saying to all of that?“ Aaron finally asked and Robert huffed.

“She wants us to, I don‘t know, kiss and make up or something.“ He shook his head. “I get it, you know? That it’s hard for her, because she is in the middle? But too much has happened between me and him.“

Robert sighed wearily. Suddenly the anger disappeared and he just felt drained. He had never told his messy family story to anyone and going through it again was emotionally tiring. And what was even worse was the thought of Aaron not understanding or judging. 

Aaron probably had like hundreds of more questions. He sure as hell would, if it was the other way round. Problem was, Robert didn‘t feel like answering any more. 

Aaron looked at him, biting on the inside of his cheek, thinking.

_ A penny for your thoughts… _

The anxiety rose in Robert and he had to lower his head, couldn‘t look at him anymore.

After a very long moment of silence, Aaron cleared his throat.

“Dunno ‘bout you, but I‘m starving. Wanna grab something to eat, somewhere?“ 

Robert had expected everything, everything but that. He looked up and saw the tiniest smile on Aaron‘s face. 

_ How are you even real? _

God, he wanted to kiss him. Aaron always managed to surprise him. 

“Yeah,“ he breathed, “c’mon, let‘s go.“

  
  
  
  


“Would you… just… here.“

Robert was stressed. They had stopped at a little burger restaurant, had ordered their food and now they sat in his Porsche to eat it. He had requested extra napkins, which he was spreading all over Aaron right now. Because all Robert could think about were his seats.

He felt the other man tensing and only then he noticed that his hands were practically patting Aaron‘s crotch. Robert pulled them back like they got burnt. 

“Just… the seats!” he emphasized, but it sounded weak.

“Yup, got it,“ Aaron said hoarsely and scratched his eyebrow.

They started eating and Robert noticed that Aaron was extra careful, which made him relax slightly. He glanced sideways to the other man from time to time. Eating a burger shouldn’t look sexy, but somehow Aaron mastered this miracle. His eyelids flattered and he made little moans when he took a bite. Not to mention the tongue that darted over his lips to lick up the grease and the sauce.

Robert was so screwed. His phone buzzed several times and he sighed. 

  
  


19:20

**Vic**

I was at your place to talk to you.

Just great.

Could have told me you‘re not at home.

But instead you keep ignoring me.

  
  


He rubbed his forehead and of course he felt guilty now. Robert groaned. Vic could be too much sometimes, why couldn‘t she just step a tiny bit back instead of constantly breathing down his neck?

“Something happened?“ Aaron asked quietly.

“Vic keeps texting me, but I haven‘t answered her yet and now she‘s angry,“ Robert explained and typed a message at the same time.

  
  


19:22

**to Vic**

I’m sorry, but I said, I‘ll call later. Give me some time, please.  
  


“She wants us to meet. Andy and me. And she’s been pushing it for weeks now, but…“

Robert swallowed. He understood why Vic was trying to fix things, but meeting Andy was a bad idea, there was just no way this would end well. 

_ Some things you just can‘t fix.. _

He dropped the phone on the central console. 

“Little sisters can be a handful sometimes!“ he tried a joke to lighten the heavy mood, hoping to see that cute little smile back on Aaron‘s face.

He got no smile in return. Aaron looked sad instead and Robert could see him shutting down. 

He remembered that Aaron had mentioned once that he had a sister himself. But family seemed to be a sore subject for him too.

“I haven‘t seen my sister in ages,“ he said heavy-hearted, blue eyes looking out of the window, fixing on a point somewhere in the distance, “She‘s ten years younger than me.”

Aaron had just shared private information about himself. Just a small thing, but still. It was _ something _. And it confirmed Robert‘s suspicion that Aaron had a messy family story himself. 

The sad atmosphere felt crushing and Robert hated it. He was fed up with all the sadness, his own and Aaron’s. Damn this was the closest thing to a date he’d ever had with him. He wanted to enjoy it, he wanted Aaron to enjoy it. He wanted to erase that unhappy expression on Aaron‘s face, because honestly, this face should never look miserable. This face needed to smile. The world fucking deserved it.

And while Robert was still thinking about how he could change the mood, Aaron reached out and pressed-

_ Oh no, please don’t! _

-the power button on the radio.

  
  


_ … middle of the night, in my dreams _

_ You should see the things we do, baby _

_ In the middle of the night, in my dreams _

_ I know I'm gonna be with you _

_ So I take my time _

_ Are you ready for it? _

  
  


The song blasted out of his speakers, just where Robert had switched it off on his way to work this morning. He wanted to crawl into his seats and hide there forever. He quickly turned the volume down on his traitorous radio, that showed in neon numbers that this wasn’t just a random station but an actual CD, which Robert must have put there very deliberately. He tried to ignore the look he got from Aaron.

“Mate…“ Aaron started, the amusement clearly visible, “... is this...? What is that shit?“ He snickered.

“Taylor Swift is not shit!” Robert said defensively. “She is one of the most successful artists in the world!”

Aaron’s snicker turned into booming laughter and Robert relaxed again. He couldn't help but smile along, seeing Aaron laughing was infectious. He loved the sound of it, a bit hysterically high pitched and scratchy. 

“Taylor Swi-hi-hiiiift,” Aaron managed out and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands because obviously he was crying with laughter now.

_ Little shit! _

Robert threw a napkin at his co-star in fake-annoyance. 

“You wouldn’t recognise good music if it bit you in the arse.”

And just like that, Robert’s thoughts wandered back to Aaron’s arse. The skinny jeans his co-star liked to wear in private didn’t leave much to imagination. His butt was perfect and mouthwatering. And yup, there were no other accurate words for it.

“Oh, my arse definitely recognises what’s good and what’s not!” Aaron shot back and froze. 

He realised how it sounded, what he just had said, and his ears turned red like a tomato and he looked like a lost puppy. God, he was so damn cute, Robert wanted to kiss and cuddle him stupid.

“She‘s got 10 Grammys,“ he still defended his taste in music instead, pretending he hadn’t noticed Aaron’s embarrassment, a smile tugging at his lips.

That made Aaron laugh again. And then they talked about music - apparently Aaron liked Indie Rock, which was no surprise really - and favourite movies - Aaron loved horror movies - and that led them to Robert’s favourite books from Stephen King. They ended up in a discussion about whether books or movies are better. (“If you say ‘film‘, you can _walk_ back!”)

Robert was surprised when he looked at his watch. They had been sitting in the car park of the burger restaurant for 2 hours now. It was ridiculous, they could have just gone inside and grabbed a table if they had known how long they would talk. But who‘d have imagined that after all the sad and bitter memories at the start, they would have such a brilliant evening?

_ Thanks, Swifty. _

When Robert dropped Aaron off at his car at LWP very late at night, he couldn’t help but wonder if this was the best date he ever had. 

  
  
  
  


It took three apologies, one on the phone and two in person, for Vic to not be angry anymore. Robert just bit the bullet, because even if his little sister could be annoying sometimes, she was the last family he had left. 

“Ding dong, post office!” a man announced loudly. 

Robert stopped doing his workout, Aaron looked up from his script. 

Robert didn’t know the guy. He had come into their room with a laundry basket full of letters, which he placed in front of the couch where Aaron was lying.

“Thanks Jack!“

“Are those…? Is that fan mail?“ Robert asked shocked.

“Wait until your first scenes have aired!“ The man shot an almost evil smile in his direction and left with a wave.

That would be next week then. Robert still gaped at the amount of envelopes, but Aaron just started opening and sorting them, his face showing nothing but routine. 

“Jack’s right, you know?” he said and smiled. “You’re gonna be a new fan favourite for sure.”

Robert scoffed. This was just ridiculous. He didn’t even know people still wrote actual letters in times of social media. He continued doing his sit ups and kept glancing over to Aaron. He knew that he did that often, staring like a creep, but the sight was just too good. Aaron was like a magnet. 

Robert loved the little things he did with his face when he reacted to something. The little frowns, the twitch of his eyes when he was thinking about something and then - his lips. 

Aaron often nibbled at his bottom lip and he licked over it a lot. Robert was a big fan of the upside down smile, the mouth shrug, which was a kind of challenging “is that so?“ signature move. And as if on cue Aaron grabbed a pen. The top end wandered straight into his mouth and he started to chew and-

_ Fuck this should be illegal! _

-bloody sucking. He always did this when he had a pen in his hand, probably without even realising. Aaron chewed on pens, straws and sometimes when he was really tense on his thumb nail. 

_ He has an oral fixation. _

And holy hell, if that wasn‘t a hot thought. Robert wondered if Aaron liked giving head. How eager he was. Which sounds he would make. He thought back to Aaron‘s moans when he had eaten that burger. 

His dick twitched in his pants and Robert had to pause his sit ups, close his eyes and breathe through his mouth. He hadn’t gotten laid for weeks now and he was half hard at just the sight of Aaron sucking on a pen. God, the other man was slowly but surely driving him insane.

Robert was deep in his thoughts and when Aaron suddenly stood up from the couch, he snapped back to reality.

Aaron looked...stressed somehow, tense. His lips were pressed together, his jaw was clenched and his skin looked pale.

“Aaron? Are you alright?“ Robert got up from the floor.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,“ Aaron muttered quickly, “I just… need a coffee.“

He sounded off. Robert watched him throwing something in the bin next to the door and then leaving. Weird.

Robert didn‘t want to snoop, but before he realised it, he was at the bin. There was an envelope in it. Unopened. Robert frowned. Aaron wasn‘t the type to throw away fan mail, quite the opposite actually, he had seemed genuinely happy of getting messages from the viewers.

Robert carefully took the letter out of the bin and turned it in his hand. The sender's address was on the back of the envelope.

_ Chas Dingle. _

Huh. Dingle. Definitely family then. Could be his long lost sister?

But why wouldn‘t Aaron contact her, when he clearly missed her? Maybe he didn’t know how to build bridges after such a long time? Aaron had been so brilliant and understanding with his train wreck of a family story, now Robert wanted to help Aaron in return. In an impulsive act Robert decided not to throw the letter back into the bin, he put it into his drawer instead. 

He would wait for the right moment and then try to talk with Aaron about Chas Dingle. It might be too late for him and Andy, but not for Aaron and Chas!

When Aaron came back with two cups five minutes later, he was more relaxed again and offered him a coffee with a small smile.

Robert took it and smiled back.

“Think it‘s time for the meeting,“ Aaron said.

Robert looked at his watch and nodded. He quickly got changed after his little workout, then they walked together to the conference room.

So far, Robert had only filmed in the studios or the outside set in the yard. Now they had scheduled a shoot in the woods, in a small cabin at a lake. 

Filming on location was obviously a bigger deal than Robert expected. The crew had to pack all the equipment that was needed: cameras, camera cranes, lights, sound, tracks for dolly shots - Robert had seen a huge truck full of technics. And there were also costumes and various props.

They had a team meeting now right before the trip. The three day shoot at the lake included five actors: him, Aaron, Priya, Katie Addyman who played Olli‘s cousin Olivia and - unfortunately - Ross.

The writers explained their script and the feelings that were needed for this special episode. 

It was a very important step in Olli‘s and Christian‘s TV relationship. They were just flatmates, nothing more - until now. During the weekend Christian would open up to Olli about his father and his family story, and that was the point where Olli would start to fall for his friend. 

When he had read the script, Robert had snorted at the parallels to his own life. 

If only Aaron would fall for him too. 

The director talked about the technical challenges and the long days they had to face.

“The centerpiece of the episode is a dialogue at the campfire. We will do these scenes when it‘s dark, of course. So be prepared to not get much sleep. We will probably even use both nights to film,“ the director, Stephen, gave them a fair warning.

The cabin was outside of town, almost an hour and a half’s drive away. Because of the night shootings, LWP had booked rooms for them in a local guest-house.

“Just to spare you the moment of disappointment,“ the dispatcher said at the end of their meeting, “the guest-house is more or less just a big farm and we had to book double rooms for you. I‘m sorry, but I think it‘s still better than driving in the middle of the night after filming for God knows how long.“

Robert looked at Aaron immediately. He had to get a room together with Aaron, he just had to. And he would. His heart started to race and he felt hot all over at the prospect of sleeping with Aaron. 

Ok, technically just in the same room, but surely he would see Aaron shirtless, maybe even completely naked and-

_ This is going to be so good! _

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else is excited for Robert and Aaron as roomies?!
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	9. Fire - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert are filming on location.  
Centerpiece of the episode are scenes around a fire.  
Things heat up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely feedback on this!
> 
> The original Chrolli scene can be seen on youtube. It took place in January.  
In my story it is summer at the moment, so I had to adjust the lines of Olli and Christian a bit.
> 
> Also: please read the tags for possible trigger warnings, I have updated them.

It was 5:30am and Aaron hated the world. Getting up at 6 was usually absolutely against his circadian  rhythm and already being on the road to work at this time was pure torture. The Arctic Monkeys blared out of his speakers and he sipped his coffee, but his eyelids still felt heavy. He’d give anything to crawl back into his warm, comfy bed right now. 

The script laid on the passenger side. Aaron knew his parts. He put extra time into learning his lines since his black-out-slash-panic-attack in the studio a few weeks ago. That was an experience he didn’t need ever again. The camping trip episode would start with a fight between him and Robert which they had already filmed in the studio a few days ago. Now Aaron was really looking forward to shooting the rest of the episode. He loved acting with Robert, because his co-star was such a talented actor. They hadn’t lied in the tellytalk interview - the atmosphere on set, the chemistry… they just clicked. 

Now they would finally grow closer together on screen and Aaron wanted that to happen like yesterday. He was getting impatient with this story, honestly. They hadn’t received the script for their first TV kiss so far, but it had to be in the next couple of weeks. Aaron couldn’t wait for that, he wanted to feel Robert’s lips again so badly. 

That kiss during the photoshoot had been everything. 

Aaron felt hot all over when he thought back to that moment. When he scratched his stubble, he realised that he was smiling. Feeling that kind of giddy, happy almost, was such a weird, new thing for him. A good thing though. 

If it could only be so easy and simple in real life like it was on set. 

The thoughts about Robert had woken him up eventually and not long after that, he pulled to the right, on a gravel road. He could already see the production truck, the small containers for the makeup and wardrobe and the wooden cabin itself. He parked his poor VW Golf next to Robert’s Porsche and he couldn’t help but to think back to the napkin-move of the other man. Aaron had to bite back a laugh. Robert was just so paranoid sometimes, with his car, with wrinkles in his clothes, with messiness in their changing room. 

_ Adorable. _

Robert’s little quirks were fucking adorable. 

He walked towards the cabin. The crew was already in work mode, getting the equipment ready. God knows when they had to get up this morning, Aaron really didn’t envy them. He greeted them, especially Stephen, his favourite director. With him behind the camera and Natalie’s script, it should be a brilliant episode. If Robert and him got it right, that is.

Priya and Katie were near the woods, rehearsing their lines. Aaron just wondered if the catering had already arrived so he could grab another coffee-

_ And where is Robert? _

when he heard an euphoric voice behind him.

“Aaron, darling! Good morning!” 

Aaron cursed silently inside, it was way too early to deal with Phil. Reluctantly he turned around to the make up artist, who was smiling and waving and walking on neon coloured monster high heels over the gravel pit towards him. He liked Phil - he was nice and all - but no offense, when Phil welcomed him “to the same team” after his coming out, it was such an awkward moment. Yes, they were both gay, but he didn’t feel like being on the same team as Phil. In moments like this he wasn’t even sure if it was the same sport. Why did Aaron have to be “on a team” anyway? He‘d always been his own team and that had worked quite alright so far, thanks very much.

“Hiya,” he said and automatically stepped back a bit when Phil reached him. 

Aaron knew that he was one of the people who kissed others on the cheek and that was just... no. Phil’s smile wavered only for a nanosecond before it was back full force. How you could be that ecstatic this early would be forever a miracle to Aaron. 

“Hey, I wanted to know: have you thought about the parade?” Phil asked eagerly.

“Sorry, what?” God, he really needed another coffee now. Or Robert. Both, in a perfect world.

“The parade?” Phil emphasised and his smile seemed a little forced now. “Which I told you about? From the LGBTQ community?”

Aah, right. Aaron remembered now that Phil had mentioned the parade a few weeks ago. The community didn’t only celebrate Pride with a big event in May, they always organised a second parade at the end of september. It was the death anniversary of one of the community members, who got stabbed. Just because he was gay. Aaron swallowed. The event was great and he really wanted to support the community, but… waving rainbow flags on a truck with techno music? Getting glitter on his cheeks? Being the focus of photographers and journalists?

“Yeah,” Aaron coughed, “about that. Look, can’t I just, I dunno, donate money or something?”

Phil’s smile fell completely. 

“This isn’t about money, Aaron,” he said sharply, “It’s about celebrating who we are, about showing our faces, about demonstrating that we won’t hide just because of some stupid dickheads.”

Aaron dropped his shoulders and nodded along. Phil was right and he felt like a coward once more.

_ I’m out now, but I’m still in the closet. _

He knows that he should be grateful for the big LGBTQ community which always offered ears to listen, hands to help and advice to sort things out. Aaron just didn’t feel like being some kind of celebrity mascot, to be put out on display, he just wanted to continue his life without making a fuss about his sexuality. Phil’s expression softened again as he seemed to sense Aaron’s internal struggle.

“It would be really great, if you’d come. Having your face on our truck would be awesome, although you always look so bloody moody.” Phil laughed about his own joke.

“But… are you gonna put glitter on my face or something?” Aaron asked and Phil laughed a bit louder.

“Sweetheart, that wouldn’t do much anyway with that mug of yours,” he teased and winked: “You could come shirtless though, that’ll surely help.”

Aaron blushed. Okay, that would definitely not happen. Ever. But Phil couldn’t know that he won’t show his stomach and his chest in public. Even Adam hadn‘t seen him without a shirt so far and  _ that _ had been a real struggle after their gym sessions. 

“Who needs help?” a soft voice asked next to him.

Aaron looked up, directly into Robert’s ocean eyes. Today they appeared more green than blue again. Aaron loved how they seemed to change colour, depending on the light and Robert’s mood. 

“This grumpy git here, he doesn’t wanna go to our LGBTQ parade in September!” Phil said and even pointed with his thumb in Aaron’s direction, just to make absolutely sure who the grumpy git was.

Aaron felt exposed, embarrassed. He lowered his eyes, couldn’t look at Robert. This was such an awful situation. Why did Robert have to make his appearance just now?!

“No? Well, I’ll come,” Robert said nonchalantly and bit into an apple.

Of course, Robert was totally cool, standing there fresh and perfectly styled, eating an apple like a damn model at 6:30 in the morning. Aaron couldn’t help but roll his eyes and snort lowly. God, he wanted to kiss this bloody idiot so bad. Kiss that smug smile off his beautiful face.

“You would? Ohmygod!” Phil beamed at Robert with wide eyes.

“Sure,” Robert said as if it was nothing. Which it probably was for him. “Would you come with me?”

He looked at Aaron, half serious, half teasing, with a slight mischievous smile tugging at his lips and a glint in his eyes. Aaron scratched his eyebrow.

_ Bloody traitor. _

He couldn’t chicken out now, could he? He sighed. 

“You’re not gonna put glitter on me face and I’m gonna wear all black, that clear?” he said resolutely and poked his forefinger in Phil’s chest.

“Totally clear. Clear as day.”

And with that it was a done deal. He would go to that LGBTQ parade. Phil’s smile was all victorious and Robert looked so bloody smug as he continued to eat his apple. At least Robert would be by his side, that would make it better. In fact, having Robert by his side made everything better. He sighed again and shook his head.

“Gonna grab a coffee,” he muttered and walked away.

_ Smoothe, Aaron. _

  
  
  
  


The first takes were already done and now they were supposed to film the dialogue where the two characters would make up after their fight in the studio scenes. As usual, he and Robert didn’t rehearse much before the shooting, Robert liked to be spontaneous and Aaron was very okay with that. He enjoyed their little freestyle bits. They even developed a little who-surprises-the-other-first contest. It was so different than acting with Ross, who only always did what the script said. 

When Aaron had read that Robert had to chop wood in that scene, he had known that he was screwed. And Jesus, was he fucked. Robert wore nothing but a white undershirt with his blue jeans. Everytime he swung the axe, the muscles in his arms and shoulder blades contracted. 

**Christian (chops firewood for the cabin)**

**Christian (annoyed): what are you staring at?!**

_ Your arms, your arse, your back.  _

**Olli: I just wondered, if you’d throw that hatchet at me, if I offered to help you.**

He swallowed when Robert readied another log to chop. The August sun was burning down and Robert was covered in a slight layer of sweat. His arms glistened in the light. 

**Christian: Yeah, you got that right. (chop)**

**Olli: I’ll take the risk. Do you think there’s a chance we might bury that hatchet as long as we’re staying here? I’m able to take a lot, but I think we’d be spoiling the trip for the others if we go on like this.**

**(chop)**

**Christian: Yeah, maybe.**

Robert bent down to grab another log and Aaron could only stare at his arse, because-

_ Holy fuck! _

Robert really had a perfect peachy bubble butt. And thick tights. 

He heard Robert clearing his throat and that brought him back. Fuck, he had almost missedhis cue again!

**Olli: I’m really sorry I forgot the ingredients for the punch.**

**Christian: It’s not that bad, there was no need for me to go off like that. I just hate the feeling that I can’t rely on someone.**

**Olli: I can understand that. Although I am normally quite reliable, at least when it comes to really important things.**

Every fibre in Aaron’s body wanted to step closer to Robert, to put his hand on his arm. This wasn’t in the script, it would be an improvised part and it would fit perfectly in the scene. His fingers itched to feel Robert’s skin again. But he just stood there, somehow frozen, too shy to go for it. When Stephen shouted “We got it, guys” not long later, Aaron felt his heart sinking and he couldn’t help but think that he missed a chance here.

  
  
  
  


It was late in the afternoon and it already felt like the longest day ever. Aaron dreaded even thinking about the fact that they would shoot until late at night. Stephen was happy with the takes so far, but in between there were long breaks where the camera crew needed to switch the camera positions. It was much easier in the studio, where they filmed every take with three cameras at the same time with exactly the same light for the perfect edit afterwards. On location they had to shoot the same scene over and over to get different camera angles. And in between, waiting.

They relaxed in the shadow on a big trunk and sipped water. Ross was talking to Katie, Robert and Aaron sat together in silence and watched Priya doing yoga exercises at the lake. Aaron didn’t mind the silence, in fact, it was a good one. It didn’t feel awkward at all. They shot each other a small smile every now and then and it made Aaron’s heart jump every time. 

Aaron could sit with Robert like this forever. Until they’re old and wrinkled. They’d be sitting on the porch, watching nature, petting their dog, having a beer. Aaron could actually see this happening for him. He smiled softly when a realisation hit him and he sat up straight. He had never thought much about his future, never further than one or maybe two years. Because why bother? He had his work and his contract was signed for another 20 months, so no need to agonise. 

But now he knew Robert. Now he wanted more. Everything. A house, a dog, maybe even marriage and-

_ Yeah maybe even kids. _

“Fuck, I think I pulled a muscle with that hatchet earlier.”

Robert groaned next to him. He rolled his shoulders, turned his head slowly from left to right and grimaced. Aaron automatically thought back to that scene where he had given Christian a massage. He swallowed and his heart sped up. This was the perfect chance to do that again, right? Finally he could get his hands back on the man! He searched for the right way to offer it, he wanted to sound totally casual, not too eager. Cool. 

“I can give you a massage!” Katie chirped, sounding very eager, “It’s been said about my hands, that they have the magic touch.” She grinned.

Robert hesitated for a second and Aaron bit his tongue.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks,” Robert said eventually.

Katie stood up in no time and got behind Robert’s back. Her hands were small, her fingers long and elegant, but she seemed to get the pressure right, because Robert closed his eyes and let his shoulders drop. Katie looked like the cat that got the cream and Ross looked like he licked a lemon. Aaron could relate and his stomach twisted. God, he had been totally getting carried away. 

_ You’re being pathetic. Marriage? Kids? You can’t even fucking casually touch him. _

Aaron hated this voice. It was the voice that always put him down. He balled his hands into fists and concentrated on the pain of his fingernails digging into his skin. He knew that he wasn’t even together with Robert, he knew that they only kissed once and that was just a job, for fucks sake. He knew that Robert had a boyfriend. 

Aaron got up and walked away, not even bothering to say anything to the others.

  
  
  
  


Of course it went downhill after that. He wasn’t in the right headspace for filming anymore, forgot his lines, didn’t get the emotions right. Aaron got more and more frustrated and that didn’t help at all, it only made it worse.

“Fuckin hell, Dingle! Get your shit together,” Ross snapped. “I swear if I have to go back and forth  _ once more _ with that bloody pile of wood, I’ll strangle ya!”

Ross had to carry the fire wood in the scene and Aaron had just fucked it up for the third time. It would be funny actually, if Aaron wasn’t so angry already. Ross’ comment was the last straw and he just saw red.

“Shut the fuck up, Ross!” Aaron exploded and stepped in the other man’s personal space.

“Or what?” Ross challenged him, let the wood drop and lifted his chin.

It would be so easy to just punch that arrogant expression off his face like that. A quick uppercut and-

_ Well who would be smirking then, fucker! _

“Guys! Guys!” 

Aaron blinked. Suddenly Stephen was there, stepped between him and Ross, put his hand on their chests and pushed them apart from each other.

“Stop that. Now!” he said sharply. “Aaron. A word.”

Stephen shot him a meaningful look and walked towards the lake. Aaron followed him reluctantly. He felt like a school kid that’s being told off. Why him and not Ross? He had started it! Aaron prepared himself for a pissed off Stephen, but when the director finally stopped and turned around, he looked more concerned than angry.

“Are you alright?” Stephen wanted to know and he sounded worried.

“Sure, fantastic!” Aaron said snippy and regretted it immediately. Stephen was not the person he was mad at. It was himself.

“Mate, seriously. I heard what happened in the studio a few weeks ago. Talk to me if something gets too much. We can take a break until the night scenes, you know? We already did more than we scheduled for today,” Stephen said gently and patted his shoulder.

His panic attack had been LWP gossip of course. God knows what had been said behind his back. He hated the thought of the crew treating him differently, walking on eggshells around him. Aaron suddenly felt so bad and guilty for being a burden on set that he just wanted to hide. 

“I’m sorry, I just…” he searched for the right words, but didn’t really find them. “It’s been a long day.” Aaron let out a wary breath. Well, that was not a complete lie.

Stephen looked at him, eyes narrowing, thinking. Then he nodded finally.

“Alright. We’ll take a few hours off and get back for the night shoot.”

“I’m sorry!” Aaron muttered quickly and bit the inside of his cheek. “I feel like I let you down or something.” 

“You kidding? You’re doing the crew a favor!” Stephen joked and patted his shoulder again. “We can all do with a little break.”

  
  
  


Somehow he ended up in a double bedroom with Robert, because his co-star argued they could practise their lines since they would have the most scenes together. Aaron didn’t veto, although they barely rehearsed anything usually and it seemed a bit weird. But having a room with Robert… - right? Why would one argue against that! 

Aaron felt like a nervous teenager when he followed Robert through the door. The room was simple, far from business standard in hotels, but it was clean at least. He noticed a worn out armchair, a small closet and a big bed.

_ One big bed. _

Aaron swallowed against the lump in his throat. He was going to sleep with Robert in one bed. He threw his bag on the floor when he felt his hands getting clammy and shoved them into his jeans pockets in an attempt to look cool. Like he was not affected by all of that. Like he was not half hard already and pathetically tried to hide his bulge. 

“One bed, huh?” Robert teased and watched him carefully.

“I’ll take the left side,” Aaron said. It was the first random thought that popped up in his head.

“Fine by me,” Robert grinned.

And with that he flopped on the right side and bounced up and down, to check the mattress. Aaron’s mouth went dry. Robert looked pleased and laid back with his feet still on the floor. His shirt rode up and uncovered a part of his stomach. Aaron froze at the sight of Robert’s belly button and a small happy trail of blond hair down to his-

_ Oh my fucking God _

Aaron’s body flushed hot and cold and he quickly turned around before Robert could notice anything. He felt his cheeks burning and his breath quicken. Robert was the hottest man he had ever seen and he was lying on  _ his _ fucking  _ bed _ ! The thought alone was overwhelming. What was Aaron supposed to do now? Should he shake it off, like “hey roomies, right mate?“ or should he...like… make a move?

But how? He couldn‘t just say something like “you‘re the most wonderful man ever, I fell in love with you and I wanna be with you until death do us part”, could he? Robert would run a mile and then Aaron couldn’t work with him ever again, he’d rather quit. Aaron wished he was more experienced, but he’d never had a boyfriend. Fuck, he never even wanted one before.

“We should rest a bit until we head back to the cabin,“ Robert suggested. 

“Yeah sure,“ Aaron agreed and noticed how hoarse his voice sounded.

When he heard fabric rustling, he turned around and immediately felt like he’d been hit by a truck. Robert wasn‘t lying anymore, he was sitting and he had pulled his shirt off. And now he was half naked and perfect and right  _ there! _

When he had pulled his shirt off, his hair got rumpled and some streaks stuck out. Aaron‘s fingers twitched with the need to run them through Robert‘s thick blond hair. It must feel amazing.

He let his eyes wander down over Robert‘s neck and he wished he could bury his nose there, right above his shoulders, to feel the warm and soft skin pressed against his lips and to inhale Robert‘s scent. 

“Don‘t you wanna get your shirt off, too?“ Robert stood up and closed the distance between them. “To get more comfy?“

His voice was low and soft and sinful and it shot right into Aaron‘s ears and down to his crotch. Robert looked at him so intensely and he stood so damn  _ close _ , it would be so easy to just reach out and touch him.

Aaron swallowed and looked down. His gaze flicked from Robert‘s naked chest to his own shirt. Robert expected him to take it off, but he couldn‘t. 

He couldn‘t. 

It felt like a punch in the gut.

“Yeah, err,“ he swallowed again although his mouth felt awfully dry. “I‘m gonna shower and then change.“

He just turned around, opened his bag, blindly took the first Tee he could grab and hurried out of the room without even looking back to Robert. 

The bathroom was down the hallway and several rooms had to share it. Aaron just wanted to hide in there, but of course when he turned the knob he had to find out that the door was shut. It was just his goddamn luck today. 

“10 minutes, yeah?“ he heard Priya‘s voice from the inside.

Aaron dropped his shoulders, leaned his forehead against the wood and let out a long breath.

_ Fuck. _

When he got back into their room 20 minutes later, Robert laid on the bed with his back turned towards the door.

Aaron felt his stomach sink and he knew that he had blown another chance. 

  
  
  
  


4 hours later they sat at the fire and Aaron couldn‘t remember if he was ever so nervous to shoot a scene before. Not even before his first scene had he felt like that. Stephen talked to them about how he wanted to film it, where the cameras stood and which emotions he wanted to see. Then they sat down and Aaron couldn’t help but stare at Robert. It was a warm summer night, plus they were sitting at a fire, so he was still only wearing that white undershirt. In combination with the blue jeans and his brown leather boots he looked like a cowboy from some model calendar. 

Aaron felt extremely hot and it definitely wasn’t just the heat of the fire that burnt on the skin of his face. 

But something wasn’t right. Robert had been quiet since that episode in their room earlier. He had barely said three words after they arrived back on location. Robert was simply not the silent type and it felt odd. Aaron didn‘t like it, it was unbearable.

“Everything alright?“ he tried to initiate a conversation as they waited for the crew to get ready.

“Yeah yeah, fine,“ Robert replied quickly, but he didn‘t even look up from the fire.

It was just a suspicion so far, now the knowledge that something was  _ not  _ right settled in Aaron‘s stomach.

“Look, if I did something, earlier…“ Aaron said slowly, searching for words.

“It‘s fine, really.“ 

Robert looked at him eventually and smiled, but it didn‘t reach his eyes. They looked sad and it hurt to see him like that.

“You don‘t look ‘fine’,“ Aaron insisted and tried to be careful with his next words: “You know you can talk to me, right? If something‘s wrong?“

Robert‘s expression was unreadable, but his gaze flicked over Aaron‘s face as if he was searching for something.

“It‘s the scene, right?“ Aaron guessed.

“What?“ Robert looked taken aback.

“This scene now? The dialogue about Christian‘s past?“

“Yup. The scene,“ Robert said quietly.

With that he looked back to the flames and went quiet again. Aaron frowned. Robert had already opened up about his past, he should know by now that he could talk to him, there was no need to shut him out. 

“Okay guys, we‘re ready!“ Stephen shouted and all further questions died on Aaron‘s tongue.

He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to get in the mindset for Olli.

**Andy (walking to the cabin): Oi, are you playing Brokeback Mountain or what?**

**Olli: Ha ha. **

**Andy: If this isn‘t the beginning of a beautiful friendship!**

**Christian (throwing a limb after him): You‘d better be careful or you‘ll have to suck on your steak later on!**

**(Andy laughs, walks to the cabin)**

**(Olli and Christian stare into the fire until Christian looks up)**

**Christian: What's up?**

**Olli: Nothing. Just thinking about my New Year Resolutions.**

**Christian (laughs): It‘s September!**

**Olli: I know! **

**Christian: What were your New Year's Resolutions?**

**Olli (shrugs): The usual. Do more sports, laugh more, find true love…**

**(They laugh.)**

Aaron looked at Robert. The fire lit up his face with a soft orange light and made his eyes shine. Aaron‘s heart stuttered painfully. 

_ Find true love… _

**Christian: And? Hard to keep those three!**

**Olli: I did okay so far with the first two. The last one though, still needs to happen.**

**(Short silence)**

It was almost bizarre and scary how much this fit into his real life. If only he knew if Robert felt the same. Sometimes he thought Robert was flirting with him, but maybe that was just wishful thinking? Maybe it was just Robert‘s nature, just the way he was around people. Aaron had seen him be touchy with Chrissie, smiling with Priya, enjoying Katie‘s hands on him. 

And he had seen him kissing that guy outside the club. The boyfriend probably. Or just a fling. Maybe Robert didn’t like strings and prefered simple sex without feelings. 

_ Wasn‘t that the rumour when he started? That he changed lovers like other people changed underwear? _

Aaron closed his eyes and wished his bloody brain would shut the fuck up. He counted from 10 backwards and tried to dive back into the scene.

**Olli: What about your resolutions?**

**Christian: I never seem to be able to make these resolutions work.**

**Olli: Why?**

**Christian: The last time I made any was a few years ago. I just got accepted at the sports university and had all these great plans.**

**Olli: And then?**

**Christian: Then that thing at the gas station happened.**

**Olli: When you went to jail for your father.**

**Christian: Yeah. Jail would have destroyed him. (Pause) I miss my father. **

His voice sounded shaky and Aaron thought back to their visit at Robert‘s family home. His colleague hadn‘t gone into detail, but of course Aaron had sensed how complicated the relationship between Robert and his father must have been.

**Christian: And it kills me that I wasn’t there when he died. **

Robert swallowed and his eyes started to water. Surely he thought about his mother now. The urge to touch Robert was back full force now and this time, Aaron gave in and acted on it although it wasn‘t in the script. He shifted closer, laid his hand on Robert‘s shoulder and squeezed. The thought of Robert‘s brother Andy filled him with rage and Aaron couldn‘t even imagine how Robert must feel. Touching him felt right, felt good.

**Christian: I would give anything if I could tell him one more time how much I loved him. Really stupid, isn’t it?**

Robert looked at him with the same sadness as last week in the cottage. How could he have ever thought in the beginning that Robert was just a cocky, superficial smartass? There were so many emotions in his eyes, that Aaron almost drowned in them. 

**Olli: Not at all. I know exactly what you mean. **

Suddenly he thought about his little sister Liv.

_ Have I ever told her that I loved her? _

Probably not. He had been a moody teenager and she was an annoying kid. And then Sandra and her were gone, just like that. One day Liv was getting on his nerves with her stupid dolls, and the next day her favourite doll was missing, as well as Liv herself, his stepmother and two suitcases. Aaron wondered if she knew though, that he had loved her, that he still did. 

Robert sniffed and the quiet noise snapped him back to the scene they were shooting. Thank fuck he quickly remembered his next line.

**Olli: You have feelings for someone and you’re afraid to tell him. Or you think: I might as well tell him another time.**

**Christian: Yeah! I would like to know if I was important to someone.**

Those blue-green eyes fixed on his face again with such an intense look that Aaron had to swallow. Was this Christian? Or Robert? If he only knew! 

They were so close. So close Aaron could see Robert‘s freckles in the flickering light of the fire. Robert licked his lips and Aaron eyes landed on that mouth that glistened slightly now. 

**Aaron: You would?**

“Aaaand that‘s it! Awesome guys!“ Stephen clapped his hands.

Reality was back. The crew, the cameras, the microphone above his head. The director came over and knelt next to Robert.

“Absolutely brilliant, such good acting from you both! The feelings were so authentic! I absolutely loved the little pauses you added to the dialogue, that gave it so much more depth. And you managed it in one take!“ Stephen was absolutely delighted. “We’ll switch the camera positions and then we’ll go for a second take, yeah? Let‘s see if you can do this once more!“

He smacked Robert‘s thigh and went back to the cameras.

Aaron‘s eyes met Robert‘s. He smiled shyly.

“So... on a scale of 1 to 10 - where 10 is the best - how impressed are you?“ Robert asked with a mischievous smile spreading on his face.

“Impressed?“ he echoed dumbly and frowned in confusion.

“By my incredible talent!“ Robert said, sounding and looking extremely smug.

Aaron snorted loudly. 

“You‘re unbelievable!“ he exclaimed in disbelief and shook his head. Deep down he was relieved, because this was the Robert he knew, not this sad, silent version earlier. It was like a button was switched on again.

“Unbelievably good, more like,“ Robert nodded and raised his left eyebrow teasingly. 

Aaron laughed again, his heartbeat sped up. A few minutes later Stephen informed them the team would be ready and that he and Robert should get into starting position again.

Only then Aaron realised that they still sat very close and that his hand still rested on Robert‘s shoulder. 

  
  
  
  


Two hours later they were back in their room in the guest house and just when they stepped over the threshold, Aaron‘s insecurities appeared again. With clammy hands, stuttering heart and a dizzy mind. He hated that, but he had no idea how to switch them off. It was so bloody frustrating.

“Phew,“ Robert let out a loud sigh, “that was a fucking long day!“

“Yeah.“

Robert slipped out of his shoes and threw the keys to their room on the table. Then he rubbed his hands over his face and through the floppy Christian-hair. He turned around to Aaron and smiled one of his private smiles. He didn’t show that often in front of others where he mostly pulled off his cocky, sarcastic, funny side. Aaron adored this softer side and he admired how perfect Robert still looked after 18 hours of work. 

“Aaron?“

God, he loved how his name sounded on Robert‘s lips. It made his knees wobbly.

He raised his eyebrows in a silent ‘what is it?‘ gesture.

“I wanted to thank you…“ Robert started and walked towards him. “For last week.“

He was very close again, Aaron could almost feel Robert‘s breath on his neck. His skin started to tingle, like always when Robert was in his personal space. 

“No big thing, really,“ he waved it off, trying to sound cool.

But obviously it was the wrong thing to say, because Robert knitted his brows and shook his head. 

“It was a big thing!“ he insisted and swallowed. “It was a big thing to me,“ he added quietly. “I have never told that to anyone and you were… I dunno, you were amazing.“

Robert chuckled softly and Aaron melted. He felt his cheeks heating up because of the unexpected praise. His heart swelled in his chest. 

_ You are amazing. _

Robert‘s intense gaze was on his face again. It was the perfect moment for a kiss, Aaron realised. And he wanted to lean in, he wanted it so much, but he  _ couldn‘t _ , because he was frozen. 

“Okay, I‘m gonna brush my teeth and then I‘ll hit the sack,“ someone said.

And that someone was him, Aaron noticed slowly. It felt like the words hung somewhere in the air, awkwardly, shifting the atmosphere in the room. Robert‘s smile fell and his face twisted in confusion.

“You‘re gonna brush your…“ he muttered and trailed off. 

Aaron slowly stepped back, he started to feel numb. There was this voice in his head, that sounded a lot like Adam, who shouted at him to fucking finally make a move on Robert. But it was as if there was an invisible wall in his head, that Aaron just couldn‘t pass. He slowly turned towards the door, although his body screamed in frustration and his guts turned in his stomach.

“You know, I don‘t get you!“ Robert suddenly exclaimed, frustrated. 

“What?“ He switched around and frowned at the other man.

Robert huffed and flailed his arms.

“What the fuck is this, Aaron?“ he pointed angrily between them. “Because I have no idea! You've been hot and cold with me the whole day! One moment you flirt with me and the next second you… you…“

Robert groaned in frustration. Aaron stood there, gaping. Trying to process what Robert just said, but somehow his brain was suddenly offline.

“I can‘t do this anymore,“ Robert mutters more to himself than to Aaron and he shook his head. Then he went on louder, “Everytime I think you feel the same-”

_ Feel the same _

_ Feel the same _

_ Feel the same _

“...do this and you shut down and pull back. I mean, am I imagining all this? All the smiles, the touches?” Robert‘s mouth clicked shut and his eyes widened as he seemed to realise something. “Oh my God, this was all acted, wasn‘t it? You were just playing Olli… of course, God I‘m so stupid, I should have- nnnnngh!”

Aaron had made some mad lunge, without thinking, just out of instinct and had pressed his mouth on Robert‘s. 

After one second, Robert kissed back and Aaron felt arms wrapping around him, hands lying on his shoulder blades, softly pressing. It felt so amazing, there were no words for it. Adrenaline rushed through his body, filled him with a sudden energy that he thought he might  _ burst _ . Aaron pulled back, just a tiny bit, just to have a look, just to make sure if this was real, if this was really happening. 

Robert was out of breath just like him, his mouth formed a small smile and his half closed green eyes looked so gently and softly at him that Aaron‘s heart ached. Robert was so fucking beautiful, so perfect, that it almost hurt to look at him.

“Robert?” he whispered and got a hum in response. “Shut up.“

He started to chuckle, feeling absolutely giddy and light-headed. Robert joined in and cradled his jaw carefully with his big hands. Goosebumps spread all over Aaron’s body at this soft touch.

“C’mere,“ Robert muttered before he leaned back in and kissed Aaron.

It was like a scene in a cheesy b-movie, but Aaron honestly couldn‘t care less, because Robert felt fucking  _ amazing _ . Better than at the photoshoot, so much better. This was just them, no cameras, no acting, no thinking about angles and lights and positions. Aaron wrapped his arms around Robert, pulled him close and marvelled at the feeling of how perfect their bodies fit together, how wonderful the little height difference felt. 

Robert opened his lips, silently invited his tongue in and-

_ Fuck! _

Aaron went for it, licked into the other man’s mouth. All the walls in his head finally crumbled down. 

They kissed passionately, tongues teasing each other. Robert softly nibbled at his bottom lip. 

Aaron had no idea what he should do with his hands, so he finally did what he had wanted to do all day - he buried them in Robert‘s hair and damn, it felt even better than he had imagined it would. Robert seemed to like that because he tightened his grip around Aaron until they were touching from head to toe. Gaining a bit more confidence, Aaron slightly pulled the blond hair.

And then Robert moaned into his mouth, low and deep and Aaron was hit with a wave of  _ hot _ and  _ want _ . He wanted to hear that sound again. And again. And again. When his dick twitched in his pants, he noticed how hard he was. 

He desperately needed some friction and rolled his hips against Robert. He just gave in to the needs of his body.

Robert broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Aaron‘s. 

“God Aaron,“ he groaned, sounding rough.

Aaron repeated the movement of his hip, he just couldn‘t stop himself, Robert felt so fucking  _ good _ . And hard. Robert was hard.

_ I made him hard. _

Aaron whined and almost came there and then, just like that, in his pants. Robert looked at him with blown pupils and swollen lips, face flushed, and then he stepped closer, with his thigh between Aaron’s legs. He started to move against him, with sharp thrusts.

It only took a few moments until they were rutting against each other like horny teenagers and Aaron could feel Robert‘s cock rubbing against his own, with just the right amount of pressure. He grabbed Robert’s arse and squeezed it through the denim while the other man started kissing and biting down his neck and back up to his ear. 

_ Robert wanted to know how impressed I am on a scale from 1 to 10? A 10, fuck, definitely a 10. An 11 actually. So fucking good. _

“We need to work on your dirty talk,“ Robert mumbled between wet kisses against his collarbone. 

He must have said all that out loud, Aaron realised and started to laugh, but it turned into a moan, when Robert squeezed his left nipple through his shirt. The sensation shot through Aaron‘s body like lightning and his hips pushed hard against Robert. 

Aaron clinged onto those broad shoulders as if they were a lifeline and he felt heat pooling in his belly. 

_ God no, please. _

He didn‘t want to end this already, he didn‘t wanna cum like a teenager after five minutes of fumbling. When they haven‘t  _ really done anything _ !

“Rob… Robert… stop…,“ he whispered breathlessly. 

Robert let go immediately and looked at him in confusion.

“What‘s up? What is it?“ 

He sounded  _ wrecked _ . Well, at least Robert was as much affected as Aaron.

“If we don‘t slow down, I‘m gonna cum,“ he admitted embarrassed, his voice barely audible. 

Robert stared at him for a long moment and Aaron begged the ground to be so kind as to swallow him up, please. His inexperience must show now. They were still fully clothed, for fucks sake. Robert was probably debating how he could get out of this thing as quick as possible. 

“Fuck, this is so fucking hot, Aaron,“ Robert groaned finally and kissed him with a fierce passion. 

Aaron moaned into his mouth. 

Suddenly he felt something soft against his calves - a mattress - Robert must have walked them back to the bed. With an ungraceful move they both slammed down, giggling into each others mouths, but neither of them willing to let the other go for a second. 

Lying with a man on a bed was another new sensation for Aaron. He shifted his legs so that Robert could lie between them. Hands started to explore his upper body and Robert’s crotch moved against his again. Aaron rolled his hips experimentally upwards and-

_ Fuck yes! _

This felt even better than before. Robert moving above him, kissing him, making soft noises through his nose. Aaron couldn‘t believe that it was finally happening, that it was happening with Robert, that this man was his. 

The little break had cooled him down, but being with Robert like that, Aaron would only be able to hold it back a few more minutes. His pants were already wet, because his cock leaked constantly. 

His hands wandered over Robert‘s back and he could feel the muscles twitching and contracting with every move they made. Aaron‘s exploration ended on that peachy arse again and he squeezed roughly. Robert hissed into his mouth and Aaron couldn‘t hold back the grin. He loved this, to have the power to make Robert like this. 

And suddenly the other man tensed, stilled and pulled back. Aaron opened his eyes (he couldn’t remember when he had closed them) to find out why he had stopped. Robert frowned at him.

“Why’d you stop?” Aaron whispered.

Panic washed over him immediately. What if he did something wrong? What if this wasn’t good enough for Robert after all? What if he had misread all the signs?

Robert’s face was full of concern and he lowered his eyes, looked down and Aaron followed his gaze and-

_ Oh no, please no! _

Robert’s hands were under Aaron’s shirt - he had been that far gone, he hadn’t even noticed when that had happened - and the fabric was pulled up. 

The light in the room was dim, but it was bright enough. Bright enough for Robert to see.

The scars. 

He must have felt them under his palms and that’s why he had stopped. He was shocked and probably disgusted now and Aaron - 

Aaron understood. Because he knew what his stomach looked like. His heart sank and he felt ice cold. 

He couldn’t handle this. His eyes started to burn and he blinked desperately to hold the tears back. He didn’t want to cry in front of Robert, didn’t want to lose that last bit of dignity. Aaron’s instincts kicked in and they told him to do what he always did.

_ Run. _

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Aaron, don‘t do it! 🙁  
Right?!


	10. Fire - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert knows about Aaron‘s scars.  
How will they both react to the discovery?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter from Aaron‘s POV, because of reasons. 😬
> 
> *hides*

He pushed against Robert‘s chest, against 165 pounds and sheer panic started to rise in Aaron‘s chest. 

_ Get off get off get off _

An image flashed up in his head, a horrible memory, usually deep buried in his mind. It felt like a deja-vu and hit him hard, making his guts churn. Aaron winced desperately as his lungs wouldn‘t fill will fresh air and Robert was  _ still  _ on top of him. 

And then Robert moved a bit and Aaron saw his chance. He shoved him off roughly, briefly noticed a pain in his hand, but it was dull, like everything was dull. Muffled. 

Aaron finally got up from the bed and stumbled to the door. He heard Robert‘s voice, registered he was saying something, but he didn‘t hear what. 

It didn‘t matter anyway.

He yanked the door open, ran into the hallway and down the stairs. His lungs screamed with the need for oxygen, they already hurt. When he finally got outside, Aaron‘s vision was blurry and full of black dots. The warm summer air had cooled off and when it hit him, he sucked it in with a gasp. 

He bent over, put his hands on his thighs to support himself, his knees felt like jelly, as if he had run a marathon. Aaron gulped the fresh air with loud sobs. He could only hope for his colleagues to be asleep already, so that no one would notice this embarrassing breakdown. 

On shaky legs he staggered across the yard of the guest house, which belonged to a big farm. On the left side was the farmer’s house, on the right side was a huge building without windows and a big wooden gate. A barn, Aaron guessed as he made his way towards it, because he didn’t know where else to go. Heading back to the room was definitely not an option. He couldn’t face Robert now. His heart clenched painfully and his eyes started burning when he thought about how perfect it had all been just five fucking minutes ago.

He stepped on a sharp stone and cursed - he wasn‘t even wearing shoes. Aaron checked if the door was locked and sighed in relief when he could slide it open smoothly. It was pitch black inside and the strong smell of hay hit him. Right next to the door he saw a light switch. Aaron slipped in, closed the gate and only then he dared to switch the light on. The last thing he needed right now was a pissed off farmer.

He sat down on the hay and stared at his hands. The hands that had been in Robert‘s hair only a few minutes ago. The hands that had been on Robert‘s arse a few minutes ago. 

_ And now? What now? _

His breathing had finally returned to normal and Aaron felt empty and numb. He had no idea what to do now, no idea what to feel. How could he face Robert tomorrow? Would he ask questions?

Would Aaron even be able to film with him? 

His biggest fear has come true.

His head was a mess and a Robert shaped hole ached in his chest.

Aaron had been okay with his lack of intimacy in the past years, it hadn‘t been ideal, but he had been able to handle it. But now - how was he supposed to go back to that? Now that he knew how good it could feel? 

Aaron couldn‘t hold it back anymore, the tears spilled over, ran over his cheeks and he sobbed quietly. He hadn‘t felt that alone in years. 

Suddenly the door was being pushed open, Aaron jumped up and wiped furiously over his face. 

It was Robert, standing there and looking at him with wide eyes.

Aaron wished he would just leave again, he was nowhere near ready to face him. But of course Robert came in and closed the door behind him.

“I was looking for you and then I saw the light,“ he said and pointed to the small gap between the gate and ground.

“Now you found me, so you can leave again,“ Aaron spat angrily. 

_ Go, just go. _

“I‘m not leaving you like this!“ Robert insisted and stepped closer, his green eyes were so full of concern that Aaron had to look away. “I‘m worried about you.“

His voice sounded so soft and fond, it was too much to handle. 

Aaron hated it, this feeling of being a charity case, getting pitied. He didn‘t need Robert as a bloody nanny, his skin wasn‘t itching for fucks sake. 

“Yeah well, I‘m not doing it anymore, so you don‘t need to be worried!“ 

“Doing what?“ Robert asked confused.

Aaron looked back at Robert‘s face just to witness the moment when the penny dropped. When his expression slowly transformed from being concerned to shocked. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

“The scars… you did it yourself?“ he whispered.

Aaron felt hot and cold and squeezed his eyes shut. Robert had probably thought it had been an accident or something. If it wasn‘t for Aaron’s stupid mouth, he might have gotten away with the lie. Well, a white lie - Aaron would have been okay with that. Instead his secret was out now, because he spilled it himself. What fucking irony. After all these years of covering it up and hiding.

When he suddenly felt hands on his shoulders, he flinched and forced his eyes open. Before he could say anything, Robert pulled him wordlessly into a tight embrace. Aaron froze, overwhelmed with everything. His brain couldn’t come up with an explanation why Robert wasn‘t running a mile. It didn‘t make sense. 

But there he was, holding him, stroking with strong hands over his back.

Slowly, very slowly Aaron relaxed under the soothing touch. He buried his face in Robert‘s neck and breathed him in. His hands wandered up to Robert‘s back and grabbed his shirt to get a hold. Once he did, he knew he wouldn‘t be able to ever let him go. 

_ I can‘t lose you, Robert. _

“Come back to the room?” Robert whispered. 

It all felt so unreal, when Robert took his hand and led him out of the barn, over the yard back to the guest house. Aaron walked with him as if on autopilot, his brain still couldn‘t process what was happening. 

Robert was supposed to be disgusted. Or to ask a million questions. Or to simply not care. 

But instead they went silently back to their room and once they got there, Robert started to open his jeans and Aaron just stood there, with a racing heart.

_ What?! _

“Don‘t you wanna undress?“ Robert asked and pulled his jeans down. As if it would be a totally normal situation. 

Aaron could only stare. Because suddenly there was this amazing man he had a crush on, standing in front of him with bare thighs.

_ What?! _

“What?” 

Robert really wanted to continue where Aaron had left earlier? As hot and amazing and perfect it had been - Aaron was definitely not in the mood for it anymore after all that just had happened.

“To sleep, Aaron,“ Robert explained and pulled his shirt off with one quick move. 

With that he was naked except for his black pants and Aaron‘s mouth fell open. He almost felt regret that he wasn‘t in the mood to properly appreciate the beauty of Robert Sugden right now. 

Robert switched the light off and slipped into the bed. They hadn‘t fully closed the curtains and it took a quick moment for Aaron‘s eyes to adjust to the moonlight that shone through the window. Robert was holding the bedspread up, a silent invitation for him to come to bed. To come to bed with Robert. Aaron swallowed nervously. 

With shaky hands he pulled his jeans and his socks off and then he hesitated. Was he supposed to take the shirt off too? The thought alone stressed him out, even though the light was so dim.

“You can leave it on,“ Robert said quietly, like he knew what Aaron was thinking.

He decided to leave the shirt on, but he still felt naked and vulnerable. When he laid down, his heart was racing like a jackhammer. Maybe he had fallen asleep in the hay and this was just the weirdest dream ever.

“Come here,“ Robert whispered and shifted closer under the blanket.

They ended up on their sides, Robert spooning him from behind and when the other man put his arm around him and hugged him, Aaron had to let out a desperate sob, because it was just too overwhelming. He couldn‘t believe that Robert was still here after everything he saw and knew.

“Don‘t you wanna know why I did it?” Aaron breathed hoarsely.

“You don‘t have to tell me, if you don‘t want to.“

Aaron swallowed. A part of his brain screamed to shut the fuck up now, to be grateful that Robert was still interested, just be grateful and take that as long as it lasted. 

_ Don‘t push your luck! _

The other part though…

He knew that it had taken courage and trust for Robert to tell him about his family wars with Andy. He could have left out the part where he had slept with his brother's fiancee, but he didn‘t, he admitted it. Because Robert trusted him. 

The question was: did he trust Robert?

Aaron bit his lip, frustrated. He didn‘t know. That was the truth. Everything was so new and sudden and overwhelming, Aaron had no idea what to do or what to feel. What was this even? Were they a thing now? Boyfriends??

He only knew one thing: he didn‘t want to screw this up, he wanted this, whatever Robert was willing to offer.

Aaron didn‘t know if he trusted Robert, but he wanted to try.

“I struggled with being gay,“ Aaron said so lowly that he wasn‘t even sure if Robert had heard it. 

But the other man gently hugged him closer and that gave him the courage to continue.

“That‘s when I started it. It was my way to deal with it,“ he whispered into the darkness in front of him, glad that he didn‘t have to face Robert. “I managed to hide it at work, but after a year or so, when we did that coming out storyline, it...err… got outta control.“

He took a deep breath and tried to sort his running mind and the memories that flashed up in his head.

“I got sepsis and that‘s when I had to go to the hospital, and yeah…“ He cleared his throat. Aaron didn‘t mention that it had been almost too late, that he arrived there only minutes before he lost consciousness. “The doctors knew that I did it myself and they made me see a shrink…and I realised that I had to change something. So I went to see a therapist every week… and that, yeah…it helped.“

His therapist had been amazing, Aaron wasn‘t sure if he would be even here if it wasn‘t for her. 

She had told him not to be ashamed for struggling and Aaron tried to remind himself of that now. But damn, he felt so awfully weak and vulnerable admitting all this to Robert. 

_ Robert can have anybody, why would he want a nutcase like you? _

There was  _ that _ voice again and Aaron hated it. He hated even more that he agreed. 

He felt Robert moving and suddenly there were lips on the back of his neck, softly kissing him.

“I‘m glad,“ he heard Robert whisper against his skin.

Aaron shivered and got goosebumps all over. Warmth spread from his belly through his whole body. He knew that there were things they needed to talk about, things that were unspoken so far, but finally the realisation sunk in, that this was real. Robert was different than he expected.

“I‘m glad you told me,“ Robert added and kissed his neck again.

“Nobody knows. I think Paddy suspected something was wrong with me back then, but I never told him.”

“I won‘t tell anyone.“

And Aaron believed him. Robert wasn‘t one for gossip. 

The long day, the rollercoaster of emotions, the warm bed and Robert‘s comforting hug were taking its toll. Aaron let out a long breath and felt suddenly bone tired. The last thing he noticed before he fell asleep was Robert‘s thumb that was softly stroking the fabric of his shirt right under his stomach.

  
  
  
  


When Aaron woke up, he instantly knew something was different. He definitely remembered Robert‘s arm lying around his waist, heavy and protecting. He remembered the warmth of Robert‘s chest against his back, comforting and relaxing. He remembered Robert‘s legs being entangled with his own, the hair softly tickling on his skin. 

It was all gone now. His stomach twisted slowly when the cold certainty settled in his chest - Robert was gone. Aaron opened his eyes and stared at the door, through which he must have left at some point during the night. 

_ It was too be good to be tr- _

Something hit his calf painfully.

“Ow!“ Aaron hissed and turned around.

His heart stopped for a second when he saw Robert curled up, lying on his side facing towards him. 

Aaron let out a surprised gasp as sheer relief flushed through his body. A hysterical laughter bubbled in his belly but he tried suppressing it to not wake up Robert. 

Aaron fully turned towards him and looked at him. Robert‘s blond hair was hanging in his face and Aaron thought back to last night, when he had his fingers running through it. It had felt so fucking awesome, Aaron could feel his palms tingling with the need to touch it again. Carefully he lifted his arm and softly stroked the streaks from Robert‘s forehead. Robert stirred, but didn‘t wake up.

Aaron admired his long, blond lashes. And his freckles. God, there were so many of them on the back of his nose and his cheekbones and even his chin. Aaron wanted to kiss them all.

He noticed little wrinkles around his eyes, laughter lines and Aaron instantly loved them, because he loved when Robert was laughing. The sound of it and the face he made were addicting.

Robert‘s mouth was relaxed and slightly open, his lips soft and lush and perfect. So kissable. 

The blanket got pulled down during the night and opened the view on his bare shoulders and chest. Robert‘s tan built a nice contrast to the white sheets. 

Aaron couldn‘t stop staring, he didn‘t want to anyway. Robert was beautiful, absolutely stunning. Even his fucking ears were pieces of perfection.

Aaron regretted deeply that his jeans were lying somewhere on the floor - his phone was in the back pocket and this would be the perfect moment to snap a pic secretly. 

Instead he tried to memorise every little detail of Robert‘s face. 

“Are you staring at me?“ Robert suddenly asked with still closed eyes.

Aaron cringed. Since when was he awake? And how did he notice it without looking?

“No?“ he tried.

Robert opened his left eye and looked at him. Aaron tensed up and held his breath. 

“Creep,“ Robert said, but his mouth turned into a grin and the left eye was sparkling.

_ Such a tease. _

“You‘re lucky you woke up, I was about to take a picture of you drooling on the pillow, to put it on twitter,“ he shot back. 

The second eyelid flew open and both eyes widened almost comically.

“I wasn‘t drooling!“

Robert peered at the pillow to check for wet spots. His face looked ridiculous and Aaron barked out a laugh. The scene was so utterly domestic that all the tension had left his body. 

“So funny, Aaron. What a charming way to wake up your boyfriend.“

Aaron‘s breath hitched at Robert‘s last word. 

_ Is that what we are? _

He looked into Robert‘s ocean coloured eyes, searching for the answer. And Aaron was met with such a warm and fond look that he almost had to jump out of the bed, because adrenaline was suddenly pumping through his body and making him giddy. He fisted the blanket just to  _ do _ something with his hands.

“Well,“ he started slowly, “better get used to it.“

Was it possible for a heart to get stuck in the throat? For a horrible second Aaron was absolutely sure that his happy bubble would burst. Had to burst, because he was Aaron Dingle and stuff like that simply didn’t happen to him.

But then the biggest smile ever lit up Robert‘s face and the world was perfect again.

“C‘mere, you idiot,“ Robert muttered and made grabby hands.

Aaron shuffled closer until they were snuggled up, face to face this time. Robert hummed quietly and leaned in for a kiss, but his instincts kicked in and Aaron jumped backwards.

“Wait!” he shouted and felt his cheeks heating up when Robert frowned, “I haven‘t brushed my teeth yet!“

Robert looked at him like he had lost it completely and then he burst into laughter until he cried, thanks very much. 

_ Some boyfriend you are. _

Aaron was something between embarrassed and amused. When Robert finally calmed down, he just grabbed Aaron and kissed him passionately. With tongue. 

Yeah. Aaron found that he didn‘t mind morning breath much either. 

  
  
  
  


The second day on location was totally different than the first day. It went over in such a rush that Aaron could barely keep up with it.

They shot scenes in record time and in between him and Robert slipped away behind the cabin to kiss like lovestruck teenagers. 

Aaron couldn‘t get enough of it, Robert was an amazing kisser, with and without tongue. Aaron tried to memorise all the things that Robert liked, that made his breath quicken, that made him hum. During their third makeout session Aaron gained that much confidence that he pushed Robert against the cabin and grabbed his arse to pull him closer for friction, and that made Robert moan. The noise shot straight into his crotch, because-

_ Fuck _

Robert liked it a bit rough! Maybe he was into manhandling and all. Just the thought alone made Aaron hard. He didn’t really know what  _ he _ was into, because of his lack of experience, but damn. Aaron was so ready to find it out together with Robert.

Running around a TV set with a half hard cock all day was not particularly fun, Aaron decided. The jeans rubbed against it, sometimes even painfully and he always had to cover it with his clothing or his hands.

It turned out that Instagram was a pretty good boner killer. The Social Media Team showed up around noon and started to take pictures and videos with their smartphones. Aaron had to learn what a bloody “insta story” was and the Socials - as well as Robert, for that matter - looked at him like he had been living under a rock the past few years. They gave an interview, similar to the one they did with Devon for tellytalk - except for the coming out part, of course. 

“Working with Aaron is a great pleasure,” Robert said into their camera and Aaron was very pleased to see the cheeks of his co-star slightly redden. “You could say, we just clicked. We have a lot in common.”

“Yeah, we get along on and off screen really well,” Aaron said, thinking back to that moan and trying to keep a straight face, “and I am more than ready to explore Olli’s and Christian’s journey in the upcoming months.”

“Aaron, can you tell us five things about Robert?” 

_ He likes it when I nip his earlobe, he kicks in his sleep, he spends too much time styling his hair when he thinks nobody is looking, his favourite teas contain ginger and he gets cocky when he is in fact nervous about something. _

Aaron cleared his throat.

“He is an absolute perfectionist when we’re shooting the scenes. He doesn’t like to rehearse much before we’re filming, ...errr he always needs tea before we start and during the day - otherwise he gets really moody.” Aaron chuckled. “He is a neat freak. We share a dressing room and Robert absolutely HATES it, when I leave my stuff lying around. And he has a secret hair product stash in our room.”

Robert shot him a glare and okay, Aaron had enjoyed this question. He couldn’t stop grinning.

“Can’t believe, you told them about the hair stuff,” Robert pouted, “and a neat freak? Please, Aaron.”

“Mate, I knew you like three minutes and you replaced the clothes in my drawer to prevent them from wrinkling!” Aaron teased.

Robert gaped in disbelieve, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards.

_ I made Robert Sugden speechless! _

Aaron snickered and sticked his tongue out, because yes, he was  _ that  _ fucking mature. Robert laughed and shoved his shoulder. God, it felt so good, being like this. Easy.

“Robert?” the sweet voice of the Social Media girl brought them back to their surroundings. The smartphone camera was still on record. “Can you tell us five things about Aaron?” she grinned, showing all her teeth. 

Aaron’s smile died and he gave Robert a  _ don’t you dare- _ look, but Robert was looking far too smug for his liking.

“Five things about Aaron? Well firstly, since he mentioned my love for tea, he is a coffee addict, I think he needs at least five to six cups to get through the day. And he always starts nagging his bottom lip when he gets nervous - just like he’s doing now!“

Robert winked at him.

_ I do not-!! _

Oh goddamn, Aaron realised that his lip was between his teeth indeed. He felt his face slowly heating up as the Social Media girl smiled at him behind her smartphone.

“Aaron doesn‘t like being the centre of attention, which is quite funny actually, considering that he is an absolute favourite of the fans! And another fun fact about Aaron Dingle?“ Robert tilted his head conspiratorially closer to the camera and continued: “He gets literally tons of fan mail - by the way guys, he reads them  _ all, _ so keep them coming - but he honestly has no idea how huge his influence is on people‘s lives, how much he makes other people‘s lives better.“

Aaron felt incredibly hot all of a sudden. He had used his five facts to tease his co-star and Robert‘s words were so full of affection, of warmth and honest praise.

“And he doesn‘t like praise,” Robert finished and started smirking. “Well, obviously.“

“I hate you,“ Aaron muttered and-

_ Jeez, I really have to stop biting my lip!! _

“No, you don‘t,“ Robert said fondly. 

  
  
  
  


Stephen and the crew were hunched around the little monitor under the white tent. They were checking the material they had shot in the past few days. The sun was about to set and Aaron just wanted work to be over. He looked over to Robert who was talking with Priya and Katie. One of the women must have said something funny and Robert started laughing loudly. Aaron felt a pang of jealousy and he hated himself instantly for it.

There was no need to be jealous, Robert had been nothing but amazing today. But still. There was still that ugly little voice inside of him that just seemed to be waiting for the whole thing to blow in his face, that couldn‘t wait to use the I-told-you-so phrase. 

Aaron walked towards the crew, just to do something to stop his annoying thoughts and right in that moment, Stephen turned around.

“Guys!” he shouted across the area, “you’ve all been amazing yesterday and today. We have everything we need! As we are finished sooner than we thought, you are free to drive home or to stay at the guest house, whatever you’d like. LWP has booked the rooms for us, so it’s really up to you!”

Aaron was excited and nervous. He wanted to stay another night here, with Robert. Heading home alone to his empty apartment seemed like a pretty sad idea, but what did Robert think? Before he realised it, he had been walking towards him and stood now between him and Priya.

“...come on, Rob, that would be nice, wouldn‘t it?“ Katie asked, her face all smile, her hands all over Robert’s arm. 

_ She calls him Rob. _

The urge to shove her away, to lay his arm around Robert’s waist, to tell her to leave his man alone, hit him full force.

“Alright?” was everything he said instead. Even he noticed how gruff it sounded.

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert said quickly, “Katie had the idea that we could all have dinner together. What do you think, are you in?”

“Sure, why not,” he shot Katie a quick glare. 

He’d really rather be alone with Robert now, but there was no way he would step back and tolerate her being grabby towards him. And that’s how he ended up with the cast at “Christine’s kitchen”, a nice little restaurant in the next village, not far away from their guest house. 

Aaron was just about to grab the chair next to Robert, when suddenly Katie shoved herself in front of him and sat down in that place without even looking at him. Aaron stood there for a second, dumbfounded. In the meantime all the others had taken their seats, so he had to take the one left at the end of the table. 

_ Great, just great. _

He hated it already.

“Oh! My! God!” A high pitched voice shrieked next to him. He turned around to see the waitress almost fainting and blushing crimson. “You are the guys from Forbidden Love! Oh my God!” 

She looked around the table, with big eyes and open mouth, when her gaze landed on him.

“Oh my God, Olli,” she whispered.

Aaron went back to work mode. He smiled at her and waved his hand slightly. Interacting with the fans was by far not his favourite part of the job, because most of them wanted to hug him and got touchy, but it wasn’t totally unpleasant either. It seemed to be a huge thing for them, so Aaron tried to make it as good as he could for them, even if he didn’t get the fuss himself.

“Can I take pictures?” she asked and her skin colour turned into a worrying purple. 

They all nodded. The waitress took a group picture and then she wanted to take selfies with every cast member. When it was Robert‘s turn, she hesitated. Understandable - his first scenes were about to air next week, so he was still an unknown face.

“You should take a pic with him, otherwise you‘re gonna regret it after next week!“ Katie said and beamed at Robert. 

Aaron clenched his jaw and took a long breath. The waitress decided on taking a pic with Robert eventually and that gave Aaron a moment to admire his beautiful photogenic face. Robert had to bend down and then he flashed a perfect smile into the camera. Before he sat down again, his eyes landed on Aaron‘s face. The smile softened and Aaron wanted to kiss him right there and then. 

“Aaron? Would you…?” the girl blushed again.

“Of course.“

He got into position and of course her arm sneaked around his back and hugged him. She took the pic and Aaron was glad when it was over quickly.

“Olli is my absolute fave!“ she chirped and fluttered her eyelashes. 

Aaron heard someone coughing - probably Ross. 

_ Dickhead. _

“Thank you…” he started.

“Kelly!“

“Thank you Kelly, that‘s so kind of you.“

He went for the usual small talk and signed on her pad, before they could finally order drinks. 

The others got involved in conversations quickly, but Aaron just leaned back and watched his colleagues quietly. If he had the need to add something to their chat, he would just do that. 

But it was okay like that. What was definitely not okay, were Katie‘s heart eyes at Robert. Aaron huffed and shook his head. How did he not notice before that she was after him? It was so bloody obvious.

“Oi Dingle!“ Ross said loudly and his colleagues looked at him. “What crawled up your arse?“

Aaron rolled his eyes reflexively. 

“Because you‘re even grumpier than usual,“ Ross went on. “Oh wait!“ His face lit up and he clasped his hand on the table as if he just had a brilliant idea. “Oooor is this more about what did not get up your arse? Eh?“

Ross looked smug and Aaron shot up from his chair in a nanosecond. He was definitely  _ not  _ getting gay bashing shit from Ross fucking Barton! Aaron‘s blood started boiling. 

“You shut the fuck up! Now!” He leaned over the table and shoved his forefinger into Ross‘ stupid face. 

“Ross, seriously! Can‘t you just leave it! “ Priya hissed.

“If you don‘t apologise now, I’ll make you leave,“ Robert threatened him and Aaron was glad for the support.

He noticed with satisfaction how Ross’ smarmy smile was faltering. 

“Alright guys, keep your hair on!“ he said and raised his hands in an innocent gesture. “Just a joke, okay! I‘m sorry!“

Given he was an actor, that was a really lousy performance of an apology.

“Can we all relax again now, please? People are staring!“ Katie said and sipped her white wine.

Aaron looked around. There were exactly three people at “Christine‘s kitchen”. Two of them, an elderly couple, looked in their direction - the third one, a man in his 70s, sat at the bar with a pint not being remotely arsed.

_ Stupid cow. And fucking homophobic prick. You two would deserve each other. _

“I‘ll be right back,“ Aaron muttered before he‘d say something out loud he might regret afterwards.

He went to the toilets and splashed cold water onto his face to clear his head. Aaron took deep breaths, grabbed the edge of the sink and stared into the mirror. He had dealt with stupid Ross before, he could deal with stupid homophobe Ross too. He could do this. 

The door opened and Robert slipped in. Aaron straightened up immediately and rolled his shoulders, he didn’t wanna show that Ross’ comment had hit him. Without a word, Robert grabbed Aaron‘s shirt, shoved him into one of the stalls and shut the door.

“Wha- ooff!“

Aaron didn‘t get much further because Robert pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard. It took only a second of surprise until Aaron responded and laid his hands on Robert‘s back to pull him close. Robert started mouthing down his jaw.

“God, I wanted to do this the whole time,“ he whispered against Aarons neck.

Aaron tilted his head back and it banged against the wall. When Robert softly sucked and bit him there, right under the ear, he let out a small noise and his eyes rolled back in his head. It felt so good.

“You‘re so fucking hot, Aaron,“ Robert mumbled.

Yeah, he was hot indeed, in fact he felt like his skin was burning, especially his neck where Robert tongue licked him. Aaron‘s nerves were on fire and he felt his dick harden quickly. 

And then - the sensation was suddenly gone, cold air hit Aaron‘s wet neck and he missed Robert‘s mouth and heat in an instant. Aaron blinked his eyes open in confusion. Robert was just a few inches away, slightly panting and his pupils were blown, he swallowed hard.

“Later, yeah? In our room?“

Robert’s hot breath hit his face and he nodded like a robot. Yeah that sounded… yeah, okay, good. He tried to think, but his blood was somewhere south and all he knew was that he wanted Robert  _ now.  _

He wanted his  _ boyfriend  _ now. Aaron felt dizzy. 

And then Robert gave him a quick peck and left again and Aaron stood there in the stall, trying to calm down. Willing his boner to go away, because-

_ Fuck _

there were his co-stars and a fangirling waitress out there. He shook his head at the absurdity of the situation and snorted. If that would have said someone to him eight weeks ago, he would have laughed his arse off. 

  
  
  
  


Aaron closed the curtains, thanking the old bearded man up there that they were able to sleep longer tomorrow, because they had the day off. 

Strong arms sneaked around his belly and he felt Robert pressing against his back. Aaron let out a happy hum.

“You ok?“ Robert asked softly.

A “sure” was lying on his tongue, but it would be a lie. Aaron debated for a few seconds to choose it anyway. To avoid an unpleasant conversation, to just go for the good parts and kiss Robert senseless. But this was about building trust, right?

“Not really,“ he sighed out the truth. 

“Because of what Ross said?“ Robert asked. “Aaron, he is a bloody moron, you can’t let him get to you.“

“I know, I know,“ Aaron agreed, enjoying how Robert‘s grip had tightened around him as if he wanted to protect him. “It‘s not just Ross though.“

Robert tensed up behind him.

“What‘s it then?“

“I didn‘t know Katie was after you. Always thought I had to compete with Priya.“

He tried to make it sound like a joke, like it was totally cool. Except, he wasn’t. Aaron didn’t  _ want _ to be a jealous idiot, but he knew he’d behaved like one and he was annoyed with himself. As soon as the truth was out, he swallowed. Robert stepped back and turned him around, but Aaron avoided looking him in the eye.

“Aaron,“ Robert used his soft voice. “I didn‘t know either. Besides, you‘re not competing with anyone. I‘m not interested in Katie.“ He laid his hand on Aaron‘s jaw and tilted his head softly up and made him look at him. “I am interested in you. Only you.“

The expression in his green eyes was so sincere, so fond, that Aaron‘s heart hiccuped. 

“And by the way, Priya is interested in Katie.“ 

_ No way! _

“No way!“ Aaron‘s eyes widened.

He would have never guessed that Priya was into women. Robert‘s mouth turned into an adorable half sided smile and Aaron started to grin himself. So Priya AND Ross were after Katie, who was after Robert. And Robert… Robert was with him! 

Aaron lunged forward and kissed him. His  _ boyfriend.  _

_ God I‘ll never get tired of calling him that. _

Finally, finally they were alone, without interruptions, without having to hold back. 

He felt Robert‘s hands wandering up and down on his back, pulling him closer. And Aaron suddenly remembered how Robert had reacted to him being a bit rougher. The noise he had made. He needed to hear that again.

Aaron took all the courage he had and slipped his hands under Robert‘s shirt. His skin was so hot and smooth under his palm. He tried to feel every inch of Robert‘s back he could reach. He loved the broad, strong shoulders and how his body narrowed down to the waist. They didn‘t stop kissing the whole time. Aaron switched his hands to the front, caressed Robert‘s stomach. He felt hairs - not many though - they were soft, right above his trousers.

_ His happy trail. God. Fuck.  _

And the bellybutton. Aaron couldn‘t resist, he just had to poke his forefinger in it, teasingly.

Robert laughed lowly into his mouth, a deep sound, and Aaron grinned. 

He had seen Robert shirtless a few times already, but feeling his body like this, without seeing it, just exploring it with his fingers, tracking where the hairs around his navel ended, sensing his abs - that was something else. His hands wandered up until they reached Robert‘s chest. He rubbed his palms over it and felt what he was searching for harden under his hands. He rolled the nipples between his fingers, softly first, then he pinched them.

Robert hissed and moaned. There was the sound again. He snapped his hips forward against Aaron‘s.

Aaron was rock hard in his pants and he gasped for air. 

“ ‘ff. Off, off,“ he muttered, slipped his hands free and pulled at Robert‘s shirt. 

His  _ boyfriend  _ smiled and complied. Aaron just stared at the perfect body and touched him again. He couldn‘t believe that this was for him. 

Robert grabbed his hands and guided him to the bed, then he laid down and smiled up at him. He looked like a model from a Men‘s Health calendar, spread out on the white sheets, with red lips, swollen from kissing, and half lidded eyes. 

“Fuck, Robert,“ Aaron groaned. 

He had to pinch his cock through his jeans before he climbed on the bed, one leg on each side of Robert‘s thighs, to sit on his crotch.

Aaron leaned down to kiss him again, and this was the second time he was making out with Robert on a bed. But now Robert knew about his scars and now he was on  _ top _ . And yeah, that was bloody hot, although he was still nervous, always wondering if he did it right, if it felt as amazing for Robert as it felt for him. 

After a little while Aaron started to notice that something was wrong. He was grinding himself against Robert, he was stroking his upper body, he was sucking Robert‘s neck.

And Robert… was just lying there. His hands rested on Aaron‘s back, he didn‘t make a move to take it a step further. 

_ You‘re doing it wrong. _

He pulled back and Robert blinked up at him.

“Is something wrong?“ Robert asked.

And ha, the irony, Aaron just wanted to ask the same. His heart contracted painfully and it felt like it shrunk down to the size of a nut.

“Don‘t you wanna...err, touch me? Or…” he whispered and winced at his own words. 

It had to be the scars. Robert had tried to pretend like he wasn‘t affected, but just because he didn‘t judge the self harm, didn’t mean that he still found him attractive. Aaron wanted to hide somewhere, or just disappear. 

“Of course I do!“ Robert insisted. “I just didn‘t know if…can I?“

Aaron felt him pulling on his shirt. 

_ Oh. _

“If you‘re ready?“ Robert added.

He wanted him to take it off - he had just waited for him to be ready. A sudden rush of affection flooded through Aaron. But at the same time, his anxiety hit again, because this was it now, wasn‘t it? The moment of the truth. 

He reminded himself that this was about trust. 

“Okay… yeah,“ he breathed. 

Robert looked up at him for another second, as if waiting to see if Aaron would take his permission back and only then he slowly pulled the shirt up, over his head. Aaron squeezed his eyes shut, not ready to face Robert‘s reaction. 

The air felt cold on his heated skin and made him shiver. He had to fist the sheets next to Robert‘s head just to resist the urge to cover himself with his arms. 

Then he felt it.

Robert‘s hands on his stomach. The palms were hot and they slid up, over his scars, to his pecs and down again.

Aaron had done stuff with men, handjobs and blowjobs. But somehow this was more intimate than getting his dick sucked, because never ever had someone touched him like that before. Damn, even  _ he _ barely touched his own belly under the shower. 

He shivered again, and this time it wasn‘t the chilly air in the room. He got goosebumps all over as Robert‘s hands still caressed every inch of his skin. He felt fingertips, tracing his scars, stroking softly over them. 

Aaron's eyes started to burn behind his closed eyelids. He sucked the air in with a shaky gasp and he opened his eyes.

He wasn’t met with disgust. Just the opposite actually, Robert looked at him with such a gentle fondness, that it was almost unbearable. His green eyes were darker than usual because of his blown pupils, his mouth was open, the lips glistening. 

_ I love you. _

Robert pulled him down for a passionate kiss and put his strong arms around him, covering him. Finally they were skin on skin and Aaron was overwhelmed with the feeling of being  _ safe.  _

Robert rolled his hips against him and-

_ Oh! _

okay, Robert was pretty much still up for this. Aaron‘s own erection had flagged a little, but with the sudden friction he got hard again quickly. 

It was like a dam had broken with Robert. He was less passive now, more exploring, demanding. His palms stroked down on Aaron‘s back, but this time they didn‘t stop at the trousers. Robert sneaked his hands in between his jeans and his pants, and squeezed his arse. Pulled his cheeks apart, pushed him roughly down against his cock.

Aaron bit his lip and moaned.

“Wanna hear you,“ Robert panted. “Wanna hear you moan.“

_ Fuck! _

That sentence shot straight to Aaron‘s cock and he moaned again. He was desperate now for more, needed more.

He shuffled down a bit, away from Robert‘s crotch to make room for his hands. With shaky fingers he started fumbling with the button and the zipper.

God, he could already feel through the fabric how hard Robert was. When he finally had the jeans open he whined impatiently and sneaked his hand inside. Robert was big, so big. 

_ Oh my- _

He stroked him as good as he could between the jeans and his pants. Robert groaned against his neck and started to roll his hips in the same rhythm of his strokes. But fuck, the zipper cut into his hand and there were just too many bloody clothes everywhere.

“Get ‘em off,“ he breathed and stood up.

He started to take off his own jeans, which was surprisingly easy. The shirt had been a huge border, but since that was crossed now, getting completely naked just felt natural. Robert shimmied out of his trousers and pants on the bed and threw them somewhere on the floor. And then Robert was lying on the bed, naked, waiting for him. Aaron’s mouth went dry. Because fuck, that was a sight! 

He got on the bed again, his heart beating fast in his chest. He had no idea what to do next, Aaron only knew that he  _ wanted. _ He laid next to Robert and when his bare cock touched Robert’s thigh, he hissed. He looked down, just the sight of their cocks together made him almost come.

“Robert…” 

It came out almost like a question and his boyfriend reacted immediately, as if he understood. He took initiative, grabbed Aaron’s shoulders, pushed him back on the sheets and pressed his body half on top of him. When Robert rubbed his dick against his own, Aaron let out a strangled moan. Robert developed a rhythm of long, deep, powerful thrusts. He felt his precome leaking, making them both wet. Aaron held on to Robert’s shoulders as if they were an anchor and he groaned into his boyfriend’s mouth. He really really wanted to last longer, but

_ Fuck fuckfuck _

the heat pooled.

“Rob,” he whined, desperate.

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert panted, sounding wrecked.

Robert shifted above him and then he licked the palm of his hand, and Aaron was gone, just gone, because the wet hand slid down and took both of their cocks-

_ Ohmygod _

in his huge hand and started to stroke. The pressure, the friction, the wet slide, and  _ Robert,  _ it was too much, too good.

It took only a few pulls until the world went white.

Aaron’s senses came back slowly. There were still white dots in his vision, his breath came in harsh pants, blood was rushing loudly in his ears. 

“Fuck, Aaron!” he heard Robert and then he felt something wet on his belly.

Robert collapsed next to him and then they both just laid there, sweating and shaking. Aaron’s body started to tingle everywhere as the adrenaline flooded through his veins. He licked his lips. It had never been like this. He had never felt like this. Like floating.

He let his head roll to the side, it was the only movement he seemed able to manage right now, and looked at Robert. His boyfriend-

_ My boyfriend _

had his eyes closed and breathed through his open mouth, trying to calm himself down. He was smiling slightly. So beautiful.

“I’d say it was a 9,” Aaron managed out.

Robert’s eyes shot open and he shot him a surprised look.

“A 9? Fucker!” 

They grinned at each other and kissed. They were both sticky and gross, the room smelled of cum and sweat, but it was a moment of pure perfection. Aaron was actually happy. The happiest he’d ever been.

When he thought back to that moment a few weeks later, he thought that he really should have known that that feeling couldn’t last forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted a little cliffhanger just so you all know there is more to come 😝
> 
> Filth and fluff was requested... soooo, yeah. Hope it was okay.


	11. A new hype

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert‘s life is perfect... until it isn‘t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Entering Andy Sugden. He is not a nice guy... read the tags.

Robert wasn’t sure if his feet were even touching the ground, because it felt like he was bloody flying. 

Suddenly his life was in the fast lane, everything happened in a rush and it was hard to keep up with that. 

His first scenes were about to air in a few days, which meant that right now he was sitting on the couch of his TV apartment and looking at three photo cameras, two video cameras and twelve journalist’s faces. It was the big press event that Chrissie had planned weeks ago. 

He looked to the right, where Aaron sat next to him, answering a question about being a part of a big storyline again. His boyfriend-

_ God, I really love his profile! I didn‘t know I had a thing for noses, but yeah, his nose is perfect! _

was relaxed and showed off a bright smile. 

Robert had snorted when he had noticed the irritated expressions of the journos at the beginning, because yup, Aaron was different than usual. And yup, Robert was smug. 

The idea of giving him a blowjob in their room right before the press conference was simply genius. 

  
Aaron was jittery and stressed, gnawing his thumbnail and worrying his lip. After he said “I hate press conferences, I just hate them,” for the third time, Robert threw his interview preparation sheet away, got up from the couch and locked the door. 

“What are you doing?” Aaron asked.

Robert pushed him against the bookshelf and sunk down on his knees. His eyes never left Aaron’s face.

“Help you to relax,” he whispered and opened his boyfriend’s jeans.

“Robert, we can’t! What if some-nnnnng…”

They had done this before, right on their first morning in the guest house. On their first morning as a  _ couple _ . Robert had never been a big fan of giving head, it was okay, but he preferred being on the receiving end - usually, that was. Of course it was different with Aaron, because everything was different with Aaron.

He loved the weight of his cock on his tongue, the stretch of his jaw and-

_ Fuck yes! _

the sounds Aaron made. Just like Robert had imagined it in his wildest dreams - Aaron  _ was _ vocal. Not as in talking dirty, but in moaning, whining, hissing, grunting and panting. Every sensation he felt left his mouth with barely a filter and Robert freaking loved it. 

Loved that he could make Aaron lose it like that. 

It was a sloppy blowjob with lots of spit and tongue and an occasional careful scratch with his teeth. 

“Fuck! Robert!“

Aaron‘s hands found his hair and grabbed it. Robert hummed around the cock in his mouth and that made Aaron groan again. The fingers tightened in his hair and pulled softly. Robert took it as a sign, because there was something he really wanted to do, wanted to try since the first time he had blown Aaron on the farmhouse bed. 

He relaxed his jaw, stilled his movement and looked up to Aaron through his eyelashes, waiting. Aaron‘s head was tilted backwards, now he looked down in confusion. It took a little moment of Robert just breathing through his nose - because his mouth was  _ full - _ for Aaron to get the message. 

“Oh fuck, yeah.“

Aaron started slowly to push into his mouth. Robert put his hands on Aaron‘s arse and pulled, to signal that he could go faster. He had his gag reflex under control. Aaron‘s face was full of surprise, full of wonder, so open and raw, with big blue eyes and red flushed skin. 

_ Come on, fuck my face. _

And Aaron did. He let out a litany of strangled ah‘s and ng‘s and curses, and although Robert wasn‘t touching himself, he was rock hard. 

An elbow poked into his side.

“Huh?“

Aaron was looking at him with raised eyebrows. Someone was clearing their throat. 

They weren’t in their changing room anymore, they were on the TV set. Giving interviews. In front of cameras and microphones. And journalists. 

_ Oh _ .

Robert’s cheeks started heating up when he realised that he had totally zoned out. Aaron smiled at him wickedly and licked slowly his lips. His blues eyes were sparkling, full of mischief. That arsehole knew exactly where Robert’s mind had been. 

“I asked about how you feel about your storyline, personally,” one of the journos repeated his question.

Robert cleared his throat and tried to organise his thoughts, which was bloody difficult with a half hard cock in front of 25 people, including some of his colleagues and even Chrissie White herself. 

After he had finished his blowjob earlier, Aaron had asked him to return the favor, but he had just smiled and shaken his head. It was supposed to be a cocky move, to keep the tension, like a promise for  _ later _ , but now Robert didn’t know what he had been thinking. It had been a bad idea, a really really bad idea. He was about to screw up that important press event because he was horny as a 16-year-old.

_ Get your shit together, Rob! _

Urgh, his inner “Vic voice” was cooling him down quickly. 

“I know you’re asking that because I am bisexual myself. It’s not really a secret, I have stated it on my social media,“ Robert started, glad that his head cleared up slowly. This was an important message for him and he really wanted to get it out right. “Every big soap or show has gay or lesbian characters - which is absolutely great, don’t get me wrong - but you have to take a long look around to find bisexual characters in leading roles. And that needs to change in my opinion, we need a bigger representation in the media. I’m glad that ‘Forbidden Love’ offered me the chance to play this part and some of you might know that we are celebrating the official ‘bi-week’ at the moment, and it makes me proud that the show timed my first scenes like that, it‘s perfect actually!”

He noticed Chrissie White's pleased face behind the journalists. She nodded and smiled at him. Robert wasn’t stupid, he knew that she was hardly a Samaritan, of course she did all this to milk headlines out of it and polish the image of her soap opera, but well, that was how the industry worked. She got the publicity for the show and he got it for the LGBTQ representation. 

Robert and Aaron exchanged a look. The icy blue eyes were full of warmth, a little smile tugged on the corners of Aaron’s mouth. He looked proud. Robert’s heart felt suddenly too big for his chest, like it was about to explode at any second. He wanted to jump up from that couch and drag Aaron back into their room to finish what they had started earlier. 

Then the journalists asked questions about Aaron’s coming out and the moment was gone. Apart from that it was pretty much stuff that they had answered to Devon or their own Social Media team already, so that was easy. 

After the Q&A part they had to pose for a few photos and give two extra interviews, for a TV morning show and an online gossip mag. 

Of course Devon was there too and asked them to do a little video teaser of their first scenes for the tellytalk Social Media. So they ended up with a microphone in Robert’s hand in their kitchen set.

“Hi, I’m Robert Sugden-”

“And I’m - fuck! Sorry, this is stupid!”

Aaron looked like he had to eat a lemon and he was slowly blushing, he looked so miserably uncomfortable that Robert had to laugh. As a brilliant actor as Aaron truly was - he sucked massively at playing himself.

“Hi, I’m Robert Sugden-”

“... and I’m Aaron. Err, Dingle”

“Please make sure to tune in on ‘Forbidden Love’-”

“...to...watch him errr… being sweaty?“

Robert snorted. Had Aaron really just said that out loud? Devon looked awkwardly to his camera man and got a shrug in response.

“Yeah, that was very nice indeed,” Devon started slowly, “but let’s do it one more time, okay? You don’t need to be that… err,  _ specific _ about the scene, Aaron.”

Aaron nodded, his cheeks were crimson and Robert just wanted to kiss his adorable stupid face.

“Hi, I’m Robert Sugden-”

“... and I’m Aaron Dingle.”

“Please tune in on ‘Forbidden Love’-”

“...err to see for yourself if this lad here can act!” Aaron shot him a triumphant grin, obviously proud of himself that he came up with that.

“Excuse me! I’d say, at least Olli was impressed!” Robert returned quickly and winked into the camera. 

Devon clasped his hands and the camera guy gave a thumbs up. And just when Robert thought that they had finished everything to go finally back to their room, Chrissie White came over to them.

“Robert! Aaron! You did really well!” 

She smiled and laid her hand on Robert’s biceps, like she always did when she stood next to him. He could see from the corner of his eye Aaron tensing and shifting, his boyfriend was clearly not amused about Chrissie’s touchy behaviour.

“Thanks, Chrissie,” he said and took a tiny step back, just enough for her hand to lose grip on his arm and slide down.

“Even you, Aaron,” she continued, “seemed to be more relaxed than usual today! How come?”

Aaron started coughing violently, Chrissie pursed her lips and looked at him irritated. Robert had to bite back a laugh.

“I practiced with him earlier,” Robert said-

_ It’s not even a lie. We just didn’t practice for the interview... _

and with that he grabbed Aaron’s arm and shoved him quickly out of the studio, before his boyfriend would die of embarrassment. 

  
  
  
  


“There you are! Come on, guys! Quick!” Priya beamed at them, when they entered the Green Room. 

It was a big room with different sofas and tables, in one corner stood a table tennis table, in the other corner hung a dartboard. It was a lounge for actors to hang out in when they had longer breaks during the day. Right now the room was pretty crowded with a lot of cast members, everybody was staring at the big screen on the wall, where a commercial was running.

Robert and Aaron had finished filming about an hour ago, but instead of heading home they had stayed in their room, kissing lazily on their couch. The best way to kill some time. Time until the well-known title song of ‘Forbidden Love’ started. It was the episode of his and Priya's first appearances and they wanted to watch it all together, which had been Laurel’s idea. 

Robert knew every note of that title melody and while the others started cheering, he suddenly felt sad. 

_ I wish you could see this, Mum. _

He saw Sarah on their couch in the Cottage in his mind’s eye, with a blanket over her legs. She always had this knitted brown blanket over her legs, no matter if summer or winter. He imagined how excited she would be for him. At least he hoped she would be. Surely she would be. 

“Do you wanna stay here?” Aaron asked him lowly.

His vision was blurry, Robert blinked a few times-

_ I am NOT crying now! _

and realised they were still standing in the back of the room, at the door. He didn’t want the others to see him getting emotional like that, so staying here was probably a good idea. Robert just nodded and then he felt Aaron’s warm hand grabbing his and squeezing softly. His thumb stroked with a tiny movement gently over the back of his hand.

They had both agreed to keep their relationship a secret - for now, as long as it all was fresh and new. Because Aaron suggested that it was reasonable, after all they were both actors and they were about to play a couple on screen soon, besides Aaron was a person in the public eye and Robert would be as well soon. It was reasonable to wait and see. Robert hated  _ reasonable _ . He wished he could shout it in everybody’s face, but urgh. Okay.

Robert was glad for Aaron‘s comforting touch. It grounded him somehow. He took a few deep breaths and reminded himself that this was a happy moment. A moment to be proud of. 

After a few scenes of his co-stars, Aaron’s face was finally on screen. The others cheered again and turned around to them. Robert felt how Aaron pulled his hand back suddenly and missed his touch immediately. Then came the moment when Olli opened the door to sweaty Christian.

His colleagues started hooting and whistling and Aaron shoved his shoulder playfully.

“Still can’t believe you did that wet T-shirt-thing.” 

“You loved it,” he shot back and grinned at his boyfriend.

Aaron’s face lit up at that. Robert expected a little tease in response, but “I did,” was all Aaron said with a knowing smile. 

Robert’s stomach made a funny, twisting flutter and his heartbeat sped up. He had thought the L-word a few times already, but he hadn’t said it to Aaron yet. Everything was still fresh and surely it was too early for it. Furthermore, now in a room full of their colleagues wasn’t the right moment for that, Robert knew that... but damn, the words were on his lips and he had to bite his tongue to keep them in. Because it was true, he knew it, felt it deep in his chest when he looked at Aaron’s beautiful face, with his open and soft expression. 

He loved him. 

“Oh my god, Aaron, your face!” shouted Laurel in that moment and Robert tore his eyes away from his boyfriend to his onscreen-flatmate. There was a close up of Olli, with a gaping mouth and big eyes. 

It was weird watching himself and Aaron on the telly. But weird good, not weird bad. Robert loved how the edit of the different cameras had given the scene a certain dynamic. And he loved the close ups of Olli, there couldn’t be enough of them, he decided.

When the final music played and the credits rolled, his colleagues applauded and whistled again.

“Speech! Speech! Speech!” 

Robert walked to the front of the room, where he met Priya and his heart swelled with pride.

“Guys honestly, I can’t thank you enough for making that all so easy for me,” he said and looked into their faces. He was met with smiles and thumbs-up-gestures. “I really couldn’t wish for better colleagues…” His eyes landed on Aaron again, who looked at him with warm affection. “and yeah… I could use a drink right now,” he joked. 

The others laughed and suddenly someone pressed a glass of champagne into his hand, which earned him more laughter. He had no idea where that came from, but then he saw Laurel with a tray, dealing out glasses.

“I have nothing more to add, guys. I am here for two more weeks, but it was and still is an absolute pleasure to be a part of your amazing show,” Priya said. 

“Cheers!” Robert exclaimed and raised his bubbly. 

“Welcome to the family - officially now!” Laurel said on behalf of the cast and they all raised their glasses in a toast.

_ Bless Auntie Charlie. _

His first episode had been good. He was pretty sure his mum would have been proud. His colleagues were fantastic. He had this amazing, hot boyfriend, who was still giving him his private smile from the back of the room. When Robert gulped down the champagne, he couldn‘t help but think how perfect everything was. 

  
  
  
  


His phone wouldn‘t stop buzzing. Social Media had gone insane. Robert sat on their couch, trying to keep up with all the messages and new followers, but it was so fucking much! He got a tiny impression of how overwhelmed Aaron must have felt after his coming out. 

**i_stan_chrolli** and 12,000 others have followed you

How could they already have Chrolli fans out there? He had only said like 20 lines so far! Robert’s head was swimming as he scrolled down the replies to the tweet he had sent before the episode:

  
  


**Suggers** @itssugden

Don’t miss #forbiddenlove tonight guys! 5:55 pm @officiallyforbiddenlove @justaarondingle

**forbiddenlover** replying to @itssugden @officiallyforbiddenlove @justaarondingle

Surely will! Excited for the scenes tonight! #chrolli

**Carol_In** is this the new beau for olli

**forbiddenlover** yes, he is!  
  


**auntie_charlie_** replying to @itssugden @officiallyforbiddenlove @justaarondingle

oooh so we say hi to Christian tonight! Can’t wait after the pictures we already saw!!

** PriyaSharma** replying to @itssugden @officiallyforbiddenlove @justaarondingle

whoop whoop!

**chiara** replying to @itssugden @officiallyforbiddenlove @justaarondingle

omfg the wet shirt!! DEAD

**Sam** haaaaaaaawwwwwt

**i_stan_chrolli** i ship it already, join the ship guys #chrolli

And it went on and on and on like that. The twitter page for the show had posted a picture of him standing in the doorframe with the wet T-shirt.

**ForbiddenLove** @officiallyforbiddenlove

Hi Christian! Olli is speechless - what do you say to the new arrival? #chrolli

The reactions were insane, absolutely insane. Apparently about 10% of the 137 people who replied were excited for the upcoming story, at least 4 people commented with LGBTQ hastags - the rest were mostly commenting on his looks. Robert read the words “hot” and “angel” a lot. He shook his head slowly, not sure if he was supposed to be flattered or scared now.

“Oh fucking hell, Robert!” Aaron groaned next to him.

His boyfriend had pulled out his smartphone as well and stared at his display with a frown.

“You’ve tagged me!” he pouted, “Do I have to read all this now?”

Robert just snorted in return and switched to instagram. His boyfriend was such a lost cause regarding modern communication. 

“Alright,” Aaron had come to a decision after a quick moment, “I definitely won’t read people drooling over my ‘hot boyfriend-angel‘.” 

“Aww,” cooed Robert, loving how the word ‘boyfriend’ sounded when Aaron used it, “jealous, Honey Pie?”

He tried to give him a wet smack on the cheek, but got shoved away playfully. Aaron laughed.

“No pet names! That’s awful!”

“Okay, Love Muffin,” Robert said, simply because he  _ could _ .

“If you don’t stop it, Love Muffin won’t suck you off later!” Aaron said, then his eyes sparkled and he added: “That clear, Monkeybutt?”

Robert barked out a loud laugh. God, he loved this side of Aaron so much, too bad that not many people got to see it. On the other side, that made it feel even more like a privilege. Something special. 

“Okay okay, I’ll behave from now on,” he gave in, already feeling aroused at the prospect of Aaron blowing him. 

Robert turned back to his phone, to read his instagram and facebook. Former colleagues from the theatre had written him whatsapps and Robert answered them all. So many people were genuinely happy for him, it made his heart swell.

So many people - except his own family. 

Robert clicked on his whatsapp chat with Vic just to be sure and indeed, the last message was from yesterday. Robert tried to keep a straight face in front of Aaron, but damn that realisation hurt. Even Adam-

_ Adam Barton, for fucks sake! _

had congratulated him on facebook messenger - and they had only spoken  _ once _ before. Robert felt as if a needle pinched straight into his heart. Vic was his only family left - Andy didn’t count obviously - and she wasn’t arsed although he had asked her to tune in today. 

He wished, his mum was here. 

His phone pinged.

He looked at it, but it wasn’t a whatsapp from Vic. It was a tweet from Aaron.

**Dingle** @justaarondingle

Extremely proud of @itssugden right now. Can’t wait for what’s coming next, Robert!

Robert’s belly felt warm and it spread through his whole body, making the pain in his heart disappear. He couldn’t help but hopefully think that Aaron wasn’t only referring to their upcoming story on screen, but also to their real life relationship. Because Robert was more than ready for the things that were about to come. He looked at his boyfriend who smiled back at him.

Even if his family wasn’t there for him, Aaron was. And that meant everything. That meant the world.

_ I love you. _

He didn’t actually say it loud, but every fibre of his body screamed it. Aaron leaned over and kissed him, soft at first and then more and more passionately. Robert loved it like that. When Aaron was greedy, when he pushed his face against his mouth, when the stubble made his skin tingle and burn. 

Aaron pulled back, staring at him with an open mouth and dark blue eyes. He took the smartphone slowly out of Robert’s hands and put it aside. Robert shivered in anticipation. They haven’t really talked about sex yet, but Robert figured that Aaron didn’t have that much experience, which wasn’t a problem, really not. It was more a turn on, actually. Because Aaron was a quick learner and boy, was he eager to learn a lot. 

Aaron pushed him back on the couch and climbed on his lap, looking at him hungrily. Robert was fine with taking the lead, showing Aaron the best angles and all. But his boyfriend being in charge was an extra kick. He got hard in record time. 

Robert had to tilt his head backwards to kiss Aaron, his hands roamed over the strong thighs, over Aaron’s black shirt up to his pecs. Robert loved them, he was obsessed with them. They felt so fucking good under his palm, hard and solid, the result of years of boxing and working out. That Aaron liked to wear tight shirts to show them off was a constant mouth watering tease.

Aaron moaned without breaking the kiss. He grabbed Robert’s shirt and withdrew from his lips only to pull it off in a rushed move, then Aaron lunged forward again and kissed him. 

_ Eager _ .

Hands were all over his torso, sometimes caressing him gently, sometimes stroking harder, pinching his nipples. Robert relaxed into Aaron’s touch, gave himself over.

“Get yourself naked,” Aaron breathed into his mouth, “and then get back on the couch, on your knees.”

Robert made a high-pitched desperate noise as the image that flashed up in his mind shot straight into his cock and made him twitch. Aaron climbed off his lap and then he pushed off his jeans and his pants quickly. He realised that only he was getting naked, Aaron just stood there, still fully clothed, watching him with dark clouded eyes and hands balled into fists at his sides.

Robert swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous, when he knelt on the couch. His cock was rock hard, aching to be touched, but Robert didn’t want to give in. 

“Like this?” he asked.

His feet were hanging off the couch, he was facing the wall.

“Arms on the backrest.”

Aaron sounded hoarse, deep and scratchy. Robert did as he was told. The position made him automatically bend over a little, exposing him. He felt Aaron’s eyes on his backside and he tried to imagine what he must look like, if it made Aaron hard. 

Suddenly there was a hot palm on his right shoulder, softly moving down to his arse. Robert moaned quietly and shivered again. He was completely at Aaron’s mercy now and fucking hell, he was turned on like never before.

“I wanna try something…” Aaron started, “but I haven’t… “

“Okay, yeah,” he agreed easily. 

Yes to anything really that ended in Aaron touching him. The hand still explored his back and Robert arched into the skin contact. 

“I dunno if I’ll do this right,” Aaron murmured and Robert heard him shifting behind him.

_ What- _

“Tell me if it doesn’t feel... you know, good.”

Aaron’s voice came from somewhere _down_ and his hot breath ghosted over his arse now, because his boyfriend was kneeling behind him. Aaron spread his cheeks and Robert sucked in his breath harshley. He wanted to shout-

_ God, yes, Aaron! Feels good already! _

but the words got struck in his throat when he felt the hot, soft and wet tongue on him. Robert loved getting rimmed, but it hadn’t happened to him often before. With his first girlfriend he had been simply too shy to ask. His second girlfriend had looked at him like he had lost it when he had finally found the courage to talk about it. His one night stands often weren’t much bothered with foreplay and Mike had done it from time to time, but he wasn’t really into it himself. 

Damn, Robert didn’t want to think about Mike now. Not when Aaron rimmed him like that, alternating between sucking, probing and licking. Robert groaned loudly and bit into his arm, when he realised somewhere in his heated mind that they haven’t locked the door. Yes, it was late and everybody was probably long gone by now, but still - that little risk that someone could come in, seeing him and Aaron like  _ that-  _

Precome leaked onto the couch, but Robert was beyond caring. Suddenly Aaron pulled back and the air felt extremely cold on his spit slick hole.

“This okay?”

_ Okay? Okay?! _

“Yes! Fuck!” he shouted it almost, impatient, “just get back to it!”

“Bossy,” Aaron muttered and smacked his arse hard.

Robert hissed sharply and it turned into a long moan when he felt Aaron’s mouth again. It was not only the tongue that set his whole body on fire. It was the scruff too. It would make for awful stubble burn tomorrow but right now it felt amazing. Robert rocked back against Aaron’s face and panted harshly. It felt so damn good, he felt himself getting closer and closer, heat pooling, balls shrinking. He wondered if he could come hands free like that, but whenever he got closer to the edge, he bounced back again. He let out a frustrated groan.

_ It’s not enough, not enough, I need a bit more, I need a touch, something on my cock, fucking please _

He wasn’t sure if he was saying all that loud or if Aaron just sensed what he needed, but suddenly he felt a hand closing around his dick. Robert sobbed in relief and Aaron tugged one, two, three times and his hips bucked helplessly and then he came with a shout.

The next thing he noticed was that he was lying on his back, a warm blanket covering him. He blinked in confusion.

_ Aaron? _

He heard water running and turned his head slowly. Aaron stood at their little sink, washed his face and spit out mouthwash. Robert did not like the fact that he was so far away. Why was he so far away? He wanted him here on the couch with him. Robert poked his arm out of the blanket and made a grabby hand towards him.

“C’mere.”

Wow, he sounded slurry. And he felt tired, tired and warm and happy. Aaron turned around, smiled at him, came over to the couch and knelt next to him.

“Hi,” he beamed at him, still fully clothed and looking bloody smug. 

Robert snorted weakly. 

“A solid 9,” he attested Aaron and managed even to give a thumbs up.

“A 9? Mate, I knocked you out for about five minutes, but yeah, keep telling that yourself.” Aaron  _ was _ bloody smug, grinning like the cat who got the cream. 

“I think I have ruined the couch,” Robert mumbled instead of a retort, he didn’t really want to argue with Aaron about this, because yes, that had been a 10. Maybe a 12 even. 

He wondered if he was lying in his own jizz now, pulled a face and tried to feel it with his leg.

“Cleaned it up,” Aaron informed him and winked, “I knew buying leather would come in handy.”

Robert suddenly urged forward, pulled Aaron close and kissed him fiercely, he just had to. Aaron tasted like mint and smelled like soap, but Robert would have probably kissed him anyway. How could this celebrity crush on an actor turn that quickly into something so deep? He honestly had no idea, he only knew that he didn’t want to let go again. Ever. 

“Should I return the favor?” he offered with a lopsided grin when he realised that Aaron hadn’t come so far.

“No,” Aaron gave him a peck on the lips and got up and Robert felt a heavy and sudden  _ pang _ in his chest, but then Aaron said softly: “This was about you, today was your big day.”

Robert sagged back onto the couch and stared at his boyfriend in silent awe. When he snuck out with Aaron later, giggling like teenagers, they ignored how Anita made big eyes behind her glasses at them, as she sat at the information desk to work the night shift. 

This was the best day ever.

  
  
  
  


This was a fucking nightmare. As soon as Robert entered his apartment building , he heard a voice he really didn’t need today. The endorphins in his body died in a second. 

“...wait ‘ere until you open the fucking door!” 

Andy.

Andy was here, up on his floor, apparently in front of his apartment, according to the loud bumps against his door. Robert stopped dead in his tracks and felt a nudge from behind.

“Why are you stopping?“ Aaron asked.

And that‘s when the air left Robert‘s lungs. Because Andy was here, sounding pissed off, and Aaron was here, wanting to have a quick nightcap before finally heading home. He couldn’t have both together, no way. Robert wanted to turn on his heels and leave. Maybe he could convince Aaron to go for a pint in the pub around the corner?

“Robert! Let me in!“ Andy‘s voice boomed through the hallway of the house. 

“Robert?“ The playful tone had left Aaron‘s voice, he sounded worried now.

“It‘s Andy,“ he whispered over his shoulder and swallowed hard.

Robert wanted to disappear. Or Andy to disappear. He couldn‘t deal with him today of all days. It had been so perfect until now. And he couldn‘t have Aaron witness this awful mess that was surely about to unfold soon. 

His phone buzzed in his pants. Robert was almost glad, because that bought him time. When he pulled it out, he noticed how shaky his hands were.

Incoming call Vic…

“You gotta be kidding me,“ he muttered and hit the button. “Vic?“

“Oh god, Robert,“ Vic sounded upset, like she was crying. Robert closed his eyes, he hated this phone call already. “Sorry… I‘m sorry for calling you that late, but-” She sobbed.

_ Let me guess. It‘s Andy. _

“It‘s Andy,“ she cried and he took a deep breath. “We had a fight earlier and then he ran off…and he won‘t pick up his phone... and, he is not at home, I checked it…“ She hiccuped. “He was drunk, I think, and what if something happened, what if he had an accident, you know, like-”

“Op‘n the fucking door now, Robert, oriswear-!“ Andy‘s slurry voice echoed through the hallway and Vic shrieked into his ear.

“Was that him? Is he-?”

“He‘s here,“ Robert pressed out through gritted teeth, “I just got home and he is in my hallway, shouting, probably keeping my neighbours awake!“

He felt the anger rising. How could they ruin this perfect day, his amazing mood and a promising date with his boyfriend in like one minute? Robert was fed up with all the family drama.

“This is hardly my fault, Rob,“ Vic snapped and sighed. “I‘m coming to get him. Gimme thirty minutes.“

The line went dead and he stared at his phone.

_ Thirty minutes?! _

“Rooooobert!”

A door opened somewhere in the building, probably on the first floor, because it sounded like it was near.

“Shut the fuck up, mate!” His neighbour shouted. “If you‘re not fucking quiet RIGHT NOW, I‘m calling the fucking cops!“

“Fuck you!“ Andy shouted back.

“No, fuck you!“ was the smart return and then the door was slammed shut. 

Robert pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering in which bizarre parallel universe he had ended up in and trying to calm down. He flinched when he felt a hand on his back.

Oh right, Aaron. Aaron was still here. Robert cleared his throat awkwardly.

“You should probably…“ he trailed off and pointed to the door.

Aaron bristled. “Yeah sure.“ 

He made no move though, just looked at Robert with a determined stubborn face and then nodded towards the stairs. Robert sighed in defeat and started to climb up them. Was he really about to face a drunken Andy in front of his boyfriend? This was such a bad idea. But what else could he do?

When Robert reached his floor, the first thing he saw was Andy’s back. His brother started to hit the door with his fist again. Robert tried to remember when he had seen him the last time and he couldn’t come up with a date. It had to be months at least, he realised. But his neck was still as massive as ever, the shoulders incredibly broad and muscular. Andy had started to hit the gym at 16 and got absolutely obsessed with weights. When things were only halfway down, Robert had joked and had him called “Hulk” and stuff, but those times were long gone. 

Robert stood there for a moment, like frozen, unable to move or to say something. The loud bumps of Andy’s massive hands snapped him back to life, finally. The last thing he needed were cops in the middle of the night, he would never live that down in front of his neighbours. 

“Andy,” he said with a raised voice.

His brother turned around, stumbled over his own feet and lost balance. He had to lean on the wall to stabilise himself. When he was finally upright again, Robert got a first look of his face. Andy’s eyes were bloodshot, his hair and beard out of control. He looked awful.

_ Fuck Andy, when did it all go wrong? _

Robert thought back to the little boy on the tractor and tried to get the picture together with the drunken man in front of him and somehow it didn’t work. He felt a sudden rush of sadness and regret.

Andy’s gaze flicked between him and the door of his flat. Obviously he seemed to notice slowly that he had been shouting at an empty apartment the whole time. Then Andy stared over his shoulder and Robert felt Aaron shifting and moving closer. 

“Who’s he,” Andy slurred, trying to straighten his posture, as if he was getting ready for a fight.

“A friend,” Robert just said and automatically took a step to the side, moving between his brother and his boyfriend.

Andy barked out a nasty laugh.

“You don’t have friends, Rob.” His drunken voice was full of venom.

It hit Robert like a slap in the face, because his arsehole brother was right. He didn’t have friends. But damn fuck, he would not show his vulnerability, he would not give Andy some sort of satisfaction or victory. 

“What do you want?” he asked instead. 

Andy stood there for a moment, glaring at him and Aaron, slightly swaying on the spot. 

“Don’t you wanna invite me in?”

_ No, not really, I want you to fuck off. _

Robert looked at his watch. Twenty minutes until Vic would be here. He dreaded letting Andy into his home, but he could hardly stay twenty minutes with him and Aaron in the hallway. Not when his brother was pissed as a fart and unpredictable. Andy could get really aggressive when he was in a state like that.

“Fine.”

Andy reeked of beer and it took all of Robert’s willpower not to pull a disgusted face when he walked past him to open his door. 

“I know you,” he heard Andy saying when he turned the key in the lock.

He looked over his shoulder and saw his brother staring at Aaron. A bad feeling settled in Robert’s stomach, making him suddenly ice cold. He knew what Andy thought about the soap, he knew what Andy thought about-

“You’re the fag from telly.”

Andy let out another hateful laugh. Aaron made a step towards his brother, his face quickly turning into pure anger. His eyes were narrowed, the mouth was only a thin line, the jaw pressed together. Aaron’s hands were clenched to fists, ready to lunge forward.

“You!” Aaron snarled lowly, “Better be careful what you say.”

“Or what? Think ‘m scared of ya?” 

Andy’s laugh turned into a challenging expression, he tilted his head back. They stared at each other. The situation was about to explode, but Robert would not have Aaron getting into a fight with Andy. Because no matter how long his boyfriend had been boxing, Andy was simplys bigger, heavier and a boxer himself. Aaron could get hurt.

“Stop it, both of you. Get in here.”

For a few very long seconds, he was sure they wouldn’t listen to him. But then Aaron stepped back without another word and went into his apartment. Andy followed him with a triumphant grin as if he had won this round. Robert stood at the threshold, took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling.

_ Hurry up, Vic. _

When he came into the kitchen, he saw Aaron sitting at the table with a blank expression. Robert’s heart clenched with the sudden fear, that Aaron might probably run a mile after this. Being dragged into this awful scene had to be a major turn off. 

“You know she was my mum too,” he heard Andy saying.

He turned around and saw his brother staring at Sarah’s photo on the wall. Robert felt his hackles raising. 

“You always act as if she was only your mum, as if you‘re something better than me.”

“That’s not true!” he snapped.

How dare Andy come into his home in the middle of the night and throw shit like that at him. After everything! Suddenly another thought sprang into his mind.

_ He’s jealous. _

Had Andy not called him when their mother had been dying because he had had some irrational jealousy, mostly because of his own imagination? Robert tried to think about situations where all of them had been together. Had he given Andy any reason to be jealous or to feel second best? 

Honestly, he always felt it had been the other way around. 

Andy went to the fridge, opened it and looked into it.

_ Make yourself at home, bro. _

“Don’t you have any beer like a normal man?” Andy said in a mocking tone and pulled a bottle of wine out. “Or are ya too posh for that?” 

His brother opened the wine, dropped the cap on the floor and just sipped it out of the bottle. Robert tried to keep calm, he really did, but the anger rose in his body and made his blood boil. He knew what this was. Andy wanted to wind him up, because that was what he always did. But Robert would not jump on it, not in front of Aaron, who was still sitting quietly at the table. 

He just wanted to have another nice hour with his boyfriend, drink a glass of wine and make out on the sofa, preferably with a happy ending. A perfect ending to a perfect day, was that too fucking much to ask?

“Now that you‘re a celebrity,” Andy scoffed. “I saw your pictures, Rob. It’s all over the gossip mags at Vic’s. You're kissing  _ him _ !”

He pointed at Aaron, who suddenly jumped up from his chair, but Andy wasn’t finished.

“It’s disgusting! You’re disgusting!”

Andy knew that he could always hurt Robert with words like that. He knew it and he used it whenever he had the chance. Before Robert could say anything in return, Aaron stepped between them.

“I said, be careful what you’re saying,” he said threateningly.

“What?” Andy looked over Aaron’s shoulder to Robert and grinned. “Can’t fight your own battles now? You need the fag to protect you, Rob? You’re pa-”

Aaron’s fist hit Andy’s jaw so hard and so sudden that it made Robert flinch. His brother stumbled back and the bottle dropped on the floor, white wine flooding out of it.

But Robert couldn‘t worry about that now, he just stared with big eyes at the two men in front of him and tried frantically to figure out what to  _ do _ . 

“Fuck!” Andy cursed and rubbed his chin.

“The  _ fag _ is not letting you insult him in his own home,” Aaron said slowly.

Finally Robert remembered how to move again, he laid his hands on Aaron’s shoulders, noticing how tense they were and turned him around.

“Aaron, it’s okay. Okay? He is not worth it,” he whispered and rubbed his thumbs soothingly over Aaron’s neck. 

Aaron’s eyes looked at him full of concern and sadness, searching something on his face, as if checking if he was okay. Robert tried to give him a little smile back. 

_ I’m okay, it’s all good. Vic will be here soon and take him with her. _

Aaron sighed and nodded. He put his hand on Robert‘s arm right under the wrist and squeezed softly. 

“What? I thought this was just for the telly!” Andy exclaimed and pointed between Robert and Aaron. “You and him?”

His brother glared at them, loathing. Robert hated this look, it wasn‘t the first time he saw it.

“This is none of your fucking business, Andy.”

_ Vic! Where are you? _

“I don’t get ya,” Andy shook his head. “So now you’re a poof again. Weren’t that gay when you slept with my fiancee.”

It all came down to him being bi in the end, it always did. And no matter how much Vic would push for a family reunion, Andy would always be a homophobic, biphobic arsehole, would always hate him just for who he was. 

And Robert pitied him, as he was standing like that in front of him, swaying, stinking of alcohol, with bloodshot eyeballs and a bad haircut. Andy accused him, that he thought he was something better?

_ Yeah, maybe I am, Andy. Maybe I am better than you. _

The doorbell saved him from another argument with his brother. Robert felt utter relief when he let Vic in. He wanted Andy gone -  _ now _ !

“Take him with you,” he snarled to Vic, skipping a polite greeting. He suddenly felt awfully exhausted. “Take him and make sure, he doesn’t show up here again or I’ll call the cops.”

She looked at him with her big teary eyes. Her face was swollen, a sign that she had been crying earlier, when she had been thinking that Andy might have had a car accident like their father. Instead he got wasted enough to show up here to harass him. 

Vic went into the kitchen, stopped when she saw Aaron. 

“Oh sorry, I didn’t know, you had company,” she said.

“Aaron, this is my sister Vic. Vic, you know Aaron Dingle. You met briefly in the hallway a few weeks ago,” Robert introduced them awkwardly.

They all stood there, in a weird, uncomfortable silence. So this was the “introducing to the family”-part. It felt so bizarre and grotesque that hysterical laughter bubbled in Robert’s belly. He bit on his tongue to suppress it. 

“Ain’t that cosy!” Andy mocked. 

“Andy!” Vic hissed and cleared and her throat, “but since we are all together finally, we could maybe-”

“No,” he interrupted her shortly. 

Was she insane? Didn’t she see that state Andy was in? How on earth could she think that now was a good moment for them to talk? He shook his head in disbelief.

“Andy said enough already,” Aaron added and moved closer towards Robert. His mere presence made Robert feel better. It wasn’t 2 against 1 anymore. 

“Excuse me, this is family business,” Vic said snippy.

Aaron guiltily bowed his head immediately and shifted on his feet and Robert didn’t like it. Didn’t like Vic’s tone towards Aaron, didn’t like that she excluded him, although he had to listen to Andy’s insults just like him. Robert finally had enough.

“Aaron’s opinion matters,” he stated with a raised voice, ignoring her surprised expression. “And now get  _ him _ out of here! My offer is on the table, if he agrees, he can come back for the paperwork.” 

He was done with his brother, so he only looked at Vic. It took another 10 minutes of Andy being a drunken moron and Vic talking to him like he was a stubborn child, until she managed to get him out of his apartment. When Robert clicked the door shut, he leaned against it and breathed deeply. 

_ What a fucking nightmare. _

He heard something clinking and that reminded him that Aaron was still here. When Robert came back to the kitchen, Aaron was pouring Whiskey in two glasses. The picture - Aaron standing in his apartment, using his stuff as if it was totally normal - was so bloody domestic and felt just  _ right _ . After that horror encounter with his brother, it was an inappropriate thought, but it hit Robert anyway: he wanted this. Wanted Aaron in his home, wanted him to stay overnight, wanted to have breakfast with him, cook dinner with him, watch movies on the couch with him. 

“Thought we could use one now,” Aaron said and handed him the glass.

They drank it quietly, Aaron grunted and pulled an adorable face when the alcohol burnt in his throat. 

“Aaron, don’t insult my Whiskey, this is a 90-Pound-bottle,” he tried to lighten the heavy mood. 

Aaron smiled at him in response and Robert was once more overwhelmed with his feelings for the other man. He felt incredibly guilty that Aaron got in the middle of his sibling drama, that he got insulted by Andy. 

“I’m sorry!” The words bursted out of him. “For Andy. For what he said.”

Aaron firstly put his, then Robert‘s Whiskey glass aside. He pulled him into a hug.

“It’s not your fault that he is a wanker.”

Robert chuckled softly, buried his face in Aaron’s neck and took a deep breath. He loved the smell, a mixture of cologne, detergent, shower gel and  _ Aaron _ . 

“Which offer did you mean?” Aaron asked without stepping back.

“Hm?”

“The offer. You said to Vic, that your offer is on the table.”

“I want to buy the house,” he explained to Aaron, “and I made an offer to Andy and Vic to pay them. A really good offer. But Andy doesn’t want me to get it. He’d rather sell it for a lower price to someone else. And that’s what our lawyers are fighting about.”

It was ridiculous, really. He didn’t understand Andy at all, why he just wouldn’t take the money and fuck off. It would be the best for everybody. 

“And then? What do you want to do with the house? Do you want to live there?” Aaron asked, pulled back and looked at him with genuine interest.

Robert slowly nodded. He had thought about this so often, how he would renovate the house, the little extension he would build to make the living room bigger. The floor-to-ceiling-windows he wanted, to have a perfect look over the fields in the back. He could see himself living there, yes, even if it meant that he had to commute to work every day. In his imagination he wouldn’t be alone in the car.

_ I can see myself living there with you. _

“Yeah,” he breathed, not daring to explain his thoughts to Aaron.

It would be too much too soon to spring on his boyfriend after only one week of being together. Getting a house together, renovating it together, living there happily ever after - Aaron would probably run a mile.

But still, it felt right. Which was a bit scary, actually. 

Aaron gave him a small smile, but it looked sad somehow.

“Family, eh? Sucks so much,” he sighed and pulled him into another hug. 

Robert rested his head on Aaron’s shoulder, suddenly being reminded of Aaron’s own bitter family background and that letter in his drawer at work. The letter from Chas. 

_ He deserves better. _

It was too late for him and Andy, but maybe…

Maybe he could fix Aaron’s family? Robert hugged his boyfriend tighter and he knew that he at least had to try. A plan formed in his head. The first step would be to contact this Chas Dingle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Robert 😕


	12. A new experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “For fucks sake, Adam, not everything is about fucking sex,” he snapped sharply.
> 
> Except it was, wasn’t it?
> 
> ———
> 
> Aaron and Robert get through some highs and lows... and then Chrissie White drops a bombshell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the feedback on this story.  
7 chapters left 😱
> 
> I have teased a lot of angst and drama for our boys already... but then I got requests for smut (although I write it poorly, pffft 🤣) and people on twitter wanted rather an 'ass long' chapter than two shorter ones.
> 
> So here we go.
> 
> TW: mentions of self harm

So, Aaron Dingle had a boyfriend now. And it was not like he imagined it would be.

He had suffered an anxiety attack because of it. The thought alone about accepting the feelings for Robert, of letting him in, had scared the shit out of him. 

Now that he had actually let him in, he never wanted him to go. 

Aaron leaned back on his sofa, a Top Gear marathon was on the telly, but he didn‘t really pay attention. All he could think about were green eyes, freckles and big hands with long, gentle fingers. Robert was nothing but amazing. Good-looking, charming, playful and although he knew about the scars, he wasn’t reluctant about them or judging him. 

He was simply  _ Robert _ . 

His phone buzzed because of an incoming call. Adam.

“Hiya Ads, sup mate?” he answered and sipped his beer. 

Beer and Top Gear - that might sound super boring for others, for Aaron it had always been the definition of a perfect Friday night. He would be rather spending the time with Robert of course, but he had this dinner with Vic, so it had to be his beloved Friday evening routine tonight. 

“Aaron, hi! How are you mate? Haven’t heard from you all week!”

Adam sounded cheerful as ever, not reproachful or anything, but Aaron felt guilty immediately. His mind had been so full with Robert, the press conference, the Andy encounter and all, that he had simply forgotten to contact his best friend.

“I’m so sorry!” he said quickly. “I just had so much going on…”

“Oi, it’s all good,” Adam said with an audible smile. “Fancy a pint or summat??

Aaron hesitated. A little part in him wanted to kick his own arse, to get up from the couch, go out, live a little. The bigger part though… yeah, that wanted to stay on his comfy couch, feet up on the table, wearing rotten track pants. Adam noticed his silence.

“Aww mate! C’mon! It’s the weekend! Besides, I miss your grumpy face!” Adam begged and added with a mock-hurt tone: “Or don’t you love me anymore, now that you have Sugden?”

That’s how Aaron ended up in a pub 45 minutes later, still grumbling about how easily Adam had guilt tripped him.

“So how are things on the love front?” Adam asked after he ordered them two pints.

Aaron felt how a big smile spread on his face, but he couldn’t suppress it and damn, he didn’t want to. 

“Amazing actually, Robert is…

_ The best thing that’s ever happened to me. More than I could ever wish for.  _

amazing.” He let out a breath. The word was not enough, not good enough to describe Robert. 

“I bet he is, right?!” Adam’s eyes sparkled, full of mischief, and he made an explicit move with his right hand and poked his tongue against his cheek. Then he laughed.

Aaron laughed with him, but he didn’t really feel like it. Robert and him had done a lot of things to get each other off, his boyfriend was just as eager as he was. Aaron had done stuff he had seen on the internet and wanted to try with Robert. Only thinking about that rimming session flushed his body with a sudden heat. God, that had been so hot, making Robert fall apart like that. 

They had been all over each other, with hands, mouths, but they haven’t done  _ it _ so far. 

What if Robert got impatient? Aaron knew that his boyfriend was experienced, that sex was something he wanted - probably sooner rather than later. The waiter came to bring the drinks and Aaron was glad that he finally got a big mouthful of blissfully cold beer to cool him down.

“I am actually surprised you’re not with him tonight…” Adam said.

“He’s got a dinner date with his sister, they have some family stuff to sort out,” Aaron explained.

Well, that was a nice paraphrase for the shit his boyfriend had going on. Thinking back to Andy made Aaron sick. The spiteful way he had spoken, the hateful looks he had given them both. He really should have hit that stupid face a second time.

His phone lit up with a message from Robert.

**Robert**

Save me from the awkward atmosphere here!

**to Robert**

Could say the same. Having a beer with Adam.🤪

  
  


“It’s Robert,” he explained to Adam, smiling when he hit send and put his phone on the table again.

Adam just stared at him. Aaron started to feel uncomfortable and squirmed on his chair. Why was Adam looking at him like that? His cheeks burnt with heat.

“What?” he barked, embarrassed, although he didn‘t know why.

“I’ve never seen you like that,” Adam just said heavy with meaning.

Aaron honestly didn’t know how to react to that, so he just scratched his eyebrow.

“Nevermind. Ask him to join us when he is finished with his sister!” Adam nodded towards Aaron’s phone and sipped his beer. 

Yeah, no! No way! Aaron knew his best mate well enough. He wanted to get to know “the boyfriend” in person because he was a nosy git. Probably wanted to grill poor Robert and embarrass Aaron with mortifying stories.

**Robert**

Sounds fun. More fun than I’m having with Vic. 

“Ask him,” Adam insisted, giving him an innocent smile.

**to Robert**

Wanna bail and join us instead?

Aaron was torn, of course he wanted to spend the evening with Robert. But spending the evening with Robert  _ and _ Adam? He wasn’t sure if that was a good idea.

Whatsapp was still open and the app signaled him that Robert was about to reply.

**Robert**

I’d rather have you on my own, no offence to Adam :-) Any chance to meet you later, at yours or mine?

Aaron’s heartbeat sped up.

“He wants to meet me later. Alone,” Aaron muttered to Adam and typed back:

**to Robert**

Sure! Mine at ten?

He added his address, because it would be the first time that Robert would come to his home. And then, only then, he panicked and wondered if his apartment was tidy enough for Robert. His boyfriend was a neat freak after all.

“Shit!” he cursed. “I invited him to mine, Adam! What have I done!” Aaron dropped his forehead onto his arms.

Adam snickered. “What? Why? Isn’t that good, mate?”

“The place looks like shit, Ads! I have to clean up first!”

Adam threw his head back and barked out a laugh so loud that Aaron raised his head and other people looked in their direction too.

“Aaron, you’re such an idiot sometimes,” he said when he was finally able to talk again. “As if Robert will even notice your flat, when he wants to meet you on a Friday night,  _ alone… _ ” His best friend wiggled his eyebrows and winked.

_ Sex. He means sex. _

Oh.  
Did Robert expect sex tonight? The panic over his chaotic home quickly turned into a much more complicated, deeper fear. 

“For fucks sake, Adam, not everything is about fucking sex,” he snapped sharply.

Except it was, wasn’t it? Robert surely would want to get to “next level” now, after two weeks of messing around. The thought alone made Aaron’s head spin. There were so many things running through his mind. Was Robert a top or a bottom? Was  _ he _ supposed to be a top or a bottom?

He swallowed a few times to erase the huge lump in his throat. 

“Aaron? Everything alright? You okay?” his best friend’s voice finally reached his brain. Adam looked at him with an open and honest expression.

_ No, not really. Because I’m 24 and I should know how sex works. _

The truth was, he had no clue. Aaron would go to his grave without admitting it to anyone ever, but he had googled a lot in the past few days. Really really embarrassing stuff about gay sex and “how do I know if my boyfriend wants to have sex?” Utter shame had washed over him when he’d been browsing through the sites, reading the advice from the “experts”. He had felt like a teenager, because these sites were made for them, addressed to them, written for them. 

He knew his face must be as red as a tomato, because he felt hot all over under Adam‘s gaze. 

“Look, I’ve known you long enough now to know that Robert is your first boyfriend, okay?”

Aaron wanted to disappear, quickly please. Adam talking to him about his lack of experience with this soft, comforting voice? It was too much to take. He took a big gulp of his beer, relieved to hide behind the glass.

“If there’s something you want to… you know, talk about or summat.. you know, you can talk to me, mate? Yeah?” Adam nudged his arm encouragingly. 

“It’s fine, honestly,” Aaron said quickly. “It’s all good!”

He smiled, tried to make it look real, hoping to end this awfully awkward conversation before it could start really. Adam hesitated for a second, then he returned the smile, switched the topic to football and Aaron relaxed slightly. Those acting skills came in handy sometimes. 

  
  
  


Aaron had just thrown the last plate into the dishwasher, when the doorbell rang. He let out a long breath, looking one last time around in his apartment, before he buzzed Robert into the building. 

After he had come home from the pub, he had started to frantically put all the stuff that was lying around into drawers and closets. He had cleaned up his bedroom and put fresh sheets on the bed-

_ Just in case. _

and had tried to ignore his beating heart and his sweaty hands. Then he had opened the bedside drawer to check if he had condoms and lube. Aaron had to sit down on the bed and breathe for two minutes to get his shit together again. Condoms, lube, fresh sheets. Okay, so everything was prepared on that front. Aaron had squeezed his eyes shut. 

_ You can do it, Aaron. Fuck, even teenagers do it! _

For a split second, the tiniest of moments, a memory had flashed behind his eyelids. An image and a sudden pain.

Aaron had jumped up from the bed and had started to tidy his kitchen, to busy himself, to not think.

When he opened the door and looked at Robert’s smiling face, he relaxed instantly. Now that his boyfriend was finally here, he calmed down, otherwise his mind might have driven him insane.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” breathed Robert and kissed him softly. He seemed just as relieved as Aaron was.

He took Robert’s hand and led him into his living room. It wasn’t big, but it was Aaron’s favourite room, like a cave. He had chosen a dark blue colour for all the walls, a big dark sofa and a huge telly. He didn’t use it a lot, just for his Top Gear marathons and the occasional action movies on netflix, but he had always wanted a big telly and considering the money he earned he had just given in and bought the most gigantic one he‘d found.

Otherwise his flat was pretty much unspectacular. Adam and Paddy have told him that often enough and Aaron has accepted this fact. He didn’t spend much time at home anyway, so why bother with decor and shit.

“Nice place,” Robert commented after a quick look around, probably because he was polite.

Then his boyfriend grabbed him and pulled him onto the couch to kiss him.

“Missed you,” Robert muttered as he mouthed down his neck.

The hot breath tickled on his skin and Aaron shivered.

“We saw each other like five hours ago at work,” he protested, but smiled nevertheless. The feeling was very mutual. 

“Missed you,” Robert insisted unfazed and sucked at his skin right above his collarbone.

They ended up lying on the couch, Aaron on his back with spread legs, Robert on top, fitting perfectly between them. And they kissed and kissed and kissed. Aaron lost any sense of time, he got totally lost in that feeling of having this hot man above him. He grazed every part of Robert’s body he could reach, especially his sexy arse. Aaron loved getting a handful of that peachy bum, squeezing the cheeks, pulling him down against his crotch.

This was amazing and basically safe ground, because they had done this before and Aaron knew what turned Robert on. He had made little mental notes of what his boyfriend liked. But there was still so much to explore. 

Robert pulled back, breathing loudly, looking just as affected as Aaron felt.

“Aaron,” he whispered and his green-blue eyes locked on his own.

He looked absolutely gorgeous, with his tousled hair. His mouth was slightly swollen and red because of Aaron’s scruff, the lips were slick with spit. Aaron’s heart clenched and his breath hitched.

“Hm?” the hum came out high-pitched and sounded pretty pathetic, but Robert didn’t seem to care.

“I know we haven’t talked about it, yet. But…” Robert started.

_ So here we go. _

This was the sex talk, Aaron knew it before Robert went on and a weird mixture of excitement, nervousness and fear hit his stomach. “I really want to have sex with you.” Robert looked at him and Aaron noticed how his boyfriend’s ears turned slowly pink. “I mean, you know… if you want to? If it’s too early for you, we could wait, I am fine with… you know… _this_. There is no rush, right?”

“Robert,“ he cut him off, because he sensed that his boyfriend was rambling because he was just as nervous as he was. 

Robert must have misinterpreted his interruption, because he sat up suddenly, looking miserable. 

“Have I ruined it now?” 

Aaron missed the weight on his hips, the warmth of Robert’s body, he wanted him back in his arms.

“No!” he said loudly and added more quietly. “No, of course you haven’t ruined it. I have thought about…  _ it _ , too. Err, for a couple of days now.”

God, Aaron hated talking about sex, he felt so awkward and embarrassed and vulnerable, that for a horrible moment his skin started to itch and it took all of his willpower to resist the impulse to scratch over his arms, just to let out the tension of his body.

He closed his eyes, started counting, tried to slow down his breathing. Aaron tried to focus on the contact of his legs against Robert’s waist, and that did the trick. 

“Yeah?”

Robert sounded so hopeful and soft, that Aaron had to open his eyes to look at him.

“Yeah. I just… I dunno  _ how… _ ” 

_ I think it is possible to die of embarrassment.  _

Or maybe his head would just fall off because it was burning like hell. The heat spread through his body and Aaron started to sweat. 

“I figured that you haven’t done it before,” Robert said carefully, “and that’s okay, totally okay.”

Aaron winced at his words. The second time this evening he had to go through this. Of course his boyfriend had noticed that he was inexperienced, that he sometimes had no clue what to do or how to react. 

“We go slow, okay? And if something doesn’t feel good, we stop.”

And these words of Robert’s, somehow, were everything he needed to hear. Aaron was  _ safe _ with him, he was absolutely certain of that. Robert wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want to. Without another word, he grabbed Robert’s hand and got off the couch. 

_ At least I haven’t changed the sheets for nothing. _

He led him into his bedroom and when he closed the door, he felt his heart beating in his throat as if it was trying to jump out of his body. Robert took him into his arms and kissed him again and that was good. That was better. So much better than the awkward talking. Aaron kissed him back, tried to put all his feelings into it. 

His erection had totally flagged down in the past five minutes, now the blood rushed down again.

Robert stripped himself and Aaron with smooth movements, caressed his body with tender touches. They laid on the bed, never stopping contact. Robert started licking down on his throat, on his chest. His mouth found Aaron’s right nipple and sucked hard.

“Ah! Fuck!” 

It felt like a jolt through his body and Aaron bucked his hips helplessly. His cock leaked precome on his belly. He had his eyes closed but he could feel Robert grinning against his skin.

_ That smug fucker. _

It still felt weird when Robert kissed down his belly, over his scars, but Aaron didn’t feel the urge to hide anymore, so that was a small progress. Robert’s breath ghosted over his cock and made him quiver with anticipation and  _ want _ . Aaron moaned when he felt the warm, wet pressure of Robert’s tongue licking a stripe on the underside from his balls up to the tip. Then those beautiful long fingers wrapped around him and stroked him with a perfect rhythm. 

“God, Robert.”

He melted into the touch, the sensation was all consuming, there was no more room for being nervous, for overthinking if this might not feel good. Because this was  _ Robert _ .

Aaron threw his arm across his eyes and began to roll his hips, to fuck into Robert’s fist.

“Want you so much,” Robert breathed against his thigh, still jerking him off with perfect expertise. Aaron felt like he would come any second already. 

“Robert…,” he whispered, tried to give a warning, his right hand patted helplessly on Robert's shoulder.

“Want you to fuck me.”

Aaron let out a shout and shoved Robert’s hand off his cock to squeeze it right above his balls. That had been close. He panted harshly and blinked his eyes open.

“Fuck, you can’t just say stuff like that!” he grumbled and Robert chuckled softly.

“I mean it though,” he said lowly and got serious again. “If it’s easier for you, I’d bottom. I want to.

Jesus sweet mother Mary, this was the hottest thing Aaron ever had heard. He pinched his cock again and groaned. 

_ Yes, I want this, I want this, I want you. _

He felt like bursting, when he slowly nodded and Robert’s face turned into the biggest smile.

“Top drawer,” Aaron whispered and Robert almost jumped up to get the stuff.

Aaron grinned. It was good to know that his boyfriend was just as eager and desperate as he was. Robert knelt on the bed, placed the lube and the condom in front of him.

“What do I…” he cleared his throat, the nerves hitting again, “what do I have to do?”

_ Technically _ he knew everything about prepping before sex, stretching and all, from porn and those advice sites. He had fingered himself a few times, but that’s where his expertise ended. Aaron felt embarrassment slowly creeping into his body again, but only for a moment, then Robert started grinning. It looked predatory. 

“Just lean back and enjoy the show.”

And then Robert honestly winked at him. Aaron’s breath hitched and Robert took the lube, coated his fingers with a good amount of slick. And then he reached around himself-

_ Ohmygod fuck! Fuck! _

Aaron had seen this in porn, okay. Men fingering other blokes, guys fingering themselves and all that. But nothing, nothing in the world could have prepared him for the sight of Robert Sugden kneeling next to him and opening himself up. Robert looked down on him with half lidded dark eyes and he started slowly rocking back and forth, his still untouched hard cock bounced and started leaking precome on Aaron’s belly. 

Aaron began to stroke his own dick to ease some tension, then he alternated between jerking and squeezing his balls to stop him from coming too early. It was so fucking hot and he moaned, he couldn‘t hold it back.

“Turn around,” a raspy voice ordered and only then Aaron realised that it had been him who had said it.

And-

_ Fuck yes, Robert! _

Robert did just that. He turned around on his knees, now facing away from him. Aaron let out a strangled moan, almost a pained noise. It was  _ obscene _ that Robert let him watch it like that, that he could watch it like that. This was better than any porn, better than every fantasy Aaron ever had had. This was the man he loved fucking himself on two fingers to get ready for his cock. Aaron cursed lowly. 

“God, look at you,” he croaked, “you look so good like that.”

Robert moaned softly and started pumping his fingers faster. 

“You’re so hot, Robert, I bet you feel amazing.”

Once he started talking, it was hard for Aaron to hold back and Lord help him, he noticed how Robert preened with the praise, how he made an extra effort for Aaron. 

He felt close to coming again and was almost relieved when Robert finally moaned:

“I’m ready. Condom.”

Aaron sprang to life, letting go of his cock, grabbing the condom and tearing the package open with shaky fingers. He had hardly put it on, when Robert already climbed on his lap, grabbed his dick and sank down on it with one swift motion.

It happened so fast that Aaron barely realised what had happened and he let out a desperate shout. Suddenly he was engulfed by a heat that spread from his crotch through his whole torso, through his limbs, up to the tips of his fingers and toes. And Robert was tight, so tight. The pressure around his cock was overwhelming. 

Robert sat there for a moment, breathing with closed eyes, breast heaving rapidly and then he started to move. Aaron really really wished he could let his eyes open to soak up the sight of his boyfriend riding him, but it was too much. He would come in five seconds. So he squeezed them shut and tried to buck his hips up in a steady rhythm to meet Robert’s movement.

Aaron’s hands tried to touch him everywhere and found his cock finally. He spit into his hand and closed his fist around Robert’s hard dick. His boyfriend moaned loudly and sped up his movements.

“So good, Robert. You feel so good, so tight…” He rambled now, breathless praise, between a line of ng’s and grunts. 

And hell yes, praise was a turn on for Robert indeed. He rolled his hips faster, switched between fucking himself down on Aaron’s dick and up into his fist.

“Aaron! Ah! I’m close.“

Aaron finally opened his eyes and looked at Robert riding him eagerly. The muscles of his belly twitched because of the movement, his skin was flushed and covered in sweat. He looked fucked out. 

_ Oh my- _

Aaron felt all the tell-tale signs that he was there himself. 

“Yeah. Cum. Cum, Robert.”

He squeezed his hand around Robert tighter, jerked him quicker and added a little stroke with his thumb over the tip. His boyfriend’s face twisted into an almost pained look and his mouth fell open and let out a little shout. He clenched around Aaron’s cock and that finally tipped him over the edge, his eyes rolled backwards and his vision went black again, his toes curled and when he felt Robert’s come hitting his belly he spilled into the condom.

Robert shifted above him and leaned down, resting his head on Aaron’s shoulder, breathing frantically against his neck. He felt Robert‘s heart beating like a jackhammer, just like his own. 

Aaron was buried under his weight, but he felt like he was floating. Adrenaline pumped through his body and his skin tingled as if millions of little ants were crawling over it. He reveled in the feeling of still being inside Robert. 

“Sooo…” Robert started slowly after a few minutes and kissed his collarbone. 

“A 9,” Aaron said good naturedly, because this was like a running gag now and patted Robert‘s hair weakly, “an amazing 9. Almost a 10, but you know. Close.”

He snickered, because he was super funny. Aww, the endorphins. Aaron felt like he was high and Robert laughed with him.

“A 9…” he echoed, leaned up on his elbows to smile down at Aaron and shake his head softly.

_ I love you. _

Aaron’s heart tugged painfully in his chest. Robert was so beautiful and perfect and Aaron wondered once more if this was real.

He never thought he‘d have this. Hell, there had been times where Aaron had been online researching facts about asexuality, because he hadn‘t felt anything like other people his age. 

Aaron always thought  _ he _ had taken it from him.

“Let me get a towel,“ he managed out, turning his face away from Robert.

He made it to his bathroom on shaky legs, before he couldn‘t hold it back anymore. Everything was overwhelming suddenly and he let out a sob, tried to cover his mouth with his hand. The other one grabbed the sink like a lifeline, he needed something to stabilise himself because his knees had turned into jelly. Aaron couldn‘t hold it back anymore, he started to cry. 

_ I can enjoy sex, I can love someone, he has not taken this.  _

For years he had thought that he was broken beyond repair, but maybe he wasn‘t. 

The relief was all consuming. 

It took a few minutes until the tears stopped. Aaron splashed cold water into his face to wash the evidence of his breakdown away, then he grabbed a towel, made it wet, cleaned his own belly where Robert‘s cum had started to dry and then he went back to the bedroom.

It smelled like sweat and sex, Robert was starfishing on his bed, looking blissed out and beautiful.

Aaron smiled and cleaned him gently. 

“Hmm, where have you been? Thought I‘d have to send out a search party,“ Robert mumbled tiredly and yawned. “Come here.“

Aaron was glad that his boyfriend had his eyes half closed and didn‘t really look at his face, because surely his own eyes were still red, his cheeks still puffy. 

He threw the cloth aside and tried to get Robert under the covers. They both started giggling like teenagers until they were finally snuggled up, facing each other. Aaron nuzzled against Robert‘s chest, couldn‘t resist kissing him softly there and taking a deep breath. 

_ I love you. _

Robert wrapped his arms around him, held him tight and Aaron felt safe. He didn‘t want it to end.

“Would you,“ he cleared his throat because his voice still sounded scratchier than usual, “would you stay here tonight?“

He wanted it so much. Just the thought of Robert going now, leaving him alone with all those feelings still bubbling in his chest, made him anxious. 

“I was hoping you would say that,“ Robert said with a happy sigh, “might have brought my toothbrush with me… “

Aaron looked up to see his boyfriend grinning like an idiot.

“Ah, so you planned this all along!“

“What can I say,“ Robert replied smugly, “your boyfriend is a strategic mastermind.“

They laughed softly.

“We should probably get up and brush our teeth.“ Aaron yawned and shifted closer to the warm body next of him. His bed was so bloody comfy, even more so with Robert lying in it. 

“Yeah, we totally should,” Robert whispered and kissed his head. 

Then they both fell asleep. 

  
  
  
  


He woke up to an empty bed, but it took only a quick look to the towel on the floor to know that last night had happened, that it was real, that he didn’t need to freak out. 

Aaron snuggled back in the blanket, a dopey grin on his face when he thought back to their first time. He really didn‘t want to leave the cosy warmth of his bed, but then he heard a noise from the kitchen and the smell of roasted onions, fried bacon and scrambled eggs hit his nose. 

Damn, having sex made him hungry, so Aaron got up eventually, slipped on a pair of black boxers and a black Tee and walked into his kitchen. The sight almost knocked the breath out of his lungs and woke him up in a nanosecond.

Robert stood there, only wearing blue shorts. He stood with his back to the door at the hob, stirring the eggs in the pan. Aaron let his eyes wander over his shoulders, down his spine to his marvellous arse. 

He saw for a short moment the image of Robert fingering himself and shivered at the thought of how his long fingers had disappeared between his cheeks. 

When Robert suddenly started to sway his hips, Aaron snapped back to the present. And only then he heard the radio playing something. Women were singing something and Robert hummed along.

_ I know this song, Liv had listened to this. Oh my God, it‘s the- _

“If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give

Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is,“ Robert sang into the wooden spoon.

Aaron couldn‘t hold it back even if his life depended on it, he had to laugh out loud. His boyfriend had such a terrible taste in music, it was so bad, that it was actually adorable again.

Robert turned around, surprised, but only for a second, then a cocky grin spread on his face, because he was flaming Robert Sugden and knew no embarrassment.

“What do you think about that,

Now you know how I feeeeel,” Robert chanted extra loud to the music, looking at him with a broad smile. “Say, you can handle my love, are you for real!“

“Jesus, Robert, stop it!“ Aaron laughed.

He laughed so hard until his belly hurt. What a new feeling, being carefree like that. Aaron closed the distance and pressed a kiss on Robert‘s lips, but still his idiot boyfriend tried to sing along. Aaron sneaked one arm around Robert‘s neck, the other one down his arse. He pulled him closer, slapped his cheek and deepened the kiss. Robert was powerless against his tongue, he finally shut up and kissed back. They kissed until the song was over and the news started, only then did Aaron let go reluctantly.

“Aaron Dingle,“ Robert said and Aaron knew that some flirty tease would follow now, “have you just kissed me without brushing your teeth first?“ He snickered.

Robert loved to mock him with that. Aaron rolled his eyes, secretly enjoying their little inside jokes. 

“Had to do something to shut you up, didn‘t I?“

“That hurts, Aaron,“ Robert sighed and dramatically put his hands over his chest. 

“Come on, I‘m hungry!“ Aaron nudged him softly and peered over Robert‘s shoulder to the pan. His stomach made a low rumble.

“If you‘re eager for eggs, I could show you two that come with a sausage as well.“

Robert wiggled his eyebrows and Aaron slapped his chest, laughing again.

“God, Robert, stop it, really. I mean it.“

His boyfriend smiled softly and pulled him into another hug.

“I‘m sorry,” Robert whispered, more serious now, into his ear. “I‘m just very happy.“

Aaron’s belly contracted and his stomach did a somersault. He gripped Robert as tight as he could and felt just the same. 

  
  
  
  


He was happy, really happy until-

“I‘ll head home to get fresh clothes and then we’ll meet at the parade, yeah?“

His boyfriend smiled at him, kissed him and left and Aaron sat there dumbfounded. The bloody parade. He forgot about it,  _ again _ . 

Aaron slapped his forehead and made a frustrated sound. It had been a perfect Saturday so far, with a long and surprisingly tasty breakfast and an even longer shower (“Join me? To save water?” Which was ridiculous considering how much time they spent under the warm water), and now he sat here, dreading the afternoon. 

Techno music and glitter and rainbows.

Journalists from the local press. Photographers.

Fans with smartphones.

_ God I will be all over Social Media again. _

Aaron chose to wear all black, trimmed his beard and gelled his hair neatly. There had been times when he had hated his reflection in the mirror, his skinny teenage self with his - in hindsight - awful buzzcut. But he was not that naïve, impulsive, uncertain,

_ scared, _

young bloke anymore. His look was okay. He had a good job, a job that he loved, a job that brought a certain level of fame with it, he had fans, people who liked him for what he did and he had a boyfriend who

_ loved? _

liked him for who he was. He could do this damn parade, being a mascot, being all false smiles and fun. He was an actor, he would simply play it. Aaron looked into the mirror and tried to dive into Olli‘s headspace before he left his home.

  
  
  
  


Aaron thought he was prepared for the parade. 

He wasn‘t.

There were 25 party trucks with music and another 35 groups of costumes, dancers, marching bands and interest groups. 

Aaron saw drag queens, leather daddies, bdsm couples, pets, trans people, lesbians, gays, but also a lot of families and teenagers. 

30.000 people went to see the parade every year, Phil told them proudly. He was like twelve inches bigger than Aaron today with his monster high heels and his enormous wig. He was dressed up as an impressive queen, wearing different layers of makeup. 

Robert stood next to him, totally thrilled and nodding excitedly along to Phils explanation. His shirt said “Bisexual. Twice the awesome” in the typical bi colours and it made Aaron smile. 

They were supposed to be on the party truck of the TV station that showed ‘Forbidden Love’. When he got up there, he basically ran into Priya. She wore a classic rainbow coloured Pride-shirt and when they locked eyes there was a short moment of awkwardness. Never would he have guessed that she was into women. But then she smiled and he returned it and that was it. Shame she wouldn‘t be a part of the show longer, Aaron was actually starting to like her.

“Rooob!”

He turned around to see Katie waving at Robert. Aaron felt like his eyes could fall out of his head. Katie practically had nothing more on than a pair of hot pants and a bikini top. Her skin was covered in glitter and shimmered like little diamonds in the sun. She hugged Robert and Aaron hated it. He had to turn around. Priya didn‘t look too happy either. 

“Aaron, have you forgotten your shirt?” Katie asked, giving him a once-over with pursed lips, “Phil can lend you something surely. PHI-HIIIIL?“ She turned around looking for their colleague.

“My clothes are fine, thank you,“ he said to her and pressed his jaw together. 

It got him another questioning look in response. 

“Where‘s the booze?” he asked Priya, already knowing that he would need loads of it. 

  
  
  
  


After a few drinks it was slightly better, but beer can only do so much.

The music was a massive pain in the arse, loud and monotone. Aaron wondered if they’d had the same song blaring for over an hour now.

What was worse than the Techno sounds was the fact how Robert‘s shirt was glimmering now. It glimmered because Katie was rubbing herself all over him. All over his boyfriend. 

Fuck, Aaron was the one who said that he wanted to keep it a secret for now. Why the heck had he said that? There had been some reasons, it had been reasonable at the time, but Aaron bloody couldn‘t remember anymore. 

He looked over to where Robert stood with Katie, laughing, posing for pictures and taking photos and videos of themselves. 

_ Great, just fucking great. _

Her tits were hanging over his arm, as she pressed her body against him to say something in his ear. 

God, Aaron hated it.

He gulped down another beer, spoke to three journalists and waved to the people, who called him Olli more often than Aaron, but oh well.

Forbidden Love‘s own Social Media team was there and he had to do some posing for their cameras.

Robert and Katie clinged their bottles and shared a look. 

Aaron looked into all the happy faces everywhere and wondered once more what was wrong with him. Why couldn‘t he just enjoy himself like other people? Why couldn‘t he just have fun like other people? Like Katie or Robert?

The longer he was on that truck, waving and trying to put on a smile, the more it was just fake. He felt like an alien, like he didn‘t belong here. Thousands of people around him celebrated being a part of the LGBTQ family, but Aaron felt completely alone. 

  
  
  
  


“That was amazing, Aaron, wasn‘t it?“ 

Robert was absolutely over the moon. He had different colours of lipstick on his cheeks and his face was full of glitter.

“I need a shower,“ Aaron muttered.

Damn Phil. The parade had been over already and Aaron had made it to his own surprise glitter-free - and then Phil and two other Drag Queen had grabbed him and had sprayed a whole bottle of golden dust over him. Bloody traitors. Someone had even snapped a pic of it.

Robert chuckled and gave him a peck. Aaron was glad that his boyfriend had come back to his place. He really needed a nice evening now, with some take out food, an action movie and cuddles on the couch. His phone pinged.

**Adam** :

Mate, I thought Robert is your bf?!?

Something in Aaron‘s belly twisted. Why would Adam question this, when they had talked about it just yesterday?

**to Adam** :

he is, why?

**  
Adam** :

This is all over the internet, sorry mate

There was a link and Aaron clicked on it.

_ A not so ‘Forbidden Love’? Actors Katie Addyman and Robert Sugden spotted lovestruck at Pride! _

Robert asked him something, if he wanted a beer or something, but Aaron couldn‘t answer, the words were stuck in his throat. His stomach sank and he felt cold suddenly.

_ FL star Katie Addyman and soap newbie Robert Sugden seem to get along on screen - and off screen even more! At the pride parade thousands of people could see both actors being really close. Robert Sugden, who had his first scenes very recently, just stated on his social media how much he enjoys being part of the soap. Maybe his sexy co-star is one of the reasons why…. _

“Aaron?“ 

A bottle was suddenly between his face and his phone and made him jump. He looked up to Robert who offered him the beer. 

“What‘s up? Everything alright?“ Robert asked, the smile on his face faded slowly.

Aaron swallowed. How fucking fast were these articles online? With pictures even, showing them arm in arm, smiling at each other. They looked like a perfect couple.

“It‘s err… something Adam sent me,“ he just said and tried to smile at Robert. “It‘s nothing, really.“

He wasn‘t ready for this confrontation, not after last night and this morning. He wanted to go back to that, this easiness. Just being happy and giddy. 

“I know you by now, Aaron. What‘s up?“ Robert was very serious now and put the bottles on the table. 

Aaron swallowed again and showed Robert his phone. The green eyes he loved so much were flying over the lines, looking more and more amused.

“This is ridiculous!” Robert laughed finally.

“Is it?“

Fuck. The words had slipped out against his will. Aaron hadn‘t even thought about it, it just blurted out. He kinda hoped Robert would just take him into his arms, kiss him, reassure him, tell him that he didn’t need to worry. That was the answer he needed.

In reality Robert‘s mouth fell open and he took a step back.

“You gotta be kidding me,“ Robert said slowly, sounding irritated. 

“She was all over you,“ Aaron got defensive.

But he was only digging his grave deeper, considering Robert‘s growing frown.

“So what?” Robert asked and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“So what?!” echoed Aaron and scratched his eyebrow. 

“Yeah, so what!“ Robert raised his chin and looked at him, challenging.

“Do you like that?” Aaron felt his anger rising, because why was he cornered now? “Do you like when Katie rubs her tits against you?” he almost spit the words.

Robert only stared at him and then shook his head, but more to himself.

“Because I can‘t give you that.“ Aaron swallowed again and lowered his eyes.

“What? Tits?!” Robert shouted at him. “Don‘t be ridiculous, Aaron.“

It was that one word that felt like a punch, he could practically feel how his walls raised up.

_ Ridiculous. _

“Is this about me being bi?” Robert demanded to know after a little pause, but he didn‘t wait for an answer. “This is not how bisexuality works and you should know that!“ He breathed loudly. “My brother is a biphobic dickhead, I accepted that... But my boyfriend?“

Aaron huffed. So he was biphobic now?

It wasn‘t about Robert being bi.

Robert got it all wrong, he made it about himself, but this was in fact about Aaron. 

This was about him being insecure again. About him not feeling good enough, funny enough. Not being carefree like Katie. Not being confident like Robert. Not being in their league.

The words were in his head, but he couldn‘t get them out. He couldn‘t admit that to Robert, no way. It would show all of his vulnerability.

Aaron felt numb when Robert suddenly turned around and headed to the door.

“What are you doing?” he asked and dreaded the answer.

“I think it‘s best if I leave,“ Robert said quietly, hand resting on the door knob. He hesitated a moment, then he just added: “Guess I‘ll see you.“

And with that, he left. The click of the lock was loud, like a gunshot,and it hit straight into his heart.

His apartment was awfully silent, apart from his harsh breaths. 

Aaron wanted Robert back, wanted a trashy Sylvester Stallone movie marathon, wanted to kiss on the couch, wanted to laugh about Robert‘s little jokes, wanted  _ Robert _ . 

His brain tried to process what had just happened, Robert had been buzzing after the parade, and only ten minutes later he was gone. How could it go down that quickly? They had been so happy a few hours ago… and now he had fucked it up. 

He had fucked it up and Robert was gone. 

Suddenly he had trouble breathing and his vision went blurry. He realised that he was on the edge of a panic attack and he tried counting and forced himself to breathe deeper, but it didn‘t help as it should, and he was alone now, there was no Robert to help him this time, or an Adam at least, maybe he should call Paddy, but he didn’t have his phone and he couldn’t find his goddamn phone, he was all alone. 

For a very long moment Aaron was sure he would just pass out, when his vision already blacked out, but somehow he didn‘t.

When he finally calmed down enough to notice his surroundings, he found himself crawling. 

_ Ridiculous. _

Robert was right, he was ridiculous. A pathetic joke. 

Aaron made it into his bathroom on all fours. He tried not to think back to them together under the shower this morning, tried not to think back to Robert’s smooth skin, all the moles he had kissed, tried not to think back to how Robert‘s hands had rubbed the soap all over his skin. Aaron grabbed the sink and pulled himself up from the floor.

His own reflection startled him. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin was golden, he looked like a freak male version of Jill Masterson in James Bond ‘Goldfinger’.

Aaron hated it.

_ Ridiculous. _

  
  
  
  


Sunday was the worst. Even worse than his last anxiety attack weeks ago. Aaron just laid there and stared at the white ceiling. Adam texted him a few times and Aaron knew that his best friend was worried, but he couldn‘t bring himself to write back. Even the tiniest movements were too much. 

Aaron wondered how Robert was right now, what he was doing. He was probably in the gym or outside in a café and surely not as weak and whiny and self isolating as him.

It got worse and worse. It got so bad that he imagined getting up and looking for knives in his kitchen. He imagined it in every detail, to give in, to go to the drawer with his cutlery. He imagined how the silver blade would shine like a treasure, he would grab it and press it against his skin…

Aaron blinked, confused for a moment. He wasn‘t in his bed anymore, he was really in his kitchen, actually holding the knife. It took him another moment until he realised that he didn’t do it, he hadn’t hurt himself. 

Yet.

His hands started to shake and he let the knife drop on the floor, not even thinking about his bare feet. It landed next to his left foot with a loud crash. He pressed the hands against his mouth to keep the sobs in. 

Fuck, that had been close. He hadn‘t been so close to self harming again in years. 

The shining blade laid there, mocking him, teasing him.

_ Come on, do it, Aaron, you‘ll feel better afterwards. _

And that - finally - made him move. He ran into his bedroom and grabbed his phone. He ignored the 6 whatsapp messages from Adam-

_ None from Robert. No message, no call. _

his heart clenched tight, but he had no time for this now. His shaking thumb scrolled through his contacts. Bless his therapist, who‘d given him her private phone number in case of an emergency. She didn‘t have to do that, Aaron wasn‘t even sure if that was allowed at all, but she had insisted on it anyway. 

And well, this was a fucking emergency.

She answered on the fifth ring.

“Aaron?“

He wasn‘t sure if it was worrying that his therapist had his number saved in her contacts, he was just utterly relieved in that moment.

Aaron explained what had happened and she listened to him. He had almost forgotten how much he hated being honest with her, soul stripping in front of her, feeling naked and vulnerable. But it was worth it in the end, it always was. It took over an hour, but she calmed him down, told him that he did the right thing by calling her. 

He apologised anyway and felt incredibly guilty for bothering her on a Sunday. 

“Don‘t worry about that now, Aaron. Call in tomorrow and make an official appointment, yeah?“ It sounded more like a nice demand than a suggestion.

“Do you think I need to make regular appointments again?“ 

“I think it would help you, Aaron.“ 

He let out a long breath when the feeling of being a failure settled heavy as a stone in his stomach. Aaron thought he was past counselling. He honestly had thought he was doing better now. 

They ended the call and he wrote a short text to Adam, saying that he was okay, just tired after Pride partying. 

Then he spent almost half an hour typing a message for Robert, but after he deleted and rewrote it several times, he gave up. He would talk to Robert in person tomorrow.

  
  
  
  


Aaron was early for work and after two nights of poor sleep he felt knackered. He wanted to talk to Robert before they had to go to makeup though, he had to clear the air before they both went into work mode. Aaron sat down on the couch, but his leg was bouncing up and down and he couldn‘t sit still so he got up again and walked circles in their small room. He thought about the words he wanted to say to Robert over and over, practiced them in his head, actor habits coming through.

When the door opened and Robert stood in the doorframe, all the words were forgotten just like that. Aaron wanted to grab him and kiss him, but they both were frozen and stared at each other. 

“I‘m sorry!“ they said at the same time.

Robert chuckled softly and Aaron smiled, relieved. Knowing that Robert felt the same as him took an enormous weight off his chest. Robert came in and closed the door.

“Okay, let me go first,“ he pleaded.

Aaron wanted to get it out as long as he had the courage to do it. Robert just nodded, sat on the couch and patted on the empty space next to him. Aaron slowly sank down and took a deep breath.

“When I say, it‘s not you, it‘s me, promise not to laugh?“ he started with a lame joke, mostly to buy him a few seconds to get his thoughts together.

“I promise,“ Robert still smiled but got more serious.

“I...err,“ Aaron cleared his throat, “I called my therapist yesterday.“

He just blurted it out, waited anxiously for Robert‘s reaction. Aaron saw confusion and concern.

“Aaron, I…“

“This whole thing isn‘t about you being bi, this is about me thinking I‘m not good enough,“ he said in a rush, just wanted to get the words out.

He couldn‘t look Robert in the eyes, so Aaron focused on his hands, fingers kneading. He knew that he should explain more, that he only threw some tiny pieces in front of Robert’s feet for him to puzzle a big picture together, but he just couldn‘t. Admitting these two things had been hard enough.

Robert softly took his hands and Aaron‘s heartbeat quickened.

“Aaron, you‘re good enough,“ he said with the softest voice Aaron ever had heard. It was smoothe, like golden honey. “You‘re amazing.“

All the tension left Aaron‘s body, there were no words for the relief he felt. These were the words he needed to hear so desperately. His eyes started burning, but he didn‘t want to cry in front of Robert, so he just lunged forward and kissed his boyfriend. He had missed those lips so much. Aaron broke the kiss, stayed close and laid his forehead against Robert‘s. 

“I‘m sorry, I got so jealous,” he whispered. “It just rubbed me the wrong way.“

He saw Robert‘s mouth twitching.

“Pun intended?“ Robert asked and broke into laughter.

Aaron shoved him away playfully, feeling a strange mixture between laughing and crying.

“You‘re the worst,“ he muttered.

“And you‘re the best,“ Robert shot back because he was a big fan of cheesy rom-coms. 

Aaron felt his cheeks burning, he knew that it wasn‘t true and his boyfriend was shamelessly exaggerating. He wished more than anything he could say something back like that, but he wasn’t good enough with words, he couldn‘t think of any words that were remotely accurate to express his feelings.

He kissed Robert again instead. There were still a lot of things unsaid, Aaron was aware of that, but at least Robert knew that he was getting help to deal with his issues. And he could only hope that this was acceptable for now.

Robert sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and nipped softly at it.

_ Yeah, that‘s much better than talking. _

  
  
  
  


They had a busy day filming and then Chrissie called a storyline meeting that afternoon. 

Olli and Christian were about to kiss on screen soon, they had already gotten their script for it. But now LWP gossip was that the boss was already planning the next storyline - their first week had been full of positive articles and comments after all. 

Robert was weird today, he was very busy with his phone during their breaks and he gave Aaron odd looks when Robert thought that he wasn‘t looking. Aaron was glad they had talked this morning, he was sure they were good  _ technically _ , but well. Something was up, he knew it.

“Robert, everything alright?“ Aaron asked when he pulled him aside in a quiet moment.

“Yeah, sure, absolutely,“ Robert said a little too quickly.

“You seem a bit weird… I dunno?“ Aaron asked carefully. “Look, if this is still about Saturday…“

“It‘s not,“ Robert said and stroked his biceps reassuringly. “But yeah, in fact, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.“

“Sounds serious,“ Aaron tried to joke, but he was still a bit tense.

“No, it‘s actually something good,“ Robert smiles, “or at least I think it is. Remember the fan mail you got two weeks ago?“

Oh yeah, Aaron remembered it. So many lovely letters, he had already started to answer them after he had read them all. Well, almost all. There was this one letter…

He swallowed and nodded, not really wanting to think about that right now.

“When you read them, I noticed that-”

“Guys, don’t forget the storyline meeting in 10, fourth floor!“ Phoebe, Chrissie White‘s PA shouted in their direction as she walked by. 

“Sure!“ Aaron replied loudly to her and said more quietly to Robert: “We’ll talk later, okay?“

Robert looked torn for a short moment, then he smiled. “Yeah okay.“

  
  
  


Aaron vividly remembered his last storyline meeting, when Robert Sugden had entered the room. How he had felt immediately attracted to the blond man.

Now, a few months later, this handsome bloke was his boyfriend. 

_ Someone pinch me please. _

So much had happened since then, it made Aaron smile. After his low yesterday, today was better again. His head was a lot clearer. He would make new appointments for counselling and he would get better. Aaron did it once, he could do it again - plus, he had Robert by his side now. 

Chrissie White came in, followed by a wave of perfume. The quiet conversations slowly died, as she stood at the head of the table, smiling and waiting like a bloody queen in front of her subjects. 

“Hello everybody, thanks for coming to this meeting!” she said, looking around. 

As Aaron expected her eyes landed finally on Robert and her smile got a tiny bit wider.

“First of all, let me say thank you for your incredible work in the past few weeks! The material I have seen so far of Chrolli is very promising, the first scenes were taken very well from the press. Airing them during the official bi-week was truly clever and got us extra bonus points!“

Aaron hated when she was talked like that. For her it was all about business, strategies and headlines.

“Our Social Media campaign was a success so far, as well as our presence at the LGBTQ Pride,“ she carried out. “So, now we are hitting the point where we have to think about a new story for our new fan favourites, for Chrolli!“

She made a pause as if she expected applause, but it was dead silent in the room and Aaron found it awkward. 

“I had a productive meeting with the storyliners and we came up with a very good idea. Something that has been rarely addressed in a soap so far, an issue based storyline, that needs research from our writers, but also from our actors.“

She shot Robert and him a meaningful look.

“The next big Chrolli story will be a male rape storyline.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are all satisfied (bottom Robert, right?! 🔥🔥🔥).... for now, because the shit is going to happen 😝
> 
> Apparently I am open for ideas or requests, so well, let me know them 😄
> 
> Feedback appreciated (Someone told I had the comments function deactivated for unregistered users...must have been a finger slip and is fixed now)


	13. A new chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert wants to be there for Aaron, but will Aaron let him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys had a happy Easter (as happy as it can be in times of Corona...)  
Sorry, that the update took a bit longer 🤗
> 
> Warning: we‘re starting to explore Aaron‘s past (nothing worse than canon). Read the tags.

Robert felt the excitement buzzing through his body. A male rape storyline is indeed a brilliant idea. Showing not only women were at risk but also men, was definitely an issue that needed more awareness. This was why he loved his job so much - not to play some stupid random soap themes like cheating, scheming and stuff, but to play stories that actually matter. 

“So, we are at a point in Christian’s life where he just got together with Olli, their close friends know about them, but in public he is still in the closet,” Chrissie explained the idea, “because he recently started boxing on a semi-professional level in a local boxing club. People there are classic stereotypes: masculine, homophobic macho me . So Christian tries his best to keep his bisexuality a secret. However, it gets out eventually and the boxers are furious, so they harass Olli in his pub. And that is when the assault will happen.”

Chrissie White looked around, smiling, obviously very pleased with their idea. Okay, it would be a tough and intense story to shoot, but if one actor was able to handle it brilliantly? 

_ Aaron is going to smash these scenes. _

“So Olli gets raped?” Robert asked, just to make sure he got it right and shot a glance to his right.

Somewhere in the distance Robert heard Chrissie saying ‘yes’, but he barely registered it. His focus was solely on Aaron. He thought his boyfriend would be just as excited as him, because a big storyline was every actor's aim, this one was basically screaming for awards, but Aaron wasn’t anything near excited. Robert knew immediately that something was off.

Aaron was extremely pale, his blue eyes were wide open, his mouth was slack. He looked like he was in shock. His hands were closed in fists, knuckles white from clenching too hard. Robert saw his chest heaving rapidly. Chrissie White continued her monologue, something about working with survivor groups and talking to rape victims, when Aaron suddenly jumped up from his seat and rushed out of the room. He almost ran. 

A heavy feeling hit Robert’s stomach. This was such odd behaviour in this situation, something was very, very wrong and he didn’t understand what or why. 

Chrissie White had paused when Aaron bolted out, looking extremely irritated. The others gave him a questioning look, as if he knew what was up with his co-star. Robert only shrugged.

“I told him not to eat in the canteen,” he tried to joke to erase the awkwardness in the room.

It worked, some of his colleagues snickered quietly and Chrissie went on with her explanation about the story, the research and the PR campaign. Because that was the most important thing for her of course. Robert would be pissed off about her attitude normally, but he wasn’t even listening. His mind was on Aaron. He wondered if he should get out and find his boyfriend, ask him what was up. 

_ Or should I leave him alone? Give him some space? _

Robert reminded himself that Aaron had told him just this morning that he was seeing his therapist again and letting him deal alone with whatever was bothering him now, seemed extremely wrong. Robert tried to think about an exit strategy, to leave this meeting without getting weird looks. He pretended to be receiving a phone call, pulled his iPhone out, stared at the dark display, muttering “Oh, I gotta get this. Family” and then he left. Those acting skills really helped sometimes. 

As soon as he was outside, he let out a long breath and looked to the left and to the right. The hallway was empty. 

_ Dammit, Aaron, where are you?  _

On the fourth floor were mostly offices, some doors were closed, others were open. Robert saw one of the Social Media girls walking from one room to another.

“Oi!” he shouted to her. “Have you seen, Aaron?” he asked when she looked in his direction. It was worth a try at least. 

“Bolted into the loo a few minutes ago. Seemed like an emergency,” she laughed.

How dare she make jokes at Aaron’s expense. Robert was aware that he made a similar remark in the conference room, but still. When she did it, he felt immediately protective. 

He just clenched his jaw, nodded and went to the restrooms, hoping that Aaron was still in there. He went through the small room with the sinks straight to the three boxes. One of them was locked. 

“Aaron?” he asked softly. 

He heard fabric rustling and a quiet sniff.

“Leave me alone, Robert!“ Aaron replied gruffly. “I‘m in the bloody bogs for fucks sake.“

Robert felt taken aback for a moment and had to swallow. Since their first encounter in the dressing room, Aaron hadn‘t talked to him like that. Except…

_ Except when he had that panic attack in the studio… _

He debated for a moment if he should just go. What if Aaron was  _ indeed _ sitting on the toilet - urgh - Robert definitely didn‘t need to hear that. Or smell. They were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, and boy, that could be a real killer. 

But what if Aaron had another break down? Then Robert should be there for him, shouldn‘t he?

He felt extremely torn and useless. A good boyfriend should know his partner well enough to be aware of what they need. Damn, he was a complete failure, it was frustrating.

And while Robert still stood in the doorframe between sinks and toilets, thinking about what to do, he heard fabric rustling again, then Aaron unlocked the door and came out of the cubicle. His head was bent down, eyes averting his, but Robert was sure that he had seen red and puffy cheeks for a split second.

_ He cried. _

Aaron bumped against his arm when he rushed past him to the basin. He turned on the tap and hunched awkwardly. Robert knew why. It was so that he couldn‘t see Aaron‘s face in the mirror. 

Robert felt awful seeing his boyfriend looking so haunted. And he clearly was, there was no point in denying it. Aaron started to splash cold water onto his face and Robert reached out and touched his shoulder blade. It was supposed to be a comforting touch, to show his support for whatever Aaron was going through, but Aaron flinched like he had just suffered an electric shock and made a distressed sound. 

Robert drew his hand back immediately, feeling even more lost now. He didn‘t understand Aaron‘s reaction, especially after all the intimate touches they had exchanged. Aaron usually loved the contact, damn, in fact he was a real  _ cuddler _ and who would have thought that about Aaron Dingle?

“Aaron, I…” Robert swallowed.

_ I don‘t know what‘s wrong, please talk to me. _

“Better not touch me,“ Aaron managed out, still bent over the sink, “Think I caught a bug or summat.“

“A bug?“ he echoed, sounding like an idiot.

“A stomach thing, you know. Really nasty.“

Robert remembered immediately how Aaron told him about food poisoning when he had that panic attack. The tension in the room was getting more and more awkward with every second. It felt like Aaron was somehow shifting away from him steadily, out of reach, although he was only 20 inches away. 

“You can talk to me,“ Robert offered, feeling stupid, but he didn‘t know what else to do.

“About what?” Aaron turned off the tap, straightened up finally and looked at Robert through the mirror.

He looked awful and Robert’s stomach was slowly twisting. Aaron’s skin was grey, his eyes were still red and under them he had dark rings, although Robert could have sworn they weren’t there half an hour ago. Aaron looked like he had aged four years in just 30 minutes. 

“I’m fine,” Aaron insisted and it was almost fucking bizarre considering his  _ face _ .

Robert wanted to shake him. Without waiting for another reaction from him, Aaron just turned and left the restrooms.

Left him standing there, like frozen. 

Aaron didn’t even use the bloody toilet, he noticed a few seconds later. He hadn’t flushed. So much for the stomach bug.

  
  
  
  


He wanted to talk to Aaron, but you can’t talk to someone who avoided you at all costs. And that’s exactly what his boyfriend did. First it was the mysterious “bug” that forced Aaron to stay at home and made it impossible for them to meet. Then they had different scenes with other actors to shoot, Robert with Priya and Aaron with Ross. He cancelled their saturday date for an “emergency meeting” with Adam, apparently his best mate had woman troubles. And finally on sunday he let Robert know that he already made plans with Paddy.

By Monday morning, Robert was fed up. Since that Pride parade everything was weird and tense. But before that it had been so perfect and Robert wanted it back like that. Back to falling asleep together, having breakfast together, being silly together, cuddling on the couch together. And the sex... - it was the best sex Robert ever had. Even thinking about it, sent waves of heat and pleasure through his body, but then reality hit him again. That everything was different since then.

For a small moment, he thought that it might be him. What if Aaron was having second thoughts about their relationship, what if he wanted to end it and simply didn’t know how to do it? But deep down he knew that it couldn’t be that. He had seen in Aaron’s eyes that he loved him back. They hadn’t said it out loud yet, but Robert reminded himself of all the little gestures, touches, looks they had shared. That hadn’t been an act, that had been real. 

_ Still is. _

He held onto that thought. And that’s why Aaron’s behaviour bothered him even more, because he didn’t understand it.

Robert sat on the couch in their dressing room, determined to get this  _ thing _ , whatever it was, finally out in the open. 

The door opened and Aaron rushed in, late, if Robert remembered his boyfriend’s shooting schedule correctly. He should be in makeup by now. When Aaron noticed him, he froze, but just for a brief moment, then he lowered his eyes, walked across the room and threw his backpack on the sofa. 

“Hi, Aaron,” Robert said and got up. 

Normally he would just grab Aaron’s face and kiss him stupid, they would smile at each other, murmur sweet good mornings into each others mouths. All the romantic, loved up stuff, that Robert didn’t even know he was into until Aaron. All the stuff they did until last week. 

Now Aaron looked like a deer caught in the headlights , not looking him in the eyes, scratching his eyebrow.

God, it was so bloody awkward.

“Hi.”

“Can we-”

“Err, look,” Aaron cleared his throat, “I’m late and I really need to…” He pointed with his thumb to the door.

Cold fingers slowly wrapped around Robert’s heart and he felt ice spreading through his body. 

“But can we talk? Later?”

Aaron hesitated for a moment, then he finally looked up and into Robert’s eyes, the first time since their encounter in the toilets. A smile spread on Aaron’s face. 

“Sure,” Aaron said happily, as if everything was fine.

He leaned over and kissed Robert. It was a quick peck on the mouth, just dry lips pressed on dry lips, although Aaron missed his aim and landed half on his chin. After barely a second, before Robert could react, it was over again, Aaron shot him one last smile and then he left without another word.

_ What the actual fuck just happened? _

That sudden smile, that happy mood out of nowhere, after almost a week of avoiding him, and then this weird kiss. This wasn’t right. This was-

_ Acted. It was acted. _

  
  
  


**Christian enters the flat. Olli sits at the table, types on his laptop.**

**Olli (looks up): don’t tell me you blew it!**

**Christian (sad): I told you that university wasn’t for me**

**Olli: I’m really sorry.**

**Christian starts smiling**

**Olli: You’re having me on!**

**Christian (excited): I passed!**

**Olli: Don’t ever do that again!**

**Christian: It was a close shave, swimming never was my kind of thing, but track and field will be a snap**

**Olli: We have to celebrate that! I put some beer in the fridge. (goes and grabs the beer, hands it to Christian)**

**Christian: Olli, I want to thank you.**

**Olli: for my support?**

**Christian: I couldn’t have done it without you. And that you’re now so invested in that whole thing, after all that has happened...that’s super nice of you.**

It wasn’t in the script, but Robert couldn’t resist - he grabbed Aaron and wrapped his arms around him. He was dressed and styled like Olli, but he smelled like Aaron and felt like him. Robert had missed him during the last week, but it was only now he realised how much. He had missed the broad shoulders, the hard pecs, Aarons back muscles under his palms. But also the warmth of his skin, the heartbeat against his chest, the scent of his shower gel. 

Aaron was taken by surprise for a second, then he hugged him back. Hesitantly and carefully at first, then his grip slowly tightened. Robert felt the tension leaving Aaron‘s body, felt him relaxing into the touch. And Robert nuzzled his neck, buried his nose right above the collarbone.

“Amazing guys, that‘s it!“ the director shouted.

The background noise rose, the crew started talking, people were walking around the set and Aaron let his arms sink and wanted to step back. But Robert refused to let him go.

“Rob…“ Aaron said hoarsely.

“I‘ve missed you,“ whispered Robert, still holding him. “I don‘t care what the others think.“

He heard Aaron letting out a breath. Then a moment of tense  _ nothing _ followed. But Robert still stood there, holding him, hoping.

_ Come on, Aaron. _

He felt hands on his shoulder blades again when Aaron hugged him finally back. 

“I missed you too,“ Aaron said quietly.

Robert felt the eyes of his colleagues on them, heard them whispering, but honestly, he couldn’t care less. Because for the first time since last Monday the world felt right again.

  
  
  
  


When they were alone again after a long day of filming, Aaron fell on the couch with a heavy sigh and rubbed his face. Robert approached slowly, thinking about how he could get Aaron to talk to him. He wouldn’t take “I’m fine” for an answer today, that much was for sure.

Aaron lowered his hands slowly, dragging the skin of his cheeks down with them.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled through his palms.

Robert sat next to him on the couch, glad that Aaron took initiative, that he didn’t have to push him.

“I just don’t get it, Aaron,” he said, shaking his head slightly, “what happened last week?” When Aaron flailed his hands and opened his mouth, Robert added quickly: “And don’t tell me you’re fine or it’s nothing, because I know there was  _ something _ !”

Aaron shut his mouth again, laid his head on the backrest and stared at the ceiling. Robert was suddenly worried that the invisible walls would raise again.

“Stop shutting me out, you-”

“I’m not,” Aaron interrupted him, sighing. “I’m not, I’m just… thinking.”

Okay, Robert could live with that. He sat back and waited for his boyfriend to continue. He took the quiet moment to look over Aaron’s face. It wasn’t as bad as last week, but his skin was still a bit paler than usual and there were still bags visible under his eyes - although he was wearing makeup. Aaron nagged his bottom lip, the trademark sign that he was thinking about his next words.

“It’s… err...family stuff,” he finally said, but somehow he made it sound like a question. “It’s complicated.”

Family stuff. Robert was immediately reminded of Chas’ letter. His eyes flicked over to the drawer where he still kept it hidden.

_ Maybe now is a good time to bring it up! Maybe it’ll help! _

“Wanna tell me about it?“ he asked carefully.

Aaron still looked up to the ceiling and snorted weakly. It sounded sad. Then he shook his head slightly to whatever he was thinking right now.

“You grew up in this lovely house and had this close relationship to your mother…“ Aaron frowned and let out a shaky breath, “and I…”

He swallowed. Another silence followed and Robert sensed that Aaron wanted to tell him something, but couldn‘t find the right words.

“You and your mum weren‘t that close?“ Robert offered and he knew the answer already. 

Because Chas had told him herself, on the phone last week.

“No. Err… she left us when I was little.“ Aaron rubbed his palms over his jean clad thigh. “We haven‘t spoken for… I dunno… 13 years or so.“

“Do you wish it was different?“

Robert held his breath and Aaron looked at him for the first time since they sat down on the couch.

“Yeah. I mean, things could have been so different...“

It was just a rushed whisper, but Aaron looked incredibly sad and heartbroken, his eyes even filled with tears. And Robert couldn’t have that, not when he could change it. He sprang into action and jumped up from the couch.

“I can help you!“ he said, suddenly feeling ten times better now that he knew what was bothering Aaron and that he could actually  _ do _ something against it. 

He smiled at Aaron, but only got a confused look in return.

“What?“

“What if you  _ could _ talk to her? Maybe start over?“ he asked excitedly.

The wrinkles on Aaron‘s forehead got deeper.

“What?“

“Okay, so I saw you throwing away that letter,“ Robert started and went over to the drawer.

“That letter…“ Aaron muttered.

“Yeah and you know, Andy‘s and mine relationship is totally damaged, but I thought maybe I could help you with Chas,“ Robert explained and searched for the letter.

“Chas…“ Aaron echoed. “How do you-?“

Robert pulled the envelope out and presented it to Aaron.

“I mean I haven‘t opened it, but her address is on the backside and so I searched for her number,“ he explained. 

Aaron just stared at him.

“So you picked the letter out of the bin?“ he asked, his voice getting louder with every word. “The letter that I threw away?“

“Yeah, but I-”

Aaron jumped up from the couch and Robert swallowed. He was prepared for this, of course Aaron would be mad at him for doing this behind his back. If he could just explain-

“I don‘t believe you!“ Aaron shouted angrily and Robert flinched. “And you searched for her number? Don‘t you think I could‘ve done that myself, if I wanted to call her?“

“But you said it yourself, you wished you were in contact with her,“ Robert pointed out, but he cringed at his own words.

And Aaron just narrowed his eyes and glared at him. His jaw was clenched so tight together it made the muscles on his face twitch. 

“Look, hear me out. I‘m sorry!” Robert said in a rush, holding his hands up in a peace offering gesture, “Okay, I just thought... you always seem so sad when it comes to your family. And you were there for me when Andy showed up at my place, so I wanted to help you in return. My family is broken, but maybe there is hope for yours-”

Aaron huffed at that and shook his head. 

_ But at least he is still here, listening, and not running away like he usually does.  _

So that was good, right? Robert tried to hold on to that thought. 

“I‘d give anything to talk to my mum  _ once _ more,” he went on and swallowed against the lump in his throat, “you have this chance, Aaron. You can talk to her.“

“She probably just wants money or something!“ Aaron snarled, “or why do you think she wrote now? After all these years?“

Robert clicked his mouth shut. He could have told Aaron that he had already spoken to Chas. That he already knew that she desperately just wanted to meet him. But Aaron was already pissed off and Robert suddenly realised that he had overstepped a line by calling her behind his back. It would be like a betrayal for Aaron. Chances were high that he wouldn’t forgive Robert for that. 

“Only one way to find out, isn’t there?” he said instead.

_ Technically I haven’t lied to him. I just didn’t tell him the whole truth. But I didn’t lie. _

He told himself that over and over but he still felt guilty.

Aaron crossed his arms and huffed. Robert didn’t have to attend years of drama school to notice that Aaron‘s body language showed how much he was blocking out the possibility of meeting Chas. 

“Look, you can read the letter or just call her, or both if you like,“ Robert suggested, “see what she wants. You could meet her - only once. If you don‘t get on with her, you can go back to ignoring her. But at least you tried. And maybe,“ he stepped closer to Aaron, laid his hands on Aaron‘s biceps and stroked softly, “maybe it would be good to meet her.“

He felt Aaron‘s tension slowly fading. His boyfriend still worried his lip but his shoulders dropped slightly. 

Robert continued his gentle touching, encouraging Aaron. 

“I just dunno if I’m ready for some memories,” Aaron said quietly.

And yeah, Robert got that. He had his own memories, some lovely ones, but others would haunt him forever. His thoughts wandered back to the day his mum died and he wished he could turn back time, go back there, talk to her one more time. 

But he couldn‘t, his chance was gone, taken from him by his own bloody brother. Aaron on the other hand still had the chance to get in touch with his family. Maybe he could even rebuild the relationship to his little sister? Even if he talked about her only a few times, Robert had seen how much she meant to Aaron. 

“Make new ones then,“ Robert smiles.

At that time he truly believed it himself.

  
  
  
  


The next day was a day off for Aaron and Robert was antsy all day, he almost ruined the very important scene of him and his onscreen girlfriend Coco splitting up. He was afraid that Aaron would push him away again, after Robert told him about the letter, so when his boyfriend suggested that they spend the next evening together, Robert may have made a little fist bump to his empty apartment reading Aaron‘s whatsapp.

_ I should change his contact name, maybe. Or… nah! _

Robert snickered and typed quickly:

**to Sexy Flatmate**

Sure. Come over to mine? I’ll make dinner and we can watch a movie? You could stay here overnight, if you want.

He started pacing in his living room. Maybe he came across a little too pushy? They had just been through a week of Aaron avoiding him and Robert still didn‘t know where they stood right now, to be honest. He couldn‘t remember being that nervous while waiting for a text. 

The minutes stretched and stretched but still no message from Aaron.

_ Okay, I was too pushy. Fuck! _

Robert grabbed his phone again, tried to think about a way to back-paddle, but then he saw the little dots signalling that Aaron was typing a text.

**Sexy Flatmate**

****k. See you in 30? X

It made Robert smile. Aaron‘s grumpiness even showed in his texts. 

**to Sexy Flatmate:**

Can‘t wait. X

The dinner was almost ready when Aaron came. He was wearing a black bomber jacket and underneath an olive shirt, which was one of the rare colours apart from black in his wardrobe. The shirt was nicely fitted, showing off his toned stomach and his pecs. Mouthwatering. The gelled hair was the cherry on top. 

_ Hot. And mine. _

For a moment, Robert was unsure how to greet him, if he could kiss him, after he walked into his apartment. Then Aaron smiled at him and Robert threw all his thoughts over board and just leaned in. 

It felt so good to kiss him again, not just a quick peck, but really kissing. Robert sucked Aaron‘s bottom lip in and nibbled softly at it. He grabbed Aaron‘s face and held it gently, cradled the stubble with his thumb. God, he had missed him so much. Robert couldn‘t stop smiling while he kissed, while he opened his lips for Aaron‘s tongue to slide in. And his boyfriend understood the silent plea, he softly licked into Robert‘s mouth. 

He lost any track of time, let his hands finally wander down to Aaron‘s waist, pulled him closer. Robert didn‘t want it to end, but then the smell of food reminded him of the pans that were still on the stove. The vegetables were probably burnt by now.

Reluctantly, very reluctantly he pulled back.

“I need to check on the food,“ he whispered and pressed his forehead against Aaron. 

It took another few seconds until he got his shit together again.

He went into the kitchen, turned the heat off and stirred the sauce, when he heard Aaron following him.

“Food is rea-” he started, but the word got stuck in his throat when he turned around, because Aaron stood there, biting his lip and holding up a DVD, “-dy. What‘s this? You brought a movie?”

He pointed at the DVD and Aaron looked sheepishly down on it.

“Actually I bought this for you,“ Aaron said and bit his lip.

“You bought me a movie?“

Something warm spread in Robert‘s body. How could Aaron be so damn adorable?

“You were right,“ Aaron cleared his throat, “I  _ was _ avoiding you last week and I‘m really sorry.“

Robert was about to tell him that it was fine, that it was okay, and although he still didn’t understand fully  _ why _ , forgive and forget and move on, enjoy the evening and all that, but Aaron continued:

“I remembered that you said, that this was you and your mum‘s favourite, so…“ his voice trailed off, his cheeks started to flush red and he shoved the DVD gruffly into Robert‘s hands. 

_ Adorable! _

It was ‘Billy Elliot’. It really had been his mum‘s favourite. Robert loved it too. He kinda always felt connected to Billy, for wanting a different life from what was expected from him. He always wondered if his mum liked this movie because she saw a little bit of Robert in Elliot, but he had never asked her about it. He hoped though.

They had watched it at least 10 times together, even Vic joined them sometimes. Andy not, of course, it was “too queer“ for him.

“You bought me Billy Elliot?“ Robert asked in awe.

He didn‘t have the heart to tell Aaron that he already had the movie twice, on DVD and in his digital movie library. It was the gesture that swept him off his feet. He only mentioned it once to Aaron, when they were talking about old movies, but his boyfriend remembered it and went shopping today, on his day off, to get this for him. Robert‘s heart felt too big for his chest.

“We could watch it later, if you like?“ Aaron scratched his eyebrow and did his adorable mouth shrug.

“You would watch it with me?“ Robert felt like a parrot now, but he was so overwhelmed by this little gesture that he had a hard time to get his thinking straight.

“Yeah, if you like?“

_ I love you. _

The words were on his lips, ready to be said out loud for the first time, but then Aaron broke the eye contact.

“What have you cooked?“ he asked, glancing towards the pan and the moment was gone. 

“Sweet potatoes with vegetables and a curry sauce,” he said, “I hope you like it.“

Eating with Aaron always drove Robert insane and tonight was no exception. Aaron made little noises after he took the first bite. Soft moans escaped his mouth and he closed his eyes while he chewed. A drop of sauce was on his lips and he licked it off, slowly, tracing it. 

Robert was screwed. So much.

After they finished eating, Aaron helped him clear the table and they put the plates in the dishwasher together. It felt utterly domestic and Robert loved it. As if they had been doing it for years like that.

He put the DVD on and they sat on the couch. Robert laid his feet on the coffee table, lifted his right arm on the backrest and it took only a few seconds for Aaron to snuggle against his side, resting his head on Robert‘s chest. 

Robert tried to hide that he sniffed at Aaron‘s hair. He loved the smell of his shampoo and the gel. 

Although he had seen the movie so often, watching it with his boyfriend was a new experience. He couldn‘t believe it that he was watching it with  _ Aaron Dingle _ , his celebrity crush for years, who was now cuddling with him on the sofa. How could this be his life now? 

“And?“ he asked when he switched the telly off afterwards.

“Not as bad as I expected,“ Aaron admitted. 

“Oi!“ Robert laughed and pinched him in the side.

They both laughed.

“I always loved how Billy‘s dad supported him in the end,“ he admitted then and Aaron got quiet. “I wish Jack would have done the same for me, but he never knew how to handle me being different.“

Aaron sat up. He started kneading his fingers, looked down and swallowed. He looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how. Robert waited patiently and drew little circles on Aaron’s shoulder with his forefinger.

“When I meet Chas, would you come with me?”

Robert was taken by surprise, he had expected something about Aaron’s dad. 

“Sure,” he promised. “Did you read the letter?”

Aaron shook his head slowly and let out a long breath.

“No, I…” he paused and frowned.

“We could open it together. Just..., you know, it’s an offer, okay?” Robert said and squeezed Aaron’s shoulder gently. It felt tense. 

Aaron thought about this, then he lifted his right side from the couch and pulled something out of the back pocket of his jeans. It was the envelope, folded and still closed, Aaron unfolded it carefully and tried to strike the wrinkles out of the paper.

“I stared at it for hours today,” he admitted quietly, “couldn’t bring myself to open it. I even called my therapist…”

Aaron glanced sidewards to him, as if he was unsure if he had said something wrong, but Robert gave him a small smile.

_ None of this, no shame for having therapy. _

“What did they say?”

“That it might be good for me to talk to her.”

Having the therapist on the same side, made Robert feel better. It didn’t erase his guilty conscience completely, for taking the letter, searching for Chas’ number, talking to her - all behind Aaron’s back. But at least it wasn’t just his wishful thinking that it could be good for Aaron, the professional had the same opinion. Robert nudged Aaron’s arm softly and smiled a little wider.

Aaron rolled his eyes, but there was no heat in the action. He sighed and teared the envelope open with his thumb. When he took the letter out, Robert noticed how his fingers were shaking. Whatever must have happened in Aaron’s family history, it must be huge when he was that much affected because of it, that was for sure.

The blue eyes flew across the lines. Curiosity rose in Robert, he really wanted to know what Chas had written, but this was Aaron’s moment of course, so he tried to be supportive as much as he could. He shifted closer and stroked Aaron’s neck, to let him know that he was there for him. 

Aaron closed his eyes and breathed shakily. Then he dropped the letter wordlessly into Robert’s lap without looking. He took it and read it.

_ Dear Aaron,  _

_ I’m really hoping you read this letter. As I remember you, the chances are quite high you binned it as soon as you read my name. But anyway, IF you’re reading this right now: I am so sorry it took me all these years to write to you! If I could turn back time, I would, but I can’t. I was young and selfish and I thought by leaving I would be doing you a favor. And then you started your amazing career and I felt so damn proud of you. I watch your show whenever I can! But I never knew how to contact you. I am sorry, I am so bad at this, I suck at writing, this is my fifth attempt to write this letter. It’s just that some things happened in my life recently (good things) and that made me think. I miss you, son, and I want to get back in contact with you. _

_ Please, call me or write to me. _

_ Love, mum x _

  
  


There was a number underneath, the same number Robert had.

“That doesn’t sound too bad, right?” he asked carefully when he looked up at Aaron again.

His boyfriend was quiet and stared into the distance, tears glistened in his blues eyes.

“I guess,” he croaked out and blinked. 

Robert threw the letter on the little table and muttered: “Come here.“ 

He hugged him tight and stroked his back. They sat there for a while, until Robert‘s leg went numb.

“Will you call her?“

Aaron‘s eyes were a bit red, but he seemed to have calmed down a bit.

“I dunno. Maybe. I’ll decide tomorrow.“

Not long after that, they went over to the bedroom. Robert was more than glad to spend the night with Aaron, not only because he loved falling asleep next to him, but also because Aaron really shouldn‘t drive in the state he was in.

Robert just slipped into the bed, when Aaron came out of the bathroom. He wore an old black Tee and blue boxer shorts and Robert‘s heart sped up at the sight. The last night they had spent together was when they had sex, and that had been absolutely mindblowing. The thought alone of Aaron filling him up, of fucking him, made him half hard again, which was rather inappropriate tonight.

_ Focus, Robert. _

Robert swallowed when Aaron laid down next to him. The last person who slept in his bed, had been Mike and that had been more or less an accident. This time actually meant something. Everything.

Robert shifted closer to him and laid his arm around Aaron‘s belly. 

“Err I dunno if you expect, err…“ Aaron coughed awkwardly, searching for words and looking like a lost puppy.

Robert bit the inside of his cheek to stop the laughter. Never had he met another person who was so uncomfortable to talk about sex, and it was kind of cute if he was honest.

“This is okay,“ he whispered, understanding that Aaron wasn‘t in the mood for more than cuddles right now.

Robert just kissed his temple, leaned over to switch the light off and then snuggled his head against his shoulder. 

He hadn‘t felt that content and happy since the last time he fell asleep with Aaron. This wasn‘t just okay, this was perfect. Even without sex.

The heat of Aaron‘s body, his smell and his breathing made Robert tired. 

“G’night Aaron,“ he muttered against the fabric of Aaron‘s shirt.

“Night, Robert.“

He felt Aaron‘s fingers scratching through his hair, softly massaging his head and the sensation almost made him pur. Robert fell asleep only minutes later.

  
  
  
  


“What if she‘s not coming?“

Aaron was a nervous wreck and Robert was close to telling him that Chas was on her way, but he only knew that because she had texted him and he couldn‘t admit that, could he?

They were in a little restaurant, neutral ground for a first meeting after all those years. Robert had booked them a table in the back, to keep a low profile. It had taken Aaron a few days to contact Chas, he had finally sent a text message, asking her if she wanted to meet him. 

So here they were, waiting for his mother. Aaron’s fingers were drumming on the table, his left leg bounced up and down relentlessly and Robert was worried that his lip would draw blood from all the biting. He wanted to reach over and take Aaron‘s hands so badly, wanted to comfort him, distract him, but he couldn‘t because they were in public and their relationship was still a secret. 

“It‘ll be fine!“ he said instead.

At least he hoped so. 

A black haired woman entered the restaurant and Robert noticed how Aaron sat up straight and tensed.

“I‘m looking for Aaron Dingle,“ the woman - Chas - asked the waiter rather loudly.

Several heads turned in her direction and Robert rolled his eyes. 

_ So much for the low profile. _

The waiter pointed in their direction and Chas made her way through the restaurant. Robert had expected a woman in her early 50s‘, given Aaron‘s age, but this lady looked still young. She had dark curls, her fringe was too long and hid half of her face.

Aaron got up and Robert followed him when Chas finally approached their table. There was an awkward moment, where Robert feared she would hug Aaron and overwhelm him, but then she swallowed and just smiled.

“Hi luv,“ she said.

“Hi… Chas.“ Aaron nodded and Robert noticed that his voice sounded even scratchier than usual.

“And you must be Robert then!“ Chas said and gave him a once over.

_ Nooo! _

He tried his best to keep a cool face, but she caught him off guard.

“How do you know him?“ Aaron asked, confused and glanced between him and Chas.

Robert wanted to slap her. He looked at her, tried to make eye-conversation with her, for her to shut up.

“From the show, surely?“ Robert offered and Chas said in the same moment: 

“We talked on the phone, he called me!“ 

She even pointed with her finger at him, as if this would be necessary in this situation.

Robert still wanted to slap her. Aaron shot him an angry glare.

“Are you kidding me?“ he hissed through gritted teeth and this time Robert flinched.

“I‘ll explain later, okay?“ he whispered back and could only hope that Aaron would understand it, but Robert could basically see how the walls rose. 

Chas gave them a curious look as if she was trying to figure out what the deal between them was. Aaron huffed, shook his head slightly and sat down again. Robert and Chas took their seats too and a moment of tense silence followed.

“You look good, luv, even better than on telly,“ Chas tried to lighten the mood.

Aaron snorted quietly, it sounded bitter. He definitely wouldn‘t make this easy for Chas.

“I am glad that you agreed to this meeting, I missed you, Aaron,“ she said more seriously now.

“That‘s new then.“ His boyfriend crossed his arms and glared at her, challenging.

Chas looked at her watch and that made Robert frown. Was she already looking for a way out? What did she expect? That Aaron would hug her and everything was forgotten?

The waiter came and handed them the menu. 

“I have missed you always,“ Chas insisted.

This time Aaron just stayed silent and they all read the menu. Robert saw Chas looking on her watch at least two more times.

_ Rude. _

Robert knew that he had to do something to prevent this from turning into an eternal disaster.

“So, Chas. You know about Aaron‘s job. What are you doing?“ Robert asked.

Classic smalltalk to break the ice. Robert could do smalltalk, he was a bloody master of smalltalk.

“I am a pub owner!“ she answered proudly and stopped herself, “well, co-owner, but still.“

She smiled at Aaron, clearly expecting some sort of compliment, but her son was his best grumpy self and simply ignored her, not even being arsed with pretending. Chas‘ smile faltered, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at the display.

It made Robert frown again. What weird behaviour for a woman who wanted this meeting so much beforehand.

The waiter came and took out his pad.

“Would you like to order?“

“Actually,“ Chas piped up, “we are waiting for one more person.“

The waiter nodded, smiled and left again. Robert and Aaron shared a look.  _ Do you know what she means, _ Aaron‘s eyes asked him and he shrugged,  _ I have no idea _ , in response.

Chas‘ phone pinged, she looked at it and smiled. Robert connected the dots, this must be the surprise guest, he realised.

“Chas, who is the fourth person we‘re waiting for?“ he asked.

In that moment he noticed someone coming closer. A few things suddenly happened at the same time. 

“There you are!“ Chas said happily to the man.

Aaron jumped up so quickly that his chair fell over. The sudden noise made several heads turn in their direction. 

“Hello, son.“

Robert didn‘t know where to look first. There was this man, a little over fifty, he guessed. The man smiled, but his blue eyes were ice cold. And then there was his boyfriend, who was standing, breathing harshly, breast heaving rapidly, mouth going slack and skin turning pale.

Robert‘s gaze flicked back to the man and he felt a heavy punch in his guts. 

_ Hello, son. _

Aaron‘s dad.

“We met up a few months ago,“ Chas beamed, totally oblivious of the tension-

_ Is she blind? Shut the fuck up! _

“and we recently got back together, Aaron! I thought this would be a good moment-”

“Did you know that?“ Aaron shouted suddenly and it took Robert a second to realise that it was aimed at  _ him _ .

Aaron was glaring at him, his eyes were full of anger, fury and  _ hate _ . It knocked the breath out of Robert‘s lungs, never had he imagined that his adorable, grumpy but soft boyfriend would look at him like that. 

“What?“ he managed out, because he still tried to process what was happening.

“Luv?“ Robert heard Chas’ voice sounding unsure and irritated.

“Did you know that!“ Aaron shouted louder, still staring at him with that venom expression, pointing towards his father.

Did he know  _ what _ exactly? 

Robert saw in the corner of his eye people looking, whispering, putting out their smartphones. He had no clue what Aaron meant, but he had to get this situation under control again somehow. 

“Aaron…“ he tried to calm his boyfriend down and stood up slowly. “We agreed to come here toge-”

Aaron‘s fist hit him so hard and so sudden that Robert tumbled backwards. His vision blacked out for a second and then the left side of his face was throbbing and burning. 

He heard cutlery clinging, people-

_ Chas? _

shrieking and murmuring.

“Aaron! Aaron, wait!“

That was definitely Chas. Robert held his jaw, blinked and looked around. Aaron was running out of the restaurant and people were pointing and talking flustered. Smartphones were following him.

Robert froze. His guts felt heavy and hot. This was a nightmare.

_ What the fuck happened in the last 30 seconds? _

He closed his eyes and the image of Aaron‘s spiteful look flashed up in his mind. Eyes full of loathing. The look hurt almost more than his sore jaw. 

“Robert?“

Robert opened his eyes and looked at Chas. She seemed shocked and confused, like she was about to cry any second. And the man, Aaron‘s father, still stood there as if this wouldn‘t be his concern at all. 

A sudden wave of anger and despise for him washed over Robert. Whatever just had happened, he was sure that it had to do something with that man. Why else would Aaron lose it like that right after he showed up?

He‘d never seen Aaron like that, not even when he had that panic attack. 

_ I have to go after him. _

Aaron was alone out there, somewhere. Robert staggered towards the exit, not even bothered to say another word to Chas and her ex-husband-slash-boyfriend. 

It was quarter past 7 and the street and the sidewalks were busy. Robert looked to the left and the right, winced, when he moved his head too quick.

He saw a lot of people. But Aaron was gone.

  
  
  
  


When he opened his smartphone the next morning, he still had no contact from Aaron. Robert had written him several texts and tried to call him a few times. 

_ Fuck. _

He had hundreds of twitter notifications though. He dreaded looking at why, he  _ knew _ why, but then he hit the button eventually and opened the app.

_ Forbidden Love actor Aaron Dingle hits co-star Robert Sugden _

_ Brutal attack against co-star: shocking video clips of Forbidden Love-star Aaron Dingle  _

_ Aaron Dingle (Forbidden Love) loses it in restaurant _

_ With video: actor Aaron Dingle gets in a fight with his co-star _

It was all over social media, with several smartphone videos. Robert clicked on them, read the articles and felt panic raising.

Chrissie. Chrissie White would see this.

And of course she was fuming. 

She stormed into their changing room without knocking not long after he arrived at work. Her eyes shot daggers in his direction.

“Where is he?“ she shouted.

“I don‘t know,“ Robert sighed. 

He really had no idea. Aaron still wasn‘t answering his phone and he should be here, should even be finished with the makeup by now, but he hadn‘t shown up.

“What the hell, Robert?“ Chrissie paced through the room, glaring at him. “This is everywhere on the goddamn internet, my bloody phone won‘t stop ringing!“

As if on cue it buzzed in her hand. She swore and he had never heard her swearing, so it must be really bad.

“We got nine interview requests already, nine, Robert! We need to release a statement. You!“ she stopped walking in circles and pointed at him, “you go upstairs to the press team, Jenny will write something with your help. Tell her I want to see it before it gets released. And get Dingle‘s arse here!“

Robert just listened and nodded, like a schoolboy who's being told off. She didn’t even ask what had happened, all she cared about was the bad publicity for her show. He really wished he could say something back, but Rovert knew he was on thin ice. This was his‘ and Aaron‘s job on the line.

Chrissie looked at him and winced suddenly.

“God, look at you,“ she exclaimed with a whiny tone, “you can‘t shoot like that! That‘ll screw the schedule completely.“

Chrissie groaned and then her phone buzzed again. She muttered another swear word and left just as abruptly as she‘d come.

Robert collapsed on the couch.

_ Aaron, where are you? _

He opened his facebook messenger. 

**To Adam:**

Hi Adam, have you heard from Aaron? Please call me.    
  


Robert was glad that Adam was glued to his phone as usual, because he rang only two minutes later.

“Hiya, what‘s this about Aaron?“ Adam went straight to the point, voice sounding hard. “I’ve seen the video. What have you done, Sugden?“

“Have you heard from him since yesterday?“ Robert asked, ignoring Adam‘s question.

“Negative. We spoke… err on Monday was the last time, I think. What happened in that restaurant?”

Robert sighed.

“We were having a dinner with his mum-”

“His mum?!“ Adam squeaked into his ear.

“Yeah, and then his dad showed up-”

“His  _ dad _ ?!“ 

Robert had to pull the phone away, because Adam‘s loud voice made his ear ring.

“Yes,“ he said exasperated, pinging his nose. He had no time for this now. “Look, could you check if he‘s at home? When you have time? He hasn‘t shown up at work and he isn‘t answering his phone.“

Robert remembered that Adam had a key to Aaron‘s flat. He heard Adam breathing.

“Mate, I can’t believe he met with his parents, he  _ never  _ talks about his family…“ Adam said, the hard edge had left his voice. 

“Yeah, it‘s a long story. Err, could you call me again? If you‘ve checked on him?“ 

“Why‘d he hit you though?“ 

_ That‘s the million-pound-question. _

“I don‘t know. Okay? I don‘t know, I…“

Robert closed his eyes and Aaron‘s hateful eyes were staring at him again. He swallowed hard and his throat felt painfully tight.

“Just call me,“ he croaked and ended the call.

His scenes were cancelled for today and tomorrow, because the left side of his face was swollen, on his jaw bloomed a huge, purple bruise. Robert went up to Jenny from the PR team instead. They set up a statement, something about a misunderstanding yadda yadda, Robert personally thought it was bullshit, but he had no better explanation to offer either.

_ Robert Sugden about his co-star Aaron Dingle: “It was just a misunderstanding.“ _

_ Aaron Dingle and Robert Sugden are both surprised that videos about them have been spread on several internet sites. “All rumours of a smouldering rivalry between them are baseless,“ Chrissie White, CEO of LW Productions, declares.  _

_ “It was just a misunderstanding,“ Robert Sugden explains, “Aaron and I have talked about it and things are all good between us. It looks much worse on the footage than it actually was. This incident won‘t have a negative effect on the filming of our upcoming scenes.“ _

_ Aaron Dingle has apologised already to his colleague. “I am really sorry about my actions and glad that Robert accepted my apology. Robert and I are not only colleagues, but also friends off screen. We are now looking forward to filming a new, big storyline that will be very tragic for my character Olli.“ _

With the little hint at the end, Chrissie wanted to give the journalists something new to bite into. 

Robert didn‘t like that they laid words in Aaron‘s mouth without talking to him about it, but he understood that it was necessary.

At least setting up that press release kept him busy until Adam called.

Robert hit the button with shaky fingers.

“And?“

“He‘s not here.“

It was like time stood still. Robert‘s chest clenched so hard that he had trouble breathing and his stomach twisted. He started sweating. 

“I have tried to call him and texted him, but he isn‘t answering,“ Adam said, sounding lost. “Paddy doesn‘t know where he is either. Fuck, that‘s not good, isn‘t it.“

Robert made a distressed noise and grabbed his hair. He felt sick, when reality slowly sank in. Aaron was missing.

_ Aaron is missing and it is all my fault. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a bit struggling with this chapter, hope it is okay.  
Feedback is appreciated, love reading your comments!


	14. A new low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After he met Gordon, Aaron hits a new low.

_ This can‘t be happening, this can‘t be happening, this can‘t be happening, this can‘t- _

“Oi! Watch it! Bellend!“

Aaron was barely aware he was bumping into people, he registered that his feet were moving on the pavement, but he didn‘t feel much. His body was oddly numb - as if it _ wasn‘t _ his body at all.

If only his mind was numb too. But of course it wasn‘t, it was on fire, it was in absolute overdrive, because the fucking universe was probably having a damn good laugh at his expense. His brain was circling and circling around the same thoughts, over and over, slowly spiralling downward. Down that dark rabbit hole that he thought he‘d escaped forever.

_ He _ was back. 

After all these years. Aaron had gotten out, he‘d left it behind, left everything behind. And now _ he _ was back, just like that. Waltzing into the restaurant, into his life again as if _ nothing ever happened _. 

_ Hello, son. _

His hair, his ice cold eyes, his _ mouth _with that arrogant almost-smirk that was tugging constantly on the corners of his lips - God, Aaron hated his ugly visage with every cell of his body. He still felt the cold look on his face, on his skin. When he closed his eyes, he saw that face behind his eyelids, with that nightmarish expression - just like he remembered it.

And that was the worst part. Seeing that man again was like a key sliding into a box and quickly turning. Aaron didn‘t even have the chance to stop it, to lean on the cover, so to say, to keep it closed. The box opened and all the memories he had pressed in there eight years ago got free and flooded out with such a force that it almost knocked him out. 

The last time when this box was open had been when he had struggled with being gay. It ended in the hospital. It ended with him being close to death. It ended in therapy.

But he had closed that fucking box and had kept it hidden, putting up signs of warning _ Don‘t go there! _to remind him when he got too close.

“Mate!“ A hand grabbed his arm, it wasn‘t a hard grip, but Aaron flinched anyway. “You need to pay for this!“ a booming male voice said. 

Aaron blinked confused, everything was foggy, blurry, he felt like waking up in the middle of an intense dream. 

He was in a mini supermarket, near the exit, holding a bottle of Jack Daniel‘s tightly to his chest. Aaron frowned. He honestly had no memory of how he’d gotten here. The last thing he remembered was him walking down the street. Aaron looked up from the bottle and out of the window. There was his car in the parking space. There was his fucking VW Golf outside and he had _ no idea _ that he had taken it in the first place. That he had driven here, wherever _ here _ was. He had no idea in which part of the city he was, the street looked unfamiliar. Aaron swallowed.

“What‘s it going to be?? You gonna pay for it or leave it here?“ the bloke asked. 

It was a guy in his late forties maybe, with black hair and a bad moustache. He scowled at Aaron, probably thinking that he had caught a thief in the act.

Aaron grabbed into his jeans pocket and pulled out the bank note - a red one, Her Majesty smil her ever so graceful smile - and shoved it against the man‘s chest. The hand around his arm disappeared as the cashier grabbed the note.

“Keep the change,“ Aaron muttered and he shuddered a second at how dark and wrecked his own voice sounded.

The bloke‘s gaze flicked back and forth between the money and him, mouth slowly turning into a surprised _ ‘O’, _but Aaron just turned around and left.

He walked over to his car that was parked across two spaces and patted the pockets of his trousers, searching for the key. Aaron didn‘t find it. Because it was still locked in the ignition, he realised when he looked through the side window. 

Aaron sighed, still not remembering a damn thing about what had happened since he had left the restaurant, when he slid onto the driver's seat.

The little incident at the shop was like a wake up call, had brought him back to the surface, made him almost forget about-

_ Hello, son. _

And there he was again, all dead eyes and abominable smirk, ready to drag Aaron down into darkness again. 

This time though, Aaron was aware that it was about to happen. This time he wouldn‘t go down without fighting it. A sudden wave of anger and resistance washed over him. Aaron started the ignition and put the car in first gear with a harsh movement, which caused his car to make an awful gnashing sound. He was 24 for fucks sake, not some scared teenager anymore. 

He had done so well, for so many years, since that time in hospital. He‘d gotten help, he‘d gotten better, he‘d learned to get on with his life. That had to bloody count for something. Aaron repeated this over and over in his head. He had done so well, until last week… when he started to spiral after that goddamn Pride parade, out of nowhere. 

Except, it wasn‘t out of nowhere, was it? 

Because shit didn‘t just hit the fan after Pride, it had started way earlier. His breakdown during filming on location, the sudden panic he had felt on set, his anxiety attack. His life had gotten out of control way before Pride, his life had gotten out of control when-

_ Robert. _

Aaron‘s vision got blurry and his eyes burned like hell, so he pulled over at some lay by. He barely registered that he was outside of town now, on some country road, because his chest felt like exploding. 

Everything had been fine, his job was going well, he had Paddy and Adam, his boxing, his stupid Top Gear nights and that had been enough. Yeah, some might call it boring, especially for ‘a celebrity’ like he was, but for Aaron it had been _ enough_. Safe. 

Working, eating, sleeping, repeat. 

And then Robert Sugden marched into that conference room and took over the changing room and Aaron‘s heart. 

There was no air in his lungs anymore, they felt like they were shrunk down to the size of tennis balls. Aaron tried to breathe, but his body just wouldn‘t do it. He needed air, he needed to fucking breathe. 

Robert had turned everything upside down, awoken emotions in Aaron that he had never felt before. And Aaron had let him, had opened up to Robert, had even shown his _ scars _ . And they had sex, and it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Mind Blowing. Earth shattering. Everything. He had _ trusted _Robert, more than he ever trusted Adam or Paddy. 

Hunched over the steering wheel, Aaron opened his mouth in a silent scream, but there was no oxygen left to do that. His lungs were burning like fire now and he saw black dots dancing over the dashboard. 

Robert had taken that letter out of the bin, had talked to his mother behind his back. How likely was it that he had set up that surprise meeting with _ him _ as well? 

Finally, Aaron gulped the air in with a harsh noise and let it out again with a desperate roar, it was deafening in the small car and made his ears ring. The thought alone that Robert might have betrayed him in an ultimate way like that hurt. It hurt. 

_ Robert might have even talked to him. _

He felt sick. Aaron slammed his fists against the steering wheel, just to shut his brain up with some real, physical pain. His VW tooted staccato in protest. Aaron turned the engine off and grabbed the bottle of Jack. He needed his mind to stop raving. Deep down, a tiny part of him knew that it was stupid, maybe even dangerous to get wasted in his current state, but Aaron was too far gone to care. The whiskey burned in his throat, down to his stomach and heat spread quickly in his upper body. Aaron took large gulps as if it was just water, hoping for the drunkenness to take over quickly. 

It was dark now and it had started to rain, the drops were drumming on his car. Aaron sat there, listening, drinking. The sound plus the alcohol that kicked in, finally slowed down his thoughts. Aaron let out a sob. 

Why Robert? Robert of all people. Robert was the only good thing in his life. Aaron felt his eyes burning and his vision, which was already blurry, swam away completely. The whiskey dulled his containment and Aaron just gave in and started to cry. Once the gates were open, he couldn’t stop the flood. At first he tried to wipe away the tears and the snot with his sleeve, but soon he gave up on that as well. He just let it all out and in a strange way it felt good. Cathartic. 

Aaron shivered slightly, it was October now, the nights were pretty chilly and the cold was creeping into the car and into his body. He wished Robert was here. He wished Robert would wrap him in his arms and hold him. He wished for Robert to whisper encouraging words into his hair with his incredibly wonderful deep, soothing voice.

_ No wait, I’m supposed to be angry _

Dammit. 

_ Why, Robert? _

Aaron’s chest ached so much that he was worried for a few seconds if he might be suffering a heart attack. He tried to pull the phone out of his back pocket and that simple task took him two attempts. The tears had stopped now, but his vision was still fuzzy and his body wouldn’t move like he wanted. He stared for a long moment at the display. He _ saw _ that there were messages and missed calls - he had put his phone on silent before the dinner - but the letters were blurred and started spinning as soon as he looked too long at one word. For the bloody life of him, he couldn’t decipher anything.

“Hi Siri, pl’ my vozzmail mezzgzz,” he slurred.

“Sorry, I didn’t understand you.”

_ Bitch. _

“Hey Siri, play...my...voice...mail mezzgess.” It took all of the little concentration was left in him to get these words out.

“You have two new voicemails and 9 saved voicemails. The first new one is from Robert Sugden, today at 7:35 pm,” Siri said, then Aaron heard cars and people walking in the background of Robert‘s message.

“Aaron, it’s me,” Robert’s voice sounded alarmed, “please call me, if you hear this? Or answer my text? I’m worried.” He let out a shaky breath. “Look, I dunno what happened in the restaurant, but… you were so upset and I can’t find you anywhere… Okay, just call me.” Robert sighed and then the call ended.

“Do you want to save this voicemail?”

“Yeah,” he managed out. 

Aaron hadn’t even noticed that he had started crying again. God, Robert sounded so damn worried. 

“The second new voicemail from Robert Sugden, today at 8:45 pm,” Siri announced.

“Aaron, please call me or text me. If this is about that man in the restaurant-”

Aaron sucked in air harshly and his heart stopped for a beat.

“-I had no idea he would show up! Just… I don’t understand what happened?” Robert sounded defeated. Aaron had never heard his voice so heartbreakingly small. “Come on, Aaron, call me. I deserve an answer at least, for that punch you gave me, eh?” It was so typical for Robert to try a joke to ease the tension, but this time he was breathing shakily, like he was close to tears. The call ended.

“Do you want to save this voicemail?”

“Yeh.” Aaron almost couldn’t answer because he was crying harder. He had punched Robert because he had thought that Robert had set up the meeting with- 

_ Gordon _

-but that wasn‘t true. His voice sounded genuinely worried, sincere. And now Aaron felt a sudden punch, in his guts, when the realisation hit him. His fear of facing the demon of his childhood again had totally clouded his judgement. He had just been jumping to conclusions, searching for an outlet for the overwhelming panic he had felt. And Robert had just happened to be the next best person.

_ What have I fucking done? _

Robert had been nothing but amazing all the time. He had been so understanding about his scars, not freaked out, or worse, disgusted. He had been open about his family story, had even shown him his childhood home. He had been so gentle in bed, so sweet and caring… How could he doubt him for even one fucking second? 

Besides, Robert couldn’t know about how Aaron felt about that man. Nobody did.

Aaron sobbed loudly. The guilt and the _ regret _ was almost too much to handle.

_ What have I done what have I done what have I done _

Not only were his thoughts circling, his head was spinning now as well. His vision was so blurry that he could barely see anything. He registered a sudden noise and it took him a while to realise that his phone had slipped out of his numb fingers. 

He needed to call Robert, explain, apologise, tell him not to be worried. Aaron hunched over and fumbled with his fingers, searching in the pitch black legroom for his phone. The sudden movement caused his blood to rush into his head. But Aaron realised a moment too late that this was bad. Really bad. 

_ I have to call Robert _

-was his last thought, then his vision went black. 

  
  
  
  


Bright. It was so damn bright. Aaron still had his eyes l closed, but his eyelids were burning red.

The next thing he noticed wa, that he wasn‘t sitting in his car anymore, he was lying on something soft. Maybe a bed. Yeah, definitely a bed. 

He tried to move, but his body felt incredibly heavy, as if it weighed a ton. He groaned.

“He‘s waking up.“

_ Oh god no. _

Aaron recognised this voice instantly. Fuck, Paddy was here. He wasn‘t ready to face him now, really not. Because he smelled antiseptic, he smelled _ hospital_, because that‘s where he was. He was in a hospital. He heard a noise, like a chair that slid over linoleum floor, and steps. 

“Aaron?“ Paddy‘s voice was closer now. 

Aaron felt a touch at his hand and even if wanted to flinch, he simply couldn‘t, because his arm was heavy like a stone. 

“Can you hear me?“ 

Paddy sounded so careful and worried. Something in Aaron‘s chest panged, that he was the reason for his friend’s sorrow and misery. He nodded weakly, even the tiny movement took all of his strength.

“Thank god, mate.“ That was Adam. 

Fuck. It must be bad when Paddy _ and _ Adam were here. Aaron wondered if Robert was here too, he wanted to open his eyes and _ look, _but instead everything got dark again. 

  
  
  
  


The next time he woke up, it was a bit better. Basically everything was an improvement to before. His body was still heavy, but his head was clearer now. Aaron tried to blink his eyes open, but the light of the room hurt, it was like a knife was being stabbed into his head. 

“Paddy.“ Adam‘s voice. 

“Yeah, he‘s waking up again.“

“What-?“ he croaked, eyes still closed.

His throat was burning extremely and it caused Aaron to swallow but that only made it worse. It felt like little razor blades were cutting into his tonsils. He groaned. His mouth tasted like shit. Disgusting. 

“You‘re in hospital,“ Paddy confirmed what he already knew.

Someone squeezed his shoulder. Aaron tried to open his eyes again, but damn that still was a heavy task. 

“Do you remember anything?“ Paddy asked carefully.

Aaron frowned when he thought back to what he remembered. The car, the rain, the whiskey. The memories flashed up like little lightning bolts. And in between so many overwhelming feelings. 

Fear. 

He licked his lips, but his tongue was dry and scraped over his skin like sandpaper. God, his mouth felt _ awful!_

“You had... err… alcohol poisoning.“ Paddy sounded sad. 

_ Or disappointed. He‘s probably disappointed. _

Aaron concentrated fully on the task to open his eyelids and finally managed it. The sunlight in the room hit his brain like a dagger and he groaned again. It took an eternity to get used to the brightness, then his eyes still had to focus again. Aaron blinked a few times until the fog slowly faded and his vision cleared. 

Paddy stood next to his bed, his lips were pressed together and his forehead was in wrinkles. The blue eyes behind his thick glasses looked at him full of concern. He managed a tiny smile when he noticed that Aaron was now awake. 

Adam sat on a chair to his left, he was texting on his phone. When he finally looked up, his face had just the same expression as Paddy’s. Was it worry? Or pity? It was hard to tell, but Aaron hated it anyway, hated that he had fucked up.

_ Again. _

Aaron closed his eyes. More and more from what happened yesterday came back now. 

The restaurant and their meeting with Chas, then _ Gordon_. Aaron pressed his eyelids together until it hurt. 

The punch. He had punched Robert. He had been drinking Jack Daniel’s and then it got blurry. He remembered being so angry.

He remembered a voicemail...

“My phone, please!“ he said hoarsely. When Paddy didn‘t react, he insisted: “Please!“

His voice was scratchy on good days, now it sounded completely hoarse, it was barely audible. Paddy shot him a look that said: I don‘t know if that‘s a good idea. But he got up anyway and opened the little nightstand drawer to get it.

Aaron ignored all the notifications and went straight to his voicemail. Raising the hand to his ear took a big effort, but somehow he managed it. His shaking and clammy fingers were clenched around his phone when he listened for the second time to Robert‘s voice, that was vibrating with worry. And the same realisation as last night hit him. It felt like a deja-vu, this time he was sober and his mind clear though. 

_ What have I fucking done? _

“Another driver saw your car on the side of the road,” Paddy went on, oblivious of Aaron’s inner turmoil, “the man stopped, because he thought you broke down, but then he saw you through the window and he called an ambulance. You were unconscious, Aaron.”

Paddy’s serious, low voice was surely meant to be soothing, as if he was talking to a wild animal, but it had the opposite effect. Aaron forgot his thoughts about Robert, because once again, he felt like a total failure who needed his friends to pick up the pieces behind him. 

He swallowed and the pain in his throat caused him to cough.

“Does your throat hurt?” Paddy asked and sprang into action before Aaron could react. He went into the tiny bathroom and opened the tap. Aaron heard the water rushing. After a few seconds it stopped and Paddy came back to his bed. “The doctor said, your throat might hurt, because they had to pump out your stomach. Here, drink this.”

Paddy slid his hand under Aaron’s neck and helped him to raise his head carefully. Aaron felt awfully weak not being able to even bloody drink alone, but the water felt so good. Never had tasted a glass of simple water this amazing. 

“How did you find me here?” Aaron managed out.

“We were worried about you, you weren’t at work or at home, so we eventually called the hospitals, because we thought something might have happened to you,” Paddy explained.

Paddy clearly meant something like an accident, something that Aaron didn’t do _ deliberately _ all by himself. Another pang of guilt.

The thought alone, how desperate they must have been when they started calling the hospitals, was too much to handle. His friends had been anxious, while Aaron had just decided to drown his brain in alcohol like some stupid teenager. Tears welled up in his eyes and he sucked in a harsh breath.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed.

Adam jumped up from his chair and came closer, Paddy squeezed his shoulder again. And there it was: that pitiful look that Aaron hated so much and yet caused again and again. 

“It’s alright, mate!” Adam tried one of his broad smiles and failed spectacularly. 

Adam’s phone started to ring, he looked at the display and then up to Paddy. Aaron noticed a little glance in his direction.

“I’m gonna get this outside,” Adam muttered and left.

“The doctor said to us, as soon as you feel better, you can leave. They gave you painkillers when you were passed out, that’s why you might still feel a bit dizzy and a cooking salt infusion for your hydration,” Paddy told him.

_ Painkillers my arse. _

His throat hurt anyway. 

“There is something- I’m not quite sure, if I should tell you now, when you’re still in hospital, looking like absolute shit-” 

Aaron frowned, wondering, if this rambling was going anywhere. A bad feeling settled in his stomach already.

“No offence, mate! So yeah, I dunno if you’re ready for it, if I’m being honest - Adam suggested to wait telling you, but you’ll find it out sooner or later - anyway you probably, most definitely should know-” 

“Paddy!” Aaron interrupted him impatiently.

Paddy went on and ducked his head. “People in that restaurant made videos…” his voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. “It was all over the news this morning and Chrissie already released a press statement and she basically spat fire when she screamed everyone down that entered her office,” he added in one rush. 

_ Fuck. _

He had been the biggest idiot on earth and now he was all over the media. No. Not only him, Aaron had dragged Robert into this mess.

_ Robert. Oh my god, Robert. _

Two actors in a fist fight, that was like a lottery win for the gossip rags. But Aaron had been so far in his tunnel, he hadn‘t even thought one second about the consequences when he had punched Robert.

Robert had to face all this alone. Aaron knew how unpredictable Chrissie White could be when she was furious about something. He needed to see Robert, talk to him and apologise.

“Robert,“ he croaked and tried to get up.

Paddy pressed him back into the sheets.

“I have to talk to him, Paddy, I have to…“ Aaron insisted. 

In that moment the door opened and for a second he was sure that it would be Robert, it _ had _ to be! But it was just a doctor, obviously, with a white shirt and a stethoscope around the neck. He was followed by Adam, who was just tucking his phone away.

“So, Mr Barton told me you‘re awake. Hello, Mr Dingle!“ The doc didn‘t bother with a handshake and just grabbed his medical file.

Then he explained basically everything that Paddy had already told him. Aaron tried hard not to roll his eyes, he really felt like he had no time for that now. He needed to see Robert.

“So if you‘re feeling better, you are free to go,“ the doctor ended.

“Okay. I wanna go,“ Aaron said quickly.

The doctor - Dr Walsh the name tag said - looked down at him with an expression that Aaron didn‘t like. The guy was only a few years older than him, but his patronizing glare made Aaron instantly feel like a stupid child.

“Mr Dingle, I‘d highly advise you to give your body a much needed rest. We are talking about a severe abuse of alcohol here. You were lucky you got here in time.“

Well, that would be the second time in his life then. Aaron should probably be more shocked about this thought, but right now, he had other things on his mind.

“Besides,“ Dr Walsh continued, clicking a pen and tugging it at the clipboard with his patient record, “You might want to talk to someone about why you turned to alcohol in the first place.“

Aaron quickly glanced at Paddy and Adam, who shared a look of their own. Dr Walsh still looked at him condescendingly.

A lot of eye conversation was going on in the room.

“I am already seeing a therapist,“ Aaron admitted reluctantly and stared at the ceiling.

Shame creeped into his body when he noticed out of the corner of his eyes that Paddy and Adam were nervously shuffling around. He hadn’t told them about his therapist, he had only talked to Robert about it.

Robert, who he desperately needed to talk to.

“Well, that‘s good to know,“ Dr Walsh said, tone even and professional, “I’d still suggest you stay here a few more-”

“No, I‘m leaving.“ Aaron pressed his jaws together.

And that was decided then. The doc left soon after that and awkward silent lingered in the room. Paddy and Adam still shared meaningful looks that Aaron pretended not to notice. Nobody was mentioning the bloody gigantic elephant in the room. 

A young nurse came in, handing over the paperwork and a plastic bag.

“These are… your clothes,“ she said, sounding shy and then she blushed.

Aaron looked down at the hospital gown and then he glanced into the bag. An awful smell of vomit and urine hit him.

He wanted the ground to swallow him up, as he just had reached a whole new level of humiliation. No doubt, the nurse must have recognised him by the way she acted.

_ Haha, guess who came in today? Aaron Dingle! Yeah, the actor, covered in his own piss and puke. _

Aaron quickly pressed the bag shut and signed the paper with an unmoving face. The nurse hesitated and for an awful moment he thought she would ask him for an autograph. He wouldn‘t live that down. Aaron avoided her eyes at all costs and finally she left. He sighed. Small mercies.

“I err,“ he cleared his throat and the pain made him wince, “I need fresh clothes.“

He bit his lip. God, he just wanted to go home.

“Yeah, sure,“ Adam said quickly, “I‘m gonna grab you some. I‘ll be back in an hour, okay?“

Bless Adam and his unconditional loyalty for which Aaron felt incredibly thankful. His best friend left and Paddy stared at him.

“Don‘t! Paddy!“ Aaron gritted out, because he knew the older man was about to ask a million questions, “I don‘t wanna talk about it.“

Aaron just closed his eyes and ignored him as best as he could.

  
  
  
  


Okay, ‘going home’ sounded easy in his head, actually doing it was exhausting as hell. When he sat up, his head started spinning and he felt sick. His limbs were still heavy and Aaron moved around clumsily, needing help from Adam more often than he wanted to get dressed.

He persuaded Adam and Paddy on the whole way to his apartment to leave him alone as soon as they got there. Aaron couldn‘t quite believe that they actually let him, so when he closed his door and leaned against it, he let out a long, shaky breath of relief. They made him promise to keep them updated via whatsapp and Aaron wanted to stick to that after all the misery he had caused them.

He pulled out his phone to write a half joking/half serious message like ‘made it into the flat’, when he took in all the notifications for the first time. Basically every app had gone insane. He had hundreds of twitter and facebook notifications. Whatsapps and missed calls from Robert, Adam, Paddy and Chrissie White.

He banged the back of his head against the door in frustration. 

_ I will deal with her tomorrow. Robert first. _

That sounded like a good plan. Priorities. Aaron opened Roberts messages.

**7:31 pm**

**Robert:**

Where are you?

**8:02 pm**

**Robert:**

Please call me, yeah?

**8:30 pm**

**Robert: **

I tried your apartment, but either you‘re not here or you chose to ignore me.

**9:21 pm**

**Robert:**

What have I done wrong? I think I deserve an explanation.

**10:56 pm**

**Robert:**

Please, when you read this call me or text. I‘m going to bed now, but I won‘t switch my phone off. Just call me, anytime. 

Slowly Aaron sank down, sliding with his back against the door until he was sitting on the floor. He took a deep breath and hit the call button. Robert picked up at the second ring. 

“Aaron.“ 

Was he pissed off? Disappointed? Glad that he called? Aaron had no idea and suddenly all the words he wanted to say, everything he had worded in his head before was gone. There was just a blank space.

“Aaron?“ The voice sounded softer now.

_ I‘m sorry, I‘m so sorry _

Aaron opened his mouth but the words won‘t come out. God, that soft voice of Robert! 

“Is this a pocket dial?“ Robert asked and sighed. 

_ Just say it, for fucks sake! _

Aaron’s chest felt incredibly tight and he banged his s left hand against his temple as if that could magically shake some words out.

“Okay.” Robert whispered. “Anyway.“

Aaron realised that he was about to end the call.

“Rob!“ Aaron breathed.

There was a moment of silence on the other end, the seconds stretched like an eternity. Aaron’s eyes started to water and he tried to ready himself for Robert to hit the red button, because he must still be so mad at him.

“Hiya,“ was all Robert said. 

And that didn‘t sound mad, not at all. That sounded soft and caring and like a warm blanket on a freezing day.

“I‘m so sorry, Robert, I‘m- … I didn‘t mean to-”

His apology sounded so bloody poor, damn, even he would hang up now if the roles were reversed. He just had no clue how to do it better. The tears were spilling over and running down his cheeks.

“Sorry that you punched me? Sorry that you just disappeared? Or sorry that you didn‘t call me earlier?“

“All of that?“ Aaron said weakly and let out a sob. “I‘m sorry that I punched you. I totally freaked out and I took it out on you. On you, of all people. You‘re the best thing that ever happened to me, you‘re amazing and smart and funny and talented and you wear shirts with elbow patches… and I‘m just… I‘m messed up.“

“You-,“ Robert whispered shakily.

“I am messed up!“ Aaron emphasized louder, because once he started, he couldn‘t stop. “But I need you to know that I want to fix my life, I want to fix _ us _! I don‘t know how at the moment, but I’ll figure it out, okay?“

He ran his hand through his hair and bit his lip, the other end of the phone was just silent. It was deafening.

“Say something!“ he urged.

“Aaron,“ Robert sighed, made a pause and added softly: “you still suck with apologies.”

Aaron hiccuped a noise that was a mixture between a sob and a laugh. The pressure on his chest lifted a bit. Making a bad joke in this situation was such a Robert move. He missed him so much, he wanted him here.

“Would you come over?“ he asked, choking on tears.

_ Please say yes, please say yes, please say- _

“Yes. Okay.“

  
  
  
  


He buzzed Robert in and sent a quick text to Adam and Paddy.

**to COT**

Hey guys, no need to worry anymore. Robert‘s here. Speak soon. 

And then Robert was standing in the hallway, the clothes and the hair perfectly styled as always, but his face… His face though. It was completely asymmetric, the left side of his jaw was swollen and bruised. His lip had a small cut. Aaron winced at the sight.

“God, you look awful,“ Robert said instead of a greeting and smiled slightly.

“Funny, you look better than ever,“ Aaron shot back.

He loved their little banter. When they still had this then it couldn‘t be that bad. Then it could still be fixed. And a part of what he said was true: even bruised, Robert was still beautiful.

Robert snorted and went in, after Aaron made room for him in the doorframe.

There was an awkward moment of silence, both were uncertain how and where to start this. Aaron felt self-conscious and went to the fridge to grab two beers, just out of habit. Then he hesitated and took a water for himself instead. Robert took his beer and glanced at Aaron‘s bottle when they toasted. 

“I‘m glad you‘re okay. Adam texted me that you were in hospital,“ Robert said after the first sip.

Although Aaron didn’t know that his best friend and his boyfriend were in contact obviously, he was oddly not surprised at all. 

“Why didn‘t you come?“ he asked.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me,“ Robert admitted quietly and started fiddling with the tag.

“Robert. You were the _ only _ one I wanted to see.“

It wasn‘t often that Aaron opened up and spoke about his feelings like that before his brain could overthink it and turned him into a monosyllabic grump. He felt his cheeks heating up. 

“Yeah you know after…“ Robert pointed vaguely to his jaw, “I wasn‘t so sure where we stood.“

That was the moment now, for Aaron to explain and apologise. He took a deep breath, stared at the bottle and tried to figure out where to start. Should he start with his parents? Or better with another apology? 

“I was so mad at you,“ he blurted out and well - that was not a good start, considering how Robert‘s face fell. “No wait, let me explain!“

He scratched his eyebrow and sighed. Robert was right, he sucked so much at this.

“I was mad at you, because I thought you had spoken with…” he was suddenly lost for words and his breath hitched.

“Your father?” Robert helped and Aaron gave a short nod.

“Gordon,” he said darkly and he hated that name, even hated saying it. That man had stopped being his father a long time ago. “I thought you had spoken to him behind my back.” He rubbed his forehead. 

“So it was that man, Gordon, that made you panic, right?”

Aaron nodded slowly. He had managed to push the memories aside again, mostly at least, and now he tried to suppress them as best as he could, trying not to show how much he was affected by everything. 

“Meeting Chas was not as bad as I expected,“ he admitted, “She had me when she was really young and I think she just wasn’t ready to be a mother. I don’t know if she read books to me or if we went to the Zoo together or stuff like that. I have barely any memories about her, I just remember that she left us when I was six. She called a few times after and visited us from time to time, but that…” Aaron shook his head slowly and shrugged again, “...just stopped at some point. She wrote in her letter that she thought it would have been the best for me, but yeah… the irony.” He laughed bitterly.

Robert just stayed silent and waited for him to go on. Aaron was glad that he didn’t pressure him.

“It didn’t go well from there on with…,” he continued and that had to be the fucking understatement of the century, but he didn’t have the words to tell it differently. “I moved out when I was 16 and that’s it.”

That was not it. That was not nearly anything. He knew it and Robert knew it too, given his raised eyebrows. 

“Aaron…” Robert started, looking at him earnestly. 

Aaron knew that he wanted to ask what had happened exactly, why the mere presence of the man had made him panic like that. And Aaron understood, he would have the same questions. But still.

“I can’t, Robert. I can’t talk about it and I won’t,” he said, surprised how dark and cold his voice sounded. “I just don’t want him anywhere near me, you, or any of my friends.”

Robert closed his mouth again and nodded once. He lowered his eyes. Aaron hated to shut him out like that, it felt like he wasn’t being honest with him. He hated it, he couldn't change it though. He could only hope that it was enough for Robert to forgive him.

“Anyway. Look, I am really sorry that I lost it like that. I should never have punched you. My family story is just so fucked up.”

“So is mine,” Robert reminded him and tried an encouraging “It-can’t-be-that-bad”-smile. 

_ Believe me, it is. _

“And, just for the record,” Robert went on, “I haven’t spoken to him. I called Chas, I admit that, because I wanted to know if she had sincere intentions. If she just wanted money or 5 minutes of fame in the media, I would have thrown away the letter and never mentioned it. And I know that that was wrong too, I never should have made it my business in the first place-”

Aaron laid his hand on Robert’s arm to stop him from rambling.

“I know. It’s okay,” he said and he meant it. 

He wasn’t angry anymore. He’d had enough time now to think about it. Maybe he would have done the same if it had been the other way round. Robert smiled at him and his green-blue-ish eyes had that soft expression again that he loved so much. It was a look that only he got from Robert, the complete opposite to the cocky side he prefered to show in public.

“Are you still mad at me?” Aaron asked with a shaking voice and bit his lip.

Robert put his beer on the counter and closed the gap between them with two large strides. He looked him deep in the eyes and that would never not turn Aaron’s knees into jelly. He grabbed his head softly with both hands, stroked with the thumbs over his scruff. Aaron leaned into the touch and his eyes fluttered closed.

“I was never mad at you,” Robert whispered, “I was just so worried for you.”

And then Robert kissed him, a featherlight peck on the lips. It was the softest touch, but still full of affection. Robert leaned his forehead against his and then they stood just like that for a moment. 

“I’m so sorry, Rob, I’m so sorry.”

Instead of saying something back, Robert kissed him again. And that was even better, that was all Aaron needed. Robert’s lips felt so soft, so perfect. His amazing boyfriend was definitely too good for him.

“I don’t deserve you,” Aaron croaked out, after they parted, because it was true.

He rolled his shoulders, they felt tense just like his whole body. The result of his stupid alcohol abuse and the hours in the cold car. He hissed quietly. Robert looked at him questioningly.

“Who would have thought, alcohol poisoning makes you feel like shit, eh?“ Aaron joked weakly. 

Robert tilted his head and then his eyes started sparkling as if he just had an idea. He suddenly grabbed Aaron’s hand and pulled him out of the kitchen. For a moment, Aaron thought this was heading to his bed and he was about to interfere. He wasn’t in the mood for sex, not after everything that happened. But then Robert turned to the right and dragged Aaron with him into the bathroom.

“What-?” Aaron started dumbfounded.

Robert just winked at him, plugged the bathtub and opened the tab for hot water. 

“Strip,” Robert ordered.

“Are you running me a bath?” Aaron asked with wide eyes. 

Never ever had someone done that for him. He always thought this was just a thing in cheesy rom-coms. Then again, Robert loved cheesy rom-coms, didn’t he?

“I’m running _ us _ a bath.” Robert said and pulled off his shirt. Aaron shook his head in disbelief.

_ I don’t deserve you. _

He had showered just one hour ago, but he couldn’t deny that the idea of a hot, soaking bath sounded damn tempting. Especially a bath with his boyfriend.

Aaron let out a happy sigh when he got into the warm water. He sat down between Robert’s thighs and laid against his chest. The water was perfect, Robert’s chest was moving steadily and Aaron felt himself letting go of the tension in his body. 

Strong arms were hugging him from behind over his shoulders and came to rest on his stomach. On his scars. He felt Robert’s fingers gently tracing them, caressing them. The water intensified the skin contact, made it even more sensitive. 

Aaron’s throat felt tight all of a sudden and his eyes started to burn. He closed them and tried to focus on his breathing. 

“Aaron?” Robert asked hesitantly and the hands disappeared from his skin. “Are you alright?”

Everything was so raw, so much. Not only Gordon, but also everything that went on at LWP. The new storyline, the media shitstorm, a furious Chrissie White. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out, opened his eyes and pressed Robert’s hands carefully on his stomach again, “don’t stop. It’s just…”

_ I love you so much. _

He finally felt safe again. He _ trusted _ Robert. The feeling was overwhelming, his heart was too small for all the emotions that were bubbling inside of him. Despite what was going right now in his life, it finally sinked in that he wasn’t alone, he didn’t have to face everything alone. He had Robert. 

And before he could think about it, he opened his mouth and whispered:

“Gordon raped me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a medical expert, guys.  
Everything that is mentioned is knowledge from Dr Google.


	15. Aaron‘s past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron opens up about his horrific past. Robert tries to be the best boyfriend possible, but he feels more and more struggling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! New chapter!  
Thanks for all the feedback so far ❤️
> 
> Aaron‘s abuse is all in the past and only mentioned.  
I wanted to show how Robert struggles with the reveal... I hope you like it.

The water was hot, too hot almost for Robert‘s liking, but suddenly he felt ice cold. 

_ Gordon raped me. _

His heart missed one beat, tripped over and started thumping so loud and fast that he thought it would jump out of his ribcage at any second. 

One moment the world was perfect, finally, again, after those awful hours of Aaron first being AWOL and then in hospital. Robert had been worried sick, even when Adam had told him that Aaron had woken up and that it was ‘just’ alcohol poisoning.

When his boyfriend had called him earlier and apologised, it had been such an incredible relief. And then they had finally kissed again and everything was _ right _ again - only ten minutes ago!

From one second to another the happiness is erased again, bursted like a fragile bubble. 

Aaron was raped. His Aaron. 

Slowly, very slowly the information seeped through his brain, but Robert couldn’t get his head around it, didn’t know what to _ do _ with it now. He just sat there, frozen like a statue, only his chest was heaving.

“What?” he croaked dumbly, “When?”

_ What? _

“First time I was eight.”

Robert was sitting behind Aaron, couldn’t see his face, but the voice sounded so dark and raspy, it sent a shiver down Robert‘s spine. Aaron wasn’t speaking loudly, actually it was just above a hoarse whisper, but the tiles of the small bathroom worked like an echo chamber. 

_ First time he was eight. _

A kid. Robert closed his eyes and imagined little Aaron, a whirlwind with a dark mop of wild curls on his head, maybe he still showed missing teeth when he laughed. He saw a boy in a footy kit with scraped knees. He saw a boy hunched over homework from school, sticking out his tongue while he was thinking. He saw blue eyes full of sparkling amazement for all the wonders and mysteries of the earth - an expression only kids master, because of their innocence and pureness.

_ First time. _

Robert’s eyes snapped open. First time. His brain went offline for a moment.

Silence stretched and he couldn’t tell if it were seconds or minutes. Aaron sniffed quietly, that snapped him out of it.

“Did it happen again?”

God, was this even his voice asking the question? He still felt cold and numb, even his lips were numb.

“A few times, yeah.”

Suddenly Robert’s brain decided to switch on again and so many questions were swirling around in his head, it made him dizzy. He couldn’t get out even one though. 

“I err, I was terrible back then,” Aaron started and his voice trailed off, like he was lost in his thoughts, “I was a real brat, playing up at every possibility… I was moody, talking back whenever he said anything. I think, maybe I wanted to punish him for Chas leaving us?”

Robert couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Aaron somehow tried to justify what Gordon did by blaming himself. It was so bloody wrong and sick, it made his stomach twist. Before he could say anything, Aaron went on:

“One day…” he sucked in a breath, “one day he just had enough. He sent me to bed early… I remember him shouting at me…” Aaron’s voice started to tremble and Robert felt him shuddering in his arms, “and then later, he came into my room, and I thought-”

Aaron let out a quiet sob.

“-I thought he would just lecture me again, but he didn’t.”

Robert’s heart broke in the same moment his boyfriend broke and started crying. He wrapped his arms around Aaron as tight as he could and held him. 

Robert always instinctively tried to fix things. He had to at some point, when his mum was all over the place after his father’s death. He had to step up, help her with the house, the paperwork and Vic. Robert had to keep things together for their family’s sake, although he was basically a child himself. 

Taking things into his own hands meant controlling the course. _ Action _ was better than _ reaction _, Robert learned that early. 

Which made it even harder for him to see his mum in that hospital bed, after the doctors had told them that there was nothing they could do. And Robert was doomed to just sit there and hold her hand and watch her fade away. It was the worst feeling in the world.

Being helpless, clueless, useless.

Robert had never ever wanted to feel like that ever again. 

And here he was. 

Helpless. Clueless. Useless.

What was he supposed to say? How could he possibly comfort Aaron? Could he comfort him at all? He pressed his cheek against Aaron’s damp hair and just held him, lost for words.

Aaron calmed down slowly, sniffing a few times.

“He met his new girlfriend Sandra soon after that night and she moved in pretty quickly,” he said after another moment.

Robert wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he felt the water being only lukewarm now. He had goosebumps all over.

“Everything went back to normal,” Aaron went on, “and I started thinking… if it ever really happened? Maybe I had just dreamt it or I don’t know…”

That Aaron had blamed himself and doubted himself at the same time, it was hard to comprehend. Robert couldn’t even begin to imagine how this monster had twisted Aaron’s thoughts when he was a kid, how he must have manipulated him. Robert wasn’t usually one for physical violence, but lord help him, if he ever has to see that man again, he was going punch his fucking lights out. 

“She got pregnant and I thought,” Aaron swallowed audibly, “I thought we were going to be a real family again, but… err, they started arguing and fighting. Probably the hormones or something.” He laughed humorlessly and the dark sound made Robert shiver again. “It happened again before Liv was born. After that it was better, for a while at least. She was his little princess and he got on better with Sandra at that time too. But I was a stupid kid, got in with some teenagers with a bad influence on me. I started hanging out with them, missing curfew, I talked back to him again… I really should have seen it coming this time.”

The more and more Aaron talked, the quieter he got. Now it almost felt as if he was talking about someone else. Not that Robert prefered him being a crying mess, of course not, but this total lack of emotion was weird somehow, disconcerting. 

“He said it was to keep me in line,” Aaron continued in a tone that resembled him talking about the weather. 

Robert gulped hard.

“And it worked, for a few years. I tried to be better. Then the fights started again and Sandra stayed at a friend’s more and more. She took Liv with her and he didn’t like it. He was furious.”

Aaron‘s whole body trembled suddenly and it was the first sign of how much he was affected by all of that after he had stopped crying. 

“Sandra left him when I was 16 and it got bad, really bad. I just knew that I had to get away from him, or I …” Aaron didn’t finish that sentence and Robert sucked in a harsh breath. “Then I got the job at “Forbidden Love” and I moved out the same day.”

He thought back to when he had seen Aaron appear on his screen. Olli’s first scenes. He still remembers the teen with the buzz cut and the spots at his temples. Robert couldn’t get his head around the fact that while he had watched this with his mum on their couch, snuggled under her favourite blanket, Aaron had escaped his hell of a childhood home only weeks before. 

They just sat there in the bathtub, Aaron still pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around his boyfriend. Robert suddenly noticed that he hadn’t said anything for a long while, he wasn’t sure if he had said anything at all during Aaron’s reveal. He tried to swallow past that tennis ball sized lump in his throat, thinking about bloody _ words _ to say, but everything sounded flat in his head, like a bad phrase.

Aaron opened up and shared his massive, overwhelming, life crushing, abominable childhood trauma and Robert-

_ What do I do now? What am I supposed to do now? _

-was clueless. Helpless. Useless. 

Aaron started quivering again, this time he wouldn’t stop though. Water splashed against Robert’s chest and he hissed. He hadn’t even noticed that the water was cold by now. 

“Are you cold?” he asked quickly and sat up, pushing Aaron with him.

Glad to finally have a task to _ do_, he focused on that. 

_ Keep Aaron warm. _

He stood up, helped his boyfriend to get up as well and reached for a towel. Aaron didn’t look him in the eye when he wrapped it around his body.

“Here,” Robert muttered, gritting his teeth to stop himself from jittering. 

Aaron first. Robert rubbed softly over the towel to get him dry and warm again. 

He just stood there and let him. It seemed like all energy had left his body. His curls were wet and sticking on his forehead, he had bags under his blue eyes, his purple lips were trembling and his skin was pale. 

Robert made a quick job of getting himself dry, then he led Aaron over to his bedroom. His boyfriend just walked in every direction he gently guided him and Robert held the blanket up for Aaron to get into his bed. 

“Will you stay?”

Aaron’s voice sounded so small and unsure that Robert’s heart clenched hard. As if Aaron expected him to leave now, as if he was preparing himself for an inevitable rejection. 

“Of course,” Robert said without even thinking about it.

He slipped between the sheets and winced because his skin was still damp, but he couldn’t focus on that now. Robert moved closer to Aaron and laid his arm slowly around him.

“Is that okay?” he asked.

For a moment he felt stupid. They had just been naked together in the bathtub for like an eternity, but this was different somehow. Intimate. 

“Yeah,” Aaron whispered and shifted around, until he was the little spoon, laying with his back against Robert's chest again.

Robert was suddenly aware that the last time he was in Aaron’s bed was when they had sex. With Aaron’s ordeal in mind now, his thoughts wandered back to that day. What if he had missed signs or hesitation from Aaron’s side? He thought about how shy Aaron had been talking about having sex when they were lying on the sofa. He‘d always thought it was because Aaron was still a virgin, but that wasn’t even true. That monster took that from him when he was a bloody _ child _.

Robert felt sick again.

He suddenly remembered that he had brought it up. When he was making out with Aaron on the couch. He had told Aaron that he wanted sex. 

_ What if I have talked him into something he wasn‘t ready for? _

Robert lifted his head and checked on Aaron, his boyfriend was out like a light, drained from the alcohol poisoning and from reliving his childhood memories.

Robert carefully lifted his arm and tried to get up from the bed without waking Aaron up. 

_ What if he didn’t want it and I pressured him? _

He almost didn’t make it back into the bathroom. He crouched in front of the toilet and retched up the contents of his stomach until only bile was left. Robert tried to get his breathing under control again, but he failed for a few long minutes. The mere feeling that he might have pushed Aaron to have sex made him sick again. 

But it all made sense now. How he had overreacted because of that stupid article about him and Katie. That he had felt the need to call his therapist again. 

_ I triggered that. _

His guts were hot and heavy when the realisation settled.

The rape storyline and Chas‘ letter were another few drops of oil into the fire that was already burning because of _ him _, until everything exploded in the restaurant when that bastard showed up.

Robert couldn‘t get up, it seemed all the energy had left his body, instead he just curled himself up on the bathroom rug and laid there. He laid there until he got cold again and started shaking, then he tiptoed back to the bed. He hoped that sleep would take over soon, lull his mind, but of course the universe was not that kind.

  
  
  
  


The kettle tooted when Robert heard naked feet padding in the hallway. One second later Aaron stood in the kitchen door frame. His boyfriend was really not a morning person, he was still sleepy and disoriented, eyes blinking, frowning, hair looking soft and tousled. He only wore black shorts and rubbed his left shoulder, the movement made the muscles of his torso twitch and stretch.

Although you would expect it - given his curly head and his scruff - Aaron didn’t have much body hair. He had a small patch of soft, dark hair right in the middle of his perfect pecs, as if they were framing it. Right under his belly button, a thin happy trail disappeared into the waistband of his pants.

Robert could write poems about the body of his boyfriend, about the perfect girth of strong, toned muscles, that drove him crazy. 

_ Fuck, get a grip, Robert! _

Now was really not the time to drool over Aaron. Not after everything. Robert felt immediately guilty for getting carried away, it was simply inappropriate. 

“Hiya.” Aaron yawned.

“Hey,” he said, “want one?“

He held up a cup and a teabag and Aaron just nodded. Robert made the tea and they sat down at the small kitchen table. A moment of silence followed.

Usually Robert didn‘t mind silence with Aaron, but now it felt tense. Should they talk about yesterday? But what could Robert say? His brain decided to stay fucking useless.

Aaron suddenly cleared his throat. “I should probably head in today, face Chrissie, get it over with and all…”

He tried to sound like he was making casual conversation, like it was a piece of cake, but his wavering voice betrayed him. Robert got why he was nervous. A furious Chrissie White was no fun at allAnd especially now, with Aaron being so vulnerable…

“Do you want me to come with you?“ Robert offered eagerly.

He could help Aaron, support him, and talk to Chrissie again. It was something he definitely could _ do._

But Aaron shook his head.

“Nah, it‘s okay. It‘s fine, I‘ll handle it,“ he shrugged.

Robert deflated slightly, he could only hope that Chrissie wouldn’t bring up the rape storyline today. God knows how Aaron would react to that right now. The first time it freaked him out so much that he avoided Robert for a whole week. Now, with all the horrible memories bubbling fresh under the surface, the reaction could be even worse. Much worse.

Involuntarily his gaze flicked down to Aaron‘s stomach, to the scars. They were old now, some almost completely faded, others still visible, the damaged skin was raised and slightly darker. Robert swallowed.

“Besides, you probably have better stuff to do,“ Aaron said and sipped his tea. 

It was so odd, like Aaron tried to pretend that nothing happened last night. Robert stared into his cup. The atmosphere in the room frustrated him, he sensed that he should handle all of this better somehow. He felt like he was failing. 

“I mean, I can’t shoot like that,” he pointed to his jaw. The swelling went slowly down, but there was still a big purple bruise, “and Vic wanted to drive to the house today to clean it up a bit and she asked me to help her, so…”

He trailed off. Aaron nodded along.

“Yeah, you should totally go. Help Vic.“

There was another moment of silence, where they just sipped their tea and it felt awkward.

Robert hated it, needed it to change, to make it better. He stood up and went over to Aaron, who got up himself. Robert wanted nothing more than to wrap himself around him and never let go. Just in the very last moment he reminded himself that that was maybe a bit too much, too constricting for Aaron. He didn’t want to overwhelm his boyfriend, so he just laid his hands on the biceps and pressed a soft kiss on Aaron’s closed lips. Robert felt the arms moving and then Aaron‘s hands sneaked around his waist and tried to drag them closer together, but Robert pulled back, the thoughts of last night still vivid in his mind.

“Are you sure you don‘t want me to come along?” he asked.

“I‘m fine,“ Aaron managed a tiny smile.

Robert knew he wasn‘t fine. How the hell could he be? He wanted to shake Aaron, tell him to stop pretending. Damn, Robert didn‘t have a clue either how they should go on from here, but _ this _ definitely was not the right way. 

“Let me know how it goes okay?“ he said instead.

He kissed Aaron again, it was a tender kiss, soft and gentle, but Robert desperately tried to lay all his feelings into it. All his feelings he couldn’t quite form into actual words right now. 

When he was about to leave, he turned around to Aaron and gave a - what he hoped was - reassuring smile before he closed the door. 

_ Helpless. Clueless. Useless. _

  
  
  
  


He stopped the car right next to Vic’s Mini and turned the engine off. But instead of getting out, he sat there for a moment and bumped his head against the headrest and closed his eyes.

_ I should be with Aaron now. _

Maybe he should have been more persistent earlier. Maybe he had given up too easily.

Robert also dreaded facing Vic.

Surely she had read the articles about him and Aaron, had seen the videos by now. There was no way she would NOT comment on it. Robert breathed deeply in and out, a technique he had learned in drama school, to slip into another mindset for a role. Right now it worked to calm himself down, to steel himself for the confrontation with his sister.

He opened his eyes and looked at the stoney cottage that was his childhood home. In his head the rotten house transformed, the roof was rebuilt, bigger windows let more light into the kitchen, a little balcony was added to the master bedroom, the scrub in the front yard was replaced by grass. A dog laid there, chewing on some toy. The front door (it was white, with stainless steel fittings) opened and Aaron stepped out. His boyfriend wore a Tee and shorts, his hair was curly and he looked relaxed and happy. He said something to the dog, who promptly got up and trotted over to Aaron. He bent down and patted the fur, then they both disappeared inside, the door closed and his dream bubble burst.

This was his future. He knew it. It had to be. Robert wanted it so much. Being with Aaron in this house, living here, building a future together. He gritted his teeth and swore to himself for the hundredth Andy would NOT sell it to some random who was going to do God knows what with _ his _ house.

When he got in, he was greeted with the familiar humid smell and Vic’s taunting voice: “There you are, I thought you were gonna leave me hanging here!”

_ Breathe, Robert. _

He managed a smile towards his sister, who already stood in the former living room with a large bin bag and yellow cleaning gloves. 

“Hello to you too,” he muttered and took his jacket off.

She came over to him and examined his face and jaw, her eyes got bigger and bigger.

“Jesus, Robert! What has that bloke done?” she said shocked, but there was also anger swinging with it.

Anger towards Aaron, who deserved none of this. Robert went automatically in protective mode. 

“It was just a misunderstanding. It’s nothing,” he said shortly.

“Nothing?” she shrieked.

Her eyes widened even more and Robert wondered how that was humanly possible. It looked like they might fall out of her head any moment.

“I have seen the videos, Robert. I didn’t look like nothing. He hit you in public! All my friends made fun of it on social media, how can you be so calm about it?”

Robert had been so caught up with Aaron being missing and Chrissie being furious that he hadn’t followed the public discussion from some point on. So, people made fun of them now, just great. It stung.

“Some lovely friends you have,” he shot back.

“Says the one who got slogged.” Vic huffed sarcastically, shook her head and went back to the bin bag. 

Robert gruffly grabbed one of the brooms she had brought. He started to sweep with aggressive little movements, glad to be able to let his anger out somehow. He didn‘t like this tense bickering between him and Vic. Yeah, she drove him nuts most of the time, but she was his little sister after all and he still felt responsible for her, probably always would. 

“We have talked about it and Aaron has apologised,” he said when he had calmed down eventually, stopped brushing and rested his hands on the tip of the broom.

He didn’t want Vic to be mad at Aaron. That was just not fair. Also he wanted his sister and his boyfriend to get along, maybe to become friends even. She threw another bottle in the bag and looked up.

“It looked really bad on these videos,” she just ignored the fact of Aaron’s apology, “he clearly has some serious issues if you ask me.” Her sentence hit right in Robert’s core.

“Well, I’m not asking you!” he snapped, anger boiling over again. 

How dare she say something like that about Aaron? Despite it being true, of course - Aaron _ had _ issues - but Vic was not the one to judge his boyfriend. Not after everything he‘s been through. 

His sister stopped dead in her tracks and just glared at him for a moment.

“Wow, he has wrapped you around his finger!” she stated and sounded stunned. 

“Stop talking about him like that.”

_ Stay calm, Robert. _

It was that voice that sounded _ a lot _ like his mum’s. 

“Is he your boyfriend? Andy reckons he is.“

He winced when she brought up their brother‘s name. He knew exactly which terms Andy must have used regarding Aaron and sure as hell ‘boyfriend‘ was not amongst it. 

Robert sighed. They still weren‘t official although he really wanted them to be. But this was his little sister asking and lying to her about it just felt wrong.

“Yeah, Aaron‘s my boyfriend,“ he rolled the word in his mouth as he spoke it, tasted the sound of it.

And yes, he loved it!

_ Aaron is my first boyfriend ever _

-he realised. His other experiences with men were one night stands and his casual arrangement with Mike.

“He‘s my boyfriend,“ Robert repeated, simply because of how good it felt to say it, “but it‘s not official, only his best friends know and now you. So please keep this to yourself, okay?”

“But… I still don’t get it! He punched you, I mean _ look _ at you!“ she pointed at his jaw.

“Vic,“ he groaned exasperated and looked at the ceiling. “He apologised. It‘s fine.“

“Alright, alright!“ She raised her arms in a peace gesture. “I am on your side, Robert!“ 

“There are no sides,“ he said determined, “it‘s Aaron and me.“

Vic stared at him, mouth slack, then she started grinning.

“Oh wow, that was dead cheesy!“ she cooed and clasped her hands.

She said it without any heat or sarcasm. Robert wanted to be offended, but he chuckled quietly and his cheeks heated up a bit. This was the side of his sister he liked. Gone was the anger between them, just like that.

“Okay, when you are happy, then I am too,” Vic said more seriously again.

Robert just stayed quiet then. _ Happy _ was a big word and given the circumstances right now, maybe it was not the right one. But one fact was invariable, no matter how messed up everything was: Aaron was the one for him.

  
  
  
  


It was better after that. Vic stopped bad mouthing Aaron and didn’t mention the punch anymore. Robert sent a few messages to his boyfriend, but got no response, probably because he had to deal with a raging Chrissie White right now. 

Robert was worried for him. Yeah, the chance that she would sack Aaron over this incident were small, considering him being a fan favourite and all, but it was still a possibility. 

Vic and him worked together in silence. They had just switched to the top floor and were cleaning the former bedroom of their parents, when they heard the sound of a motor. Robert looked out of the old window - one of the few that wasn’t broken - and saw an old Range Rover pulling up next to his Porsche. He knew only only one person who would drive such a naff, rusty off-roader. 

_ Oh no. Oh no no no no _

The driver got out and of course Robert recognised Andy’s broad neck and muscular shoulders immediately. 

“Vic!” he groaned.

Andy turned around and shot Robert’s Porsche a spiteful glare.

_ If he touches her, I’m gonna- _

“What?! It is his house too, he can help at least!” Vic reasoned.

“I don’t want his help, I’d rather done it alone,” Robert hissed and the anger was back.

Why could his siblings not just leave him the fuck alone? And only in that moment Robert realised that this might have been the reason for this whole cleaning day after all. This had to be one of Vics brilliant plans to bring them ‘closer together’ again. She had asked him with her puppy eyes to help and Robert couldn’t possibly say no to that look. 

He couldn’t deal with Andy on top of bloody everything. Fuck, he should be at Aaron’s side and supporting him against Chrissie and instead he was here, forced to meet his arsehole brother.

Andy made his way to the house, Vic rushed down and Robert followed her reluctantly. 

“You came!” Vic said happily.

Robert rolled his eyes. Really? He came 10 minutes late and got a harsh remark and now Andy arrived an hour and a half late and was greeted with open arms. It was so bloody typical.

“Promised it, didn’t I,” Andy said.

It was addressed to Vic, but his eyes locked on Robert the second he came down and never left his face.

Robert straightened his shoulders and put his chin up. He knew there was a blow to come and he tried to ready himself for it. Andy’s mouth twisted into a smirk, but his eyes stayed ice cold.

“Lover’s tiff?” he nodded towards Robert’s jaw and snickered over his own joke.

Robert didn’t want to show any reaction to Andy’s words, because he knew that was what his brother wanted. To hurt him. Robert would not give him the satisfaction. 

“I’m leaving,” he informed Vic shortly.

No way he would stay here and listen to this bullshit. He just wanted to grab his jacket and leave, but Andy stood right between the front door and living room, where his jacket was still hanging over a ladder. Both directions were blocked. 

“Move.” 

He stared Andy in the eyes, not willing to back down. Something inside of Robert snapped, clicked, like a button was switched on. He had enough. The last few days had to be a fucking joke or something. 

Andy just glared back and didn‘t move an inch. 

“Boys, why can‘t we just talk about this like reasonable adults?“ Vic asked, eyes flicking back and forth between her brothers.

“He‘s got quite a good haymaker for a fag, I’ll give him that,“ Andy said, totally ignoring Vic. “I bet he likes it a bit rough in bed, too. Didn‘t know you were into-”

Robert didn‘t even think about it.

His body moved almost on its own will, balled his hand into a fist and lunged for Andy‘s face as hard as he could.

Vic shrieked. The sharp pain in his own knuckles brought his brain back online. Untamed fury buzzed through Robert, a sudden adrenaline rush made him feel light headed. 

Robert might not be as experienced as Aaron with boxing, but he did a daily workout for years and his punch perfectly hit Andy right under his left eye. His brother stumbled back and Robert used the gap to get into the living room and grab his jacket.

With his back turned towards Andy, Robert expected his brother to hit him any second and he tensed his muscles to be prepared for the impact. 

“Andy! No!“ Vic shouted desperately.

He heard fabric rustling and turned around. The sight could have been funny under different circumstances. There was his bulky brother, eyes shooting daggers at him, breathing harshly like a wild bull and he was held back by their little sister, who was only about 5 feet tall. 110 pounds of sheer stubbornness. At least Andy wasn‘t aggressive against her, he seemed to have some boundaries deep down. 

“Stop it! Both of you!” 

Only now Robert realised that Vic was crying and he felt guilty. Andy still deserved it though. He would not give in this time, his brother had overstepped the line _ big time. _

_ He likes it a bit rough. _

The sentence alone made him feel sick again. The sentence alone made his fist itch again. 

He could somehow live with Andy‘s homophobic remarks, had done it since his coming out after all, but talking like this about Aaron was unacceptable.

“If he‘s changed his mind about the house, you can call my lawyer,“ Robert said to Vic and put his jacket on.

He felt sorry for her, but he wouldn‘t apologise. 

“You‘ll never get it!“ Andy spat.

Robert just pushed past him, not biting into the argument and bolted outside. He sucked in the fresh air, relieved that he could leave Andy behind. 

He drove about two miles, before he pulled over at a lay-by. Then he fumbled his phone out of his pocket and called Aaron‘s number.

“Hi, Robert,“ his favourite voice scratched into his ear.

“I punched Andy!“ he nearly shouted.

Robert was still riding on his adrenaline high. 

_ I punched Andy! _

He couldn‘t quite believe that he really did it. Andy would have deserved it in the past more than once, but Robert always had tried to stay calm, avoid the argument, avoid Andy in general. 

“What?!“ Aaron sounded alarmed. “What happened?“

“I was cleaning the house with Vic and then he showed up, being his usual wanker self. And then I had enough and before I could think about it, I punched him. In the face. With my fist.“ Robert felt himself grinning.

“Oh my- and did he hit back?“

“No, Vic stopped him.“ 

This image would forever be weirdly hilarious and Aaron snorted.

“Are you okay?“ he asked, getting serious again.

“Amazing actually.“ Robert laid his head back and closed his eyes. “I did a real Dingle, you would be so proud of me,“ he joked.

That got him a weak “ha ha” in return, but then he heard Aaron softly chuckling.

They went silent for a moment and Robert felt the adrenaline slowly reducing. It was like sobering up. He still felt great, but now he remembered Aaron‘s meeting with Chrissie.

“Hey, how did it go with Chrissie?“

Aaron groaned. “She was so pissed off. Shouted at me, lectured me.“ He sighed.

“But does it have any consequences for you?“ Robert asked carefully.

“I‘m not sacked, but I got a warning. I‘m on probation so to say.“

Robert let out a long breath. That was good. In a few days nobody would speak about the incident anymore and they could just go back in the studio and do their work. 

“We’re gonna have to do an exclusive interview with Devon next week and she, err…” Aaron cleared his throat, “she reckons it would be good if we would do something in public together. That we‘re being seen together. To show that we, err, get on.“

“Okay,“ Robert agreed easily. 

“You okay with that?“ Aaron asked and it took Robert a moment to understand why he was so surprised about it.

With the public knowledge of Aaron being gay and Robert being bi, it could come across like a date. Which It was in fact, but Chrissie didn‘t know about them, for her it was just a demonstration that her actors were mates in real life, all of them being part of the happy LWP family.

Robert wouldn‘t mind the public knowing about him and Aaron, quite the opposite actually.

“My boss officially orders me to spend time with my boyfriend? Hell yes, I‘m okay with that,“ he smiled. “I don‘t care what people think.“

“Okay.“ Aaron sounded like he was nodding. “Would you come over later?”

“Of course.“ As if he would ever say no to that.

  
  
  
  
  


Aaron had to shoot scenes with Katie and Ross in the next few days while Robert was still forced into a little break because of the bruised jaw. In the evenings they settled into a routine where either of them would come over and spend the night.

They ate dinner together, Aaron read his script for the next day and Robert practised the lines with him. Afterwards they watched a movie or a series on Netflix. Robert got Aaron hooked on Dr Who and he felt pretty smug about it. 

It was almost like normal - except it wasn‘t. 

They didn‘t talk about Gordon. Aaron never brought it up and Robert simply didn‘t know if he _ should _ bring it up. If Aaron even could talk about it again. It was like a fucking huge dinosaur in the room that no one mentioned. The feeling of being useless and clueless hummed like a constant baseline in Robert‘s mind.

Another thing was the intimacy. That was hard for Robert. Literally unfortunately. 

Aaron was still kind of worn out after everything, even more quiet than his usual grumpiness. And although Robert would have never guessed before that his boyfriend was one for sofa cuddles - Aaron definitely _ was _ a cuddler. And now even more than ever. He always shifted close to Robert, initiated body contact, wanted to lean against him, rest his head on his shoulders. Normally Robert would love this. Normally Robert would wrap himself around Aaron like a giant octopus and spoon the hell out of him in bed.

Right now though… right now nothing was normal and it was torture. Because when Aaron got too comfy or too close, Robert had to fight for control over his emotions. Aaron smelled so damn good, when he was freshly showered after a long day of filming and Robert caught himself a few times, kissing the soft, damp curls and sniffing in the shampoo. Aaron felt warm and solid against his own body and Robert got half hard before he even realised it.

_ Fuck, Robert! Get your shit together. What‘s wrong with you? _

That couldn‘t be normal. How could he get aroused now, after Aaron had told him about Gordon? That was wrong, just wrong on all levels. Robert felt miserable.

He always had a high sex drive and his libido wasn‘t on board with the idea to take a break, no matter if his boyfriend was just recently forced to face his childhood trauma. 

The only thing that was left to do, was to keep the body contact to a minimum. When Aaron snuggled closer, Robert low-key shifted away or got up to grab something from the kitchen. Or pretended to use the bathroom. He got rather creative to avoid the cuddles. When they went to bed, he spent longer in front of the telly before he followed Aaron or he took a ridiculously long time in the bathroom. Aaron fell asleep in the meantime. 

The worst moment was, when they got an email from the scheduling that they were about to shoot the first kiss between Olli and Christian on the next Monday. Aaron grabbed the script for it and they read it together on the couch.

“Wanna rehearse it?“ Aaron asked with a shy smile.

Robert felt himself nodding. So they practised the scene and when it came to the kiss, Aaron threw the script away and pressed his lips on Robert‘s. It was so soft and featherlight, just like the scene requested it, but it soon heated up. And when Aaron sneaked his tongue into Robert‘s mouth, everything else was forgotten for a moment. It was just him and Aaron. Perfect, hot, amazing Aaron and Robert missed _ feeling _ him. He wanted him so much.

He pulled back and tried to breathe normal again.

“I think we‘re prepared for Monday,“ he said with a forced grin, “you want another beer?“

Robert had to get out of this situation, he hated how little he had himself under control, but this was about Aaron and he had to put him first. He had to make sure that he felt safe, that he was not pressured into anything physical. 

The nights were bad as well. Aaron tossed around and woke up sweaty or, even worse, with a scream. Robert held him afterwards, the only situation he let the touching happen, until Aaron calmed down again.

“It‘ll get better again, with the nightmares, I promise,“ whispered Aaron shakily, as if he was apologising for waking Robert up.

“It‘s okay. I‘m here. You‘re safe.“ He mumbled sentences like this against Aaron‘s temple until he was asleep again. 

The more they both tried to go on like everything was normal, the more it felt pretend, fake. It was _ not _ normal, nothing about it was. It frustrated Robert to no end that he didn‘t know how to make this better. 

  
  
  
  


But he was someone to fix things after all. 

So on Sunday, a determined Robert sat alone in his apartment, because they had agreed to spend the day before this important shoot apart from each other to get into their character’s mindset. He grabbed his laptop and the preparation papers Chrissie had given them for the upcoming storyline. There were sites of survivor groups in it for their research. 

And that was what Robert did. Researching. Not for his role though. He clicked through different pages, read a lot about how rape victims felt afterwards, emotional reports with a shocking honesty and Robert wondered if Aaron felt the same. It broke his heart all over again. 

Then he tried to find something about how partners could deal with it. There were extra sites and support groups and Robert found a helpful guide. It was so good to read it black on white, that it was okay to feel helpless. That it was normal that he was affected too. 

Robert let out a shaky breath that he didn’t even know he was holding in. It was such a relief to get this confirmation from an official site.

The suggestions of how he could support Aaron sounded so simple in theory. 

Listen to your partner, be there for them. Be patient. Let your partner be in control. Don’t try to push your partner to report the crime to the police. Avoid feeling like trying to fix things. 

_ Huh. _

Robert soaked in all the information. The site also said that it was normal for survivors to blame themselves, just like Aaron had done. 

There was a phone number too, a helpline, and before Robert thought about it, he was already typing the number in. 

“Welcome to the Helpline, how can I help you?”

“Hi, this is Ro-” he started out of habit, but he stopped himself by biting on his tongue.

_ Should I tell my real name? _

He was pretty new on telly, but his name has been in the media a lot, especially in the past few days. Going for a fake name seemed to be the safer option.

“-ry. Rory. Brakewell.” Robert winced at his awful choice and clasped the hand on his forehead.

“Is it okay if I call you Rory?” the woman asked.

Robert nodded and then reminded himself that she couldn’t see him. “Yes.”

“So how can I help you, Rory?” The lady sounded nice. Her voice had a soothing tone.

“My boyfriend recently told me that he was raped when he was a kid.” 

Robert swallowed. It was the first time he said it out loud and his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. 

“Surely that was a huge shock for you.”

“Yeah,” was all he managed out. There were no words to describe the mess of different feelings inside him.

“Do you wanna tell me about what happened to your boyfriend?”

So Robert gave her a short summary, leaving out all the personal stuff. To talk about Gordon was so hard, even for him. He couldn‘t begin to fathom how difficult it must have been for Aaron. 

“I just don‘t know what to do now,“ he admitted finally.

“I can’t give you a list that you only need to tick off or something, I’m afraid. Everybody feels differently, reacts differently. Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel,“ she suggested.

“But this isn‘t about how I feel, it‘s about _ him _,“ Robert huffed, frustrated. 

“As far as I know from my experience, this is about both of you,“ she said. “You‘re in a relationship and both your feelings are valid. Holding back or keeping quiet isn‘t helping, neither you nor him.“

He leaned back on the couch, closed his eyes and thought about her words. She kinda had a point, he had to admit.

“So you reckon, we need to talk?” Robert asked. “What if he doesn‘t want to talk about it anymore?“

“You can only try, Rory. I really think it would help you two, but pushing him might have the opposite effect. Be patient. Listen. Ask him what he wants.“

Her voice sounded smooth like honey and calmed him down, helping ground him again. Robert sighed. The lady was right. 

“You‘re good at this, you know that?“ he snorted weakly.

“Old-stager,“ she sounded like she was smiling. “Many partners feel helpless, just like you do. But even the tiniest gestures are helping. Being there for him, doing random everyday stuff together like shopping or cooking, treat him normal…“

His ears perked up at that.

“About that…“ he started and coughed awkwardly, “how exactly do I treat him _ normal _?“

He cringed at his own words.

“Sorry, what do you mean? Can you be more specific?“

“You know, err… sex-wise!” he blurted it out, cheeks burning and he just wanted the ground to swallow him up.

He was eternally grateful that he didn‘t need to face the lady right now, that this was completely anonymous. 

“I mean, I know this is not the most important question right now, but you brought it up… kind of… more or less.” 

Urgh, he felt sex-obsessed now. 

_ I should have just kept my damn mouth shut. _

He thought about just hanging up, but then she started talking.

“It‘s okay to ask that,“ she said understandingly, “it‘s good that you‘re being thoughtful. Intimacy is a big thing after a traumatic childhood experience. But again - there is no blueprint, unfortunately. All I can say is that you should talk about it.“

“I feared you would say that,“ Robert said and sighed, which made her chuckle.

“I‘m sorry.“ She didn‘t sound sorry. “It‘s good advice though. A few couples told me that safewords helped them.“

“Safewords? Like in the BDSM scene?“ 

He knew about the classic traffic light system, green for go, yellow for pause and talk, red for stop.

“Yes. It helped other couples to figure out what both liked or what triggered a memory, but there is of course no guarantee that it works for everybody. Just think about it and talk to your boyfriend.“

Robert let out a long sigh. It was so much to sink in. But the little research and this talk on the helpline had actually helped to see a little bit clearer again.

“This has to be the weirdest phone call I ever made,“ he snorted.

“Unfortunately I can‘t say the same back to you,“ the woman replied and although she sounded like she was smiling, his little laughter died quickly.

“I bet you hear a lot of horrible stuff,“ he reckoned.

“Yeah, you have no idea,“ she agreed quietly.

They soon ended the call after that. He didn‘t ask about her name, she wouldn‘t probably be allowed to tell her real name anyway. 

Robert stared at his black TV, silently thanked the nameless woman and tried to figure out how he could start that talk with Aaron.

  
  
  
  


Monday morning was hectic, him and Aaron barely had a second of privacy. They were about to film several important scenes of Christian and Olli finally getting together. Accordingly, they had to sit at the hair and makeup damn early. The bruise had faded to a slight yellow by now and Sophie, the makeup artist, covered it easily.

The first scene took place in a club, where Christian got jealous when another bloke flirted with Olli. They had built a small set for this, with a dance floor and different lighting consoles.

It was by far the craziest shoot Robert had done so far. To get a clear sound of their dialogues, they had to film without music, it would be added afterwards during the editing process. Even without music they still had to dance of course. Robert thought it was funny, shook his hips and waved his arms, Aaron… Aaron though. He looked so damn embarrassed and uncomfortable, Robert couldn‘t help but smile. 

Besides the dancing, Aaron was ever the professional, acting on a high level as usual. Nobody on set would ever be able to guess what had happened in his private life.

Robert was impressed by how strong his boyfriend was. 

“You okay?“ Robert asked during a short break. “And please don‘t just say that you‘re fine,“ he added.

He had pulled Aaron into an empty set, to talk to him without interruptions and people eavesdropping.

Aaron sighed and dropped his shoulders.

“It‘s okay, it’s just… intense today, I guess,“ he admitted eventually and bit his lip. 

“I know. You‘re doing amazing though,“ Robert said softly.

Aaron looked at him with a sudden fragility that he hadn‘t shared in front of the others so far.

“Yeah?“ he whispered. 

All his vulnerability showed and it made Robert wonder how much Aaron was acting even when the cameras were off. 

His heart clenched at the thought that this wonderful man was so insecure deep down, despite everything he had achieved so far. 

_ You‘re amazing, so talented and so incredibly brave, I‘m so proud of you. _

He wanted to grab Aaron, to hug and hold him, to whisper all the words into his ear, over and over until he‘d believe them. 

“Guys! The kiss is next!“

Stephen appeared out of nowhere and stood there, grinning at them. The director clapped his hands in a let‘s-go-gesture.

Robert looked back at Aaron. He really wished he could finish this conversation, but Stephen was waiting for them. The moment was gone.

  
  
  
  


**(Christian sits on the bed and puts a bottle on the nightstand. It falls down)**

**Christian: Shit!**

**Olli (knocks): Christian. I know you’re awake, It’d be hard to miss it. (tries to open the door, but it’s locked) Are you afraid of me now?**

**Christian: Leave me alone.**

**Olli: Let me in. The way you're acting is so bloody daft. Christian… I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you and… Last night… Man, you’re feeling the same as I do, do you think I didn’t realise that? How long will you go on lying to yourself?**

**Christian: Beat it!**

**Olli: Forget it, you’re in for a long wait.**

**(Olli keeps waiting at the door)**

**Olli: Don’t get your hopes up. I’m waiting. At some point you have to come out.**

**Christian (gets up and starts pacing)**

**Olli: Let’s finally have a talk. we can’t go on like this…. Christian!**

**Christian (slowly unlocks the door and steps back)**

**(Olli comes in, they share a look)**

**Christian: I tried fighting it, but… I’ve fallen in love with you.**

**(Olli approaches him and touches his shoulder, Christian turns around)**

Robert slipped out of his role when he locked eyes with Aaron. These amazing eyes, blue like the caribbean ocean under the studio lights. And Robert drowned in them. 

**Robert: I love you.**

This wasn‘t in the script. The script said to kiss, after Christian had turned around to Olli.

Robert saw the exact moment, when Aaron realised that this was not improvised, that this was _ him _. That this was him declaring his love in front of the whole crew. Aaron‘s breath hitched and his expression softened, when he left his role.

Robert always imagined he would be nervous, when he said the words to Aaron for the first time, but he wasn’t. It just felt right.

**Aaron: Yeah?**

Aaron sounded so hopeful and his eyes started watering and Robert thought his heart would burst into a thousand pieces.

**Robert: Yeah, I have for a while now.**

From the corner of his eyes, Robert saw the script girl waving with her clipboard and opening her mouth, probably to interfere, but Stephen - good old, talented Stephen with a natural sense for an emotional moment - raised his arm to shut her up. 

**Aaron: I love you.**

It was just a raspy whisper, but it was everything Robert needed to hear. 

Their life was such a rollercoaster at the moment, it held more angst and drama than any soap opera, but they would get through it together. Yes, they still had to talk about Gordon and what all that did to Aaron, what it did to them. It only took one look in Aaron’s eyes for Robert to _ know _ that they could face everything together. 

He leaned in and pressed his mouth on Aaron‘s. They only kissed two days ago, but Robert had already missed those lips. His hands came up automatically to cradle Aaron‘s scruff, as if that beard had magnetic powers. He loved the soft scratch under his palms, loved how perfect Aaron‘s bottom lip fitted between his own. He’d never get tired of that feeling. He tilted his head a bit to get a better angle, nibbled gently and opened his mouth slightly. 

_ Let your partner be in control. _

And Aaron understood the silent invitation, he dipped his tongue gently against Robert‘s. 

Kissing with tongue was definitely not usual on a TV set. Somewhere he heard Stephen shouting “We got it!“ and the crew springing to life again, but Robert didn‘t care, didn‘t want to stop. And neither did Aaron, given his exploring tongue and his strong hands pulling Robert closer. 

They would deal with their nosey colleagues later, they would deal with Robert‘s family later, they would deal with Aaron‘s childhood trauma later.

Right now it was just Aaron and him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the Chrolli stans: I know this is not the first Chrolli kiss in the original storyline (it‘s their third, I think) but ha! Author‘s freedom and all 😂, it fitted better into my Robron plot like this. 
> 
> Please leave a feedback, I love reading your comments, guys.


	16. A new development

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is over the moon after their mutual ILY, but Robert keeps acting weird.  
He tries to look forward to the future - will he be able to leave his past behind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still reading this!  
I hope you like this chapter... it‘s very long, but I wanted it to end where it ends.

Aaron moved closer until they were touching from head to toe. The closer they stood, the more he had to tilt his head back to kiss Robert and that was strangely hot. He marvelled at the height difference and how perfect his arms fit around Robert‘s slim upper body. 

His skin tingled and his whole body kind of buzzed, feeling  _ alive _ . Aaron loved kissing Robert. He was an amazing kisser and he tasted so, so good. 

Aaron sucked the bottom lip in and nibbled carefully. That caused a low noise of pleasure in Robert‘s throat, almost like a cat that was purring and it rushed from Aaron‘s ears straight into his crotch. 

God, he had missed Robert so much. They had spent the evenings together and slept in the same bed since he had opened up about his childhood, but even though they had been  _ together _ \- somehow they hadn‘t been. Not really. Robert had been so withdrawn that Aaron had started to think he even avoided him. 

But now… now Robert had told him that he loved him! Aaron couldn‘t believe it. He grinned into his boyfriend‘s mouth. Knowing that Robert felt the same, that he loved him back, filled him with pure bliss. 

And for a moment he forgot everything else. It was like a weight lifted from his shoulders, like he could finally breathe without a constant pressure on his chest. He didn‘t think about Chrissie, the interview they had to do, the media shitstorm or the upcoming storyline. He didn‘t think about Chas or  _ him _ . He didn‘t think at all. He just  _ felt _ . 

Whole. Loved. Happy. 

Suddenly a loud noise made them flinch and then the warm, wet lips were gone-

_ Noooo! Come back here! _

-and Aaron blinked his eyes open. 

Robert was still very close and the studio lights brought out his perfect tan. Even though he wore makeup, Aaron could see his beloved freckles and he felt the irrational urge to pepper little kisses on every single little spot. Robert‘s mouth was strawberry red and shiny. The eyes, green and sparkling like jade gemstones, were framed by long blond lashes. 

Robert was so bloody beautiful that it knocked the breath out of Aaron. 

It took him a good three seconds to realise that the other man wasn‘t looking at him, he stared somewhere over Aaron‘s right shoulder instead. Aaron followed his gaze, turned his head and-

_ Oh. _

The studio. The crew. The cameras, the microphones. Reality came crashing back. 

He saw Sophie hunching over a silver case, it was her makeup case and she must have dropped it because it was lying on the floor and there was powder, different colours of eyeshadows and lipsticks everywhere.

Aaron was suddenly aware of the eyes on him and Robert. He looked around and almost everybody gawked in their direction, Stephen grinned and even  _ winked _ .

Heat creeped up Aaron‘s cheeks when he realised that their relationship had just come out. 

“What?” Robert asked around, sounding amused, “never seen a happy couple or what?“

The crew started murmuring some things like “aww“ and “happy for you guys” and Aaron even thought he heard an “I knew it, you owe me 20 quid“, but he couldn’t decipher who said it. 

Everything was such a weird blur and a swirl of emotions, Aaron just knew he wanted those lush lips back on his own. He locked eyes with Robert and from one moment to another, Robert‘s expression flickered and changed, got more serious. Before Aaron could react or ask, Robert grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the set.

“Give us 10 minutes, guys, yeah?“ he asked loudly and got laughter and bawling in return.

Aaron stumbled behind him, until they stopped in the darkest corner of the studio, the furthest away they could get from Chrolli’s flat.

Robert turned around and gently touched his arms, stroked his long fingers over the sleeves of Olli‘s floral print. The touch was warm and comforting and God, Aaron wanted those hands all over his body, please.

“I‘m sorry,“ Robert whispered and everything froze.

Aaron’s heart did an awfully painful jump, it made him falter and suck in a harsh breath. 

_ No no no, please don‘t take it back! _

Robert was taking it back, of course he was. 

“What?“ he croaked.

“I didn‘t want to overwhelm you,“ Robert said quickly, “I didn’t plan this, in front of the whole crew. I don‘t know what I was thinking…“

Aaron broke inside. This couldn‘t be happening?!

“I‘m so sorry,“ Robert kept rambling, “especially after last week… I should have waited. I know you wanted to keep it a secret and I blurted it just out. I just-...” Robert searched for the right words and Aaron‘s eyes started watering.

He didn‘t want to hear it. If he would hear Robert taking it back then he would die there and then. 

“I don‘t want you to think that you  _ have _ to say it back?“ 

It sounded like a question and Aaron frowned.

_ What? _

“It‘s just how I feel and I wanted to tell you for a while now, but you shouldn‘t feel pressured to say it back, if it‘s too soon for you. No pressure! Okay?“

_ What? _

“So you‘re not taking it back?“ Aaron managed out with a tear-strained voice, still trying to make sense out of Robert‘s words.

“What?!“ Robert asked, taken aback. “No! No of course not.“

The relief was so immense that Aaron let out an involuntary sob. He blinked a few times and wiped tears away that still burnt in his eyes.

“Dammit Robert, I thought, you‘d take it back,“ he said with a weak smile. 

Robert was quiet for a moment, then he chuckled softly.

“You are such an idiot, Aaron. But it‘s a good thing I do love you.“

Robert kissed him again. Aaron snaked his arms around Robert‘s shoulders and pulled him close. He even had to go on his tiptoes for it. 

Aaron Dingle went on his tiptoes to kiss his beautiful boyfriend and if this was a classic move from a cheesy rom-com, then to hell with that. Mind you, Robert loved it.

  
  
  
  


He finished early, because Robert had to shoot another scene with Ross, so he rushed home to get showered and prepare dinner. Dinner for his official boyfriend. Aaron just stood for a moment in his kitchen, thinking back to what had happened in the studio today.

After their mutual I love you, Aaron had expected questions or weird looks from their colleagues. But it had been surprisingly okay. He had heard one or two jokes, but that was basically normal at LWP, where the humour was quite saucy and the remarks mostly aimed below the belt. It had been like a second outing and again it went low-key, which was a great relief, because he really didn‘t need the extra fuss. 

Everybody at work should know it by now, thanks to the gossip and Aaron was absolutely fine with that. One less thing to worry about. Finally he could be himself around the crew, without overthinking that him and Robert might be too obvious. 

The doorbell pulled him out of his thoughts and his heartbeat sped up.

Aaron’s stomach did a little backflip like always when he laid eyes on Robert. His boyfriend had changed his clothing back from Christian’s sporty look to his trademark posh style. Aaron would probably never admit it loud, but he absolutely adored these silly floral shirts with elbow patches by now. 

_ Dammit and also that leather jacket. Fuck. _

Robert looked amazing with that tan jacket, like some freaking supermodel. 

“What are you smiling at?” Robert greeted him with a broad smile of his own when he entered the apartment.

“Just…” Aaron closed the door, shook his head slightly and grabbed Robert’s leather jacket to kiss him.

His boyfriend hummed into his mouth and hugged him gently, before he pulled back after a few seconds. It ended way too soon for Aaron’s liking and he traced Robert’s lips, but they were gone. Aaron blinked his eyes open. 

“I like your way of saying “hi”,” Robert grinned at him. 

Aaron grinned back, but he was suddenly reminded of how Robert had been pulling back all week. He’d thought that would stop now after their declarations of love. Apparently not. 

_ Stop overthinking things. _

Perhaps Robert was hungry, he had just finished a long day of filming after all. That made sense. 

“I made dinner,” he offered, while Robert slipped out of his jacket and kicked his shoes off.

Robert gave him the softest smile the world had ever seen and Aaron’s insides turned to mush. They went into the kitchen, where the oven was quietly humming. Robert bent over to look inside and offered Aaron a nice view of his arse. 

“Aaron…,” Robert started, sounding unsure, “what is this?!”

“Toast Hawaii,” Aaron shrugged, because -  _ hello _ ? Obvious! 

Robert straightened, turned around and looked at him sceptically.

“It’s good!” Aaron insisted defensively.

His cocky boyfriend snorted at that, made a “surprise me”-gesture with his arm and stepped back. Aaron huffed, nudged Robert gently aside, switched the oven off and used a pot cloth to pull the baking tray out. Robert raised his eyebrows when he glanced at the toasts and he looked like he had to bite back a laugh. Aaron thought they were perfect. The cheese was melted nicely, but not burnt. 

They sat down at the table and while Aaron started to eat like a starved man, Robert just eyed his plate. Then he pulled his phone out and took a picture.

_ What the heck?!  _

“What!” Aaron asked, mouth full. 

“So err. This is toast with cheese on it?” Robert asked carefully, putting his phone away.

Aaron swallowed quickly. “Yeah. With ham and a pineapple in between.” He pointed with his knife towards Robert’s toast.

“Whoa, whoa, wait. So you take a delicious, fresh, juicy pineapple and bury it under a ton of Gouda?”

He sounded like he was personally offended and Aaron had to laugh at that. Robert was so damn extra with his food, it was kind of cute actually.

Suddenly Robert got up, took not only his plate but Aaron’s as well and went back to the kitchen.

“Oi! What are you doing?” Aaron said, staring at the empty space where his food had been two seconds before.

“We’re not eating that,” Robert informed him. “I’m cooking something fresh.”

Decision made. Aaron turned around on his chair and gaped at him, but his beautiful evil boyfriend only smiled back and opened the fridge without another word. Aaron remembered what was in there - or better what was  _ not _ in there - just in the same moment as Robert groaned loudly. 

  
  
  


They ended up ordering Indian food, due to the lack of actual edible things in Aaron’s kitchen and settled on the couch while they were waiting for the delivery.

Aaron was torn between being amused and being sad. He wanted it to be a perfect evening for Robert - apparently he couldn‘t even do the easiest things right.

“I’m sorry about the food,” he said and picked at the hem of his jeans.

Robert turned towards him and tucked his leg under him. He took Aaron’s hands and smiled softly. 

“Nah, don’t be. Let’s make a deal: I cook from now on and you do the cleaning afterwards.”

That sounded good. Nice. Domestic. Like a plan for the future. Yeah, Aaron could definitely live with that.

“There is something I wanted to talk to you about and I planned to do it after dinner, but maybe now is a good time….“ Robert started.

He abruptly let go of Aaron‘s hand, reached into his back pocket and fished something out. It was a small silver item.

A key.

“I stopped at home on my way here, to get you this,“ Robert said, holding the key between them. “It‘s err… for my apartment.”

Aaron‘s heart was beating like a jackhammer and his eyes flicked back and forth between the key and Robert‘s face. 

“For me?“ he whispered, absolutely gobsmacked. 

Robert’s expression was adorably fond and the whole situation had taken such an unintended romantic turn that Aaron almost became quite emotional.

“Maybe it‘s a bit too much today…? After all…” Robert suddenly looked concerned.

Aaron snatched the key out of his hand and pressed it with his fist close to his heart, before Robert could change his mind.

“No, it‘s fine!“ Aaron said quickly.

Robert‘s face slowly transformed into a bright smile again, showing his perfect teeth.

Aaron licked his lips and literally threw himself at him, he couldn‘t hold it back if he tried. 

The touch felt amazing, Robert’s lips were so incredibly silky and they responded with a perfect pressure. The moisture created a perfect slide. It let out butterflies in Aaron‘s belly. He shifted closer on the sofa, wanting to feel Robert‘s body.

He felt hands sliding over his chest and Aaron craved that touch, he felt so loved and wanted, better than he had done for weeks. The hands pressed against his pecs, over his sensitive nipples and  _ want _ jolted through his body. But the pressure increased and increased into a gentle push and Aaron felt himself moving backwards until their lips lost contact. 

Robert had shoved him back. 

“I need another beer, you want something too?“ Robert said and he tried to sound nonchalant, but his voice was a bit breathless. 

_ He‘s doing it again. He‘s avoiding me again. _

This was like a bloody rollercoaster. Robert had been blowing hot and cold all the time lately. But why? Robert told him that he loved him, he gave him a goddamn key to his home. So why?!

_ You know why. You‘re damaged. _

Damaged goods. That had to be it. Robert was acting like this since Aaron‘s reveal about his childhood. His boyfriend loved him, but he didn‘t want him physically anymore _ . _

The sharp sting of rejection bored into his heart, made him snap. Aaron jumped up from the couch and threw the key on the table. 

“I can‘t go on like this,“ he pressed out, more to himself than to Robert and paced through his living room, just to let out his frustration somehow. 

He touched his lips with his fingertips, he could still taste Robert there. Aaron suddenly wished he had a punchbag at home. And he wished he had a beer, but he tried to stay sober since his alcohol poisoning and he had done well so far, had even resisted the routine of drinking an after-work beer. 

“What? What do you mean?“ Robert frowned at him.

“Why don‘t you want me anymore?“ Aaron blurted out, “is it because you … don‘t see me that way anymore?“

Aaron felt awfully exposed and vulnerable and ashamed, not only his cheeks but his whole body heated up.

Robert just stared at him, mouth slack, eyes going wide.

“What? Aaron, no!“

Robert stood up and closed the gap between them with long, determined strides.

“I want you. Always,“ he breathed, grabbed Aaron and hugged him tight.

Aaron buried his nose in Robert‘s neck, and breathed him in. He smelled amazing. There was a bit of lime from Robert‘s poncy shower foam and also a faint floral note of washing powder. Basically it was  _ Robert _ though, manly, musky and simply comforting. Aaron hugged him back, clinging on the shirt as if it was a lifeline. 

“Why keep pushing me away then?“ he whispered hoarsely against Robert‘s neck.

He dreaded the answer but he needed to know. And he really, really didn‘t want to cry in front of Robert again, so he tried to blink the burn in his eyes quickly away.

“I didn‘t want to overwhelm you,“ Robert confessed, “I thought you needed space? That it would be too much for you, after… what you told me…“

Aaron tensed at the implied mention of Gordon, but he let the words slowly sink in.

Robert pulled back and looked at him with such intensity that it turned Aaron‘s knees to jelly.

“I‘ll wait until you‘re ready.“

And really, if the words had been said by any other man, Aaron would probably have laughed his arse off, because it was  _ that _ corny. But this was Robert and Robert smiled at him, his green eyes shining with genuine affection.

Aaron had no idea how he could be the lucky bloke that pulled this man. Robert was perfect. And an idiot. Such a massive idiot!

“I  _ am _ ready!“ he basically shouted in Robert‘s face. 

Aaron lunged forward again, needed to kiss him, needed it literally five minutes ago. But there were Robert‘s hands on his chest again.

“Aaron…“ Robert stepped back, “you don‘t have to…“

Aaron wanted to slap him. And kiss him.

“Stop treating me like I‘m broken,“ he pleaded, “Adam and Paddy always treat me like I am a charity case and I have pretty much accepted that, but…” Aaron searched for words. He needed Robert to understand. 

He‘d gotten used to the looks of Adam and Paddy, their annoying habit to constantly check on him, their constant attempts to softly but persistently push him ‘to go out’ or ‘to live a bit more’. Aaron also knew that they talked behind his back about him, that they were worried about him. They kinda were the only family he had, so they got a free pass.

But Robert was his boyfriend. 

Admitting out loud what Gordon had done to him was massive, a milestone and Aaron was proud of himself that he had found the courage to tell the truth. It had been awful to go back to those memories and form his darkest moments in actual words. That had been a big step, but he knew that he would regret it forever if it would change Robert‘s attitude towards him. If Robert kept treating him like fragile glass, he couldn‘t handle it. 

“Not you, okay? Not you, please. I want you to treat me normal.“

Robert sucked in a breath and his eyes widened in surprise.

“That‘s what the lady said!“ he said softly, more like to himself but Aaron had heard it anyway.

“What? Which lady?“

Robert‘s shoulders dropped and he sighed.

“Don‘t get mad,“ he raised his hands, “I called a helpline to ask for advice. No worries though, I didn‘t tell any personal details, I just needed someone to talk to and there was this lady on the phone and she told me exactly this. That I should treat you normal…”

His boyfriend kept on rambling, but Aaron‘s brain had hit the pause button. Robert Sugden had called a helpline to get advice. That was… that was…

_ Absolutely fucking adorable. _

Aaron melted inside. It was more proof of how much Robert cared for him. 

“...I just wanted to do this ri-hmmmmm,“ Robert moaned into his mouth.

Aaron kissed him silent. This time he wouldn‘t let Robert push him away again. This time he wouldn‘t let go. He kissed him with everything he had. With tongue and probably too much teeth, but Aaron didn‘t care. 

And Robert finally gave in, Aaron could feel the tension leaving his body, could feel him relaxing into Aaron’s tight embrace. Things heated up quickly as soon as Robert‘s hands started wandering over his back and Aaron pressed himself flush against his boyfriend. One hand scraped through the thick blond hair, the other one sneaked down and grabbed his peachy arse.

God, he‘d missed this.

Aaron was euphoric. And hard. His cock pressed so hard against his jeans that it almost hurt. He tried an experimental roll of his hips, grinding his crotch against Robert‘s thick thigh. 

_ God yes _

He gasped the air in, breathed in Robert‘s open mouth and pulled the hair. The friction felt so so good, his whole body-

The doorbell rang. 

Aaron let out a frustrated groan and Robert snickered. 

“Probably the food.“

At least he sounded just as wrecked as Aaron felt. Robert paid the delivery guy (who gave them both curious looks and especially ogled the current state of Robert’s hair), but Aaron had zero intention of eating.

At least not Indian curry.

He took the plastic bags and put them on the counter in the kitchen. Then he grabbed Robert‘s arm and pulled him into his bedroom.

_ No more interruptions now.  _

Although they were alone, Aaron closed the door. Just him and Robert. 

“Are you sure?“ Robert asked him quietly when Aaron turned around to face him. 

“Yes,“ he said in a heartbeat and closed the gap between them.

“If you feel uncomfortable or if you don‘t like something, you say ‘stop’, alright?“ Robert said, serious.

“Yeah, I will,“ he promised and he didn‘t just say it to get Robert going, he really meant it. He understood that it was important for Robert.

“And the same goes for you,“ he added.

It should be ridiculous for him to say this. He was the one who had hit rock bottom, he was the one with the traumatic past, but Robert nodded with the same earnest expression as before. This went both ways.

“What do you want?“ Robert‘s lips were still red from the kissing, his hair tousled and his eyes sparkled with lust.

“You,“ Aaron breathed.

“How do you want me?“

Fuck, that was such a hot thing to hear.

Aaron let out an embarrassing noise, a high-pitched whimper and squeezed his cock to release some tension by creating friction.

“On your knees.“

He had said it without really thinking, just following his first impulse. Robert‘s eyes never left his own when he went down on his knees in one graceful movement, just like that. Giving over control just like that.

Then, without another word, Robert leaned forward and pressed his head against Aaron‘s groin and mouthed the visible bulge. His erection had barely flagged during the delivery encounter. He could feel Robert‘s hot breath through the fabric and this new sensation, a promise what was about to come, sent a shiver down his spine. Warm hands touched his ankles and slided up slowly. When Robert started to palm his trapped cock, Aaron hissed a breath and threw his head back.

He felt Robert opening the button and pulling the zipper down. Aaron sighed in relief because the pressure of the too tight jeans was gone. Robert ripped them down, along with his pants with one movement. Just enough to get his cock out, and the air that hit him felt cold down there, especially at the tip. Aaron looked down and saw pre-come dribbling out. And then he saw Robert staring at his cock, saw him licking his lips. 

_ Fuck _

He could barely think anymore and then finally Robert licked - honest to God  _ licked _ like it was icecream - the pre-come off the head, before he sucked him down in one go. Aaron let out a deep moan when he hit the back of Robert‘s throat. The wet heat felt amazing and Robert hummed around his cock like it was the best thing he had tasted all day. The vibrations of his tongue made Aaron‘s abs twitch. Robert started bobbing his head, sucked and slurped and made obscene sounds while he blew him. 

Aaron had to close his eyes, all his senses were on absolute fire and he had to shut out at least one, otherwise he would lose it completely.

And he didn‘t want it to end after only a few minutes of sucking. He wanted it to last, to make it good for both of them. 

“Fuck Robert, you feel amazing,“ he muttered and-

_ Oh God, yes! Fuck! _

Robert’s movements sped up and he sucked even harder. Aaron felt a sudden heat in his belly and he had to push him off to prevent himself from coming. 

Robert made an unhappy sound, almost like the pouty whine of a child who didn‘t get the candy. Aaron pulled him up and kissed him eagerly. He tasted his own precome and it kinda should be gross, but it turned him on even more. 

Aaron walked them slowly to the bed, guided Robert backwards with the hands on his hips, when he realised that they were both still clothed. There was definitely too much fabric everywhere for his liking.

“Off,“ he whispered into Robert‘s mouth and tugged on his shirt.

They undressed quickly, neither of them wanted to waste time. But then they stood there, looking at each other, both naked and suddenly the atmosphere shifted. The lust filled frenzy faded away, and was replaced by something deeper, quieter. 

Robert‘s gaze lingered over his whole body and a few weeks ago it would have completely freaked Aaron out. But not anymore. Robert knew his scars, the one‘s on his skin and the invisible one‘s on his mind. Robert knew everything. And he was still here, he still loved him. 

Robert just stood there and Aaron sensed that nothing would happen if he wouldn't make the first move. Robert let him be completely in charge. A warm feeling settled in his belly.

He kissed Robert again, but this time it was different. Deep, with tongues pressing against each other, exploring their mouths. Then it turned to something more soft, with the faintest of lip touching, they rubbed their noses against each other and breathed the same air. Then they kissed slowly, just sliding their wet mouths in a perfect rhythm. 

Robert‘s skin felt hot against his own. Aaron‘s hands roamed every inch he could reach and he was so gone on Robert‘s back and the strong muscles he could feel under his palms. His boyfriend caressed him in return, but the touch was featherlight. Sometimes only fingertips slid over his skin, it gave Aaron goosebumps all over and made him shiver. When Robert‘s fingers ghosted down his sides, he squirmed and had to break the kiss.

“Ticklish,“ he admitted sheepishly.

Robert‘s eyes lit up at this, an evil grin spread on his face.

“Don‘t you dare…!“ Aaron laughed, when his boyfriend tried to tickle him again.

They both ended up laughing, kissing and grinning like giddy schoolboys. Aaron had no idea that sex could be like that.  _ Fun _ .

After that, Aaron totally lost track of time, they ended up on the bed at some point. But it still didn‘t speed up from there, it was gentle and unhurried. Aaron started to explore Robert‘s body with his lips. He closed his eyes and tried to feel with just his mouth and tongue. When he licked down Robert‘s neck, he felt the pulse pumping. Aaron sucked a bruise on the sensitive skin, causing Robert to let out a soft moan. He smiled against the skin, traced further down, searching for the nipple. When he found it, he nibbled carefully to make it hard and wet, then he blew cold air on it. He scraped his beard over it until the skin was red and Robert breathing loudly. Aaron continued to alternate between kissing, licking, blowing air, just ghosting over the skin with lips and scratching with his scruff. By the time he reached the groin, Robert was writhing on the sheets, making sweet, low noises like humming and hissing and sighing. His muscles twitched under Aaron‘s mouth.

Aaron opened his eyes and looked. The sight was breathtaking. Robert‘s face was divided in two parts, his eyes were closed and his forehead was frowning like he was in pain, but his mouth was ajar and he licked his lips absently. He was lost in  _ feeling _ .

_ I did this. _

It gave him a bit more confidence, knowing that he did it right, that Robert enjoyed what he did, but Aaron still had no intent to rush things now.

He loved the sight of his boyfriend’s body underneath him. How he was spread out on the bed. How he was so hard and leaking constantly. It was such a sight of pure perfection, it drove Aaron crazy.

He shifted back up to Robert‘s head, nudged it to the side and sucked the earlobe between his lips. 

“Aaron,“ Robert breathed.

It almost sounded like a plea.

_ Look who‘s getting eager. _

“Turn around,“ he whispered huskily into the ear.

Robert‘s whole body trembled for a short moment, then he smiled and turned quickly on his stomach. Clearly he expected things to move on now, little did he know that wasn‘t Aaron‘s plan.

He sat down on Robert‘s tights right below the arse and admired the view. He loved the form of Robert‘s upper body, a bit lanky but still perfectly shaped with toned muscles. And then that peachy bubble butt that looked so nicely in jeans and even better without. The thick tights. God they were so thick, they would feel so amazing wrapped around his hips. He was going to find out soon. 

But not yet.

“Are you gonna do something?“ Robert asked.

He had his head half turned around and smirked at him over his shoulder. 

Aaron gave his arse a loud smack which made Robert jump and grind his hips against the mattress. 

“Cheeky,“ Aaron grinned.

He leaned towards the nightstand and grabbed the little bottle from the drawer. He flipped it open and squeezed the liquid on Robert‘s back.

“Are you gonna give me a backrub with lube?”

Aaron threw the bottle on the pillow.

“It‘s for massages too. It’s a 2-in1-lube,“ he explained.

Robert let out a snort that turned into a long groan when Aaron started kneading his neck and shoulders.

“You‘re going to be the death of me,“ Robert mumbled into the pillow.

Aaron stroked up and down along the spine, spreading the oil everywhere. He loved how it made Robert‘s skin shine, how it highlighted the little freckles on his shoulder blades. 

“I should have given you a massage,“ Robert muttered suddenly.

“I like it this way round,“ Aaron smiled, his eyes glued to the perfect body under his hot palms. “Do you like it?“

“Feels amazing.“

His hands slid down and down until he got a hand full of arse to squeeze. Aaron spread the cheeks apart and had Robert fully exposed. He got a soft moan in return and Robert tried to push against him, sending out a clear message.

_ Fuck. Fuck. _

Gone was Aaron‘s patience. He took the lube again, held Robert open with one hand and with the other he squeezed the lube directly down the crack. 

Robert hissed when the cold lube hit his heated skin.

“God, Robert. So perfect,“ Aaron breathed and used his thumb to slick up the rim.

He played with it, tapped it, stroked it, scratched it, but he didn‘t breach it. Robert‘s moans turned into impatient whines and he started dry humping the bed.

The sight was overwhelmingly hot. 

“Aaron…“

Without giving a warning, he pushed his thumb in. They both let out a groan then. He switched to his middle finger and started fingering Robert slowly. Watching Robert doing it had been like every fantasy coming true, but doing it himself was like a sexual revelation. Robert felt incredibly tight and hot and smooth. Aaron had to pinch the base of his cock with his free hand as he stared at how his finger slipped in and out of his boyfriend. He added a second and curled and twisted them carefully.

Robert jolted underneath him and moaned loudly.

_ Found you. _

Aaron hit the prostate over and over with every thrust of his fingers until Robert was a panting mess and started to fuck himself on them. Aaron closed his eyes, leaned forward and rested his forehead between Robert’s shoulder blades for a moment to calm down. Maybe he should have come earlier to have a better stamina now. He could almost taste his orgasm and he wasn’t even inside Robert. He needed to get inside. Like  _ now _ .

“I’m ready, c’mon, I’m good,” Robert wheezed as if he could read Aaron’s thoughts.

Pulling on a condom wasn’t easy, Aaron’s fingers were slippery and shaky. He wanted it to be good for Robert, but he still didn’t have a clue what he was doing, most of the time he was just acting on pure instinct. Considering Robert’s wrecked state though, he must have done something right so far.

Robert reached back and spread himself open-

_ Fucking hell, you’re killing me. _

when Aaron pushed in. It took all of his willpower to not just snap his hips forward, to give Robert time to adjust. He rocked slowly back and forth until he was completely buried in this wonderful tight, silky heat. 

Aaron let out a low grunt, then he started to roll his hips. Robert made tiny moans with every thrust. Aaron laid over him, leaned on his elbows and covered him, peppered little kisses on his neck and shoulders. The muscles twitched and stretched beneath him. He grabbed Robert’s left hand and intertwined their fingers. His boyfriend squeezed back immediately.

It was not a quick, hurried, lust clouded fuck. 

It was slow, tender, sweet. In a weird way it felt more intimate than their first time, because this wasn’t just sex.

This was love making.

“I love you,” Aaron said breathless.

“Love you,” Robert whispered back. “God, Aaron. So good.”

“Yeah,” Aaron muttered back, unintelligently.

But in all honesty: there were no words to describe how it felt. How  _ good _ it was. 

When his cock finally hit Robert’s prostate, his boyfriend let out a guttural moan and Aaron tried to keep the angle.

Although they still moved unhasty, Aaron could feel the heat pooling in his belly as he got close again. 

“Getting close,” he panted a warning, because he wouldn’t be able to stop it this time. 

Everything was just too tight, too hot, too perfect. And all the noises Robert made. So bloody hot. 

Robert sneaked a hand between his body and the sheets and started fucking into his fist. Aaron eventually sped up, thrusted hard into Robert, making them both groan.

“Aaron, Aaron, Aaron…” Robert chanted his name like a prayer every time he pushed in. Then he stilled, clenched his arse and came with a shout. 

The sudden squeeze around his cock tipped Aaron over the edge. His vision went white and he came and came and came. 

He was lying on top of Robert, panting against his back, when his brain booted up again. 

“You’re getting heavy,” Robert muttered into the pillow. 

“M’sorry,” Aaron slurred and rolled off.

Cold air hit his heated, sweat covered frontside, a very welcome cool down. 

Aaron rolled on his side and looked at Robert. His boyfriend was still flat on the stomach, the head turned in his direction. His eyes were closed and he breathed harshly through his open mouth. His bottom lip was red, puffy and wet - he must have bitten them during sex. He looked so gloriously fucked out, it was a picture of true beauty. 

Aaron’s heart was still racing and his skin buzzed. He felt heavy and relaxed. And happy. Truly happy. 

“Thank you,” he blurted out, feeling his throat tighten.

“You did all the work,” Robert smiled and peaked one eye open.

Robert didn’t even have a clue how amazing he was, how amazing it was what he had done. He had given over himself, had given over all the control. And that had been just what Aaron needed after everything that had happened. The feeling of getting back control. 

Maybe he was broken, but he was also healing. 

It wasn‘t that he saw things only through rose-coloured glasses now, of course not. He had dealt with his mental health long enough, had gone through enough sessions with his therapist to think everything would be just fine from now on. His break-down ended in a spectacular all-time low and the reveal about his childhood was still fresh, like an open wound. But Aaron could feel it slowly healing. After a low there was only one way left: up. Yes, there would be bad days, but there would be good days too. 

Aaron’s eyes started to water and Robert’s smile died.

“What’s up?” Robert asked, concerned. “Was it too soon?”

Aaron quickly shook his head, not able to form actual words but wanting to reassure his boyfriend. 

“No… it was… perfect,” he sobbed eventually.

He would so be embarrassed about this tomorrow and Robert would be probably taking the mick out of him for being a sappy idiot after sex, but right now Aaron was drowning in all the feelings that bubbled inside him.

Robert beamed at him and chuckled softly. 

“C’mere!”

He pulled him into a tight embrace and Aaron breathed him in - Robert and sweat and sex. It smelled intoxicating and so damn good that his spent cock actually twitched with interest again. 

“It’s okay.” Robert’s hot breath brushed over his hair and lips pressed a kiss on his head. “It really was perfect for me too. Definitely a 10.”

Aaron could swear that he felt Robert grinning into his hair.

There was a short pause, where Aaron pulled himself together and blinked the tears away. He relaxed into the comforting touch and wanted to stay like this forever.

Of course Robert had to open his sexy mouth and ruin that moment: “We should change the sheets, I’m lying in a puddle of cum.”

  
  


It was the day of their exclusive interview with Devon and Chrissie White herself did their briefing and handed the preparation sheets over. 

“Just…!“ Chrissie started and glared at them both, “...tell them you get on! Make something up, if you have to, I don’t care. This is important for the show. We are on a good run and I won‘t let you - or  _ anyone _ for that matter - torpedo that!“

She threw her hair back in a pseudo dramatic gesture and left. Aaron rolled his eyes, because really?! As if he needed a goddamn briefing to tell the world that he liked Robert.

_ Stupid cow. _

He was surprised that she obviously didn‘t know about them already. But then again, Paddy had told him that Chrissie was pretty busy lately wrapping up new promo-deals.

The shitstorm in the news was mostly over, people still discussed it on social media, but it was okay. Aaron - and Robert by now - had a solid and loyal fanbase and they defended him against hateful users and negative comments. 

Chrolli had actually become a thing, Aaron couldn‘t quite believe it, but apparently there were Facebook groups and Instagram fansites already. Him and Robert got tagged in several tweets with the Chrolli hashtag every day.

Robert threw his interview sheet away and grinned at him.

“Ready to tell the world how much you adore your talented, handsome, funny colleague?“

Aaron snorted. “You‘re so full of it.“

“Ha, I wish!“ Robert‘s eyes sparkled, a telltale sign for the naughty remark that was about to come. “Maybe tonight?“ He winked and leaned over for a kiss.

When they walked to the studio, Robert‘s words about ‘telling the world’ echoed in Aaron‘s mind. Sure, he had meant it as a joke, but what if he hadn‘t?

  
  
  
  


Devon Laurie from the tellytalk magazine and a cameraman were already waiting for them. He told them that they would make short video clips for the internet and a longer interview for the print version. 

“Aaron, Robert, it‘s nice to meet you again,“ Devon smiled after the red light on the camera had switched on, “how are you two?“

“Very well, thanks for asking, Devon,“ Robert said. He had slipped back into his confident, slightly cocky attitude.

“About two weeks ago we saw some disturbing video footage of you. Aaron, could you please explain what had happened in that restaurant?“

Aaron felt his heart speeding up and his cheeks redden under the stoic glare of the camera lens. He had to lie now, because he couldn‘t tell the truth obviously and he tried to slip into a character to do this. 

“It was just a misunderstanding. We had a row and I remember that I was stressed that day and then it just happened. It was absolutely stupid and I apologised afterwards. I really regret what happened and I am more than glad that Robert accepted my apology.“

He had managed the trivial platitudes without stuttering like an idiot, so Aaron was a tiny bit proud of himself.

“Case closed for me,“ Robert added, “we talked about it really openly and the air is clear again between us.“

“That is nice to hear. But fans are still discussing the incident on the internet, especially after what you both said in our last interview about being role models and all that…“ Devon didn‘t really ask a question, but it was obvious that he expected a reaction.

“And I am very, very sorry for my behaviour, if I could go back and change it, I would,“ Aaron said.

He hated standing at the stake, begging some random anons on the internet for forgiveness. Robert forgave him and that was all that mattered to him. But he had to bite that bullet, Chrissie had made that very clear.

“We all have difficult times to go through sometimes. And sometimes even the best people break and snap. Nobody is perfect,“ Robert said, “for me, Aaron is still the person I look up to when we‘re on set.“

They shared a look and the fond expression in Robert‘s eyes felt like a comforting touch, that reached his heart and his soul, grounded him and calmed him down. 

“You mentioned difficult times… Aaron can you tell us, what that ‘misunderstanding‘ was about?“

Devon was chasing a bigger headline today. 

_ Fucker. _

“That‘s personal,“ Aaron said through gritted teeth.

Devon nodded, his friendly smile never wavered, but Aaron sensed that he was still after something. Devon‘s gaze wandered from him to Robert.

“Okay, let’s leave it at that,“ he agreed, obviously he realised that he wouldn’t get more than the press release had already said out of this story. “But since we’re speaking of personal,” Devon leaned forward, “Robert, we saw you getting close to your colleague Katie Addyman. Rumour has it, you two are more than just colleagues. Of course our readers and viewers are dying to know: Is there something to it?“

“Well, I have to disappoint you, there is nothing going on between Katie and myself except a friendly relationship amongst colleagues,“ Robert flashed a bright smile towards the camera.

Devon made a disappointed face at that. 

Something inside Aaron snapped. He hadn‘t even known that people still thought Katie was with Robert.  _ His _ Robert.

“Robert is not Katie‘s boyfriend, he‘s mine.“

He just blurted it out, spilled a secret during an interview  _ again _ . This time it wasn’t only his secret though, it was Robert‘s too. Aaron winced internally at the thought that he should have discussed this with his boyfriend before he told everyone.

The silence in the studio was deafening. Devon just gaped at them like a fish.

Aaron was scared shitless how Robert would react now, in front of the camera and all. He slowly turned towards his boyfriend. Robert stared at him with big, green eyes full of surprise.

“I‘m sorry, Rob, I should have talked to you before we go public, I‘m so sorry.“

He had fucked it up. Why did he have no goddamn filter between his brain and his mouth, when it came to these situations? Usually he was overthinking every bloody word, but as soon as Devon pointed his camera on him, he just spat his secrets out. Great.

Robert -  _ finally _ \- started to smile at him.

“No, I‘m glad you said it. I want everybody to know.“

“Yeah?“ Aaron whispered, relieved.

“Yeah,“ Robert grinned and added: “you idiot.“

Aaron couldn‘t hold back the happy smile even if he tried.

“And I  _ do _ adore you. For being talented, handsome and funny - sometimes, at least,“ Aaron said lightheartedly, the happiness made him totally giddy and carefree.

“Excuse me?“ Robert said, touching his chest dramatically. 

Aaron just leaned over, giving in to the pure instinct to kiss his beautiful boyfriend. Robert responded immediately, kissed him back and cradled his neck and jaw with his free hand. Aaron could feel him grinning into the kiss and yes, he could relate to that, his whole body basically buzzed, riding high on endorphins. 

When they parted, Aaron saw a movement in the corner of his eye. 

_ Hi Devon. _

Devon Laurie was on the edge of his seat, hands clasped together, looking awestruck, as if he just had seen a naked Chris Hemsworth. 

It was kinda creepy. 

“Ohmygod, guys. Since when?“ All his professionalism went out of the window apparently.

“About 2 months?“ Aaron guessed and Robert nodded. 

“Yeah, when we were filming the scenes at the lake that aired just a few days ago.“

Devon made big eyes. 

“But that means you were together when the incident at the restaurant happened!“ They just nodded. “Would you tell us how you got together? When did you know that it was more than a friendship?“

The questions were way too private for Aaron‘s liking. He was ready to tell the public about his boyfriend, but not in romantic details. That was just for Robert and him.

“I guess we both realised that pretty quickly, but let‘s just leave it at that,“ Robert said and grinned smugly, “let‘s talk about ‘Forbidden Love’ instead, yeah?”

Aaron wanted to scream “I love you” into Robert‘s face for thinking the same about privacy, almost as if he could read Aaron‘s mind. 

Devon was suddenly reminded that this was an actual interview and that the camera was still running, so he snapped back into work mode and looked down at the notes on his lap.

“Sure, yeah,” he cleared his throat, “so, what can you tell us about Chrolli‘s new storyline?“

  
  
  
  
  


The interview went on without any more incidents. And then it was supposed to slow down for Aaron and Robert. 

The coming together story was filmed and before they would start the new one they both had a few weeks off. They were both looking forward to spending time together. Going to the movies, do a playstation marathon and simple stuff like that. Aaron also thought about booking a last-minute holiday with Robert, maybe on the Canary Islands, where it wasn‘t hot anymore but still warm. 

All in all they couldn‘t wait for quieter times after the drama they had to face in the past weeks.

It was Devon who queried their pitch, of course. His article was released and their phones went crazy. 

“Jeez, Rob, switch the notifications off, your phone‘s buzzing like a vibrator,“ Aaron laughs.

“Stop talking about vibrators, you might be giving me ideas here,“ Robert grinned wickedly.

Their flirty banter died quickly when they opened their social media. People had gone insane, Aaron had no other word for it.

**DevonLaurie ** @delaurie

Aaron Dingle @justaarondingle and Robert Sugden @itssugden from @officiallyforbiddenlove drop a massive bombshell in my interview! Check the link for the article and video! 

**forbiddenlover** replying to @delaurie and 3 others

OMG OMG OMG OMG 🔥🔥🔥🔥

**i_stan_chrolli ** replying to @delaurie and 3 others

Can‘t believe this! Omg how adorable are they??❤️

**eternalchrolli ** @susiepg84

Fhdhfjhhfccg!! So #chrolli are a real life couple? Happy for @itssugden and @justaarondingle

**Katy ** replying to @susiepg84 and 2 others

I‘m screaming Susie!! Look how cute they are 😍

**AaronDingleFans ** @aarondinglefans

Aww so proud of my fav @justaarondingle! He came out a few months ago and now he takes the next step! All the best for him and @itssugden

It went on and on like that, it seemed endless. They were “cute”, “adorable”, “hot” and one person even used the term “smitten kitten“. Aaron frowned. Okay, there were weird people on the internet.

“Aaron.“

Robert sounded alert and Aaron looked up from his phone. His boyfriend stared at his own device, shocked.

“What?“ 

He was suddenly worried about Chrissie. Maybe she was throwing another one of her tantrums, which could turn into a massive problem quickly, since he was still on probation. He swallowed hard. Robert just held up his phone and Aaron‘s eyes flew over the screen.

**i_stan_chrolli ** @chrolliisendgame

GUYS! WE NEED A SHIPNAME

**Forbiddenlover** replying to @chrolliisendgame

Yessss! We should make a poll! 🤣

**ollixchristian ** replying to @chrolliisendgame

Oh yeah, I ship them already

**OliviaSabel ** replying to @chrolliisendgame

What about Robron?

**i_stan_chrolli ** replying to @oliviasabel

Robron! Love it!! #robron 

**Forbiddenlover ** replying to @chrolliisendgane and @oliviasabel

I like #robron ❤️

**Chiara ** replying to @chrolliisendgane and @oliviasabel

“He‘s not Katie‘s boyfriend. He‘s mine.“ guys this is the beginning of something beautiful and we witnessed it, mark my words!! #robron 

**OliviaSabel ** replying to @chiara46468690 and @chrollliisendgame

THE RISE OF #ROBRON!!

“Fucking hell,“ Aaron muttered. “We have a ship name.“

  
  
  
  


Chrissie White wasn’t throwing a tantrum.

Chrissie White was  _ delighted _ .

Maybe that was the scariest part of it all.

  
  
  
  


It was their last day before their holidays at LWP and Aaron couldn’t wait to leave! He was getting weird looks from his colleagues all day, it had started early in the morning in makeup, continued on the set and now even Paddy frowned at him, while they had a cuppa in the yard.

“What!” Aaron snapped, finally having enough.

_ Do I have a huge spot on my forehead or what? _

He caught Paddy off guard and the older man promptly choked on his coffee that hard, that Aaron hat to clap on his back to get him back to normal breathing. 

“What?” Paddy coughed.

“Why is everybody staring at me today like I’m a fuckin’ alien or summat?” Aaron wanted to know.

Paddy blushed and bowed his head sheepishly. 

“Spill it, Patrick!”

“It… errr, might have something to do with your… err… smile?” Paddy made a circling gesture towards his own face. “You’ve been smiling all day, I think people are either irritated or low-key frightened.”

Paddy snickered at his own - not funny - joke and Aaron just gaped. He wanted to object, but then he shut his mouth with clicking teeth. Had he been smiling all day? Yeah, okay, maybe, probably, he had. But damn, it was his holiday ahead, his holiday with his hot-as-the-sun boyfriend to be precise, so he was allowed to be happy.

_ I am happy. _

Paddy got serious again.

“Honestly, I am very happy to see you being happy.”

_ After we had to pick you up from hospital, when you were drinking yourself unconscious -  _ was the unspoken but implied rest of the sentence. Paddy laid his hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Aaron’s throat went tight, like always, when Paddy went into his “dad mode”. He had no biological children, but Aaron was sure he would have been a great dad.

Aaron felt a sudden urge to apologise for all the worries he’d caused Paddy, who definitely didn’t deserve any of this. 

“I’m sorry, Paddy,” he said and his voice broke as his eyes started to water.

Damn, he hated that he was getting emotional so easily all the time, but he couldn’t stop it either.

“I’m sorry that you had to pick me up from the hospital in that state.” He sniffed. “And you don‘t even know why I did it.“

“Has this something to do with that therapist that you‘ve mentioned?“ Paddy asked carefully.

“No,“ Aaron stopped himself, “yes. It‘s a long story. Family stuff.“

He swallowed and felt bad that he couldn‘t tell more. A sudden wind gust made him shiver, he clenched the warm cup in his hands, stared into the black liquid and avoided Paddy‘s eyes. 

“It‘s alright,“ his friend said and patted his shoulder before he drew his hand back, “you know I am always ready to listen if you want to talk.“

Aaron nodded. One day he would tell Paddy, he swore to himself. He would get better first and then he would open up to Paddy and Adam. He could do it with Robert‘s support. 

“I‘m glad you have Robert now,“ Paddy smiled as if he had read Aaron‘s thoughts. 

A warm feeling spread in Aaron‘s chest.

“Yeah, me too.“

  
  
  
  


He left the building with Robert and let out a long breath. Anita had forced him into small talk, and as nice as the elderly receptionist was, she loved talking way too much for Aaron‘s liking and once she‘d started she was hard to stop. She had told him about her son, who was gay as well apparently and Aaron had just wanted to bloody  _ leave _ , but he was too polite to just walk away, so he had nodded and hummed along. When Robert had come around the corner, he had felt a genuine relief.

They walked across the carpark to Robert‘s Porsche, when they saw a group of fans. This happened more and more often since the beginning of Chrolli. Aaron signed the cards and posed for photos, he mostly left the smalltalk to Robert. He was amazing with the fans really. Always smiling, funny, charming and they loved him for it.

But Aaron was probably his biggest fangirl.

He told Robert so on their way to the car and got a booming laugh in return. He loved hearing that deep, vibrating laughter. 

“Aaron?“ a woman spoke up.

He thought it was another fan-

_ One last autograph before the holiday _

-but when he turned his head he saw brown hair and a huge fringe.

Chas.

All his happiness, his anticipation for their joint time off, all the progress he had made since his break down - it all vanished in a nanosecond. Aaron froze and a crashing wave of panic rushed through his body. She came closer and she was alone, but he immediately did a scan of the whole area.

_ He‘s here he‘s here he‘s here _

His thoughts were racing and his breath came in harsh gasps when he felt Robert‘s hand on his arm.

“Aaron.“ His voice sounded tinny and far-off.

“I came alone,“ he heard Chas saying and it took a few seconds until that sank in.

Gordon wasn‘t here. Aaron gulped hard and forced himself to count.

“I‘m sorry luv, I just wanted to see you again. I needed to know how you are after…“

“You could have called first,“ Robert said coldly to her, obviously going into protective alpha mode now. 

“I know,“ she raised her hands in a defensive gesture, “I‘m sorry. I read your interview and I just wanted to say to you in person that I‘m proud. And I‘m really happy for you. Happy for you both, of course.“

Chas nodded and smiled at him, she seemed genuine andt Aaron‘s heart clenched painfully. Although he never called her mum in his thoughts - she still  _ was _ his mum. All he ever wanted to hear when he was a kid or a teenager was for her to say that she loved him and that she was proud of him. And there she was, standing in that stupid LWP parking place, telling him just that. 

But then again, why couldn‘t she say that 18 years ago? When he desperately needed her?

“Thanks,“ he croaked finally. 

Her smile got even wider at that and she let out a little breath.

“Is that it?“

Robert was still short and clipped with her, his hand was still on his arm and Aaron appreciated this protective attitude a lot. He felt safer, stronger with Robert by his side.

“No, err, I wanted to invite you to my pub,“ Chas admitted, “I work every evening except Mondays. You could have a pint and something to eat. Our chef makes some delicious cheeseburgers, and I thought that we could talk, maybe? Give it another try?“

There was hope in her voice, but all the red lights blinked in Aaron‘s head. Chances were high that  _ he _ was there too. 

_ No way _

“Is Gordon going to be there?“ Robert asked and raised his chin, as if challenging her.

“No, we kinda had a row,“ Chas went dark, “I wanted to know why Aaron… stormed off like that and he wouldn‘t give me an answer. We haven‘t talked since then.“ She looked at Aaron, her eyes went soft and she pleadingly asked,“I don‘t know what happened between you and him, luv?“

Aaron suddenly wanted to go. Needed to go. If she would call him ‘luv’ once more, he would scream. It was nothing against Chas, it was this whole situation, it was all his feelings, all his fears… he wasn‘t ready for that now. 

“I‘ll call you,“ he pressed out and basically shoved Robert towards his car. “I‘ll call you, okay?“ he shouted over his shoulder to her and then he muttered to Robert through gritted teeth: “Get me out of here.“

His boyfriend understood immediately, opened his Porsche so Aaron could slide on the passenger seat. He closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths. He heard Robert outside talking to Chas, but he didn‘t understand the words. The rush of blood was too loud in his ears.

Seconds later, Robert got in the car. Aaron still had his eyes closed, but he felt Robert leaning over, pulling something. His seatbelt fastened with a loud click. Of course his boyfriend would make sure that he’s safe. And although Aaron‘s head was a total mess, he had to smile.

  
  
  
  


Chas had been a throwback. Bad days followed, Aaron was moody and snippy. It was supposed to be their first holiday together, it was supposed to be perfect and now it wasn’t and that made him even more moody and snippy.

Robert tried though. He really did. He cooked, they watched movies together, he even made  _ homemade _ ice cream for Aaron. 

And it helped. 

It was not a magic overnight cure, but Aaron slowly felt better and more like himself again. He thought a lot about Chas‘ words and about meeting her again. 

Meeting her the first time hadn‘t been  _ that _ bad, honestly. His worst case scenario had been foreseeing them to have no connection at all, just weird tension and an awkward goodbye. 

But there had been a connection still, after all those years. And when she had told him that she was proud of him, it had done something to him. Maybe Robert had been right all along: she was his mother no matter what had happened. They couldn‘t change the past, but the future was still a blank sheet. 

The question was: was he ready to let her in? Four days ago on the parking place he definitely wasn‘t. But he also hadn‘t been prepared. For their potential next meeting he could mentally prepare.

And  _ he _ wouldn‘t be there. They split up, which was good, really. No matter if he was close to Chas or not: he didn‘t want his mum anywhere near  _ him _ . 

Which brought him to the next question:  _ if _ they would meet again, should he tell her the truth? To warn her about him? 

Would she believe him? That was his deepest fear, that she would think he‘d made it up, that she would kick him out of her pub and tell him to never show up again.

But then again, what if he didn‘t say anything and they got back together?  _ He _ had that smarmy attitude to twist others around his little finger. What if he kept his mouth shut and his mother and  _ him _ would end up in bed together? Again?

Aaron felt sick suddenly and he made it to the toilet just in time. 

He ended up sitting there, leaning his back against the tiles and this is how Robert found him an hour later.

“What would you say if I told you that I‘m thinking about seeing Chas?“ he asked and looked up at his boyfriend‘s concerned face.

Robert crouched in front of him and smiled softly.

“I‘d say I’ll come with you.“

  
  
  
  


_ The Woolpack. What kind of a shitty pub name is that? _

Aaron had no idea how long he stared at the sign, but then he heard the news on the radio so it must have been almost half an hour. Robert, who had been waiting patiently, shifted on the driver‘s seat and Aaron snapped out of his trance. He cleared his throat.

“Okay.“ 

He nodded to give himself more confidence.

_ Okay. I can do this. _

They got out and the gravel pit scrunched under their feet when they were walking silently to the entry of the stoney little cottage. Aaron sucked the cold November air in to clear his head. He had tried to think of how he wanted to tell Chas, but he’d come up blank. Robert had reassured him and suggested he should improvise. If he could do one thing it was probably improvise. 

As soon as Aaron walked in, he frantically checked the room, to see if he could spot that red hair somewhere, but he didn‘t see him. He let out a quick breath.

_ I can do this. _

It was a classic pub, lots of wood, a huge bar in the center of the room and small tables and booths around it. A few pew people were here, mostly older ones, but the pub wasn‘t crowded by far, which had been their general idea when they set the date on a random wednesday. 

Chas pulled a pint behind the bar and when they walked to her, she looked up and started smiling. She seemed so happy to see them. Aaron‘s chest felt tight again. He was about to crush her world soon with his truth.

“Hi, you two!“

“Hi Chas,“ he said back.

It wasn‘t as strange as the first time weeks ago, they were past this stage and it felt almost familiar now.

“What can I get you both? On the house of course,“ Chas said happily.

Aaron looked at Robert.

“If you wanna have beer, I could drive back,“ he offered, because he still followed his no-alcohol-rule. 

Robert raised his eyebrows.

“And let you drive my baby? Nice try, Aaron,“ he smirked and Aaron rolled his eyes.

“I  _ can _ drive, you know?“

“I‘ve seen you driving your Golf, boy racer,“ Robert teased him.

Urgh, why was his boyfriend so damn extra with his car? Aaron wanted to strangle and kiss him at the same time.

“Takes one to know one,“ he shot back.

“Ouch,“ Robert grimaced and touched his chest dramatically.

“Yeah truth hurts,“ Aaron said dryly. 

Now Robert rolled his eyes and ordered two glasses of orange juice. Chas looked at them, a little amused. The little banter had taken some of his tension, Aaron realised, he felt better now, calmer. He wondered if Robert had teased him on purpose just for that reason.

Once more Aaron felt incredibly grateful to have him by his side. He had been so brilliant with everything, a true support, a rock. Aaron swore himself that he would tell Robert that later. 

“Shall we go in the backroom? To have a bit more privacy?“ Chas suggested.

Aaron nodded. Yeah, privacy sounded good. He wouldn‘t talk about  _ him _ in the middle a pub.

“Diane?“ Chas shared a look with another woman who wordlessly took over behind the bar. Diane gave him a look and smiled knowingly, so Aaron guessed Chas must have told her before, that her long lost son was coming over.

Aaron wondered what Chas had been saying about him, when they followed her behind the bar. They walked through a small hallway full of barrels and boxes and the smell of beer was overwhelming. When they entered the backroom it almost felt like entering another world. The room was cosy, with bright colours and a huge couch. There was also a small kitchen and a round dining table. 

It was nice.

Chas placed their orange juices on the coffee table in front of the couch. 

“I‘ll put a kettle on, yeah?“ she said, walking over to the cupboard, “talking is so much nicer with a hot cuppa.“

It sounded so motherly that Aaron‘s chest clenched again. He couldn‘t remember his mum drinking tea back when he was a kid and she was in her early twenties.

They stood awkwardly at the door, Aaron wasn‘t sure if he wanted to sit down or rather have a closer look around. 

“So,“ Chas said and clasped her hand, “I‘m really glad you came.“

Aaron simply nodded. It was okay. 

_ No panic attack so far, must count as a success, I suppose. _

He was searching for words, something to start the talk. Aaron didn‘t want to just spat it out like he had done with Robert. This his mother,  _ his _ ex-wife/on-and-off-girlfriend - he had to do this differently this time. More careful.

_ She is probably still in love with him. _

A new wave of nausea hit him, but he clenched his jaw, determined to tell her the truth tonight.

His gaze wandered through the room, landing on a wall of pictures. There were a lot of people Aaron didn‘t know. Chas was in some of them. And then he saw himself. A younger version of himself. He smiled proudly into the camera, eyes sparkling, his curls tamed to the side with water and gel. It was his first day at school and Aaron wished he had a clearer memory back to that day. Back to when everything was good, when his mum was still there and his father hadn‘t turned into a monster. 

He swallowed hard and was not surprised when he noticed a golf ball sized lump in his throat. Chas followed his gaze to the pictures.

“I always loved looking at this,“ Chas smiled, “my little boy.“

A sudden anger flushed through his veins. How could she say shit like that after she fucking  _ left _ him? Left him and even stopped visiting him? No birthday presents, no christmas cards, no phone calls - nothing?

“Why‘d you leave then?“ he pressed out.

_ I am NOT going to cry now! _

With all of his willpower he forced the tears to stay in.

“I always thought you‘d be better off without me,“ she said and came over to him. “I was so young and struggling with everything. I just felt that I couldn‘t be a good mum to you.“

_ Surely you‘d done a better job in parenting than him. _

Aaron couldn‘t help but feel bitter. 

“And you were so happy with your dad, he was your hero, Aaron.“

His breath hitched, because damn sure he couldn‘t remember any other feelings towards  _ him _ than fear and disgust. 

“Aaron? I‘ll leave you to it, yeah? I‘ll wait in the pub,“ Robert said quietly.

So, this was his cue for the talk. Aaron felt the anxiety hot and heavy in his guts and his eyes landed back on the pictures.

He noticed one pic that wasn‘t nailed on the wall, it stood on the chimney. 

It was  _ him _ .

And he was not alone. There was a young boy on his arm and for a long, very long second Aaron thought that it was another childhood picture of him. 

But then he noticed the boy had no dark curls, he had blond hair. And  _ he _ had wrinkles. The photo looked recent.

Aaron went hot and cold and time froze.

“Who‘s this?“ he asked and he slurred the words because his lips felt awkwardly numb.

“Oh this is little Bobby,” Chas said cheerful and totally oblivious, “He is your half brother, Aaron, Gordon‘s other son. He and his mother split up a year ago. Bobby lives with his mum, but Gordon has him on the weekends. He is such a cute little fella, I was hoping for you two to meet sometime soon. Gordon is fighting for full custody at the moment, apparently the mother has some mental issues or something…“

Chas kept talking and talking, but it sounded muffled, dull. Aaron just stared at the picture, stared at the little boy in the arms of the monster. 

_ He _ had another son. 

He looked at that cheeky grin of the boy. The hair was brighter than his and straight. The eyes though. They were ice blue, it was like looking into his own.

There was a hand on his shoulder and Aaron startled and swirled around. It was Robert, Aaron was surprised that he was still here.

Robert looked at him with an unreadable expression, a mixture between sadness and shock and disgust. Aaron knew he thought the same.

Gordon would do it again.

Lord help him, maybe he had done it already. 

Aaron looked back at the picture. 

_ My little brother. _

“I have to go to the police.“

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon can‘t get away with what he did, right? 😡  
I also apologise for the smut. Sigh. I tried. 🤣  
Leave a comment, if you like, I love reading them! ❤️


	17. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron wants justice. Robert is the best boyfriend ever, he is there to support Aaron - and to distract him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still reading this 🤗
> 
> I didn‘t want this chapter to be just angsty, so I tried to add some fluff and happy moments.
> 
> And smut.  
You asked for it - I hope it‘s okay.

Aaron sounded broken, looked broken.

Robert‘s head was spinning.

His gaze wandered back to the picture, to the man with the fake photo smile that didn‘t reach his ice cold eyes. The man who hurt Aaron so much that he was still traumatized - maybe would be traumatized forever. The monster. The peadophile. And then there was the little boy in his arms. He looked so young and small and innocent.

_ Fucking hell, he’s just a little KID. _

“What if he-,” Aaron started shakily and took a deep breath, “what if I‘m too late?“

His voice broke, his eyes looked haunted and his skin was so awfully pale. Robert took him into his arms, absolutely lost for words. His chest was just clenching painfully and he felt sick.

Aaron nuzzled his face against Robert’s neck. 

“I‘ll never forgive myself...“ Aaron muttered against his skin with a strained voice. 

Robert tightened his grip around his boyfriend. It was all he could do right now. Holding him.

“This isn‘t your fault, Aaron. None of this is your fault,“ he said quietly and he desperately hoped that he sounded calm.

Because he didn’t feel calm at all, but he had to be strong now, he couldn’t show any signs of weakness, not when Aaron had to face  _ another _ life changing decision. Robert swallowed hard.

“What do you mean? Police?“ Chas asked loudly, clearly upset, reminding them that she was still there.

Aaron flinched in his arms and pulled back. Chas looked at them with wide, shocked eyes and Aaron shifted nervously next to him from one foot to another. He was about to shatter her world, turn everything upside down that she thought to know about the man she loved, that was for sure. 

“Do you want me to stay? Or shall I wait outside?” Robert offered quitely.

Aaron stared at the floor and bit his bottom lip, thinking. “Wait outside?” he said eventually with a small voice and it sounded like a question. His blue eyes looked up and locked with his.

“Aaron! I don’t understand! What am I missing here?!” Chas shrieked impatiently and Robert felt the impulse to snap at her to shut the fuck up for a moment.

Couldn’t she see that Aaron was struggling and trying to get his shit together? Couldn’t she give them a few seconds? 

Suddenly, Robert was worried about her reaction. What if she didn’t believe him? What if she took Gordon’s side? Choosing the man she loved over a son that she barely knew? Robert imagined for a second what that would do to Aaron, but that path of thoughts was so dark and heavy that he’d immediately tried to stop himself from going there.

“Okay. I’ll wait at the bar,” he said and gave Aaron a small, but hopefully encouraging smile.

When he left, he shot Chas a meaningful glare-

_ Don’t fuck this up, Chas! Or I swear you’ll regret it. _

She looked back at him, still shocked, confused and worried. The last thing Robert saw, before he closed the door behind him, was his pale boyfriend, standing there absolutely lost with hanging shoulders.

Robert went back into the pub, ignoring the chatter and made his way - half walking, half staggering - straight to the bar and ordered an orange juice.

It was such a big fucked up mess. Everything was a big mess. 

They had just left a shitstorm behind them, now they were facing a fucking earthquake. 

When Aaron went to the police, it would come out sooner or later. Aaron would have to tell the police, would have to take the stand during a possible trial, would have to face the public. Journalists would spin stories for front pages and TV morning shows. 

Aaron Dingle, rape survivor, victim of child abuse. 

Gordon would be fucking everywhere. 

“Here ya go, pet.”

The lady behind the bar, Diane, placed the glass in front of him. Being called “pet” was as bad as “luv” and Robert frowned. Maybe it was in the DNA of the people here, he reckoned, but he didn’t answer back to her, he just nodded.

He stared back down on his orange juice and wished it was a bloody whiskey. Of course he knew that this wasn’t the solution - not only since Aaron’s alcohol poisoning - but at least it would dull his mind, and would turn all his running thoughts into a tolerable background noise.

Robert sipped the juice, pulling a face at the sugary taste. He wouldn’t give in, if Aaron could go without alcohol, he could too.

“Can I bring something else for you? You look like you could need a little cheering up?” Diane asked him and smiled.

Robert snorted weakly. As if greasy pub food was some miracle cure for bad mood and not only one step ahead on the road to arteriosclerosis.

“Thanks but no, thanks.”

Soon they would deal with police officers, lawyers, Chrissie White, a new storyline, fans, the press, paparazzi maybe even and on fucking top Andy, of course. 

For a moment Robert wished, everything would just stop. They have been through bloody enough and they hadn’t even been together for 6 months. He just wanted to spend some nice times with his boyfriend, maybe chill out on a sunny island in a posh hotel with smoothe white sheets and a private jacuzzi. Robert felt that it wasn’t too much to ask, really.

“No offense, but…” Diane started and Robert was annoyed _ already _ , “You know, when Chas told me that her son was coming over to visit her, I kinda thought I would see happy faces all around.”

Robert’s eyes flicked over to the door that led to the back room. He wondered what was happening back there, how Aaron was doing, how many details he would give her, how she would react to it. 

“Yeah, facing the past isn’t necessarily happy.”

Robert started spinning his glas on the bar, just to keep his hands occupied. He felt so helpless again, doomed to just sit around and wait. 

“That's for sure,” Diane commented and grabbed a dishcloth to dry the glasses.

Robert looked up at her and she gave him a fond smile in return.

Suddenly he was reminded how much he missed his mum in times like this. He could do with some motherly advice, Sarah would have known what to do, what to say.

When his mum had been alive, he had been often annoyed about her being too nosey and giving advice without being asked. And now that she was gone, he’d give anything to have that back. The fucking irony of life.

“Are you worried they might not get on?” Diane asked and pulled him out of his thoughts.

“I don’t know,” he let out a long breath.

“Chas was over the moon after Aaron agreed to come over, she missed him, you know.”

Robert shook his head. He was sick of hearing that and anger boiled inside him. If she wouldn’t have walked away, none of that would have happened in the first place. How could she have just given up on her own son? He pressed his teeth so hard together that his jaw hurt.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Diane said, giving him a long look, “but she really wants to make it up to him.”

“She bloody better,“ he snapped. 

Diane frozewith the glass and the cloth in her hands, obviously not prepared for him being so grim and Robert sighed. 

“Aaron might tell her something she didn’t expect to hear and I’m worried how she’ll handle it,” he explained vaguely, not willing to go into any more detail.

He felt Diane’s eyes on his face, appraising him. She tilted her head and thought about his words. After a moment she leaned towards him over the bar and patted his arm.

“You know, pet, if I learned one thing about the Dingles in all the years I’ve known them, it’s they can take a lot and they always stick together when it comes to it.”

  
  
  
  


The lights of the car cut through the darkness in front of him, the engine roared quietly and Robert was ready to drive out of his fucking skin. He grabbed the steering wheel so tight that his fingers started cramping. His gaze flicked over to his boyfriend who had his head leaned back and eyes closed.

Robert had waited over an hour in the pub, leg bouncing up and down relentlessly when finally the back door had opened and Aaron had come out, eyes still red rimmed, cheeks puffy.

“Just take me home, Robert,” he had said quietly and his voice had sounded scratchier than usual.

This was the only thing he had said so far and Robert didn’t want to press,he really didn’t. But  _ fuck _ ! He was dying inside with worry and his guts were slowly turning, he needed to know how it went and if Aaron was okay. It took all of his willpower not to overwhelm his boyfriend with questions. 

The silence was deafening and awfully tense and the drive was dragging on for what felt like hours. When he finally switched off the motor in front of his house, Robert let out a sigh. He prepared himself for the worst, because Aaron being quiet for so long could only be a bad sign.

_ I’m going to kill Chas. And then I’m going to kill Gordon. _

On the way to his apartment he tried to think about ways to comfort Aaron. He would make them tea, maybe run him another bath. He thought about a movie they could watch for distraction before going to sleep, something with action and fun like “Guardians of the Galaxy”. 

Fuck, Aaron must be so devastated right now. Robert’s heart broke for him. His boyfriend deserved only good things, happiness, love, success.

Robert still thought about how to support Aaron, closing the door of his home, when he was suddenly pushed against it. The doorknob pressed against his lower back.

“Wha-”

Aaron kissed him fiercely, and okay - Robert didn’t expect this. He stood there, frozen for a second before his body sprang to life and he started kissing back. Aaron moaned softly into his mouth and the knot in Robert’s guts slowly untwisted.

Aaron pulled back eventually and rested his forehead against Robert’s shoulder.

“She believed me,” he breathed, “she believed me.”

The last bit of anxiety vanished and Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron’s broad shoulders and hugged him tightly. He kissed his temple and breathed him in. 

“Damn Aaron, I was so fucking worried,” he admitted.

Aaron looked at him, a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. “So was I.” Then an almost hysterical laughter bubbled up his chest.

“You okay?” Robert asked after a moment, stroking his back.

“Yeah, yeah… I just…” Aaron shook his head slightly and then his blue eyes looked at him with so much intensity and affection that Robert’s heart hiccuped. “I did it! I really did it! I told her, Robert.”

He looked tired and his skin was still pale, but his blue eyes were shining with sheer relief. 

Robert’s chest swelled with pride. Aaron was so fucking strong. 

This time  _ he _ kissed Aaron, sweet and gentle, enjoying the moment. His fingers ghosted over the scruff and cradled his neck. Robert could have stayed like this forever… if it wasn’t for the bloody doorknob. 

“I think you crushed my left kidney,” he chuckled into his boyfriend’s mouth.

“Sorry,” Aaron whispered, he took a step back and bit his lip.

They went over to the couch and ended up cuddling, Aaron lying half on top of him, his head resting on Robert’s chest. The weight and warmth was grounding, relaxing. Robert felt the tension slowly draining from his body. He loved having Aaron so close. Robert had never been one for cuddles really, this was just another Aaron-effect. He switched the telly on, but neither of them paid attention to the programme.

“So, how did it go?” Robert asked eventually and drew little circles with his fingers on Aaron’s shoulders.

“It was not as bad as I expected, but it was still awful,” Aaron paused to let out a long breath, “She cried. A lot. I think she feels guilty.”

_ I bet she does. _

Robert couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry for her though. The anger towards her was still bubbling inside him. Of course, deep down he knew that it wasn’t her fault that Gordon was a pedophile, but still. Chas needed to do a damn lot to make it up to Aaron, in his eyes. 

“And how do you feel?” he asked instead, keeping his thoughts about Chas to himself.

“Better. Relieved. It was… easier now, telling it a second time.” Aaron shifted a bit down so his ear was directly pressed against Robert’s heartbeat. His arms snuggled up to cradle Robert’s neck. “It‘s so weird, you know? I always felt like I could tell no one, ever. He always said...” Aaron stopped himself and swallowed hard, “he always said that no one would ever believe me, so I should better keep my mouth shut. But you  _ did _ believe me and she did too.” Aaron still sounded amazed by that simple fact. 

“Of course I believed you,” Robert reassured him quickly.

“I don’t deserve you,” Aaron whispered quietly and Robert thought his heart might explode there and then.

“Since when are you such a sap?” he joked, because he knew how uncomfortable Aaron felt when he showed his feelings like that. Robert treasured these moments all the more. “And you’re right, you don’t deserve me. Because you deserve better, you idiot,” he said fondly and kissed the black hair. Then he grimaced.

_ Urgh, gel. _

As hot as it looked, Robert prefered to press his face into Aaron’s soft curls.

“Who's the sap now, eh?” Aaron sniffed, but Robert could feel him smiling against his chest.

He grinned and squeezed Aaron tight. Robert wanted to freeze time, wanted to keep this moment forever. Just the both of them, on the couch, safe. 

He couldn‘t stop his stupid mind from thinking about the police again. The smile on his face slowly faded. They should probably talk about this, about the consequences. 

“When you go to the police…“ Robert started reluctantly, but Aaron stopped him by pressing a finger against his lips.

He lifted his head and looked at Robert.

“Tomorrow yeah? Let‘s face that tomorrow,“ he said pleadingly, “tonight I want just… us.“

_ Just us. _

Robert nodded, because yes, he wanted that too. He kissed Aaron‘s finger that still laid on his lips and the gesture-

_ Okay that was dead corny, even for me! _

-brought a big smile back on Aaron‘s face. And that smile was the best sight ever. 

“I love you.“ Robert would never get tired of saying the three words, he was sure of it. He would say them to Aaron for the rest of his life.

“Love you too,“ Aaron replied, blushed a little and ducked his head.

_ So fucking cute. _

Robert pulled him up and kissed him, because he  _ had _ to and Aaron returned it passionately. His beard scratched at Robert‘s chin and his tongue pressed into his mouth.

Things heated up, it was almost inevitable. Aaron on top of him just felt too good and Robert‘s hands moved like they had a mind of their own. He gripped Aaron‘s biceps, felt the muscles moving, marvelled at the girth and strength. He stroked over Aaron‘s back, enjoyed the warmth through the fabric of his shirt. He grabbed that arse and gave it a good squeeze which caused a long moan against his lips. 

Aaron shifted slightly and Robert opened his legs for him to settle between them and-

_ Fuck! _

Aaron was hard. So hard. His bulge rubbed at his crotch and oh God, Robert was so turned on himself. His own cock pressed against his jeans, aching to be freed from its trap.

Somewhere in the back of Robert‘s head was a voice that told him to stop. That this wasn‘t the right time for sex, after their encounter with Chas and all. He broke the kiss and gasped for air.

“Wait! We should stop,“ he panted, but his boyfriend shook his head immediately.

“No! No, we should…“ Aaron was breathless too and rolled his hips, grinding his body against Robert, “Fuck!“ he groaned.

Robert wanted to laugh at that, but it turned into a broken whimper when Aaron moved again and he felt waves of  _ want _ throbbing through his body. 

The friction was slightly painful, because the jeans were a bit too tight, but it was a good pain.

Aaron developed a rhythm, rubbed himself against Robert and kissed him deeply. When he moved down to lick and bite his neck, Robert‘s dick started leaking. Aaron groaned above him.

“Rob… so fucking hot… you feel so good,“ Aaron rambled and Robert’s skin heated up.

The praise made him preen, he pulled his legs up further to make more room for Aaron and thrusted his hips up to meet his boyfriend‘s movement.

“Fuck.“

Robert blinked his eyes open - he couldn‘t even remember that he had closed them - and looked at Aaron, watched him losing it, rutting faster and harder. The sight was so damn sexy and Robert imagined them being naked, Aaron being inside him, filling him with every thrust. His empty arse clenched and his belly contracted hard. 

He let his hands roam over Aaron‘s broad back again, down and down and down… Robert slid his hands under the jeans and under the briefs. It wasn‘t easy, the trousers were pretty tight, but he managed it. That butt fit perfectly in his palms as if it was made for him, Robert felt the glutes tensing and twitching as Aaron kept on grinding. He squeezed roughly. 

_ Fuck, yes! _

Aaron let out a loud moan and jerked above him. The sudden movement made his right hand slip down Aaron‘s crack and Robert could feel his hole twitching against his fingertip.

Aaron’s breath hitched and they both froze.

They had done quite a lot of things so far, but  _ that _ was the only area that Robert hadn‘t explored yet. 

“Okay?“ he managed out - he really didn‘t want to pull his hand back

Robert’s pants were soaked with precome, they were wet and sticky and he was so fucking turned on, already on the edge and Aaron looked just as  _ wrecked _ \- mouth slack, lips swollen, pupils dark - and then he nodded slightly.

Robert pressed his finger against the rim and circled it. He wished he had lube, wished he could  _ see _ his fingers playing with Aaron‘s arse. He watched the face above him instead and witnessed in absolute amazement how Aaron quickly came undone.

His boyfriend shivered and pushed his butt against his hands, obviously enjoying it. Little gasps and whimpers escaped his parted lips. Aaron’s eyes fell shut and he started rutting back and forth between Robert‘s crotch and finger. 

Robert slipped a little deeper, just enough to reach the perineum and he pressed down on the sensitive spot.

“God…. fuck, Rob,“ Aaron moaned hoarsely.

“Yeah,“ he whispered absently and licked his lips.

_ So fucking sexy _

Aaron was so lost in his own lust above him, almost as if he would use Robert like a toy to get himself off and damn, that thought did something to Robert, flushed his insides with a new wave of  _ heat _ and  _ need _ .

His finger wandered back to Aaron‘s hole, rubbing harder than before, feeling the muscle open up for him and then he pushed inside, only the tip to the first knuckle.

_ So hot, so tight, so perfect _

Aaron went rigid and let out a high pitched whine. Then he shuddered and his hips jerked sharply.

Robert‘s brain went offline, because he was pretty sure he just made his boyfriend come in his pants and how fucking hot was that?

With a sudden desperate frenzy he wiggled himself free and opened the fly of his jeans. Aaron was still half on top of him, pliant now and panting harshly and Robert had to use his left hand, but it took only three strokes for him to spill over his fist.

They both just laid there, trying to get their breathing under control. Then a huge grin spread on Robert‘s face and his head lolled to the side to look at Aaron. He got a groan in return.

“Smug is not a good look on you,“ Aaron muttered grumpily and tried to hide his face at Robert‘s chest.

He chuckled at that and yeah, he felt smug.

_ Because I made you jizz your pants. _

“Admit it, you are absolutely impressed by the 10 you just experienced,“ he smirked and nodded, being totally pleased with himself.

Aaron snorted and shoved his shoulder.

“As if. A 9 more like. Tops.“

Robert loved this little banter afterwards almost as much as their sex. It had become such a running gag between them.

“Excuse me?“ he exclaimed dramatically before he turned smug again: “you just stained your pants!“

“I‘m never gonna hear the end of this, amt I?“ Aaron sighed and blushed.

“No,“ Robert said simply and his cheeks started to hurt from grinning. The endorphins made him light headed and giddy.

“We should shower,“ Aaron said, pecked him on the cheek and pushed himself up.

Robert looked down. His cock was hanging out of his jeans, his left hand was sticky and there was cum on his shirt as well. The afterglow had made him almost forget how gross they were and he pulled a face. 

They ended up showering together and Robert stroked them both lazily to a second orgasm.

Neither of them mentioned Chas or the police and Robert didn‘t even think about it for one second. 

They fell asleep quickly.

  
  
  
  


Of course they couldn‘t stay in the bubble forever. Anxiety hit Aaron full force again when they sat in the car on the way to the police. He went quiet and started biting his nails. Robert heard him breathing louder than usual, controlled breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Aaron fought the panic as best as he could and Robert reached over and squeezed his thigh, letting him know that he was there to support him.

Besides that it was a quiet drive. 

When they had parked the car, Robert turned to Aaron before they got out.

“You can do this, Aaron,“ he said softly, “you did it already twice, you can do it again.“

“Yeah. For Bobby,“ Aaron muttered, bit the insides of his cheek and looked outside the windscreen.

The winter sun was low and shone through the window. It made the blue eyes shine brightly, but Aaron‘s skin was pale, almost translucent.

“For  _ you _ ,“ Robert emphasised and grabbed Aaron‘s hand.

His boyfriend looked at him, unsure. Lost. 

“He won‘t get away with what he did.“

Aaron‘s face twisted like he was in pain and he shook his head. “You don‘t know that, Robert. It‘s my word against his.“

“They will see him for what he is. And then he gets what he deserves,“ Robert insisted sternly. 

_ The bastard‘s gonna rot in jail. _

Aaron let out a long breath and looked at him. “Thanks,“ he said finally and scratched his eyebrow, a telltale sign that he felt self-conscious. Robert knew his body language well enough by now. “I couldn‘t do this without you, you know?“

His beloved blue eyes were so open and he looked so vulnerable in that moment, that Robert just wanted to wrap him up in his arms forever.

“Pfft,“ he waved him off, “I‘m not even doing anything. This is all you, Aaron.“

He leaned over and kissed him, trying to put all his feelings into it. Aaron rested his forehead against Robert‘s and smiled.

“I love you.“

The scratchy voice sent shivers down Robert‘s spine and he felt warm all over. Then the atmosphere shifted, the air was suddenly heavy and thick with emotions, it was almost overwhelming. So Robert did what he always did to ease the tension: he went for a light joke.

“I bet you do, I made you cum in your pants after all.“

Aaron laughed at that and slapped his chest.

“God, you‘re the worst!“ he groaned.

“Your pants in the laundry say otherwise,“ Robert winked and they got out of the car.

Their little banter worked, Aaron seemed more relaxed now, Robert noticed.

They entered the police station and Robert expected ringing phones, police officers talking and people in handcuffs shouting - just like in bad 80s action movies. But it was very quiet in reality and behind the counter sat an older lady instead of Sergeant Murtaugh and Riggs. 

“How can I help?“ she smiled at them.

“I want to report a crime. Give a statement,“ Aaron said and bit his bottom lip. 

Robert laid his hand on his lower back and rubbed his thumb in little circles over Aaron‘s backbone.

There was no going back now.

  
  
  
  


Robert was sitting on a plastic chair, which was uncomfortable as hell, and felt useless once more.

A nice detective called DS Wise had taken Aaron with him to take the statement and Robert was forced to wait, again. God, he hated it.

He checked his social media and read the tweets with #forbiddenlove, #chrolli and #robron. People were still cheering for them, especially after their social media team had released the “5 things about” video clip. Robert remembered how this was taken during their shoot at the lake, right after they got together and the memory made him smile.

He watched the clip and actually paused it twice. Aaron was giving him the most ridiculous heart eyes ever. Not bad for a grumpy bloke who claimed to hate romantic movies. 

_ But secretly loves them. _

**Forbidden Love ** @officiallyforbiddenlove

5 things you didn‘t know about @justaarondingle and @itssugden! Check out our latest video and follow us on instagram for more about the new FL power couple!

There was an instagram link to the video, but since Robert had already saved it on his phone, he read the replies below instead.

**OliviaSabel ** replying to @officiallyforbiddenlove and 2 others

DEAD. Dead by #robron ❤️❤️❤️❤️

**eternalchrolli ** replying to @officiallyforbiddenlove and 2 others

Look at these two, they are so perfect together!! #chrolli #robron 

**forbiddenlover ** replying to @officiallyforbiddenlove and 2 others

A power couple indeed! Onscreen and off screen!

**AaronDingleFans ** replying to @officiallyforbiddenlove and 2 others

Can we talk about the heart eyes Aaron is giving Robert??? 😍😍😍😍😍

**RobxAaron ** replying to @officiallyforbiddenlove and 2 others

Wasn‘t that the filming of the lake scenes?? They got together back then, right? ❤️ aww they are the cutest!

Robert shook his head fondly at the never ending list of tweets, replies and retweets. The fans seemed to be so happy for them. 

He looked up from his phone and the sterile atmosphere of the police station brought him back to reality. The happy bubble would burst soon. As soon as the journalists knew about this. 

Robert got restless, he had to bloody  _ do _ something, so he got up and walked over to the coffee vending machine. He inserted the money and hit the ‘Americano‘ button. He‘d rather have tea instead, but that wasn‘t an option.

_ You can‘t go wrong with coffee. _

He sipped carefully and grimaced in disgust.

_ Or you can actually.  _

He tipped it into the huge ficus in the corner and threw the cup away with a sigh. Robert glared at the clock on the wall as if it was mocking him and started pacing around. Waiting was really not his thing. 

His phone rang and of course it was Vic. Not many people called him - one was currently talking to the police and the other was his sister.

“Vic, hiya,“ he answered the call.

“Hiya, how are you?“ 

Robert looked around the shabby waiting area of the station and snorted, because he honestly had no idea how he was doing.

“It‘s a bit complicated at the moment,“ he admitted.

“Is it something with Aaron? What did you do, Robert?“ she asked immediately.

Why did she always have to be like this? Wouldn‘t a sister ask ‘what‘s up, brother?‘ and show some genuine concern? He wanted to hit the red button and scream out loud, but instead he just stayed silent. His fingers cramped around his phone.

“Robert?” Well, at least she sounded worried now.

“Nevermind,“ he said through gritted teeth. She would find out in the news sooner or later. “What do you want?“

“Who says I can‘t just call my brother and ask how he is?“ Vic sounded offended.

_ Because you never do that. _

“Well, if that‘s all, I really need to go now,“ he said coolly, “take care, sis.“

“Wait! Rob! Wait,“ she shouted quickly.

He knew it. She never called without a reason. Mostly it was because of Andy and Robert wasn‘t sure if he wanted to deal with him right now.

“Andy called earlier…“ Vic started and Robert pinched the bridge of his nose, “and he said that he is thinking about accepting your offer.“

_ What?! _

“What?“ he asked dumbly. 

Time stood still, hell must have frozen over, Andy thought about his offer.

“He said that he thinks about selling his share over to you,“ Vic went on.

“That‘s...err… unexpected,“ he said, trying to sound as if he wasn‘t arsed at all. 

In fact, his heart was racing. Andy was about to give in! Finally, fucking finally some good news. Robert couldn‘t believe it.

“I know,“ Vic said and sighed loudly, “apparently he lost money in the casino. A lot of money.“

So that was it.

Andy needed quick cash. A grin spread on Robert‘s face. Not for one second did he feel sorry for his brother. He silently thanked Karma, because that bitch surely got them all.

“I see,“ he said simply.

“Maybe you could call your lawyer? See if we can find an appointment together?“ Vic asked. 

“What about your share?“ Robert asked and held his breath.

“I know how much you want the house, Rob. It‘s fine for me when you get it,“ she said.

Robert slowly sat down. He would get the house, he would pay his siblings and then Andy would be out of his life for fucking good. 

“Okay,“ he breathed, “thanks. I‘ll send you the date and then we’ll do the paperwork.“

“Alright. I hope things between you and Aaron will calm down again,“ Vic said and Robert didn‘t have the nerve to correct her, “bye, Robert!“

“Bye, Vic.“

He pressed the button and stared at his phone. 

Andy, the eternal idiot, went gambling and that was all it took in the end. It was almost too easy. Robert couldn‘t hold himself back from giggling like a loon. And damn, he really needed a good laugh today.

  
  
  
  


The police were “slightly optimistic“ as they put it. Aaron had told them everything, had given them Sandra’s name and had told them about the latest Ex and their son Bobby. The DS wanted to speak to all of them and Chas was willing to give a statement too although she wouldn‘t be very helpful. She had never noticed anything, but at least she wanted to support Aaron.

DS Wise promised to keep it away from the media as long as he could. If they would prosecute it would be out of his hands though.

And now all they could do was to wait. Aaron had done okay so far, but Robert noticed that his boyfriend went quieter and quieter with every day that passed without news. Robert hated to see him so passive and dejected.

“You can stay here, if you like?“ Robert offered and pulled the sleeves of his shirt out of his jacket.

“And miss the moment when you finally get your house? As if!“ Aaron snorted.

The meeting with his lawyer was in 45 minutes and Robert felt a weird mix of happiness, nervousness and anxiety. The last one mostly because he had to face Andy. And yes, he would feel a lot better with Aaron by his side, of course. But the bags under the blue ices told him that his boyfriend had gone through another sleepless night.

Robert couldn‘t wait to leave all this behind and start a new life with Aaron…. in an ideal world after his rapist would be locked away in a cell. 

“I was hoping it would be  _ our _ house,“ he said quietly and glanced towards Aaron to check for his reaction, just to see his eyes widen in shock.

For Robert it had always been a logical step. 

Get the house, live there with Aaron. 

It felt right for him. But they had never actually talked about it, when Robert came to think about it. He had always just assumed that Aaron would move with him out there - but what if he didn‘t want to live in the countryside, an hour’s drive away from the city? Robert swallowed.

Aaron walked over to him, grabbed his arms and looked at him intensely.

“Are you sure about this?“

“Of course!“ he insisted quickly and then, more carefully: “if you want?“

Aaron‘s expression softened and he smiled slightly. It was a look not many people got to see, but somehow Robert was one of the lucky idiots.

“Of course I want,“ Aaron whispered and kissed him. 

Robert‘s stomach did a backflip and his heart stuttered, then Aaron pulled back.

“We better stop now, otherwise we‘re gonna miss the meeting,“ he joked and Robert nodded.

Yeah that was probably right. It was so damn easy to get lost in kissing Aaron. 

“How do I look?“

Robert looked in the mirror. He wore his best floral shirt and a maroon jacket with tight dark jeans.

“Like a posh twat?“ Aaron offered with a soft smile.

Robert snorted at that. “That‘ll do, come on.“

  
  
  
  


He pushed the contract over the table towards Andy and Vic, his brother grabbed it eagerly, eyes flying over the lines. 

They sat on opposite sides of the table. On his left was Aaron, on his right was his lawyer, a badass woman named Melissa Stone (“I‘m as hard as my name.“ Robert had been about to leave her office after this bad line, but she had excellent references and he learned quickly that she was ace). 

The moment when Vic and Andy had entered the room had been extremely awkward. Vic had smiled at him, while Andy had shot daggers with his eyes in their direction, but Robert hadn’t felt intimidated this time. 

He could see past Andy‘s embarrassing alpha behaviour. He noticed the shaggy hair, the scruffy beard and the cheap clothes. 

Andy suddenly looked up from the contract, his eyes were wild and his mouth curved in disgust.

“This isn‘t what you offered us before!“ he spat out.

“That is true,“ Robert just stated calmly.

“Mr. Sugden, I suppose you are referring to the offer my client made almost two years ago,“ Ms Stone started, “you‘ll see, in the meantime the house suffered severe damages because of the weather and vandalism. The roof is leaking, the windows are smashed in, the water pipes must be renewed due to years of disuse. I could continue this list if you want me to, but I‘d like to hope that you got my point, Mr Sugden. The value of the house has massively decreased over the years and this is reflected in the offer my client makes you today.“

Andy was basically foaming at the mouth and Vic looked at Robert with her big bambi eyes full of hurt. And yeah, Robert felt bad for her. He would have paid a higher amount to Vic even if the house wasn‘t worth it anymore, simply because she was his little sister. But not Andy. Andy would not get one single penny more than necessary off him. 

“You fucking-” Andy shouted at him, little drops of spit flew across the table.

“Mr Sugden!“ Ms Stone interrupted sharply and Andy‘s mouth snapped shut, “if you prefer it, we could hire an expert to identify the actual value of the house, considering its year of construction, location and actual damage. But this process would take weeks, maybe even months. And if you think about it very closely, you‘ll find that my client‘s offer is indeed still very generous.“

Melissa Stone raised her eyebrow and stared Andy down. His brother visibly deflated and Robert loved his lawyer.

Aaron squeezed his hand under the table when Andy reached for the pen to sign the contract. Seeing him writing down his name, settled something inside Robert’s chest. It felt good. 

Vic signed too and that didn‘t feel as good anymore. Robert knew how much he had hurt her today. She always had to suffer because of his and Andy‘s fight. 

“Vic,“ he said to her, “you told me you wanted to start your own business with that money. I want to invest the difference to my first offer in your food truck.“

She offered him the tiniest of smiles, but he knew that it would take time to make it up to her again. Vic was a Sugden after all, a stubborn little shit. 

“I bet you‘re enjoying this, huh Rob?“ Andy sneered. 

_ In fact I do, my dear brother. _

His lawyer got the papers back together and offered him her hand for a shake.

“Congratulations, Robert! The house is all yours now.“

He couldn‘t hold back the broad grin when he turned to Aaron. The bright smile Aaron gave him was blinding so he leaned in and kissed him happily. 

“Fucking fags,“ he heard Andy mutter and Aaron tensed and pulled back. 

His boyfriend jumped up from his chair in the same second as Andy, Vic got up to hold back his brother and Robert stepped up protectively in front of his boyfriend.

“You know what?“ Robert stared Andy in the eye, “leave it, Andy. It’s over. You lost, because that’s what losers do.“

Without another word he pulled Aaron out of the conference room of Stone & Partner. He felt that he had dealt with his brother for long enough. 

  
  
  
  


Weeks passed without any news from the police and Aaron had a few really bad days, suffering from his anxiety and depression. Robert tried to pull him out of his low by making plans for the house, how they would reconstruct the rooms to make it  _ theirs _ . And it worked, a bit at least. 

On a friday afternoon, Aaron came into the living room where Robert was reading and waved with the ipad he was holding in his hand.

“I have a surprise for you.“

Robert put his book on the table and smiled. Today was a good day again for Aaron and Robert had learned to treasure those.

“Yeah? What‘s that?“

“An ipad? Duh!“ Aaron joked and slumped down next to him. Robert rolled his eyes fondly and Aaron got serious. “I err…. booked us a holiday.“

“You what?“ His eyebrows flew up to his hairline and was immediately excited.

They had two weeks off left before they had to go back to filming and Robert had secretly buried the idea of getting away with his boyfriend. 

“Ten days on Lanzarote. My therapist reckoned it would be good, to get my mind off things. Here is the hotel, if you wanna have a look,“ Aaron blushed, bit his lip and pressed the tablet onto Robert‘s lap. 

Robert didn‘t really check the website, because-

_ Holidays, with Aaron Dingle! Yes! _

-how bloody amazing was that? Escaping for a little while, leaving everything behind, just the two of them. Perfect. Why would he even care about the size of the pool or the location of the hotel when him and Aaron wouldn‘t leave the bed anyway?

“You‘re amazing!“ 

He lunged forward and kissed Aaron fiercely, but when he wanted to climb his lap, his boyfriend shoved him off with a soft chuckle. Robert traced his lips and whined in protest.

“We don‘t have time for this now, we need to pack,“ Aaron smiled, “Our flight goes tomorrow morning.“

  
  
  
  


After they had informed DS Wise and more or less got his blessing to leave for a holiday, they had packed and Robert had been absolutely buzzing with excitement. 

_ Ten days with Aaron, just me and him. _

The thought alone! 

They had to drive to the airport in the middle of the night and Aaron was walking around like a zombie. All his talking were grunts and monosyllabic answers and Robert laughed his arse off at his cute morning grouch.

The flight went by quickly, Robert watched a movie on the ipad, while Aaron was softly snoring and drooling on his left shoulder. Robert couldn‘t help himself and had to snap a pic of him and his sleeping boyfriend.

_ This is so going on instagram! _

He stared at it, body flushing all warm and chest swelling with love for Aaron. Never before had he felt something like that for anyone. He never had let his guard completely down, always holding something back, but now it was all different. Aaron knew everything about him and he knew all about Aaron. 

Being himself felt good. Being himself felt fucking awesome.

He tugged the phone away and kissed Aaron‘s hair. Robert had secretly taken the gel out of his washbag and had put it back in the cupboard. 

_ Ten days full of fluff, just pure fluff. _

  
  
  
  


Okay, the hotel was bloody amazing. And not only that, Aaron had booked them a fucking  _ suite _ ! Besides the bedroom, it had a living room and a ridiculously huge bathroom with a shower and a bathtub. The suite was almost as big as his apartment at home. Robert gaped at his boyfriend, who was nervously shifting from one leg to another.

“This okay?“ Aaron pressed out.

_ Okay?!? _

Robert shook his head slowly and laughed.

“Are you kidding? Have you won the lottery and haven‘t told me?“ he joked.

People always assumed that he was a rich bloke, because of the Porsche and his preference for shirts and jackets. But he had bought the car with the money he had inherited after his mom had passed away and the clothes and fancy body products were luxury items he could only afford once in a while. It was better now, LWP had given him a nice contract, but playing theatre hadn‘t always beens easy moneywise, especially since he was saving up for the house.

“I don‘t spend that much money usually,“ Aaron admitted and shrugged, “I have saved up a bit.“

Robert thought about Aaron‘s old VW Golf, his puristic flat and that his perfect evening meant basically lying on a couch. He didn‘t live a stereotypical celebrity life indeed.

Robert pulled him into a hug.

“Just us while we‘re here, yeah? Just us,“ he whispered happily against Aaron‘s warm neck and took a deep breath.

His boyfriend tensed up and he pulled back to see Aaron tearing up and blinking furiously.

“Hey. What brought this on?“ he asked worried. Had he said something wrong?

“I‘m sorry, Rob,“ Aaron croaked out and Robert thought for a moment that he was apologising for his tears, but then he added with more emphasis: “I‘m so so sorry.“

Aaron couldn‘t look him in the face and wiped his eyes quickly with his sweater paws. Robert frowned. He was at a total loss, everything had been perfect like 30 seconds ago.

“What for?“ 

Aaron took a few steps back and walked to the huge window. Robert barely registered the view, he only saw Aaron‘s shoulders tensing.

“For dragging you into my mess,“ it suddenly burst out of him. “If they prosecute, there will be press and everything, they‘re gonna be after you as well…“ Aaron turned around and nagged his bottom lip that hard that Robert feared it would draw blood. “I know you didn‘t sign up for that,“ he said with a shaky voice.

Robert closed the gap between them with three big strides, laid his hand on Aaron‘s jaw and stroked softly over his lip to release it from the teeth. Aaron closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. 

“So you booked us a suite and we flew over four hours to Lanzarote for you to give me an  _ out _ ?“ he asked, amused with a raised eyebrow.

Honestly, his boyfriend had to be the biggest idiot ever. Aaron chuckled weakly. 

“If you put it like that?“

“In good times as in bad,“ Robert said and hugged him again, “idiot.“

“It‘s not like we‘re married,“ Aaron protested, but Robert could feel him smiling against his skin.

_ Yet. We‘re not married yet. _

He could definitely see them both in fancy suits, exchanging their vows. Aaron, the grumpy sap, would probably cry during the whole ceremony. Of course it was too early to throw this at Aaron. They had to deal with Gordon, then a house to rebuild and then… maybe then. 

Robert smiled and looked over Aaron‘s shoulder out of the window. He took in the sight for the first time and it was breathtaking. The sea was underneath them, deep blue and endless. And they had a huge balcony with two sunbeds and-

“Ohmygod Aaron, we have a fucking jacuzzi!“

  
  
  
  


**Suggers ** @itssugden

Really looking forward to the holiday with @justaarondingle! I just wish the bf would be a bit more excited though…

He added the instagram link to his selfie with a sleeping Aaron-

_ God, so damn cute! _

-and hit ‘tweet‘. Only seconds later his and Aaron‘s phone started buzzing like crazy when the replies came in. His boyfriend groaned in annoyance on his sunbed and turned around to check his phone.

His head shot up and he growled at him. Robert snickered.

“I bloody hate you, Sugden!“ Aaron huffed and threw a beach slide at him.

Robert laughed until his belly hurt.

  
  
  
  


The nights got a bit chilly, even here it was winter after all, but the water in the jacuzzi was warm like in a bathtub. Robert laid there and looked down on the sea that glistened in the soft light of the moon. The sound of the waves washed over him and relaxed him. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the moment of peace and perfection. A low ‘swoosh’ sound told him that the slide door got opened, naked feet made a soft pitter-patter on the tiles and then the water moved and sloshed around him.

Robert smiled and only seconds later Aaron‘s strong arms wrapped around him. His boyfriend let out a happy sigh, climbed on his lap and kissed him softly. Robert let his hands wander over Aaron‘s body and hummed approvingly when he realised that he was naked. 

Aaron rolled his hips and his half hard cock poked against Robert‘s stomach. 

“Someone‘s eager,“ he teased, grinning. 

Instead of answering, Aaron just kissed him again and yes, he definitely was eager. Not that Robert would complain about that. 

His palms massaged Aaron‘s arse cheeks and he was reminded about that insanely hot make out session three weeks ago, when he‘d soaked his pants. Robert got hard in one second with that mental image. 

“Would you…“ Aaron breathed against his open mouth, “wouldyoufingerme?“

It came out in a shy rush, but Robert understood anyway. Obviously he wasn‘t the only one who was thinking back to that orgasm. A soft moan escaped Robert‘s mouth.

“Fuck, Aaron. Yes. Yes.“

He kissed Aaron, kneading the cheeks. He moved his right hand further down until his fingertip patted gently against the rim. The reaction came immediately, Aaron hissed his breath and pushed his arse back.

“I need lube,“ Robert whispered. “Bed?“

As hot as the mere thought of fingering in the jacuzzi might be - water was not enough to prevent Aaron from hurting. And Robert wanted to do this right, wanted Aaron to enjoy it. 

His boyfriend nodded jerkily, stood up and pulled Robert with him. The cold air hit his heated skin and made him shudder. Aaron’s body was steaming in the moonlight and the little water drops that were running down his perfect pecs and abs sparkled. 

_ Absolutely gorgeous. _

They went inside, both not much bothered with getting dry, kissing was so much better instead. Slowly they made their way to the bed, more stumbling than anything else, because they were skin to skin, touching everywhere. 

Then Aaron climbed on the bed and laid on his back, legs slightly bent and spread.

“Like this. I wanna see you,“ he whispered, sounding wrecked already and looked up to him with so much trust and love that Robert‘s heart lost its rhythm and clenched painfully.

He stood there for a moment and took the sight in. Aaron‘s curls were still damp and they looked so amazingly soft on the pillow, his eyes were shining and his lips were red from kissing. His chest was heaving and Robert‘s mouth started watering when he saw how perfect his nipples looked. Aaron‘s dick was hard like a rock, standing up red and shiny with precome, aching to be touched.

“Rob, c’mon!“ he whined and made grabby hands towards him.

_ You‘ll be begging so much more soon. _

“I‘ve got you,“ Robert muttered, gently nudging Aaron’s legs further apart and knelt between them.

He leaned in and sucked the left nipple, because the little bud screamed for his attention. Aaron moaned under him and arched up. Robert kept sucking, licking and occasionally he nibbled softly until the nipple was deep red, then he switched to the other one.

Aaron‘s fingers found his hair and pulled carefully. 

“C’mon, please,“ Aaron wheezed and tried to guide him down with a slight push against his head.

“Ah, ah, ah,“ Robert made and smirked. “I am in charge now.“

And yeah, he loved giving control over to Aaron, being a bit submissive was a huge turn on really, but this - roles reversed, his boyfriend at his mercy - holy  _ fuck _ . It made his cock dribble on the sheets although he hadn‘t even started. 

“Then get on with it!“ Aaron tried to sound annoyed, but his dilated pupils and his harsh breathing betrayed him.

Robert‘s grin spread even wider, but he moved down eventually. Aaron sighed happily and he probably thought that he would get a blowjob now. Robert had other plans.

He grabbed Aaron‘s legs and shoved them up, nearly folded him in half. His boyfriend gasped, but before he could say anything or protest, Robert dove in and licked his rim.

Aaron let out a broken sob. 

Robert wanted to hear more of those filthy sounds. He licked again, long stripes along the crack, then he circled the hole and loved how the muscle twitched and clenched.

“God, Rob!“ Aaron moaned loudly.

_ I am the first who has done this to him. _

The thought spurred him on to suck the sensitive skin eagerly. Aaron started pushing back after his initial shock had worn off. Robert felt him relaxing under his tongue, opening up. 

He did a messy rim job with loads of spit to make him proper wet and half of his face was covered in saliva. Robert didn‘t mind.

“Fuck yeah, Rob. Mmmh, so fucking good!“ 

He loved how Aaron lost it, how he made him close to coming from eating him alone. Aaron was so damn responsive and that was addictively sexy. 

Time for stage two. He kissed along Aaron‘s thigh and crawled slowly up until he was face to face with his boyfriend. Aaron blinked his eyes open, absolutely dazed. His pupils were dark with lust, the blue iris almost completely gone. His cheeks were flushed and he looked fucked out. 

“Wanna kiss ya,“ he slurred, “but I won‘t b’cause…“ He made a vague circling gesture with his right pointer and Rob snorted.

“That‘s okay,“ he said fondly and pulled out the lube from under his pillow where Aaron had left it this afternoon, then he leaned down and whispered into Aaron‘s ear: “I wanna hear you anyway.“

Aaron shuddered and whimpered and that sound alone shot straight down to Robert‘s cock. 

He coated his right fingers in a ridiculous amount of lube, but the more the better. His hand slid back down and tapped the still wet rim carefully. Robert watched Aaron closely, checking for the tiniest sign of discomfort, but when he saw none, he started slowly, very slowly to push his middle finger in. 

Although he had done a fairly good rim job, Aaron was still incredibly tight. 

“Relax,“ he murmured soothingly and he could actually feel how Aaron unclenched around his finger. “That‘s it.“

Robert started moving in and out gently and watched in absolute awe how his finger disappeared in his boyfriend. Aaron’s mouth went slack and he moaned lowly. 

He made sure that Aaron was loose enough before he added a second finger. Then he bent them carefully, probing and feeling around. Suddenly Aaron jerked and arched his back, he let out a loud grunt.

_ Found you. _

Robert stroked the sensitive spot over and over and precome started leaking out of Aaron‘s cock down on his belly. He couldn‘t resist, he licked it up and enjoyed the salty taste. 

“Rob! Ah! God, your fingers! Your fucking fingers, love them, wanted them in me for a while now. Feel so good, yeah, right there…“ Aaron rambled breathless and Robert knew he was getting close. He wondered if he could come from his fingers alone.

_ Maybe next time. _

This was Aaron‘s first time and he didn‘t want to edge him too long.

Robert leaned in, swallowed the cock down until soft hair tickled his nose and pressed at the same time against Aaron‘s prostate.

His boyfriend came with a desperate shout, his whole body vibrated and his hips snapped up, shoving his cock further down into Robert‘s throat as he spilled his come. Robert swallowed, tried to relax and just took it.

Aaron went boneless underneath him and Robert let go of his cock and pulled his fingers out. He went to the bathroom, rinsed his mouth and cleaned his face, quickly grabbed a towel and when he came back to the bed, Aaron was still breathing like he had just run a marathon. 

Robert smiled and cleaned him up gently. His boyfriend was totally pliant and moved in every direction Robert guided him. He threw the towel on the floor and snuggled up next to him and waited. It took a good five minutes for Aaron to get his senses together.

“Fucking hell,“ he whispered and rubbed his face. 

Robert grinned and cleared his throat. “Sooo, you dreamed about my fingers, yeah?“ he purred.

Aaron froze and blushed, it was  _ adorable _ !

“I said that out loud, didn‘t I?“ he muttered, horrified. 

Robert cackled and patted his chest. “No worries, I love the things you say during sex. You know, during absolutely mind blowing sex, during a grade-10-fingerfuck,“ he smirked.

“A 9.5 you mean“ Aaron talked back, because he was a little shit.

Robert huffed in fake-annoyance, but then he got a thank-you-blowjob in return so he couldn‘t complain really. 

  
  
  
  


It was perfect. The best seven days of Robert‘s life, hands down. They went down on the beach for walks in the evening, otherwise they rarely left their suite. They used room service and christened every possible surface. 

It was on day eight, Robert was reading on the sun lounger, when he heard Aaron talking to someone in the room. At first he thought he called for food or drinks, but the conversation was unusually long. 

_ Maybe a phone call from home. _

An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach and he got up and slid through the door into their living room. Aaron was pacing, shoulders tense, skin pale. Robert‘s guts heated up and twisted heavily. It could only be news from DS Wise according to how Aaron was affected. 

“Thanks for letting me know…. Yeah, I know. Bye.“

Aaron threw the phone on the couch and sat down next to it. He rubbed his face furiously, then he looked up.

“It was DS Wise. They found Sandra and Liv,“ Aaron‘s voice was thick with emotions, “and they have a statement from Bobby‘s mother Annie and even one from Bobby. Apparently he‘s not… he didn‘t…“ Aaron broke into tears and Robert rushed over to wrap him into his arms. “But they have enough to prosecute,“ he sobbed, “the trial will be in a few weeks.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost there guys! One big chapter left!!  
I am excited and emotional ❤️  
Hope you still like this story? Leave a comment if you like.


	18. Earthquake - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys are facing the trial. Aaron tries his best to be brave... thank god, he has his personal bodyguard to help him through rough times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took a while 😬
> 
> So here, we are entering the final chapter... I have decided to split it in 2 parts because of the length.  
I hope you guys like it.

It was not like Aaron expected. He expected wooden benches, wooden walls, bloody wood  _ everywhere _ , a heroic ceiling fresco, the smell of paper and dust and  _ history _ .

Just like he had known from ‘Forbidden Love‘.

In reality they were in a clean, modern room with bright colours. 

It was unsettling. Aaron had imagined this moment so often, in all different kinds of ways - but still, he wasn‘t prepared for  _ that _ . Neither for this room, nor for the mob of journalists that was outside the building. 

“Mr Livesy?“ the friendly voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he jumped slightly.

His eyes flew up to her face-

_ These wigs look so ridiculous, why do they still have to wear them? _

-and she smiled at him encouragingly. She was a nice lady, Aaron couldn‘t remember her name because he had been too nervous to really pay attention, but she sent out soothing ‘everything will be alright‘ vibes.

He looked over her shoulder, to where his boyfriend sat. Robert‘s green eyes were locked on his and he wore this gentle expression that Aaron loved so much. Next to him were Chas, Paddy and Adam. They all came for him. When he had spotted them earlier outside in the hallway, he had been angry at first. It had felt like an extra layer of pressure which he really, really didn‘t need today. After the initial shock had worn off, the feeling had changed. Now he was grateful, so damn grateful for his family being there, in his corner, supporting him no matter what. 

“Whenever you‘re ready, Mr Livesy.“

His eyes wandered from his beloved people to the opposite side of the room and his heartbeat sped up rapidly. His blood ran cold, but his skin was burning.

_ He  _ was grinning. He was grinning like it didn‘t affect him at all. Like he had won already. Aaron‘s instinct told him to run, just get the fuck out of there, but his gaze flicked back to Robert, as if looking for help. Anything. 

_ I can‘t do this, I can‘t. _

As if he could read his mind, Robert nodded. It was only a tiny, almost unnoticeable movement, but Aaron saw it.

_ Yes, you can, Aaron. _

Aaron swallowed. Fuck, Robert was right, he had come this far, now he had to finish it. Something inside him snapped, anger raised again. How fucking dare  _ he _ sit there like the self-satisfied bastard that he was! Aaron would not fall for his predictable mind games, no way. This wasn‘t over yet, he wouldn‘t give up now and so he took a deep breath and tried to steady his voice, when he finally spoke up:

“I was 8 years old, when it happened the first time.“

  
  
  
  
  


17 days earlier:

Going back to LWP after he had had a few weeks off, had always felt like coming home. Seeing his beloved people, going back to his familiar routine of working-eating-sleeping, that had been his anchor for so long. 

And now it felt different.  _ He _ felt different. And the upcoming trial was like a big shadow hanging above his head, darkening everything. 

They had already gotten their schedule for the upcoming weeks via Email. Christmas break would be a short one this year, because of all the stuff that was ahead. Besides the usual filming for ‘Forbidden Love‘ that would include long days in the studio again, they would have to do interviews of course, at least one bigger press conference, a trailer shooting to promote the storyline on social media and an ad shoot for the campaign “Speak out” was what Chrissie White and her PR team came up with. It encouraged young people, mostly male, who were suffering or had suffered from abuse, to talk about it. 

Everything was so much. Too much. Overpowering.

Aaron could almost feel it physically weighing on his shoulders. 

“Ready?” Robert asked, when they got out of Aaron’s car and walked towards the building.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Aaron tried a smile, but he felt that he hadn’t got it quite right.

They had to film two short scenes before lunch, which was a thankfully easy way to get back into their daily routine on set and just what Aaron needed. His nerves calmed down as soon as he had the makeup on and the studio lights burnt hot on his skin. That was his safe ground, where he knew what to do. There was a script, there were orders from the director and Aaron could just switch his mind off and do as he was told. It also felt good to slip back into Olli’s mind, a mindset so different from his own. It was like taking a break from his own life. 

Plus, now that Chrolli were officially together on screen, the writers gave them plenty of little kisses, touches, cuddles and yes, Aaron absolutely enjoyed playing this. And if the smile on Robert’s face was anything to go by, then he enjoyed it just as much.

After they were finished they wanted to grab something to eat (“Thursday is Pasta day, you wouldn’t wanna miss Margaret’s famous lasagne!” he told Robert with a grin and got a grimace in return). How Robert wrinkled his cute nose when he examined the different silver bowls behind the glass was too hilarious, really. 

“Aww, look who’s back from holiday!” Margaret beamed at them, “our lovebirds!”

Her loud voice echoed through the whole canteen and Aaron was sure he heard a few colleagues snickering. His cheeks started to heat up.

“Hi Margaret, I’ll take the lasagne,” he said to her and when she just stared at him, her smile slowly fading, he added a: “Please!”

Her grin came back full force. “That’s right, love. This one today worked out very delicious!” 

She handed him the plate.

“I err… think I’ll take that too, please?” Robert said carefully, still staring into the bowls as if their content would magically change if he just looked at it for long enough.

“Some carbs for you too, love, I’m sure big boys like you two need them, eh?” She winked at them and Aaron just wanted to die there and then. 

Robert just gaped at Margaret with the plate in his hands and Aaron shoved him quickly to the till. 

“Did she just-?” Robert whispered.

“Yup. Move.”

When they were looking around for a free table, Aaron saw a hand shooting up and waving.

“Aaron! Robert! Over here!”

Of course, Paddy was there, smiling like a loon. Aaron only realised now, how much he had missed him. He hadn‘t seen him at all during the past three weeks. 

“It’s good to see you!” Paddy said, when they sat down at his table and greeted him.

“Sorry, err… Paddy,” Robert started and pointed at Paddy‘s almost empty plate: “How is that lasagne?”

“Oh, yeah! It’s good! I mean, well, it’s okay. There is something new in there today. It’s hard to tell what it is though, as Margaret always puts the leftovers from the past few days between the pasta. Well.” Paddy shrugged.

Robert’s mouth fell open and he shot Aaron an angry glare. 

Aaron hid his grin behind his fork and winked. His boyfriend poked around in his food with his cutlery, as if he was looking for something edible in the mush of undefinable ingredients. It was a sight to behold.

_ Damn cute, cocky, little shit. _

Aaron wanted to kiss him stupid.

“So? How was your holiday?” Paddy asked after a few minutes.

Aaron shot a quick glance sideways to Robert and cleared his throat: “Yeah. Good.”

The first seven days in Lanzarote had been the best time of Aaron’s life, there were no other words for it. It had been perfect. Just him and Robert and lots of lube and showers. 

DS Wise’s call hadn’t quite ruined it, but it had definitely tainted their mood and it had only been down to Robert being the most incredible boyfriend ever that the last days hadn‘t ended in panic and anxiety attacks. 

Aaron swallowed, suddenly being reminded of everything again. The work and the little encounter with Margaret had been a welcomed distraction, but now the sadness slowly seeped back into his body.

“This is like pulling teeth with you!” Paddy rolled his eyes and huffed a laugh. “How was Lanzarote? Better than Ibiza? The island must be so beautiful!” 

“I don‘t know,“ Aaron replied lamely and Paddy‘s face fell.

“What do you mean, you don‘t know? You were in Lanzarote, right?“

“Yeah, but… erm…“ Aaron trailed off.

“We didn‘t leave the room much, Paddy,“ Robert blurted out and Aaron thought his heated cheeks might as well fall off. 

Paddy‘s mouth transformed into an ‘o‘.

“Oh,“ he made and turned red like a tomato, “well err… that‘s nice. Or…err, yeah. And too much information.“ Paddy chuckled awkwardly, then he got up. “I‘ll leave you to it, guys. Before you tell me more… stuff... about your holiday. I mean, I am absolutely happy for you, Aaron, but I‘m not sure my weak heart can handle this. You‘re like my son. See you, guys!“

Paddy patted him on the shoulder when he left, but Aaron barely registered it.

_ You‘re like my son. _

The simple sentence caught him off guard and hit right into his heart and he got emotional again. Aaron blinked to fight back tears in the bloody canteen in the middle of the day. Paddy  _ was _ his dad, more than his own father ever had been. Biology didn’t matter.

_ I have to tell him. And Adam. _

It had to come from him and not through the press. The thought was tiring, that he had to go through all of it again, but not nearly as frightening as telling Chas. After her and Robert‘s reaction, Aaron was pretty sure that Paddy and Adam would believe and support him too. They were his family after all. 

  
  
  


It was Robert‘s idea to invite them over for dinner and that sounded like a good idea, so Aaron grabbed his phone and opened whatsapp.

**to COT**

Would you come over on friday for dinner?

**Ads @ COT**

….are you cooking? 😳 lol

**Paddy @ COT**

What happened?

Aaron rolled his eyes, when he read the replies that came back almost immediately from his friends.

**to COT**

would you just come over, please? 

7ish? Robert is cooking.

**Paddy @ COT**

Robert is cooking??

**Ads @ COT**

omg r u ENGAGED?! 😍

**Paddy @ COT**

What?!

Are you?

Aaron??

**Ads @ COT**

Awww mate 😍😍😍

**Paddy @ COT**

Stop the heart eyes, Adam! They’ve known each other for 5 minutes, it‘s too soon to get married.

**Ads @ COT**

but they‘re CUTE!

**Paddy @ COT**

You don‘t even know Robert! Messages and calls don’t count. You’ve never met him in person.

That doesn‘t mean, I don‘t think Robert is a cool guy, Aaron!! He totally is.

Totally cool, mate.👍🏻

**Ads @ COT**

Yeeeeeah, buuuut: Aaron has this happy glow since he‘s been with blondie, so that‘s something good!🤩

**Paddy @ COT**

I heard enough about that ‘glow’ at lunch today, thank you very much!

**Ads @ COT**

lol 🤣🤣🤣

Aaron, did you really talk to Pads about how you two are playing with your yo-yo‘s? 🤣🤣🤣

**to COT**

STOP IT!!! NOW! 

Nobody is playing with anything.

I don‘t glow. 

We‘re not engaged. 

Jeez, what‘s wrong with you!

Just come over for bloody dinner!!  
  


Aaron let out a frustrated groan and threw his phone away. He had left it on the coffee table for only five minutes while he made toast, but that had been enough for his friends to turn into keyboard warriors. Honestly, they were the worst.

  
  
  
  


If the reason for this dinner wasn’t so serious, the whole situation would be almost comical. Robert was weirdly nervous and kept talking about ‘meeting the family’. When Aaron reminded him that he had known Paddy for months already and was regularly in contact with Adam on facebook, he just got a scowl in return.

The whole apartment smelled like oriental spices, herbs and yoghurt, because the best boyfriend ever had made Chicken Tikka Masala. 

Paddy and Adam showed up together and for a moment Aaron thought this might be the awkward moment, especially when Paddy pushed a cake into his hands and stammered:

“Well, err you know, we would have brought beer, normally, but since you don’t… yeah“

Aaron just nodded stiffly and bit his lip, because what was he supposed to say to that?

Then his best mate and his boyfriend hugged each other like old pals, which warmed Aaron‘s heart and kinda broke the ice. He wasn‘t aware how much he wanted Adam and Paddy to not only accept, but  _ like _ his boyfriend, until now. 

After that the first awkwardness was gone, they settled around the table to eat. Paddy and Adam praised the food on how good it was, which turned Robert’s ears pink and lit up his face. Aaron couldn’t help but smile. It was such a domestic moment between the four people around the small dining table, that had been barely in use for years. 

Silent dinners with frozen pizza, microwaved mac’n’cheese or buttered toast on the couch - that had been Aaron‘s dinner set up for years. And he didn’t even want to think about the tense and awful dinners back when he was a kid or teenager. This cozy, easy atmosphere was a totally new and very pleasant experience for him. 

But by the time the plates were empty, Aaron noticed the looks between Paddy and Adam, quiet eye conversations and little glances to him and Robert. He knew they were curious about the “reason” for this invitation and they still thought it would be something nice. One look at Adams dopey grin and he knew that his best mate was already planning a wedding in his head. 

Aaron dropped his shoulders in defeat, knowing that the real reason would be a shock for them. He dreaded telling them. 

He took the empty plates and carried them into his kitchen, simply because he had to  _ do _ something to get rid of the tension in his body. Aaron noticed too late that his hands were shaking and of course half of the cutlery fell onto the kitchen floor with a loud clatter. He put the plates on the counter and crouched down, cursing, to grab the forks and knives. 

“Alright?” Suddenly Robert was beside him, kneeling and cleaning the floor. 

“Yeah, sure. Fine.” Saying this was almost like a reflex, he said it, before he could even think about it. Robert gave him raised eyebrows and Aaron sighed. “I just want it to be over.”

_ Not only this tonight. Everything. The trial, the new storyline. Everything.  _

“I know,” Robert said softly. “I’ll finish here and you can go out and get it over with?” 

Aaron had no idea what he would do without Robert. Probably nothing at all. He would have never faced his past, wouldn’t be in contact with his mum, would have never come this far. Aaron felt eternally grateful that his boyfriend had turned his life around, because although the prospect of the trial was scary and terrifying as fuck - these negative feelings were just a small part of all the different emotions he felt since he met Robert. 

He finally  _ felt _ .

Aaron had been like an empty shell for too long, cutting himself off from all deep emotions - except those of Olli that he had to get on screen. There was no way of going back to this dreary loneliness. 

He leaned over and gave Robert a soft kiss, trying to put all his love into it. There weren’t enough words, an “I love you” was not enough. Robert’s lips kissed back and twisted into a soft smile. He made an approving hum and Aaron enjoyed these little noises that Robert never seemed to be able to hold back. 

Finally, Aaron ended the kiss with a quick peck and got up, steeling himself for the conversation that was about to come.

  
  
  


All three ended up crying. Aaron sat in the middle of the couch and found himself wrapped up in a sandwich of arms and bodies of his friends. Despite usually hating hugs, it was weirdly okay in this situation. More than okay actually.

“I’m glad you told us,” Paddy said, his voice clearly shaken, as he tried to blink away his tears as best he could.

Adam was not that subtle. He sniffed, looked like a kicked puppy and kept muttering things like “fuck”, “oh my god, Aaron” and “I‘m gonna kill him”.

Robert came in, balancing four cups of steaming coffee on a tray and Aaron was thrown for a moment, because-

_ Since when do I have a tray? _

“You know, don‘t you?” Paddy asked Robert and he nodded in response. “Since when?“

“Aaron told me after he was released from hospital.”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t told you sooner,” Aaron said quickly, tearing up again, “I was just-, it was-”

“No, Aaron. No. This wasn’t an accusation, I was just curious. I meant what I said, I am glad you are able to talk about it  _ at all _ . I can’t even imagine how hard that must be.”

Not knowing how to respond to that, Aaron just stayed silent. It took a few minutes until his friends released him from their hug, the first shock had worn off, but an overall sadness tainted the atmosphere in the room. 

“When’s the trial then?” Adam wanted to know. 

Aaron pulled out the letter from under his car magazines on the coffee table and handed it over.

“In two weeks.”

Adam read the official document, his eyes flew across the lines.

“ _ Livesy _ ?” he asked and passed the letter to Paddy who started reading it immediately.

Aaron tried not to flinch when he heard  _ his _ name. But that might be something that would never go away completely, he realised. 

“When I started at LWP, I chose ‘Dingle’ as a screen name. It’s my mum’s birth name. I didn’t want to see his name rolling in the credits.”

“Yeah, I remember reading ‘Livesy’ when I helped you with your finances in the beginning, but I never asked about it,” Paddy said slowly, looking up. 

“You couldn’t know. And I probably would have just made something up back then,” Aaron said, sensing that his friend was blaming himself in some twisted way for not noticing something earlier. 

They sat in silence, drinking the hot, strong coffee, that actually helped Aaron to calm down and relax into his couch. He had done it again. And although he felt drained now, it definitely had been easier than with Chas, just like he expected. And so much easier than telling Robert. 

That huge and heavy box of painful memories was no longer a restricted area in his brain. Aaron knew how to lift the case carefully now, to face the memories that he needed and not to panic about the other stuff that was still lying in the dark. There were things that had happened - moments, feelings - he would never be able to form into words, that he would take to his grave.

But Aaron could deal with that now. His favourite people knew the big picture - that fact itself was progress.

Aaron looked over to Robert, who sat quietly in the armchair. He couldn't wait to snuggle up against him later in bed, to feel his skin and breathe him in. He was so going to spoon the hell out of his boyfriend that was for sure. 

“So, err…” Adam finally spoke up after 15 minutes, “I take it you’re not engaged then?“

  
  
  
  


They sat in one of the smaller conference rooms, because Chrissie had ordered them in for a meeting about the upcoming “Speak out” campaign. Aaron knew it was something Robert loved about their job, raising awareness for sensitive subjects and all, but Aaron hated it already. He had always hated being put out there for a public campaign, being a promo face for LWP, no matter how much he supported the reason behind it. He was fine with letting his co-stars take a step forward and prefered to just focus on his job. But with the increasing popularity of Chrolli and Robron-

_ I still can’t believe we are a bloody ship! _

-it was inevitable that Chrissie wanted to push them both out to the front line. 

The door opened and Aaron was surprised to see not only Chrissie, scriptwriter Natalie and one of their PR team, but also two other people he didn’t know. There was a woman, a typical best ager with grey hair and a few wrinkles, but her face still looked fresh, even without makeup. The other one was a man around his forties, Aaron guessed, with black hair, a grown out beard and black glasses.

Aaron and Robert shared a quick look, his boyfriend looked as clueless as he was. 

“Ah, you are already here, very good,” Chrissie greeted them and turned around to the visitors, “may I introduce our actors Robert Sugden and Aaron Dingle! Robert, Aaron, this is Andrea Marshall and Tim Lippinski from SOSA UK.”

They shook their hands while Chrissie introduced them.

“SOSA UK?” Aaron asked.

Was this an advertising agency? But why would Chrissie need one, when they had their own teams here?

“The ‘Survivors of sexual abuse’ network,” Chrissie explained casually.

Aaron went from feeling normal to burning inside in one second. His guts twisted and his hands started to sweat. He wasn’t ready for this, no. No way. He needed time to prepare himself for this conversation. His eyes flicked over to the two guests who had taken seats on the opposite side of the table and were watching him with friendly faces. 

He wanted to run out of the room, but instead he was forced to act professional. He was still on probation for hitting Robert and Chrissie had made it pretty clear that she expected him to lead this campaign to get back into her good books.

Aaron felt like a hamster caught in the rat race. He was forced to face this impossible situation and he had no control over it. 

There was a gentle touch on his hand and he looked down. It was Robert who softly stroked over his skin. His own fingers were cramped, his short nails digging into the flesh. He opened his hands, tried to relax the muscles and forced the palms to stay flat on his legs. He eyes trailed up to Robert, feeling guilty for slipping into the old habit. Robert’s green eyes were full of concern and no doubt did he know how Aaron felt. He gave him a tiny encouraging smile - 

_ I’m right here with you _

\- it said and Aaron exhaled slowly. 

“We are going to work together for “Speak out” - you remember that we talked about this before your holiday - and I thought this would be a nice opportunity for us to get to know each other better and to discuss the details of our campaign,” Chrissie White went on, totally oblivious of Aaron‘s inner break down. 

“We are happy to be here today, Ms White,” the woman, Andrea Marshall said.

“Please, call me Chrissie. Ms White makes me feel so old,” Chrissie chuckled and Aaron wanted to gag. 

“That’s fine for us, we are working on a first name basis as well,” Andrea continued with a smile. “I am Andrea and I am CEO of SOSA UK We are glad that Lawrence White Productions have decided to put such an important topic in the center of soap storytelling. It is, unfortunately, still a taboo topic in the public eye, although about 12,000 men are raped in the UK every year and more than 70,000 are sexually abused. Of course this is just estimated, because there are so many survivors who don’t open up about their abuse because of fear and shame.”

Aaron felt numb. He hadn’t known these numbers, hadn’t known that there were so  _ many _ . The words  _ fear _ and  _ shame _ echoed in his head and he had to fight the impulse to press his hands against his ears, because he didn’t want to hear any more.

“This is exactly why we want to do this campaign, why we  _ need _ to do it,“ Chrissie put her hand dramatically on her heart. 

Like she was a good samaritan or something and wouldn’t just do it for the bloody reputation and the ratings of her show. Aaron‘s stomach hurt so much that he thought he might vomit any second. 

“We know that we are touching a sensitive subject here, that needs thoughtful storytelling and the right narrative,“ Natalie said, “and we want to tell it as realistically as possible.”

“Well, I am here to support you with that,“ Tim smiled, “I am in contact with our survivors every day, I run several support groups and supervise our helpline. Of course, we know that certain things can‘t be brought on screen like they happen in real life, like for example that it often takes years to open up about....“

There was a ringing in Aaron ears, dulling all the sounds in the room. He saw Tim talking, but he couldn‘t - for the life of him, he couldn‘t - understand what he was saying.

_ Don‘t get a panic attack don‘t get a panic attack don‘t get- _

“Aaron, are you okay?“ Natalie touched his shoulder. 

Aaron's eyes snapped up from the table to her face. Only then he noticed that Tim had stopped talking and a weird silence lingered in the room. He could feel eyes burning on his skin-

_ Yeah, sure. Fine. I‘m fine. _

-and he said: “My father raped me when I was a kid and recently I reported him to the police. His trial starts next week.“

Aaron let out a shaky laugh, because… yeah. He hadn’t planned to blurt it out like that, but apparently that was his thing lately. The relief was immense, it felt like a stone was lifted off his chest and he took a deep breath.

“Is this-... really?!“ Chrissie stared at him, gaping.

“Of course,  _ really _ !“ Robert snapped protectively next to him, before Aaron could even react. 

Andrea and Tim gave Chrissie a disapproving stare and at least their CEO had the decency to look crestfallen and mutter an apology.

“Well, you took an amazing step, Aaron,” Andrea smiled at him.

Natalie squeezed him into a tight, but thankfully short hug. “Gosh, Aaron, I dunno what to say…,” she wiped over her eyes and yes, they had been colleagues for 8 years now, but Aaron was stunned to see her so emotional and speechless. “I just hope he gets locked away!” 

Tim pulled something out of his back pocket and pushed it across the table. It was a little card from SOSA.

“If you ever feel the need to talk to others who went through similar stuff, just call this number or come to visit us, yeah? Our doors and helplines are always open.”

Aaron took the card with clammy fingers and looked at the phone number before he tucked it away. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest and he was overwhelmed from the support he got from all sides. He even managed a smile towards Tim and he was a bit surprised with himself that it was actually genuine.

  
  
  
  


He was absolutely riding on a high afterwards. Another step taken. Aaron stepped under the shower and enjoyed the hot water washing away today‘s stress. Robert had this fancy rain shower and the soft stream felt amazing on his tense shoulders. Closing his eyes, Aaron let out a happy sigh. He had talked with Andrea and Tim after their meeting and that had convinced him that he was doing the right thing. 

His family and friends knew, his employer knew. Now the last showdown was left. The trial, the public. Whatever the outcome was, he had promised Robert to focus on the rebuild of the house-

_ Our house _

-afterwards. And on them. He was aware that his relationship came a bit short with everything going on. It simply wasn‘t fair on Robert, his boyfriend deserved to come nothing but first. Aaron missed those blissful days on Lanzarote, when it had just been the two of them.

As if on cue, Aaron heard the bathroom door opening and closing and he smiled. He didn‘t need to open his eyes to know that Robert was naked and indeed, one second later the slide door opened and he stepped in the shower. 

They‘d showered together a few times already, always at Robert‘s, because it was big enough for both of them. Gentle hands with long fingers started stroking over his body, soft lips kissed Aaron‘s neck. He rolled his head to the side, to give Robert better access and pulled him close. 

Robert‘s skin was hot against his belly, Aaron could feel him getting hard, pressing against his hip. 

“You‘re so amazing,“ Robert breathed into his ear.

The warm breath and the deep sound of his favourite voice sent a shiver down Aaron‘s spine. 

“So strong,“ Robert went on, in between kissing along his jaw to his chin, “So brave. I‘m so proud of you.“

Aaron still wasn‘t used to praise, although Robert gave him compliments all the time. It still felt weird. Like there was a ‘but’ missing. 

“Rob,“ he gasped, when his boyfriend rolled his hips.

He grabbed as much of Robert as he could, wanted his hands everywhere on him. The skin on Robert‘s arms, shoulders and back was perfectly smooth like silk. He turned his head, finally taking Robert‘s lips, demanding, hard. 

All thoughts stopped, when he focused on just  _ feeling _ the moment, the man in his arms, the arse under his palms, the tongue in his mouth. Aaron slowly turned them both around until Robert was more under the soft spray of water, then he pulled back. 

When Robert made a little noise of protest, he shushed him gently. Aaron smiled at him and grabbed the shampoo, poured it on his hand and then started to wash the blond hair. Robert looked with big eyes at what he was doing, but as soon as his fingers started to massage his head, his eyelids fluttered shut and he let out a low sigh.

It was such an intimate moment and Aaron didn‘t really know where that idea came from, he just had followed an impulse. The - still limited - experience he had so far told him that trusting his instincts was often the right thing to do. When he washed Robert‘s hair, his boyfriend practically turned into a puddle of goo. Aaron guided him carefully back under the water to rinse it out and took the body wash. He‘d never admit it loud, but he  _ loved _ that stuff! It was a shower foam that turned into a fluffy mousse, smelling like lemon, bergamot and sandalwood. Aaron always wanted to rub his nose all over Robert‘s body whenever he was freshly showered. 

His hands caressed the broad shoulders, softly kneading the muscles on the back of his neck, then Aaron wandered down to the chest and the nipples in particular. Robert wasn‘t as ‘bulky’ as he was, his upper body was more slim, but well-toned.

The sight of the white foam on Robert‘s nicely tanned skin, the silky feeling under his palms, the slightly twitching abs and the low moans that escaped his lush lips - it was thrilling. And it still felt unreal that Robert was  _ his _ , that he was in love with  _ Aaron _ . 

He grabbed Robert‘s cock, fully hard now, stroked it with a firm grip. The strangled noises he got in return were like music to his ears and gave him goosebumps all over. 

“Turn around, hands on the tiles,“ he purred into Robert‘s ear and his boyfriend complied without hesitating.

Aaron‘s eyes wandered down… down... down. That butt though - 

_ Jesus fucking Christ _

-he’d never get tired of this sight.

“We want to make sure you‘re clean everywhere, don‘t we?“ Aaron rasped out, one finger slowly trailing down along Robert‘s spine.

  
  
  
  


“Lube! C‘mooon, Azza!“ Robert demanded moaning and Aaron snickered.

_ Such a bossy bottom. _

They were on the bed now, both still damp from the shower and yeah, Aaron wanted to get on with it, too. Robert just felt too good, it was impossible to resist much longer. He opened the drawer, where he knew that Robert kept his lube and froze.

There was not just lube and condoms.

There was a huge dark blue dildo, a black plug and a remote. A hot spike of arousal shot right into Aaron’s groin and he swallowed. He grabbed the plug and held it up, Robert‘s breath hitched. 

“Well, that‘s… interesting,“ Aaron said hoarsely. 

Robert licked his lips, gaze flicking back and forth between Aaron‘s face and the plug. Aaron knew that if he wanted to edge him a little longer with that toy, his boyfriend would go with it. But damn, he was on the edge himself and Aaron wasn’t one for patience, he needed to fuck Robert like  _ now _ . 

“Next time,“ he muttered, almost like a promise, threw the plug back in and took the lube instead. 

He made a quick job of prepping Robert, both too far gone to take their time, and when Aaron finally pushed into him, they let out a simultaneous moan. 

“Fuck, Rob. So tight.“

The pressure around his cock and Robert beneath him, almost folded in half with his legs on Aaron’s shoulders, looking at him with half lidded eyes - it was amazing and so unbelievably hot. Aaron stilled for a moment, not only to give Robert time to relax, but also to calm down himself. He wondered if he would ever stop being one second from shooting his load like a horny teenager when he had sex with Robert. Aaron looked at the beautiful man under him and yeah-

_ Probably not. _

He rolled his hips slowly, pushing in as deep as he could, then pulling almost completely out again. This time he snapped forward, fucked as hard as he could. Robert let out a little shout and then harsh grunts with every thrust. 

“Next time... I‘m gonna fuck you with the plug,“ Aaron breathed against Robert‘s mouth. “Maybe I‘ll watch you fuck yourself on it... until you beg me to let you come.“

His boyfriend let out a litany of choked sounds and swear words along with Aaron‘s name with every thrust he took. The bed rolled beneath them, the headboard banged against the wall, but neither of them cared. Moans and whimpers and the sounds of skin slapping on skin filled the room. He kissed Robert fiercely, feeling heat pooling in his belly, knowing he was close. 

“And maybe... I‘m gonna make you wear the plug... while I want you... to fuck me.“

Robert suddenly froze, then shuddered and clenched around Aaron‘s cock. His mouth opened and he let out a guttural, long moan, thick white stripes of cum hit his twitching abs. 

He had just come hands free and that knowledge alone tipped Aaron finally over as well. He buried his face in Robert‘s neck and groaned loudly, when his body felt like exploding and his arms were giving out.

Afterwards he just laid there, heart beating like a jackhammer, breathing, swallowing. His lips tingled from the kissing.

“Wow, Aaron. That dirty talk. Jesus. Definitely a 10.“

Robert‘s chest was heaving heavily, lifting him up and down. Aaron couldn‘t stop himself from smirking. He slid slowly off, tossed the condom on the floor to bin it later, cleaned Robert‘s belly with a worn shirt that was lying around and snuggled up against him.

“I was thinking, err… maybe we could get tested?“ he suggested when they both were breathing normal again, feeling his face heating up, “then we can go without condoms.“

Robert gave him an amused look and Aaron blushed harder, his insecurities kicked in full force.

_ Was that a silly thought? Maybe Robert doesn't like the mess? _

Robert let out one of these deep, soft chuckles that Aaron adored so much and set butterflies free in his belly.

“I don‘t believe you, Aaron! You made me come untouched with the filthiest dirty talk five minutes ago and now you‘re being shy over barebacking?“ Another chuckle. 

“Yeah… guess so?“ Aaron smiled, which made his boyfriend laugh again.

“That‘s fine for me,“ Robert kissed his temple, “the test and all the other things you suggested.“

Aaron‘s breath hitched when Robert winked with a devilish grin, and his soft cock tried to get hard again.

_ Gimme 20 minutes then.  _

  
  
  
  


The days right before the trial were difficult. Anxiety hit hard again, so hard, that Aaron almost couldn‘t leave the bed. He only managed it with Robert‘s help. Without his boyfriend, he would have just curled up under the blanket, chasing the spiral down into the darkest corners of his mind. 

It would be so easy to give in, easier than to muster the strength to face the world. 

Aaron was frustrated and angry with himself. Disappointed. He had done so well, had managed to tell all the people around him, everybody was supporting him, especially Robert. But still, here he was, freaking out  _ again _ . Messing up his scenes  _ again _ . The text was gone more often than not, and when he remembered the lines, the timing was shit or his acting weak. He noticed the looks on set, the hushed whispers of the crew.

When they were driving home in the evening, Aaron sat on the passenger seat of the Porsche and watched the houses flying by. All the shops were decorated Christmas-y, there was warm, golden light everywhere. Every now and then stood an illuminated tree on the sidewalk. People were carrying big bags with presents, little white clouds forming in the cold December air with every breath they let out. Aaron saw happy faces all around, cherry cheeks and glossy eyes. 

Of course it made him even more miserable. He was not in the mood for Christmas. He wasn‘t a massive fan of the whole thing in a normal year, but this year was ten times worse. He swallowed and glanced towards Robert, his beautiful, patient boyfriend, the man that he loved, and still… he couldn‘t even think about a present for him. How pathetic was that?

It was their first Christmas together, that should be something special, shouldn‘t it? Cozy. Cuddled up on the couch in front of a massive tree, watching the flames in the chimney. Like all those happy couples in the commercials did. 

Aaron had no chimney, neither did Robert. They still hadn‘t bought a tree. Hadn‘t even talked about it at all, because of the goddamn trial that would start tomorrow and ruin the last bit of festive mood. This wasn‘t how their first Christmas as a couple should be and it was another thing that was his  _ fault _ , that he ruined for Robert. 

And not only that, it would ruin New Years Eve as well. There were 2 court days scheduled before Christmas and then the trial would continue on January 3rd. Aaron sighed. 

“Alright?“ Robert asked, reaching over and stroking his leg. 

“Was just thinking about Christmas,“ Aaron said huskily. 

“Okay…” Robert said slowly, “and what were you thinking?”

Aaron bit his lip. A lie would be easy to avoid an unpleasant conversation, but Robert seemed to have that magical lie-detector-ability, so he gave in.

“That everybody seems to be so festive out there and I am just stuck in this shit and dragging you down with me,“ he rushed the words out. 

Robert was silent for a moment, before he said: “First of all, you‘re not dragging me down, alright? Second, it‘s okay to not feel festive, you don‘t have to.“

“Do you like Christmas? You know, normally?“

“Yeah, I do actually. It was my mum‘s favourite time of the year. She started decorating the house in November, because she couldn‘t wait. And she used to bake tons of cookies, I still remember the smell in the kitchen and the living room,” Robert smiled at the memory, then it slowly died, “Christmas Eve itself was usually not that nice, because Andy was a pain in the arse, but mum wanted us to spend the whole time together. I don‘t know. I guess the good memories outweigh the bad ones in hindsight.“

Aaron expected Robert to ask the question back, but it didn‘t come. Maybe his boyfriend wanted to be polite because he sensed that Christmas, the fest of family and love, wasn‘t ranking too high on Aaron‘s list. He cleared his throat.

“I never…  _ liked _ Christmas much,“ he said anyway, “it was nice, for a few years when Liv was little.“ 

_ When we were a family. _

“But all the other years…“ he trailed off and swallowed.

His friends at school had always talked about their holidays, about family meals, annoying aunts, loads of presents and all that. Aaron had stayed quiet then, because all he had known was a dinner like on an ordinary day, although he did get a little present, every year. An envelope with a bit of cash, no card. Christmas had been cold and awkward and painful silence mostly. 

“I guess, I don‘t even know how to do Christmas properly,“ he finally admitted.

Robert pulled up in the parking space in front of his building and switched the motor off. He turned to Aaron on his seat.

“Here is the deal: we see how the first days of the trial go and then we decide  _ together _ how and if we want to celebrate Christmas. Okay?”

Robert used this soft expression and his voice was like honey. And it sounded like Robert was actually planning to spend the 25th with him. Aaron wanted to kiss him so badly, instead he just nodded.

“But next year,“ Robert continued and his face turned into a huge and blinding grin, “next year, we‘re gonna celebrate, Sugden-style. Decoration, cookies, Christmas songs! Aaaall the good stuff!“

Aaron groaned in mock-annoyance. Deep down, his stomach did little backflips, because  _ fuck _ ! He wanted this! He wanted this with Robert.

“And just so you know, Taylor Swift did a holiday collection...“ Robert‘s grin got feral and Aaron snorted.

“You gotta be kidding!“

“Ha, I‘m gonna christmas the shit out of you!“ 

“That‘s not even a sentence, Rob!“

Robert laughed and got out of the car. Aaron sat there for a second, grinning. 

Robert had done it again. Had managed to pull him out of his miserable thoughts once more. Aaron wasn‘t sure, if his boyfriend even knew what he did all the time, how he constantly saved Aaron from losing his shit. He shook his head fondly, huffing quietly, before he got out too.

Robert stood there, waiting for him, still grinning like an idiot. Aaron rolled his eyes. On the way to the apartment he took Robert‘s hand and didn‘t let go until they were inside. 

  
  
  


Aaron hated the alarm on a normal day and today it felt ten times worse. He blinked his eyes open and felt immediately nauseous. Today was the day. The first day in court. The day of his statement. The day of facing  _ him _ again. He felt Robert’s grip around him tighten carefully. He was wrapped around Aaron like an octopus and it helped to ground him, reminding him that he wasn’t alone.

It was a weird morning. They were both quiet, neither of them really sure what to say. Aaron was scared that if he opened his mouth to talk, his voice would break and he would start to cry. And if he started to cry, he didn’t know if he would be able to stop. 

It was terrifying. 

His hands were trembling so hard, he couldn’t do the fucking knot of his tie. He shook his hands, opened and closed his fingers to fists to get control back.

_ Fuck fuck fuck fuck _

He wasn’t aware that he was muttering it aloud until Robert was suddenly in front of him. Robert grabbed the tie and helped him while Aaron just stared into his face, trying to find strength through him. When he was finished, Robert hugged him wordlessly and they stood there for a moment, slightly swaying. Aaron would give anything, really anything if he could stop time now and stay like this forever. 

On the way to the courthouse, Aaron switched the music on, because he needed a distraction so badly. Of course, catchy pop beats and Taylor Swift’s voice blurred through the rear. For a moment his finger hovered in the air while he was thinking about switching to a radio station, but then again-

_ Fuck it, this is just what I need. _

-he forced himself to relax into the seat. Robert shot him a quick look, half amused, half questioning, and he just shrugged in response. Swifty sang about shaking it off and Aaron closed his eyes.

  
  
  


“Aaron,“ Robert sounded alarmed and the anxiety level rose immediately in Aaron‘s body.

He had managed to calm down a bit. With breathing exercises and Taylor Swift (not that he would ever admit it), he had successfully slowed down his heartbeat during the drive. 

Now he opened his eyes, blinked at Robert. His boyfriend stared outside through the windshield, the green eyes were wide and the eyebrows drawn together with worry. 

“What?“ Aaron croaked and looked around.

They were in the car park of the courthouse and there were not only normal cars. Aaron spotted white trucks in front of the entrance and recognised them immediately, because they had satellite dishes on their roofs.

Mobile units. Of TV stations. 

And reporters. He saw cameras, microphone booms, photographers.

Aaron’s mind went blank, he just sat there and gaped at the amount of press on the other end of the lot. 

_ This can’t be happening this can’t be happening this can’t be happening _

It was like his brain was like a broken record, stuck with that single sentence, repeating it over and over. Yes, they had expected journalists. Two, maximum three - the classic legal correspondents who were writing articles for the local newspapers about bigger court cases. But this. This was a mob. 

“How do they even know about the trial?” Robert cursed beside him.

That was the million-pound-question as it hadn’t been broadcasted anywhere beforehand. Robert sighed and opened his seatbelt. Aaron’s chest clenched painfully. There was no way he could get out and walk past all the cameras into the building. No. No way. 

_ Maybe now is a good time for a panic attack. _

“We have to get in there now,” Robert said quietly, looking at his watch. 

Aaron just shook his head, nu-uh. He would just stay in the Porsche, Robert could go in, call it all off. ‘Alright folks, we decided to not do this then, so let’s all go home!’ 

“I can’t,” he whispered and shook his head again. 

Robert turned towards him and gave him a long look, then he gently took Aaron’s face in his hands and cradled his neatly trimmed beard with his thumbs. 

“Yeah, you can. I know you can.” 

Aaron tried to move his head in the direction of the press, to make Robert  _ see _ that he could  _ not _ , that there were too many of these bloody vultures who just waited to get their hands on dirty details. But Robert held his face, carefully but firm, kept Aaron focused on his face. 

“You can.”

A shiver ran down his spine. How on earth did Robert have so much faith in Aaron’s strength, when he himself felt so goddamn weak? But the green eyes left no room for doubts, Robert was so sure about this. He saw so much affection, trust and pride, that it was almost too much to handle. Aaron swallowed and closed his eyes briefly. He sucked in the air until his lungs hurt and let it out slowly, then he nodded.

“Okay,” he said, although he wasn’t sure if it was actually audible.

He leaned over and kissed Robert. It was the softest of kisses, filled with all the love he had for his boyfriend.

“Let’s get in quick,” Aaron finally muttered, before they got out.

They walked towards the building, Robert slightly in front of him, like a shield against the cameras.

“He’s coming!” someone shouted and Aaron heard the crowd moving and cameras clicking. He kept his eyes to the ground, on Robert’s shoes.

“Aaron! Aaron! Tell us what this trial is about?”

“Is it true that this is a trial against your father?”

“What did your father do, Aaron?”

“Just a few questions, Aaron!”

There were so many questions the reporters were throwing at him, Aaron could only make out a few. Some journalists came closer and closer and his breath hitched when he saw them from the corner of his eye, but Robert stretched out his arms to guide them back.

Somehow they got into the building, Aaron blindly stumbled the three stairs up, everything was like a blur. Only when he heard the huge door closing behind him, he allowed himself to breathe normal again. Robert turned around to face him.

“You’d make a good bodyguard, d’you know that?” Aaron said and tried a crooked smile. 

Robert started grinning and  _ god _ , Aaron loved him, just loved him so fucking much for how he helped him again to get through a difficult situation. 

“Well, I once played Kevin Costner’s part in theatre and I smashed it. Obviously.”

In the biggest mess of all possible messes, Aaron threw his head back and laughed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this, I honestly never thought, that people would actually like it 🙈  
And now we‘re almost done... 😭 thank you for still reading this story! 
> 
> Leave a feedback if you like, guys.


	19. Earthquake - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron faces Gordon during the trial. This isn‘t the only thing that will change his life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, then. The final chapter... it got a bit out of hand 😬 I apologize for the length, somehow I couldn‘t stop myself and then my groupchat on twitter told me I wasn‘t allowed to shorten.

"Well, Mr Livesy, this is a heartbreaking story you have told us,” _ his _ lawyer, a smarmy bloke called Colin Harris said and Aaron didn’t like how he emphasised ‘story’ as if it was something fictional. “Let’s go back to the day when you met your father a few weeks ago in that restaurant… How long did you say it had been since you last saw him?”

“Eight years. I moved out when I got the job at LWP,” Aaron answered, not knowing where this was heading and Harris hummed.

“You know, the question that really bothers me when I think about that is: why would he turn up? If the story you told us today is true,” Aaron wanted to interrupt, to insist that of course it was true, but the lawyer just went on, “wouldn’t it be really risky to meet you after he ‘got away’ with everything for so long?” Harris made air quotes with his hands in the air. 

“Should ask him that, shouldn’t you?” Aaron said gruffly as he shrugged and Harris hummed again. 

God, Aaron hated that sound already. Hated this guy, he was deceitful and false. 

“You seem to be tense, Mister Livesy,” the lawyer commented, “relax. As long as you are telling the truth, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Dunno why I’m tense, I’m having the time of my life here,” Aaron bit back sarcastically before he could stop himself, feeling anger bubbling inside him. 

He noticed Robert shifting on his seat and looked at his boyfriend. Robert made a little gesture with his right hand, pressing the palm towards the ground.

_ Calm down. _

Fuck. Robert was right. Aaron closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath and tried to relax.

“Would you say you are an aggressive person?” Harris asked and narrowed his eyes at him. 

“No!” he said quickly and raised his chin defiant - then Aaron stopped himself and added more quietly: “No, usually not.”

Another hum. Aaron balled his hands into fists and pressed his nails into the palms. They were short - he had started biting them again - but still long enough to feel the sting. 

“Can you tell us about the attack against your Co-Star,” Harris made a dramatic pause to look up the correct name in his document, although he surely must know him, “... Robert Sugden?”

“I didn‘t  _ attack _ him!“ Aaron exclaimed.

“No?” 

Harris pulled out screenshots from the video footage that he had printed out and held them up high, for everybody to see. Nasty pics, with close ups of Aaron‘s face, red and full of rage, twisted into a furious grimace. Another one showed how his fist hit Robert‘s jaw, how the impact deformed the bottom half of his face. 

Aaron closed his eyes in horror for a moment. He would never forgive himself for hitting Robert. 

“These pictures say otherwise!“ Harris stated sarcastically towards the jury and then he turned around to fix Aaron with a cold, calculating glare. 

Aaron started shaking his head furiously. 

_ No, no, no! _

“It wasn’t like that!“ Aaron snapped. 

“Looks pretty aggressive to me,” Harris said dryly.

“Stop twisting things!“ it burst out of him, “ _ he _ showed up in that restaurant! That‘s why I freaked out! That‘s why I hit Robert! It‘s because of  _ him _ !“ Aaron spat, pointing towards his father.

The jury had to understand it. Surely they had to see how it really was. 

His gaze flicked back to Robert, whose eyes were big and full of concern. He shook his head slightly and made the movement with his hand again.

_ Fuck. _

Aaron knew that he was reacting just like Harris wanted him to. He felt the looks of the jury on him and - what was much much worse - the ugly grin of  _ him _ .

“Rumours say, you also got into fights with another Co-Star...,” Harris continued and paused again to check the name. Aaron was ready to run over and rip his bloody head off, when he eventually said: “Ross Barton. Is that true or not, Mister Livesy?”

This was awful. What else was Harris going to throw against him to make him look bad? 

“He’s a homophobe. He keeps saying homophobic stuff on set, I was just defending myself.”

Harris stayed silent at that and Aaron took it as a good sign. He just hoped that this interrogation would be over soon. 

“Since we are talking about your work, Mister Livesy, I am curious to learn more about it,” the lawyer said and Aaron frowned at the sudden change of course. “Would you please tell us something about your last big storyline?”

Aaron’s frown deepened. 

_ What kind of bullshit is that now? _

“We did a coming out story. My character got together with the character that Robert Sugden is playing,” he explained.

“You came out yourself during the time that storyline aired, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

Harris hummed again. “And while your two characters got together on screen, you got together with Robert Sugden in real life as well, is that correct?” 

“Is this going anywhere soon, Mr Harris?” the judge interrupted, looking over his rimless glasses at the lawyer.

“I am trying to make a point soon if I may continue, your honour.”

The judge grunted and made a gesture to go on. 

“Would you answer the question, please, Mister Livesy?” Harris smiled falsely at him.

“Yes.” A bad feeling started to settle in Aaron’s stomach. He slowly got an idea where this was heading.

“Well, aren’t those funny coincidences?” Harris turned towards the jury, “how would you call that? Life imitates art?” He laughed over his own joke, then he got serious again. “The public has learned recently that LWP is planning a male rape story for your character.”

Aaron didn’t know if he was supposed to say something, so he just stayed silent at that. He pressed the nails harder into his skin.

“So, I’ll sum it up. You were filming a coming out story and you came out to the press in a big interview. You were filming a love story and you talked about your private relationship in  _ another _ big interview. And now you’re filming a rape storyline and here we are in this courtroom.” 

“And? So what!“ Aaron felt his hackles rising.

“Outside is a mob of journalists, although this is the first day of this trial. As far as I know it hasn‘t been broadcasted anywhere, that the father of the famous actor Aaron Livesy is an alleged child abuser. I was wondering if someone might have tipped them off? Isn‘t this trial a very convenient opportunity to make PR for the show that is struggling with low ratings for years now?“

_ What?! _

Aaron just gaped at the man who accused him to go through all  _ this _ to get publicity for Chrissie White and her soap. 

It was so twisted and ridiculous and wrong, no sane person on earth could think like that!

Aaron’s brain decided to take a break, because it all became too much. That absurd allegation, the unreadable looks of the members of the jury, that smirk from the opposite side of the room that would follow him into his nightmares this night. 

“This is just speculation!” the prosecutor spoke up and the judge nodded.

“I agree,” he said, “stop the speculations, Mister Harris.”

“I have no further questions,” Harris said to Aaron’s surprise.

Then the judge called for a break and announced to continue in two hours and suddenly two big arms wrapped Aaron up in a tight embrace. 

Everything was a blur in his head, but he smelled Robert and his leather jacket and  _ safety _ , and he just buried his face into the warm neck and closed his eyes. He heard people talking, shoes clacking and clothes rustling as the room slowly emptied.

He tried to process what just had happened, but it all felt so bloody unreal.

He felt like crying, but he couldn’t.

Robert slowly guided him towards a chair, held him softly until Aaron was sitting, for which he was grateful because his legs felt like they would give away any second. 

“He made me look like a violent thug,” he said and breathed shakily. 

_ Did this really happen?! _

“It was a weak attempt, no one’s gonna fall for that,” Robert said calmly.

“You think?” Aaron hated how his voice wavered, hated how weak and vulnerable he felt. 

“Absolutely. He tried to find something to question your credibility and this is the best he could come up with?” Robert scoffed grimly. “Please, that lawyer is a joke. When I’ll give my statement, I will tell them the truth, okay? Don’t worry.”

Aaron bit his lip and thought about Robert’s words. 

“That was horrible,” he whispered finally.

He felt raw and kinda stripped naked to the bones, after he had to go through everything in front of so many strangers. Robert’s warm hand stroked his back to soothe him. 

“I can only imagine,” he said in that soft voice, that only Aaron got to hear from him, “but you did it. You stood up there and told the truth, Aaron. That’s amazing.”

Finally, and for the first time today, tears shot into Aaron’s eyes, burning like hell, and he couldn’t hold them back anymore so he just let them spill over.

_ I did it.  _

He gasped with sheer relief, when that thought sank in. And then he laid his head on Robert’s shoulder. And cried. And laughed.

  
  
  
  


They were outside in the hallway. The break was about to end in 15 minutes. Aaron stood next to Robert together with Paddy and Adam, who kept on talking about how proud they were of him. It was quite embarrassing. Chas came over, elegantly balancing five cups of coffee.

“The pros of working in a bar - years of practice,” Chas chuckled when she noticed the looks she got. “Here.”

She handed the coffee out. “I just got black coffee, I hope this is okay. I felt we could use one.”

Aaron smiled at her and something tugged at his heart. He had always wished for some motherly support. And here was Chas all of a sudden, handing out coffee. 

“Hey, did I even introduce you properly?” Aaron asked around, reminded that his mother never had met his friends before. When they all shook their heads, he said: “This is Chas, my mum…”

_ This word still feels weird. Weird, but okay. _

“... this is my best mate, Adam. And this is Paddy, my…” Aaron searched for the right word. 

_ Almost-dad? Substitute-dad? Fatherly friend?  _

He cringed and said slowly: “...Paddy.”

The group laughed at that and it was nice. A short moment to ease the overall lingering tension. Aaron noticed a look between Chas and Paddy, a shy smile over the edge of a coffee cup, but he couldn’t dwell on that, because he noticed something else in his peripheral view, so he turned around.

A woman was heading in their direction. Aaron didn’t know her, but he had seen the kid she was carrying on her hips before. He immediately recognised the red hair, the chubby cheeks and the blue eyes. It was little Bobby. And the woman was most definitely his mother.  _ His _ ex. 

Aaron’s blood ran cold, when she came closer and closer, looking straight at him. He couldn’t read her facial expression. Was she angry at him, that he had dragged her into this? That even little Bobby had been questioned by the police? Or was she mad that he had been quiet for so long, that her son had been in danger only because he didn’t come forward?

_ She is probably pissed off. _

He tried to prepare himself for yelling, maybe even a slap, but she just stopped in front of him and kept staring at him. She wasn’t old, in her thirties maybe, but she looked exhausted with the wrinkles on her forehead and the dark rings under her eyes. Her brown hair was tied together in a messy bun. The conversation of his friends slowly faded behind Aaron.

“You’re Aaron?” she finally asked and he nodded in response, clammy fingers clenching around the paper cup.

She suddenly lunged forward. Aaron flinched, but then she hugged him so tight that it almost hurt. He was absolutely gobsmacked, not knowing what exactly was going on here.

“You don’t know me. I’m Annie,” she said over his shoulder and yes, Aaron remembered that DS Wise had told him the first name of Bobby’s mother, “and this is Bobby.” She let go of him and stepped back a little. The boy looked at him shyly and quickly hid his face against the neck of his mum. “He is your half brother.”

Aaron looked at the small boy. If something had happened to him, Aaron would have never forgiven himself. 

“Not wanting to interrupt but…” Robert said quietly, suddenly standing next to them, “but I think you are about to give your statement after the break, Annie, and you two aren’t allowed to speak before.”

She sniffed and wiped the tears away, nodded understandingly.

“Yeah, you’re right. I just wanted…” She stopped herself and looked into Aaron’s eyes, “Thank you.”

With that she turned around and walked hastily down the hallway. Aaron let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. 

“What did she want, luv?“ Chas asked.

Aaron scratched his eyebrow and wondered if he would ever get used to her calling him that.

_ Maybe in ten years or so. _

“To thank me,“ he answered her, still somewhat shocked about that unexpected encounter. 

He was still staring in the direction Annie had left. Bobby was his little  _ brother _ . It was hard to wrap his head around it and automatically his mind wandered to Liv. Would she be here too, when Sandra gave her statement? The prospect alone made him nervous and excited at the same time. He missed her… the little girl he remembered, with the red, chubby cheeks, the long ponytail and that bloody ugly doll she had taken  _ everywhere _ . 

And now he had two siblings. He wished he could stay in contact with both of them after the trial. 

For so long he‘d felt lonely, as if he had no place where he really belonged, where he was wanted and loved. But now he had Robert and there was apparently a huge Dingle clan that he had to get to know better, Paddy and Adam of course, and maybe in the future also his sister and his brother. 

_ If Liv is here, I‘ll ask her. We could exchange numbers. _

He turned back to the others. Chas was talking to Paddy and Adam showed Robert something on his phone. Aaron‘s chest suddenly felt too tight for his swelling heart as a bucket of emotions washed over him. 

This was his family.

  
  
  


Annie was shaking like a leaf when she stood there and gave her statement. She couldn’t say something about the sexual abuse obviously, but she told everyone about her own abuse. It wasn’t really physical, it was more like a psychological torture. Aaron believed every word she said, because yeah,  _ he _ was a master of twisted mind tricks, of manipulating people.

“So he controlled you?“ the prosecutor asked, “please explain.“

“He had his hands on all the money,“ Annie said and licked her lips nervously, “I couldn‘t work because I wasn’t well and he managed all our finances. I…“ she struggled to get the words out now, “I had to beg him to give me a bit of cash every week.“

“What about credit cards, cards of your bank account?“

Annie looked shaken now. “He took them all, I-... he took all my stuff.“

Aaron was not surprised to hear all that, that was just how sick and twisted  _ he _ was. 

“How else did Mister Livesy control you?“

“He...err… called my phone quite often. To check where I was. When I didn‘t answer, he called my friends to see if I was with them. When I confronted him and asked him: why? Why are you doing this to me? He just looked at me and said it was to keep me in line,” Annie said and sobbed quietly.

Aaron froze. That sentence, he had heard it himself, multiple times. He remembered the situations, the fear, the pain, the ice cold voice next to his ear. 

Suddenly he was 8 years old again and terrified.

His eyes flicked from Annie to  _ him _ , to see if he showed any reaction, any sign of…

_ Guilt? Insight? Fucking ANYTHING?  _

Nothing. There was nothing. That ugly visage was blank, if anything there was the tiniest of smiles around the corners of his mouth, but that was his usual expression. As if he was superior to everyone else and above all shit, as if he wasn’t affected at all. Nothing could ever strike him, he was like damn teflon.

Every muscle in Aaron’s body tensed. He was ready to jump up. God, he wanted to jump up and run towards him. He wanted to shake him, yell at him. 

_ ADMIT IT! FUCKING FINALLY ADMIT IT! ONLY ONCE, YOU BLOODY FUCKER! _

As if he could read his mind or know about his distress, Robert laid his arm around Aaron’s shoulders and pulled him close. It was probably the only thing that could anchor him right now and Aaron basically forced himself to relax and to breathe deeply. 

Harris had taken over and he started to shred Annie like he had tried with Aaron. But the lawyer did a better job this time, he was obviously much better prepared for her than he had been for Aaron. He pointed out her mental health problems and twisted the facts until it looked like as if she made it all up to win the custody battle for Bobby.  _ He _ must have given loads of dirty information as munition to fire against his ex. 

Annie left the stand as a crying mess, Harris had a self-satisfied smile on his lips and Aaron could only hope that the jury wouldn’t fall for any of it.

  
  
  
  


Aaron stared at his phone, saw his reflection in the glass of the dark display. It was still turned off.

They had left the building through a side entrance and managed to avoid the mob of journalists outside. As soon as he had been in the safety of the car, Aaron had looked over to them. The crowd had gotten even bigger. Surely it had been in the news already.

The public knew. Everybody knew.

Aaron was curled up on the sofa, just staring into the air, his mind was running like crazy and not thinking anything at the same time. 

Eventually he pressed the button and the display lit up. When he typed in his lock pin, Aaron noticed how much his fingers were trembling. There was no going back. It only took like a second before the phone started buzzing nonstop. He let out a gasp and quickly turned the vibrations off. He saw loads of whatsapps and text messages from his colleagues, emails and of course there was a rogue amount of twitter notifications.

_ Jesus motherfucking Christ. _

Aaron tapped on the little bird and was immediately hit with photos of Robert and him from this morning and several headlines.

_ Aaron Dingle: the traumatic past of the TV-star _

_ Aaron Dingle takes stand in trial against his father _

_ Child abuse! TV actor opens up about his past in court _

_ “I was 8 years old” - actor Aaron Dingle says he’s been raped as a child _

The letters of the word “rape” screamed at him, so incredibly loud that Aaron winced. He detested that word. Aaron opened two articles out of curiosity, but closed them quickly, when he saw  _ his _ face in the pictures.

His fans though, they were a true bright spot. Aaron couldn’t read all tweets, because seriously, there were too many, but it amazed him how supportive they all were. And god, did it feel good to see that, it actually calmed him down. Some fans got really emotional and wrote how they were in tears over the news, and Aaron was tempted to send a tweet himself, to let them know that although it had been the toughest day of his life, he was doing okay given the circumstances. But he couldn’t, he wasn’t allowed to comment on anything as long as this lawsuit lasted. 

His colleagues were cute, too. They’ve sent virtual hugs and messages of encouragement, saying that they were all behind him.

He was surprised and massively annoyed to see various interview requests in his email. How the heck had they even gotten his private address? Bloody vultures, only caring about their clicks and hits and zero about people's lives or feelings, Aaron hated them so much. Some even offered money for exclusive interviews.

_ Yeah right. I’d rather pull my toenail out with a rusty bottle opener. _

He groaned and threw the phone away. 

“Dinner’s ready!” Robert’s voice came from the kitchen and only now Aaron noticed the delicious smell of tomatoes, cheese and garlic.

When he walked to the table where the best boyfriend ever was already sitting, he silently thanked the old bearded bloke up in heaven that this awful day was almost over. 

  
  
  
  


“Although you surely think you have  _ the _ perfect body, you‘re not as slim as you think. So move, cos some of us want to pass here.“

_ Huh? _

Aaron turned to the voice behind him - not without checking that there are almost 7 feet between him and the wall - 

_ This is fucking ridiculous! _

-and froze, a snippy reply died on his tongue.

He hadn‘t seen that face for so many years, but he‘d recognize it anywhere. The cheeks were still cherry red and a bit chubby, the ponytail was still there although the hair was shorter. She was bigger now and ohmygod, she had breasts. 

Seeing Liv was like a little shock. 

His sister. The girl he had read bedtime stories for. The girl who had learned to write her name with his help. The girl who was now standing in front of him and looking at him as if he had personally offended her.

“Do you know who I am?“ he asked, gob open.

It was not the meeting he had imagined before. Liv rolled her eyes so hard, only the white was visible.

“I‘m not stupid, we have a telly at home, you know?” she said snorty, crossing her arms, raising her chin.

Jesus, she was just as gobby as she was back then. 

Her words indicated that she had watched him, which was kind of weird. Aaron had a million questions on his tongue.

“And do you-... do you remember me?“ his voice cracked.

Aaron  _ had _ to ask this first, he needed to know, although he dreaded the answer. She had been so young when Sandra had left over night, memories at that age were fading quickly. 

Something in her eyes flickered and her defiant attitude faltered slightly. So she did remember him.

“Is it true?“ Liv wanted to know, totally ignoring his question.

She bit the inside of her cheek and her left knee started moving jittery back and forth. She was so much like him in that moment, it was almost scary. After all that time. Although they were ‘just’ half siblings. 

Aaron figured that she meant the trial and the charge against  _ him _ . But how do you tell your little sister that your father was a sick monster?

He opened his mouth to answer, but suddenly Sandra was next to Liv. The words got stuck in his throat and he felt a painful pang in his chest. 

One evening she had been there, the next morning she was gone. He had thought they were a family, he had thought she was his new  _ mum _ . And then she had left. Fuck, it still hurt so awfully much.

Sandra had her hair dyed red now and she had more wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, the eyes were still the same though.

“What‘s going on here?“ she asked and she sounded nervous. Aaron noticed that she couldn‘t look at him. “We are not allowed to talk to Aaron now, sweetie, you know that,” Sandra said, eyes fixed on Liv and Aaron felt his skin heating up and itching. 

Because it hurt. 

Sandra put her hands on Livs shoulders and guided her away from him. His sister turned her head and looked back at him and he tried to smile, but it felt off and weird.

He wanted to talk to her again, proper talk, not just stutter words, but the speaker reminded them that the trial would start soon, so they had to take their seats. It was Sandra‘s turn to take the stand and give her statement.

Aaron looked around and noticed the audience behind him, ready with papers and pens. Journalists. They looked right back at him, basically stared him down and Aaron had to turn back to the front quickly because he couldn‘t handle it. He still felt their eyes on his back. With clammy fingers he wiped across his forehead. He was sweating again in that awful suit, god he hated wearing it.

Sandra went to the front and kept her eyes locked on the lady of the prosecution. And then she started talking about her relationship to  _ him _ , about the ups and down they had had, how she had loved and hated him. How he loved to control her, just like he had done with Annie.

“Misses Flaherty, did he ever hurt you physically?“

Aaron tensed up. He had never noticed anything - had he missed something that major?!

“No,“ Sandra said and Aaron let out a relieved sigh. “A few times I thought he would though. When we were fighting, I sometimes shouted at him: ‘What are you gonna do? Hit me?‘... but he just grinned at me and said: ‘I don‘t need to hit you to keep you line.‘“

Sandra's voice wavered and the world stopped. It was that phrase again, the same sentence he had also said to Annie. 

The collar of Aaron‘s shirt was too tight suddenly, sweat was running down his back. He had to force himself with all the willpower he could muster to not scratch his skin. The knuckles of his fingers went white as he grabbed his thighs and clenched his hands around them. 

“Is that why you left?“ the prosecutor asked.

Aaron looked up at Sandra again. He always wondered why she had left overnight. Without a goodbye. 

_ Without fucking nothing. _

She shook her head and started to cry. “I mean yeah, I was thinking about leaving for a while, but I never had the courage to do it.”

“Misses Flaherty, your ex-husband is charged with child abuse. Can you tell us anything about that?

Sandra sobbed now and then she turned her head and looked at Aaron. For the first time after all these years she finally looked him in the eye. She was scared and-

_ Guilty. _

Sandra looked guilty. Aaron held his breath. 

“I‘m sorry,“ Sandra whispered and he knew immediately that she meant him. She was apologizing to him. “I‘m so so sorry, I was so scared and I just…“

“Do you know something you might want to tell us now?“

“I have never seen or heard anything, but I found sheets in the laundry,“ Sandra swallowed and Aaron was hit by a sudden wave of hot panic, because he knew what she was going to say and-

_ No, please don‘t, don‘t say it don‘t say it _

“They were Aaron‘s. And there was...errm, there were stains on it and at first I didn‘t think anything about it, because he was a teenager after all…“ she let out a watery chuckle.

Aaron felt like burning alive with shame and humiliation. His  _ mother _ shifted on her seat next to him. 

“But then I saw blood. On the sheet.“

He wanted the ground to swallow him up. This had to be the worst. This was one of the things, one of the details he never wanted anyone to know and here he was. Sitting in this courtroom, with his boyfriend, his mum, his friends, journalists… they knew, everybody would know. 

And then his head shot up when another thought hit him like a truck.

_ Sandra knew. She took Liv and left. And left me there. _

That was why she apologized. It all made sense now. 

Aaron jumped up off his seat and bolted out of the room, giving in to the instinct to run, not being able to stay in there one fucking second longer.

His vision swam away as he stumbled into the hallway. How could she leave him there after she had known or at least suspected something? Had he been such a horrible kid, had he been too much of a burden?

The thought was excruciating, it hurt more than any physical pain could ever hurt. Aaron wanted it to stop, needed it to stop before it drove him insane. He couldn‘t breathe, he couldn‘t look straight, he couldn‘t think and he started punching the wall with his fists.

The pain shot from his knuckles through his arms into his body like a bolt of lightning. But he could handle this pain better than the other, it sharpened his senses, brought him back to his surroundings. And he punched and punched and punched, watching the bloody prints he left on the wall.

Hands pulled him back and he tried to yank himself free to get back to the wall, because  _ she had left him there although she knew. _

“Aaron! Aaron, stop!“

It was Robert‘s voice that cut through the mess of thoughts and feelings inside of him. Aaron gave up his resistance and was pulled into a tight hug. He closed his eyes and pressed his nose in Robert‘s neck.

Then he went feeling numb. Maybe that was like a self-protection mechanism of his body, however, Aaron was relieved that the pain inside had stopped. Only his hands throbbed in the rhythm of his heartbeat.

He heard something on their left and Robert tensed up and shoved him gently aside. Aaron simply let him, too wrung out to move on his own will.

There was a man standing 10 feet away with a phone in his hand, pointed in their direction. 

“Filming is prohibited here,” Robert informed him shortly, face turning hard, stepping between Aaron and the man.

The bloke obviously didn‘t care because he didn‘t move at all.

“You stop that now or I‘ll have you removed from this trial!“ Robert said with a sharp edge in his voice.

This time, the man put the phone down. Aaron thought his face looked familiar, but his brain still wasn‘t fully functioning.

“If I see this anywhere on the internet…“ Robert pulled his phone out and quickly took a picture of the guy, who suddenly looked worried, “...I‘ll hunt you down. I am going to find out the lousy rag you‘re working for and then I won‘t give up until you‘re sacked. Are we clear?“

Right, it was one of the journalists that had been sitting behind him, Aaron finally realised. Robert glared that guy down, standing there with straightened shoulders and uplifted chin, ready to fight with everyone who was a threat to his boyfriend.

Under different circumstances Aaron’s heart would have turned to mush, because honestly, Robert was his fucking knight in shining armour and god, was that sexy - but right now he couldn‘t dwell on that thought. His hand pulsed with a ferociously ache and he felt so drained and tired. He just wanted to curl up under his blankets and stay there forever.

The journalist raised his hands in a peace gesture and stumbled backwards. He seemed to have finally gotten the message not to mess with a furious Robert Sugden. As soon as he was gone, Robert turned around and his face softened.

“Aaron…”

And damn, Aaron couldn‘t handle the soft voice now, he couldn‘t. He was on the edge of tears and he really didn‘t want to end up crying. 

“Can we go home?“ he croaked out, voice thin and shaky, and Robert nods.

He won‘t go back in there. At least not today. No fucking way in hell. 

They went for the side entrance again, but this time there were photographers and cameras waiting for them. Aaron kept his head down, tried to hide his bloody knuckles and to ignore their questions and the non stop clicking of the cameras as best as he could. Robert guided him towards his Porsche and opened the door for Aaron to slide in.

He hated them all. Objectively he knew they were only doing their job, but they would stop at nothing. As long as people were interested in gossip, they would always try to get more pictures, another video clip or any reaction from him. Aaron wished he could just tell them to fuck off.

  
  
  
  


Somehow he managed to get through it. His anxiety hit bad, but he got through it.

The video from that journalist wasn‘t released anywhere, not even youtube, so Robert‘s threat must have worked. It was only a small silver lining though, because the details of Sandra‘s statement were everywhere, even made front page. 

They avoided the news as much as possible and didn‘t leave Robert‘s apartment. There were paparazzi outside and Aaron didn‘t want to give them new material. 

His friends and family continued to be amazingly supportive and then, two days before Christmas the headlines were dominated by another celebrity and Aaron felt like he could finally breathe again. 

The trial was adjourned to January 4th and the production of ‘Forbidden Love’ was about to continue after that, which meant they had almost two weeks off.

Aaron wanted to go into the kitchen when he heard Robert quietly talking.

“...don‘t think that‘s a good idea, Chas.“

He really didn‘t want to eavesdrop, but the name of his mum made him stop right behind the corner of the doorframe.

_ Robert is talking to my mum? _

“I know,“ Robert said. “I‘m sure next year we‘ll visit Emmerdale on Christmas, but this year it‘s really too much for him.“

_ Oh. _

It was about him. About Christmas. Chas must have been inviting them.

Something warm spread in Aaron‘s chest. Not only did his boyfriend know him so damn well - because hell, he really wasn‘t ready to face all 354 of the Dingles up there - but he was also planning for next year already. 

He smiled and leaned against the wall, only to jolt back a second later.

_ Fuck! Christmas is in two days! _

The plan was to discuss if and how they would celebrate it, but they still hadn‘t talked about it at all. Robert probably didn‘t have the heart to bring it up after what had happened in court. The bandages around Aaron‘s hands were a constant reminder of his breakdown.

But Christmas was Robert‘s favourite holiday, he had said it himself. Aaron pressed his jaw together.

“It‘s okay. Getting there, I think. But Sandra‘s statement really hit him hard,“ Robert said lowly and paused, obviously listening to something Chas replied. “I‘ll do my best,“ he chuckled finally. “Yeah, sure. Bye Chas!“

Aaron let out a long breath. 

He had to bloody pull his head out of his arse and put his boyfriend first. Robert shouldn‘t miss out on Christmas just because of his mess. 

_ Now I just need Christmas decorations. And a present. _

And everything in two days. Piece of cake, right? Aaron swallowed. 

_ Fuck _ .

  
  
  
  


When he told Robert that he wanted to spend the 23rd and 24th alone (supposedly to clear his head and calm down), his boyfriend looked like a kicked puppy and Aaron was  _ this _ close to dropping all his plans. But no, he would do this! This was for Robert.

The preparations for his Christmas surprise were on their way and so far it was going surprisingly good. He pulled out his phone.

**to Adam**

Mate I need your help

His friend replied only 2 minutes later - bless Adam and his smartphone addiction - and Aaron smiled when he read that Adam had already said yes although he didn‘t even know what Aaron wanted.

He looked around in his kitchen that looked like a bomb just exploded in it, happily sighing for any help he could get for the next step.

  
  
  
  


Aaron was ready to throw up. There was the sound of a motor, the Porsche to be precisely, and suddenly he was convinced that this was absolutely dumb and stupid and awfully cheesy.

_ What the fuck was I thinking? Why didn‘t Adam stop me? _

This would be so damn embarrassing. Aaron felt his cheeks heating up already and Robert wasn‘t even here!

The car audibly slowed down and came to a stop. His boyfriend had been quick, much quicker than Aaron expected.

He had sent a whatsapp to Robert about 45 minutes ago:

**to Robert**

Come over to your parents home, there is something I have to show you.

**Robert**

Is everything okay?! I‘m on my way!

He knew that Robert most likely was worried. Maybe he expected new damages at the house because of vandalism or something like that. Aaron felt a bit bad for causing him stress, but only a tiny bit, because it had seemed like a good idea at the time. 

Now he wasn’t as sure anymore. Aaron wiped his hands on his jeans, because they were disgustingly sweaty, and his heart was beating rapidly somewhere up in his throat. 

The front door was pushed open and Robert stormed in, muttering a curse under his breath, before he stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway to the living room.

His face was lit up with the fire that was burning in a fire bowl and the insane amount of candles in the corners of the room. Robert‘s eyes were fixed on the Christmas tree in the middle of the room, for which Aaron had bought golden and red ornaments yesterday. His boyfriend‘s mouth opened slowly and closed and opened again, then his gaze wandered to the mattress on the floor with the white sheets and blankets and then to the windows, where Aaron and Adam put foil as a temporary fix of the broken glass to keep the warmth of the fire in.

Aaron gave him about three seconds to take the scenery in, then he said: “Surprise!“ with a thin voice, trying to read Robert‘s face.

_ Does he like it? He looks shocked. Oh my god, he doesn‘t like it. What the fuck was I thinking? _

Aaron wanted to rip his hair out.

Robert‘s gaze landed on him, the shocked expression slowly faded, his features softened.

“Aaron…” he whispered. 

Aaron swallowed against the lump in his throat and coughed awkwardly. 

“You‘ve been amazing the past few weeks… I mean, you always are, really, but… you know,“ he pressed out, annoyed with his inability to string a normal sentence about his feelings, “and I felt that everything was just about me and not about you or us. And then we talked about Christmas and you said you liked it and I just wanted to surprise you with this. I thought we could spend the night here, because I want to start the 25th with you and a tree in our future home, just as a beginning of our time together here. It‘s a promise for the happy times I want us to spend here, together, once this trial is over...”

Aaron noticed how awfully he was rambling and repeating himself so he stopped, before it could get even more embarrassing. His face was burning, he must be red like a tomato.

Robert just stood there, rooted to the spot, staring open mouthed. 

“I‘m sorry if this was a bad idea-” Aaron started, lowering his eyes in horror.

He had ruined everything, he was so stupid. Robert had probably made his own plans for Christmas, he should have asked him before. Why hadn‘t he asked him before? Aaron made a mental note to slap Adam for not stopping him from being a complete douche.

Robert crossed the room, grabbed him and kissed him fiercely. He pressed his lips hard on Aaron‘s and pulled him close and all awful thoughts stopped just like that. Aaron grabbed Robert‘s arm, holding onto him. After a moment - too short for Aaron‘s liking - his boyfriend pulled back.

“This is amazing,“ Robert said, eyes shining in the warm candle light.

“So you like it?“ Aaron felt like vomiting again, this time because of relief though.

Robert‘s gaze flicked around again and Aaron just stared at this beautiful face with those long lashes, ocean green eyes, the freckles on the nose and cheekbones, the plump lips that could kiss so amazingly and the cute dimple on his chin.

Said dimple on the chin started wobbling just in this moment.

“Of course I like it! Aaron, I can‘t even…” Robert shook his head.

The last bit of panic left Aaron‘s body when he noticed that his cocky boyfriend turned into an emotional mess because of his surprise.

“Can‘t believe you did all this.“

“Granted, I had help from Adam with the tree and the foil. But I made these cookies... “ Aaron pointed towards a plate on the mattress, because the cookies definitely deserved an extra mention, “...all by myself. They are surely not as good as your mum‘s, but hey - at least I didn‘t burn them, or my apartment for that matter.“

Aaron smiled at Robert and found himself attacked by these soft lips again a second later. This time, Robert didn‘t waste time and dipped his tongue passionately in, grabbed Aaron‘s neck and caressed the hairline softly with his thumb. 

Every cell of Aaron‘s body was singing ‘I love you’ in constant repeat and his knees turned to jelly. He shoved Robert‘s jacket off his shoulders and pulled him down on their bed for the night. 

Robert was on his back and Aaron half on top of him, half on his side, leaning on the left arm so he still had his right hand free to stroke over every part of his boyfriend he could reach.

God, Robert felt so fucking god. So warm through the fabric of his floral shirt, so strong, so perfect under his palm. It was inevitable that things heated up quickly, Aaron was fully hard a few moments later, cock pressing against his tight jeans. He gave an experimental roll of his hips, enjoying the friction that it caused. Robert had both hands on him, wandering down his arse, giving a good squeeze at first and then smacking him firmly. Aaron gasped in surprise and Robert chuckled into his mouth. 

_ Cheeky little shit. _

Maybe it was time for the next step of the surprise. Aaron‘s hand disappeared under the pillow, pulled it out, held it up and checked for Robert‘s reaction. Aaron started grinning at the sight of his pupils going dark, and mouth falling open. The atmosphere shifted immediately. 

“I borrowed it two days ago,“ Aaron explained with a low, husky voice, turning the black plug in his hand, “and the remote as well for this little Christmas celebration.“

Robert licked his lips and swallowed. “I was wondering where it was…”

Aaron‘s thoughts came to a screeching halt. So-

_ Fuck! _

-Robert had been opening the drawer where he had his toys and lube…

“Robert, have you used a toy while you were alone the past two days?“ Aaron rasped out and god, the mental image of his boyfriend on the sheets, getting himself off, turned him on to no end.

“I missed you,“ Robert shrugged, but he blushed a little.

“Fuck, Robert,“ Aaron groaned helplessly and kissed him hard. “Did you fuck yourself with your dildo?“ he whispered and Robert’s breath hitched before he nodded. “And did you think about me fucking you?“

Robert let out a small moan and nodded again. His green eyes were shiny in the dim light and never left Aaron’s blue ones. 

“Fuck, Robert,“ he muttered again, because these seemed to be the only words he could string together right now with his mind full of dirty images.

“Yeah. Do it,“ Robert whispered. 

Aaron sprang to action, put the plug aside and climbed on his lap. Now with both hands free, he started immediately to get the small buttons of the shirt open. He needed it off like five minutes ago. Then he just shoved it to the sides and stroked firmly over the broad chest and the twitching abs. Aaron leaned in and attacked Robert‘s neck, where the skin was so soft and smelled so amazing. He licked and kissed and sucked, knowing that it would cause a horrible beard burn. His boyfriend didn‘t seem to mind, he even rolled his head to the side to give him better access and let out a harsh breath. 

Aaron rolled his hips, rubbed their crotches together. 

By the time Robert was gloriously naked, Aaron was still fully clothed and leaking like a broken tab. He opened him up with slow movements, enjoying Robert‘s little twitches and whines when he brushed over his prostate. It was a sight that would never not be hot as fuck. 

When Robert was loose enough, Aaron took the plug and lubed it up with shaky fingers. He watched how Robert bore down and it disappeared inside him. That had to be the most erotic thing Aaron had ever seen.

_ Fucking hell. _

They both moaned when it slipped into place. Aaron had to close his eyes and lay his forehead on Robert‘s stomach for a moment. 

The harsh pants of his boyfriend filled the room and the best was still to come.

Aaron sat back on his heels, grabbed the remote, looked at the man beneath him. Robert‘s eyes were half lidded, his skin was flushed rosy red and his cock rock hard, pointing towards his chin. The black end of the plug was still visible between his spread legs. 

Aaron switched the vibrations on.

Robert‘s back arched off the mattress and his face twisted in a desperate frown. He let out a beautiful deep groan. 

Aaron switched the setting higher and watched how Robert started writhing on the sheets. 

“How does it feel?“

“Fuck. Not gonna last long, Aaron,“ Robert wheezed out.

Aaron tapped experimentally at the base of the plug, which caused another loud moan. The sound alone sent a shiver down his spine.

“So gorgeous,“ he muttered, not able to tear his eyes away from his boyfriend. 

Robert‘s hip thrusted up, when Aaron switched the setting up once more. His boyfriend came undone quickly, alternating between humping the air and pressing his arse against the sheets to move the plug a little deeper.

Robert shifted on the bed, wanting to reach him, frantically trying to open the fly of his jeans.

“C‘mon, c‘mon,“ he whispered shakily. “Wanna suck you off.“

And that was it, Aaron had only so much self-control, how was he supposed to hold back any longer? He ripped his trousers open, yanked it off along with his wet underwear in one motion. He gasped in relief when the pressure of the tight jeans was gone and before he could react he was being shoved down. Aaron laid on his back, his breathing quickened as Robert moved above him so they were doing a 69. The knees were next to Aaron‘s head and then Robert leaned forward and swallowed him down  _ just like that _ . 

Aaron yelped, because it happened so quick and without a warning, his boyfriend was obviously done with being the passive part. The sensation of Robert‘s hot mouth around him was overwhelming and Aaron really wanted to squeeze his eyes shut, but damn-

_ That arse ohmygod fuck me _

-he could barely get his thoughts together because Robert‘s butt was practically shoved in his face. Aaron cursed loudly and moved his hands up to play with the base of the plug. 

Robert moaned and Aaron felt the vibrations of his mouth around him, felt the back of the throat with the tip of his cock. 

“Yeah like that, mmmh, you‘re so amazing, so beautiful, fuck, getting close, god that mouth of yours…” Aaron rambled breathlessly nonsense now, his blood circulating far away from his brain. “Gonna come soon, fuck Robert, come, come for me…“

He pulled the plug out and pushed it back in, at the same time he tugged at Robert‘s hard cock and that tipped his boyfriend off the edge. Aaron was faintly aware that warm cum hit his belly, but then he exploded and everything went white and hot. 

His whole body was buzzing and floating when his conscience came back up to the surface. Robert was lying next to him, all twisted limbs and shaking uncontrollably.

“Switch it off,“ he breathed weakly.

_ Oh yeah, right. The vibrator. _

Aaron made a quick job of turning it off and carefully pulling it out. He threw the toy to the side and opened his backpack that was lying next to the bed. 

The idea to buy baby wipes was simply genius, Aaron had to smile to himself as he cleaned them both. 

“Thought about everything, haven‘t you?“ Robert grinned, still trying to breathe normally.

“I‘m clever,“ Aaron informed him with a wink and got a snicker in return.

He snuggled up to his boyfriend, pulled the blanket over them. It was getting a bit chilly and that meant that he would have to add wood soon to keep the fire burning.

He laid his head on Robert‘s shoulder and traced little circles on his chest and stomach. Aaron felt warm, heavy, boneless and deeply satisfied. Robert‘s hand lazily running up and down on his back made it perfect. There was no better place on earth than this, here on the mattress in the run-down farm house, skin on skin in the arms of this perfect man.

“So you liked it?“ Aaron  _ had _ to ask although it was hella awkward. “Not… you know, just the sex… this whole surprise, I mean?“

Robert pulled him closer and kissed his temple. “You kidding? I  _ love _ it. When I got your message, I thought something happened - thanks for the almost heart attack by the way. And then I rushed here, just to get my eternal proof that you, Aaron Dingle, are a helpless romantic.“

Although he couldn‘t see Robert‘s face, the amusement was clearly audible. Aaron rolled his eyes.

“I bet my arse you‘re rolling your eyes now.“

_ Fuck, am I really that predictable? _

Hell, he probably was. 

Aaron closed his eyes, feeling relieved, warm, satisfied and so, so happy. After a little while, he got up with a little sigh to put more blocks in the fire. To his surprise Robert got up too, pulled out his phone and went to the door of the living room, where he turned around.

“What‘re you doing?“

“Taking a pic. Oh, could you…“ Robert coughed and pointed to the plug and the remote.

Aaron grumbled, but put the toy and the wipes in a plastic bag, grabbed his backpack as well, and hid everything outside the picture frame. Robert snapped a photo from the fire, the tree and the mattress with its white pillows and blankets. 

“And now,“ Robert started to grin like a serial killer, “we are going to win the internet.“

  
  
  
  


59,478

Robert‘s pic had 59,478 - oh wait, 59,479 likes on instagram.

“My Grinch surprised me with this little set up! ❤️ #merrychristmas #robron”

“I can‘t believe that you used this stupid hashtag,“ Aaron muttered, staring at his phone in shock on the next morning.

_ Robron. Really?! _

“What, Merry Christmas is a common saying!“ Robert joked and Aaron wanted to slap him.

It was already bright outside, the fire was out and the cold had seeped inside the house. The romance had definitely worn off by now, both boys were dressing back on.

“Funny,“ Aaron deadpanned.

They decided to leave most of the stuff here, only to take the bedding with them and deal with the rest after Christmas. Right now they both craved a nice breakfast, although the cookies had stilled the first appetite after waking up. They were actually really tasty. Aaron was stupidly proud of himself. 

“Hey, Aaron“ Robert said and-

_ God, he is using his soft voice! _

Aaron turned towards him. His boyfriend gave him one of his magical looks, full of love and affection, that turned Aaron‘s inside into mush in a nanosecond.

“Merry Christmas.“

“Merry Christmas, Rob.“

They kissed and it was the softest kiss ever. Just soft lips against his own, just the feather lightest touch against his neck. Aaron got goosebumps all over his body and shivered slightly. 

For the first time in his life, he felt that he might really enjoy this whole Christmas-y stuff. 

  
  
  
  


Robert was on the couch, staring at the telly… which was black, because the device was switched off.

_ Well, that‘s weird. _

His boyfriend just sat there, with his hands on his legs and didn‘t move. Something must have happened.

“What‘s up?“ he asked quietly, but Robert startled anyway like he hadn‘t even noticed Aaron coming in.

Aaron flopped himself on the sofa next to him, making sure to press his side from shoulder to knee against the warm body. 

“Vic called,” Robert sighed and looked down on the phone he was still holding in his hand.

Aaron tensed up. “Something up with Andy?“ he asked darkly, feeling a sudden anger boiling towards Robert‘s arsehole bully of a brother.

“Surprisingly not!”

“What did she want?“ 

Aaron lifted his arm to lay it on the backrest and softly caressed the short hair on Robert‘s neck. He watched how the green eyes fell shut and the shoulders relaxed a bit. It made him smile, knowing that he could do that for Robert. 

“She invited us for dinner on New Year’s Eve.” Robert sighed again.

Aaron stilled, but only for a second, then he continued with his gentle strokes. He didn‘t know what to make of Vic. He met her three times so far, the first time only briefly in front of Robert‘s apartment (when he thought she was his girlfriend -  _ cringe _ !), the second time was that horrible encounter with drunken Andy (where she was quite snippy towards him - thanks for nothing) and the third time was that memorable moment at the lawyer (where she was snippy towards Robert - awkward).

“Don‘t worry, I didn’t say yes, I said I‘ll speak to you first,“ Robert said, because of course he noticed the little hesitation. 

“Do you want to go?“

“It‘s okay if this is too much for you, we can have a quiet night here,“ Robert opened his eyes and smiled at him, but Aaron thought that it didn‘t reach his eyes. 

The fact that he didn‘t answer the actual question didn‘t go unnoticed either. This wasn‘t right. 

“What do  _ you _ want?“ Aaron emphasizes the word. 

Robert went silent, facing the black TV screen again. The muscles right under his temples twitched which meant his jaw was working and clenching. Aaron waited patiently for him to make a decision. 

“I know, she isn‘t the easiest,“ he said finally, “and things between me and her aren‘t always the best, but…” He looked back at Aaron. “She‘s my sister, basically the only family I have left.“

God, his eyes were so sad in that moment, Aaron would do anything to make it better. 

“It‘s okay. If you wanna go, we go.” He grabbed Robert‘s hand while the other still fondled his neck. 

He meant it. This wasn‘t about him, this was about Robert. 

“You sure it‘s not too much? She can be a handful,“ Robert warned him with a crooked smile. 

He looked so young in that dim light of a grey winter afternoon, eyes shining more blue than green today, freckles being prominent on his pale skin. Aaron‘s stomach did a sudden backflip, because damn, his boyfriend was dead gorgeous. 

“You mentioned once that she‘s a chef, right? So I get to spend New Year’s Eve with my cute bf and a nice dinner. Sounds like I‘m a winner,“ he winked. 

“Don‘t call me cute!“ Robert pouted, before he huffed out a laugh. 

“But you are, boo,“ Aaron insisted, grinning like a loon now.

He loved bantering with Robert. It was silly and just carefree. At first it hadn‘t been easy for him, sometimes he had even felt a little awkward to let his guard down like that, but not anymore. 

He could be like that now, when he wanted to. With Robert he could be anything. He could be himself.

Robert grimaced at the word ‘boo’, threw his head back and laughed out loud. His adam‘s apple bobbed up and down and somehow this was such a sexy sight. Aaron felt the urge to lunge forward and suck on that neck, because it was practically screaming for it. So he did just that. The loud laugh turned quickly into a loud moan when Aaron sucked eagerly and rubbed his scruff against the sensitive skin.

“Azza, are you 12 or what? Did you just give me a hickey?“ Robert gave him a long look. 

“No,“ he lied, not being able to hide his amusement, eyes flicking down to the big red spot on Robert‘s neck. 

“Liar!“ Robert shouted and started picking into Aaron‘s side.

He shrieked and jumped up, because he was ticklish and his evil boyfriend loved to take advantage of it.

He raced through the apartment and Robert chased him, both men giggling and screaming like little kids.

  
  
  
  


“Robert, is that a hickey?“ 

These were the words Vic greeted her brother with, right after opening the door. Aaron took a deep breath and set up a smile like he did when he played Olli. Bless his skills, they would probably come in handy tonight.

Robert turned around and gave Aaron the I-told-you-eyebrows, before he said to Vic: “Good to see you too, Vic!“

Then Vic pulled him into a tight hug. She went on her tiptoes for it and Robert almost had to bend over because she was so small compared to him. Aaron relaxed a little. 

“So, Aaron…” she started after she let go of her brother, “I know we didn‘t have the best start-”

_ Huh, that‘s one way to put it… _

“-buuuut...my brother seems to be very smitten with you- ouch, Robert!“

Robert had slapped her on her arm to shut her up and Aaron started grinning.

“Aww, don‘t be embarrassed, it‘s nothing that I don‘t know already,“ he joked towards Robert and got a cute little eye roll in return.

“Anyway, I just wanted to say that I‘d really like us to get on,“ Vic continued and looked at him with her incredibly huge eyes.

Aaron got a good impression what that ‘Bambi look’ was, that Robert always mentioned about his sister.

“Yeah, I‘d like that too,“ he said genuinely.

He didn‘t have to be best friends with her, but she was Robert‘s family and he really wasn‘t keen on seeking trouble on that front. 

It was a good start to the evening, Robert smiled happily at him when they walked into the dining room. Vic already had an open bottle of bubbly in a champagne bucket and offered it to them. Aaron wasn‘t much of a fan, but it was New Year‘s Eve and that was kind of the exception.

He wondered how to survive the four hours until midnight, but as it turned out his sorrows were unfounded. The conversation flowed - mostly between the siblings, but Aaron threw his bits in - and the dinner was delicious. They had salad for starters and then a wicked variation of surf ‘n’ turf with scallops and chorizo on caramelised tomatoes and leeks. Aaron had never eaten something fancy like that and he just sat there and enjoyed every bite. 

There was one moment where he thought the atmosphere might drop, when Vic mentioned Andy. Of course.

“Do you wanna know how Andy‘s doing?“ Vic asked.

Aaron noticed his boyfriend tensing up, his fingers clenched around the cutlery until the knuckles whitened. 

“How is Andy doing?“ he asked politely and Aaron knew that it was fake-concern.

Robert wasn‘t arsed in the slightest how Andy was and how Vic would assume that he was after everything that had happened, was beyond Aaron. 

“He is trying to stay sober,“ Vic told them, “he admitted finally that he‘s drinking too much. He even thinks about doing a rehab. He‘s trying, you know?“

The last part sounded hopeful and Robert shifted on his seat, eyes downcasted on his plate. Aaron felt totally uncomfortable, witnessing this family moment. Andy could go fuck himself for all Aaron cared, but he was Robert‘s brother, this was Robert‘s family and Aaron didn‘t want to meddle in. 

“You know that nothing‘s gonna change between me and him, as long as he‘s not accepting us,“ Robert said after a moment of silence.

Aaron‘s heartbeat ticked up at the  _ us _ , another proof that Robert saw them as partners. A unit. He reached out under the table and his boyfriend put his fork down and immediately squeezed his hand so hard that Aaron almost yelped. 

“Yeah, I just-” Vic stopped herself and tears swelled up in her huge, brown eyes. “I get the desert ready,“ she said quickly, got up and hurried into the kitchen, probably to shed a few tears without an audience. 

Robert sighed exasperated and slouched back against the chair.

“Why does she always give me the feeling that everything is my fault?“ he asked and his green eyes looked so sad that Aaron‘s heart broke.

“It‘s not,“ he said and turned to Robert, “it‘s not your fault.“

His boyfriend didn’t even look at him, he just shook his head. Aaron saw this chin wobble that he could definitely not handle, not now on New Year‘s Eve, not ever. He gently grabbed said chin and turned Robert‘s head towards him.

“Hey,“ he said quietly, “this isn‘t your fault. Andy is the one‘s harassing and attacking you. And what for? Because you‘re bi? Because he‘s jealous? I tell you what he is, he is a bloody wanker and he is in your past. I get that it sucks for Vic, being in the middle and all, but you don‘t need to take any of his bullshit, just to make her feel better.  _ You _ deserve better.“ Aaron stressed the last sentence.

_ You deserve the world. You deserve better than me, but I‘ll fight for every day I am allowed to keep you.  _

He didn’t say the last part out loud, only thought it, but he knew it was the truth.

There was a long silence where Robert just looked into his face, eyes darting left and right between his eyes, until Aaron‘s insecurities kicked in and his skin heated up. He had robably said something stupid. 

It hit him deep in his chest that after all the support he‘d gotten from Robert, he obviously wasn‘t able to give the same feeling back. He swallowed hard.

“God, I fucking love you,“ Robert let out with a long sigh and a tiny smile. 

Aaron leant over and kissed him, without tongue, but sweet and gentle and all the love he had for Robert. He just hoped that his boyfriend got the message. When he pulled back and saw the green eyes half lidded and the face blissed out, Aaron felt warm in his chest, knowing that he did it right.

It was better after that, because they went for safe topics again. Work mostly. Robert talked about his first months on set, and Vic about her plan of running a food truck. 

Aaron had expected to slowly pass the hours until midnight, but suddenly there were only ten minutes left in the old year. The Sugden siblings got all giddy and excited. Obviously Vic bought like a ton of fireworks and sparklers and Robert told him how they weren‘t allowed to display fireworks when they were kids, because of the woods and the danger of causing a fire. Plus it was all just a ‘waste of money’ to Jack Sugden. 

Aaron listened quietly to the animated conversation between Robert and Vic while he pulled on his jacket. New Year celebrations hadn‘t really been his thing in the past. He had spent it a few times with Adam at some parties where he barely knew anyone, most years he simply prefered to stay at home. Last year he went to bed early. All the excitement had always been a strange concept for him. As a kid he had quickly lost the typical ‘next year everything will be better’ hope, and later on his only new year’s resolution had been to do his work properly.

_ This year feels different though. _

They were outside now, with a group of neighbours, their breaths forming little white clouds in the freezing air. Robert got the fireworks ready, his cheeks were rosy and the eyes sparkling. Aaron watched him silently. 

It only took a little over six months for this blond, cocky shit to turn his life upside down, to tear down Aaron‘s walls, to shake his view on life. 

“Ten!“ people shouted, starting the countdown.

Robert was immediately by his side and Aaron couldn‘t tear his eyes off him. 

“Nine!“

_ Next year will be better, I promise. _

“Eight!“

_ I‘ll continue my therapy and try to get better. _

“Seven!“

_ Once this trial is over, it‘ll be just you and me. _

“Six!“

_ A fresh start. A new life. _

“Five!“

_ I‘ll do everything I can to help you build our home. _

“Four!“

_ I love you so much. _

“Three!“

_ You’re my first love and my last. _

“Two!“

_ One day I‘m gonna marry you. _

“One!“

Robert turned towards him, with a goofy smile on his face and once again the sight made Aaron‘s breath hitch.

Fireworks started exploding, people were cheering.

“Happy new year, Azza!“ Robert beamed at him, his face lighting up in green and red and gold.

“Happy new year,“ he replied with a shaky voice, feeling his eyes burning.

God, he usually hated that he cried so easily, especially in the past few weeks, where he had been constantly on the edge of tears. This time though, when Robert grabbed his face and kissed him fiercely, they were happy tears. 

  
  
  
  


Aaron took a deep breath.

_ I can do it. I want it. _

He kept repeating it over and over in his head and it was true. He wanted it. A lot. He had thought about it a lot. He took another breath and went into the living room where Robert was lying on the couch watching Games of Thrones. His boyfriend had gotten pretty obsessed with that series lately. Aaron couldn’t get into it really, all those characters and-

_ Dragons? Really? _

-the whole fantasy thing just wasn’t his thing. Aaron was more into real world settings, cars and that, so he let Robert watch it alone and either met Adam in the meantime or surfed around the internet.

Or he showered like half an hour to make sure he was clean enough.

His nerves were vibrating with excitement, arousal, but also fear. Damn, the bloody fear.

He stood there, only in black pants, leaning at the door frame, trying to be  _ seductive _ and waited for Robert to turn around to notice him. Just the fact that he stood in the middle of the apartment without a shirt on, without a cover, was huge. It had gotten better, yeah, but he still felt awkward sometimes and especially now. When Robert didn’t react and Aaron slowly got cold, he quietly coughed. Robert shot him the quickest look ever and shifted around to make room for him on the couch before his eyes were fixed on the telly again. 

“Hey. C’mere,” was all his boyfriend said, obviously not finding it somewhat extraordinary that Aaron was leaning half naked against the frame.

Aaron sighed and patted over. He laid down, half on his side, half on Robert and let out another little sigh. 

He kinda had imagined that if he had come in, freshly showered, trying to be alluring, Robert would get the memo and start some “sexy sofa shenanigans” (Robert’s words, not his!). Yeah, well. Obviously not today. The green eyes didn’t leave the screen as there was a war going on, people were shouting and dying, dramatic sounds blurred through the surround speakers. 

Aaron bit his lip, thinking. He started stroking over Robert’s chest, felt the muscles underneath his shirt and softly kissed the hot skin on his neck.

Robert patted his shoulder and kept watching GoT. 

Aaron wiggled himself higher so that his mouth could reach Robert’s earlobe and he sucked it into his mouth and nibbled carefully. He let out a long breath, right into the ear, because he knew that it turned Robert on. He pulled back and waited for a reaction.

Robert squeezed his shoulder and stared at people killing each other. 

There was a small smile on his lips though. Aaron rolled his eyes in frustration.

_ You gotta be kidding me! _

He had no clue how to be seductive, how to be sexy. But he knew how to be blunt.

He rolled his crotch against Robert’s side, poked his hard cock almost painfully against him. 

“Aaron…?” Robert’s head spun around and for the first time his boyfriend really looked at him, took him in.

Aaron smiled at him and rolled his hips again, slowly this time, enjoying the friction. Then his hand wandered down to the buttons of Robert’s jeans. He stroked over them, felt the cock harden underneath. Robert let out a little gasp, the tiny sound was like music in Aaron’s ears. Now he had the attention he wanted.

“Aaron…” Softer now. Almost like a plea. 

“I’m ready!” he blurted out, just like that. 

He felt his face heating up immediately, but at least it was out now and Aaron let out a long and shaky breath. Robert tensed up underneath him, the green eyes grew big. 

“What?” he asked dumbly.

Aaron groaned, how could he still not get it?

“For sex!”

“What do you mean?” Robert frowned, “we just had sex this morning.”

Aaron bumped his forehead against Robert’s shoulder. So much for being alluring. He probably could have painted it in capital letters across his stomach and his boyfriend still would be clueless.

“For you to-” Aaron stopped himself. He had almost said ‘to make love to me’. “I want you to top, I’m ready.” 

The skin on his cheeks was about to fall off because of the burn, but finally, freaking finally the lightbulb above Robert’s head went on. 

“Oh!” The green eyes got even bigger now, the lush lips were open. Robert’s whole expression was one of surprise.

“Yeah, ‘oh’! Idiot!” Aaron deadpanned, feeling like an idiot himself. 

Robert suddenly sprang to life, as if he just had remembered how to use his muscles. He grabbed Aaron’s neck, pulled him down and kissed him. It was hungry, with teeth and a bit too much tongue, but it was everything Aaron wanted right now. The feeling that Robert wanted this too. Knowing that Robert was turned on. 

His erection still stood proudly despite this quite embarrassing “I’m trying to be sexy” episode and Robert’s hand wandered straight down on it. He stroked Aaron through the pants, with the perfect amount of pressure. Aaron rolled his hips again and moaned in his boyfriend’s mouth. 

Robert pulled back. “C’mon, let’s take this to bed,” he whispered and his eyes were looking at him dark with lust. 

Aaron shuddered and nodded. So this was it then. They got up, Games of Thrones totally forgotten now. Robert walked in front of him and yanked his shirt off in the hallway. Aaron’s mouth went dry as he watched the muscles on his back flexing and twitching. The sight alone… He never knew he had a thing for backs, but fucking hell, it definitely was a thing. And once the shirt was gone, he had a perfect view of that peachy arse as well. 

They reached the bedroom and Robert turned around, caught him staring.

“Like what you see?” he asked cockily, lifting an eyebrow.

Aaron didn’t need to answer that, because it was a rhetorical question. He  _ loved _ what he saw. He grabbed Robert’s hand and pulled him down with him on the bed.

“I see you planned this…” Robert smiled, nodding towards the candles on the nightstand. 

Since that Christmas surprise Aaron had discovered his romantic touch. Not that Robert was allowed to tell anyone ever, Aaron had made him promise.

“Yeah,” he breathed huskily and guided Robert’s hand down to his arse, shoved it gently into his pants.

The long, nimble fingers went straight down the crack and Robert made an approving humm when he slid over the skin easily.

“Fuck, Aaron. You feel ready,” he muttered and attacked Aaron’s neck with his mouth, while his fingertips brushed over the sensitive hole.

_ Fuck, Robert! _

The sentence shot straight into Aaron’s cock. It shouldn’t be hot, but damn, it was.

“Fingered myself in the shower,” he whispered and gasped when Robert sucked on his skin harshly, “I told you I’m ready.”

The fingertip slipped in easily. Aaron had prepped himself with two fingers, so he didn‘t feel any sting, just the sensation of being penetrated. He enjoyed how normal this was by now, how good it felt.

They were laying on their sides, in a tight embrace and Robert started pushing his middle finger in and out. Aaron moved with him, pressed against the hand to get the finger deeper inside. Although the angle wasn’t ideal for Robert, Aaron felt that long digit curling and tapping and his breath hitched in anticipation. A sudden jolt shot through his body. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a long groan, the wet spot on the crotch of his pants got bigger. 

Aaron just clinged on every part of Robert’s body he could reach, his head foggy with arousal and want. The freckled skin was so smooth under his palms, so soft, so perfect.

Suddenly his pants were gone and Robert‘s jeans too, Aaron was on his back, panting. Robert knelt between his legs and looked down at him. Just looked. His eyes roamed Aaron‘s whole body, he could almost feel the intense gaze on his skin. Robert looked at him as if he was the 8th wonder of the world or something. Aaron flushed hot and heavy, his cock dribbled precome on his belly. 

He wanted those hands back on him, in him, everywhere. 

“Robert…“ he basically whined, high-pitched and needy.

“Fuck, you‘re so gorgeous,“ Robert whispered.

It got too intense now, because this  _ couldn‘t _ be true. The praise felt so weird, Aaron thought about his scars and wanted to cover himself instantly. His arms snapped around his belly, but Robert took his wrists and guided them up next to Aaron‘s head.

For the briefest of moments Aaron‘s heart skipped a beat, at the thought of being restrained, being held down, but Robert released him immediately and stroked gently down the arms, armpits and over Aaron‘s chest. Of course his boyfriend knew not to trigger him. 

He was safe with Robert. 

Aaron forced himself to keep his hands besides his ears.

“You are,“ Robert insisted lowly with earnest.

He was bent down, hovering over Aaron, so close that he could count the freckles. Then Robert leaned down and kissed him again, all the insecurities vanished in a second, killed with passion and love. Aaron lifted his head from the pillow, pushed his mouth up against Robert.

He wanted him now, he was so done with all the foreplay, done with waiting. Aaron pulled up his legs until he was spread out open, hoping that Robert got it this time. 

“Are you sure?“ Robert whispered into his mouth.

Aaron didn‘t need to think about it, he nodded without hesitating. 

_ I want you. I need you. _

A moment later the finger was back in his arse, sliding in smoothly. The second followed and Robert‘s eyes never left Aaron‘s, like he was constantly checking on him, taking in every twitch he made with his face. He found the prostate quickly, the angle allowed Robert better to brush over it, to tap against it, to twist his wrist to open Aaron up. 

The sensation was getting stronger and stronger, heat coiled in Aaron‘s belly, he didn‘t hold back the noises. Moans, whimpers, gasps. Curses.

He humped the air and it wasn‘t enough. He needed more, needed Robert. 

“Rob…!“ It was barely a whisper.

And then suddenly he was empty again. Aaron gasped and opened his eyes, he couldn‘t even remember that he had closed them at some point. He saw Robert grabbing a condom from the drawer.

“No!“ he croaked out and his boyfriend stopped to look at him.

God, Robert looked just as fucked out as Aaron felt. Eyes dark, lips red and glossy.

“Just you,“ he said breathlessly.

Their test had come back clean, they didn‘t need a condom. Robert hissed a quiet ‘fuck’ and just took the lube. Aaron stared at how he poured the transparent fluid on his right hand and rubbed it over his cock. The long fingers were wrapped around that huge shaft and Robert started fucking his fist, adding a little twist. 

It was mesmerizing. And so fucking hot. 

“How do you want to do it?“

Of course Robert let him decide, gave him control even now, gave him the chance to say no all together. Aaron loved him so bloody much. 

He considered the different options. Lying on his stomach was just a big fat no. Riding was off the list as well, although it would give him maximum control, Aaron didn‘t like the thought of being on display. Not when it was his first time like that with Robert. He thought about spooning on the side, but he really wanted to see Robert. 

“I wanna stay like this,“ he finally said.

Robert nodded, gently put a pillow under his lower back and lined himself up.

So this was it. The moment. For so many years it had never been an option for Aaron. Nothing he wanted, nothing he desired. And here he laid, on the bed, legs spread obscenely wide, waiting to be fucked. 

The nerves kicked in all of a sudden again, but before he could tense up, Robert leaned down and kissed him.

Aaron‘s eyes fell close and he relaxed, when Robert‘s lips slid and pressed against his. He felt the tip of the cock slowly entering him, pushing in and yeah, there was a burn, but it was okay, it was-

Suddenly he felt a little jerk when the head slipped in and then he was stretched. Robert stilled a moment, laid his forehead on Aaron‘s.

And slowly, oh so slowly he was filled. 

It hurt, but the pain didn't last, not when he relaxed, not when Robert's gaze put him at ease, and it felt amazing.

By the time Robert‘s cock was completely inside him, his whole body trembled.

“Okay?“ his boyfriend asked, whispering against his mouth.

“Yeah, c‘mon. Fuck me.“

And Robert did. The first thrust knocked the air out of Aaron‘s lungs. His eyes flew open and he grabbed Robert‘s arms to steady himself. They quickly found a rhythm, passionate and deep, Aaron tried to roll his hips to meet Robert‘s powerful thrusts. 

His hands wandered down the back and he felt the movement, the strength and sweat. Aaron wished they had a mirror on the ceiling so he could see this. 

“Fuck, Robert!“ he moaned. 

He pressed his face in Robert‘s neck and inhaled. His boyfriend was everywhere, on him, in him, around him, filling his body and his senses. There was nothing else that mattered right now, except this moment, this feeling of being so close together, closer than Aaron ever could imagine. Sex felt different like that. More intimate somehow. 

And it was  _ Robert _ moving above him, that amazing man with his cocky attitude and his soft core. 

His boyfriend changed the angle a bit and hit his prostate over and over. It was so good, so full, so much. Aaron felt like bursting and coming any second, and all he could do was hold on for dear life and  _ take  _ it. 

“Don‘t stop. God, Rob!“ he whined, “I‘m close.“

Robert moved above him, his right arm went down and-

_ Fuck fuck fuck _

-all it took was one rushed tug at Aaron‘s cock and everything exploded and maybe he was screaming, but he didn‘t really know, because his nerves were on fire and his heart thumped like a jackhammer in his chest. 

His body spasmed, totally out of control and he clenched around Robert. His boyfriend snapped his hips, buried himself deep inside Aaron and let out a deep long moan when he came. 

Aaron went boneless underneath him, Robert collapsed on the mess on his belly. They were both panting like crazy. 

The adrenaline made his head feel like it was floating, but his body felt hot and heavy and deeply satisfied. This had been amazing, beyond words. This had been more than he ever thought it could be. This had been-

“A ten,“ he whispered.

Robert snorted above him and then they both broke into laughter, loud and carefree, still breathless and sticky with cum and sweat.

  
  
  
  


**Chrissie White**

Natalie emailed you the script for the upcoming weeks. You’re back to filming next tuesday. I need you 100% focussed on the job. 

Aaron rolled his eyes at Chrissie‘s whatsapp. He didn‘t expect warm words or a thoughtful gesture from his boss, but a goddamn ‘good luck with the trial’ wouldn‘t be too much, would it. His phone binged again.

**Chrissie White**

And good luck with the trial.

Aaron shook his head and bit his lip, 

_ Bloody cow. _

-then he opened his emails. Natalie‘s was the latest he got. The script was about the beginning of Christian‘s boxing career and Olli‘s rape ordeal. Aaron dreaded reading it, let alone acting it. He clicked on the files anyway.

The first scenes next week were on location in a gym. Well, okay. That didn‘t sound too bad. Robert in hot sports gear was always a nice prospect, plus Aaron loved filming outside of the studios. He skimmed the script for the next weeks, eyes flying over the lines, finger scrolling down and down until-

_ No. No way. _

His body flushed hot and cold. He followed his first impulse, grabbed his phone and his keys and stormed to the door.

“Aaron?“ Robert poked his head out of the kitchen.

“I‘m back soon,” Aaron pressed out, too shaken to string a longer sentence together.

He tried as best as he could to ignore the flash of concern on Robert‘s face.

_ I‘ll explain later. _

He couldn’t do that now. Now he just needed to get out. It took him two attempts to fumble the keys into the ignition, because of his trembling hands and he forced himself to count to thirty before he drove off. He was fuming with anger, but that didn‘t mean he wanted to end up dead in a car crash. 

The drive was a blur, Aaron couldn‘t really remember how he made it to the parking lot of LWP, but the important thing was that he was here now.

He stormed into the building, ignoring the greeting from Anita at the information desk, not bothering with waiting for the elevator. Aaron took the stairs, two at once and it helped him to let out a bit of the tension in his body.

Chrissie‘s PA sat at her desk and was typing something, the clatter of her plastic nails sounded like a machine gun, when Aaron came in. Phoebe looked up and smiled.

“Hey Aaron, what can I-” 

“She in there?“ he spat out, pointing towards the door to Chrissie‘s office.

He wasn‘t interested in small talk with Phoebe. The anger was boiling inside him and Aaron felt like bursting any second.

“What? Yeah, but why-” Phoebe stuttered, “wait, Aaron, she‘s on the-! Aaron!”

He pushed the door open.

“...sure we can arrange something,“ Chrissie said and chuckled.

She stood at the window with the phone pressed against her ear. When she saw Aaron, her laughter died and the eyes went big.

“Looks like I have an emergency here. I‘ll call you later,“ she said and ended the call without waiting for a reaction from the other end.

“Excuse me?“ she asked irritated, “why exactly are you rushing in here without knocking when I was on the  _ phone _ ?“ 

Aaron wanted to strangle her.

“Excuse me??“ he echoed sarcastically and then he shouted: “I‘m not playing that!“

Aaron gasped for air, he felt like a stone was off his chest, now that it was out.

Chrissie gave him a look and blinked a few times, trying to catch up what he meant.

“The script!“ he gritted out.

_ What else would I be fucking talking about! Stupid cow! _

Her face fell. “What do you mean, you‘re not playing it?“

“Just what I said. If it won‘t get changed, I won‘t play it.“

Chrissie crossed her arms and waved her hair back with a vigorous headshake. 

“What exactly do you want to get changed, Aaron?“

There was sarcasm in her voice and god, Aaron hated it when people used his name at the end of a sentence. It was so fucking patronizing, as if he was a stupid kid. 

“It‘s explicit! The-” it burst out of him, but then the word got stuck in his throat. “The rape!“ He swallowed against the lump in his throat. “You said it would happen off screen, you said you would handle this carefully, you invited those people from SOSA and you told them…“

His voice broke and he hated it. Aaron did  _ not _ want to cry in front of Chrissie White. He took a deep breath.

“You said, it would happen off screen,“ he repeated.

Aaron couldn‘t believe it. They had been in this meeting together, but still Natalie had written something like that. 

_ Olli being pushed to the ground, pants being ripped down- _

Aaron forced himself to stop the train of thoughts  _ now _ . He felt betrayed. By his colleagues, by his boss. It wasn‘t that he had ever trusted Chrissie, but Natalie? Why would she write that after everything?

“The actual rape  _ is _ off screen!“ Chrissie pointed out cooly and Aaron flinched. “The first script Natalie came up with was way too boring. I had to make it a bit more dramatic. Come on, Aaron! You know the deal. It‘s a soap.“

Boring. A bit more dramatic.

_ Boring. A bit more dramatic. _

“I won‘t play that.“

Aaron took a step and shook his head. No way, no fucking way. 

“Think about the impact this story could have. In combination with the campaign we‘re going to do,“ Chrissie took a few steps towards him, her eyes were bright with excitement, “the message we send out to others who have experienced something similar.“

She was trying to press his buttons now, he knew it. And it was so damn wrong, it felt so wrong.

“And you‘re gonna be the face of the campaign. People will listen to you, because you’re  _ authentic _ .“

Chrissie smiled, actually smiled. And Aaron felt like he'd been slapped in the face. Because she said ‘authentic’, but she meant ‘victim’.

Another part of her statement made him frown. 

_ You are the face of the campaign. _

That meant interviews, press conferences, TV shows, radio shows. And finally the realisation hit Aaron that the journalists wouldn‘t just ask him about his job, about his storyline, they would ask about his personal experience, about his  _ tragic backstory _ . He could basically see their eager eyes to get a heartbreaking statement out of him.

Harris' words echoed in his mind, about how convenient this was for Chrissie and her PR ideas. 

“Have you told the journalists? About the trial? Before?“ he wanted to know, but deep down he knew the answer already. 

She didn‘t answer him and walked to her desk instead. Aaron‘s guts slowly turned, feeling sick. How stupid had he been?

“Have you told them?“ he shouted now, not caring that others might hear him.

“They would have come anyway after the first day!“ she suddenly blurted out. “Once it‘s in a tiny local rag, you can‘t stop them!“

For a moment his head was foggy with rage, but then everything sharpened again. He saw clear now and a cold calmness seeped into his body.

“I quit.“

Chrissie gaped at him and snorted.

“Excuse me?“ she raised her eyebrows, amused.

“I quit,“ he repeated, voice steady.

They glared at each other and Aaron stemmed his hands on his hips and lifted his chin. 

_ I quit.  _

He instantly knew it was the right decision. It was a long overdue. The safety of his job had been comfortable, fear of what might come after ‘Forbidden Love’ had held him back for so long now.

Not anymore. 

“You can‘t just quit!“ Chrissie pursed her lips.

“Pretty sure I can.“

He didn‘t remember the details of his contract, but every contract was terminable, even if it meant to pay a penalty. Aaron was willing to do that, whatever it took. 

“I would think about that very carefully,“ Chrissie narrowed her eyes, “you‘re Aaron Dingle here, a favourite of the fans and the team, this is your family. Outside you‘re Aaron Livesy, the ex-soap-actor.“

Aaron had had some sort of respect for her dad, Lawrence White, who had built up the studio out of nothing. The old bloke had given him the chance to start a new life years ago and he would forever be grateful for that. Larry‘s daughter though… she would run his legacy into the ground with open eyes, Aaron reckoned. 

“I‘m outta here,“ he informed her, before he turned around and left without looking back, not even when she shouted his name after him. 

He should probably feel weird, after just quitting a job that he had loved for so long. Acting was still the only thing he knew he was good at, but LWP simply wasn‘t for him anymore. Aaron was not going to be a PR puppet for Chrissie. 

He should feel weird, but he felt relieved.

This was a new year, a new start. Whatever the future held for him, Aaron was ready for it.

  
  
  


Aaron was not ready. 

He stared into the mirror of the men‘s restroom on the second floor of the courthouse in Leeds. Eventually he was back here. The trial continued. Another day of agonising heartache.

_ It‘ll be over soon. It‘ll be over soon. _

He kept repeating it like a mantra. They talked about him staying at home, because he didn‘t have to sit here and listen, but Aaron insisted on going. He won‘t give up now, won‘t give  _ him _ the satisfaction of knowing that he still had power over him. No fucking way.

Getting up was tough this morning though, Aaron managed it in the end because his boyfriend promised him a hand job in the shower.

_ Cheeky little shit. _

Aaron splashed cold water onto his face to clear his head. 

There were a few statements scheduled before lunch. A former teacher, who had witnessed some significant mood swings of Aaron back then. Seeing Mister Carter after all those years felt incredibly weird and Aaron was worried that he might say something that would be new fuel for Harris and his strategy to make him look bad, but his worries were unfounded, because Carter‘s memories of the sudden change in Aaron‘s behaviour matched perfectly the dates he had given them. He was basically backing up his statement.

He missed having Robert by his side, but his boyfriend waited outside to give his own statement about the incident in the restaurant. When Robert stood up there and talked, Aaron‘s chest swelled with pride. He was standing tall, holding his head high, speaking loud and clear and staying calm as fuck, even when Harris tried to twist his statement, to make it look like he would just back him up because they were together.

“I don‘t care how you‘re trying to pervert the facts,“ Robert told the lawyer, “because what I‘m saying is the truth, I have seen the effects this man has on Aaron, I have  _ felt _ it, my jaw was sore for about a week. Aaron is not a mad thug, that‘s just bullshit. He has done nothing but his work in the past 8 years, he is a loyal employee, a good colleague and a role model on set. Ask around, everybody‘s gonna tell you that.“ Robert looked up to him, his green eyes softened immediately. “He wouldn‘t lie about this, I didn‘t doubt him for a second. Aaron is the most honest, kindest and bravest person I know. “

Of course Aaron felt the tears swelling. How could he not after that? Because Robert was addressing his biggest fear, that was so deeply imprinted on his soul and his heart that it had silenced him for over 16 years. The fear of no one believing him. 

Chas squeezed his left hand while he wiped with his right one furiously over his eyes. Paddy nudged him gently on the side, pressed his massive body against him like a giant pillow. He knew they had his back, they told him that and showed it more than once. But still, it was overwhelming everytime. Aaron let out a choked sob. 

He was glad that the lunch break gave him a bit of time to calm down. Aaron sent the others to the cafeteria to grab him a sandwich, saying that he needed a moment alone. When they were gone, he slumped down on a bench in the hallway and closed his eyes. This whole court case was so damn tiring, he felt so drained and empty. 

There was a noise and a movement next to him and Aaron opened his eyes.

“Want some?“

Liv held a package of M&M‘s under his nose, chewing and giving him a questioning look. Aaron frowned and blinked at her.

_ Huh? _

“Where is Sandra?“ he asked.

She had already given her statement, why would she be here today as well? It didn‘t make sense. Aaron craned his head, looking around for her. He silently hoped not to see Sandra, it would definitely be too much for him today.

“At home. I guess,“ Liv shrugged as if this was nothing.

So his little sister came here all alone. Aaron gave her a long look and she lowered her eyes to the sweets in her hand. 

“Send her a text, so she knows you‘re here,“ he requested grumpily.

“How do you know-?” 

Aaron raised his eyebrow.

“Fine!“ she huffed and pulled her phone out to type a message. “Happy now?“

She was so much like him, it was unreal honestly. Aaron snorted and shook his head.

“What are you doing here anyway?“ he asked.

Liv bit her lip and shrugged. Then she grabbed new M&M‘s and shoved them into her mouth.

“It‘s his statement next.“

He almost didn‘t hear her, because she had said it quietly and she was chewing peanuts, but then he froze. 

Aaron felt all sorts of mixed feelings. He was happy to see her again, of course, but should she really be here to listen to  _ him _ giving his statement? 

Guilt and sadness flushed through him, she was just a kid, she shouldn‘t have to deal with any of that. 

“I‘m sorry,“ he said hoarsely, although he didn‘t know if she understood what exactly he was apologising for. He didn‘t understand it himself, really.

“You said he did it, didn‘t you?” she eyed him from the side and he just nodded. Liv shifted on her seat. “Well, then don‘t be sorry.“

She grabbed some M&M‘s again and that was it. Aaron wasn‘t an idiot, he knew she played it cool, although it surely must have had an impact on her. But he understood her. Trying to keep up a straight face no matter what to keep everyone at arm's length - it was his supreme discipline after all.

“Gimme me your phone,“ he said, holding his hand up.

“Why?“ she swallowed down the candy, “do you wanna check if I really texted my mum?”

“Just give me it.“ Aaron wiggled his fingers.

She huffed in annoyance, but pulled it out eventually and slammed it onto his palm. When it wanted a pin to unlock the screen, he thought about it for a moment and typed in her birthday. The phone lit up with a picture of her and Sandra.

“Not very safe,“ he tsk-ed her and got an eye roll in return. 

“Surprised you even remember the date,“ she muttered.

Aaron said nothing to that. Of course he remembered. His thumb flew over the screen and a few seconds later he gave it back to her.

“It‘s my number. Call me if you like?“ he said, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“Cool,“ Liv stared at the new contact, “might actually do that. Can you give me a backstage tour at ‘Forbidden Love‘?” she grinned at him.

It was the first time he saw that grin again. She still had the same hamster cheeks like back then. His heart clenched. 

_ I missed you, sis. _

Then he sucked in a loud breath.

“Yeah, about that,“ he scratched the back of his head, “you better hurry then. I errm… kinda quit.“

She gave him glare, before she slouched back.

“Awesome,“ she deadpanned, “I thought my brother is a celeb and now he‘s just jobless.“

Aaron would bet his arse that he saw the tiniest of smiles tugging on the corners of her mouth.

“Shut up and give me some of those,“ he shot back.

When they sat in silence together, crunching M&M‘s, Aaron felt that it could have gone way worse between them. Maybe this trial had a good outcome already. 

  
  
  
  


“I tried to be a good dad.“

Aaron tasted bile in his throat and he swallowed it down. He had expected it to be horrible, but he didn‘t expect it to be  _ that _ horrible. 

Hearing  _ his _ voice, looking at  _ his _ face, listening to the bullshit  _ he _ said, it was unbearable. Aaron felt hot and cold, he was sweating and shivering and a pain in his chest almost cut off his breathing. 

For nearly half an hour they had heard how hard it had been for  _ him _ to be a single father, how  _ he _ had been struggling to deal with life.  _ He _ managed to twist everything, as if  _ he _ was the poor victim in all of this. 

It was part of Harris' strategy to discredit Aaron.

Aaron forced himself to count. His vision started to swim away, his ears began to ring. He didn‘t understand what was said anymore, everything was just muffled noise, his head felt like it was full of cotton wool. 

He wondered why he was torturing himself, why he hadn‘t just stayed at home today. He definitely could do with a Top Gear marathon.

A hand was suddenly on his back. It carefully stroked between his shoulder blades. 

_ Robert. _

The only thing that kept him sane. Aaron leaned into his comforting touch, utterly grateful for the support. It was like a lifeline, pulling him slowly back to the surface. 

“Stop twisting my words!“  _ he _ exclaimed in that moment.

Aaron looked up dazed. He didn‘t know what happened in the past-

_ Five? Ten? _

-minutes, but somehow the arrogant, smug attitude of him had slipped, got flaws. That ugly smile was replaced with irritation and anger. 

“You said it yourself earlier, you  _ tried _ to be a good father. In fact though, you were out of your depth with your son. A little boy, only eight years old!“

“He wasn‘t a little innocent angel! You have no idea how difficult he was!“

“What exactly did he do, Mister Livesy? Enlighten us!“

“He wasn‘t listening to anything I said. He was mouthy and kept talking back. His grades started to drop, even his teacher talked to me about it!“  _ his _ voice got louder.

“His grades got better again though. One of his teachers just said this morning that Mister Livesy was quite a good student. You keep insisting how difficult he was, but everybody else says he was pretty much the opposite, his colleagues describe him as a role model even. Besides that incident with Robert Sugden, there is nothing you find about Aaron Livesy, not even a simple notice for illegal parking. How does that fit together?“

“He would be nothing without me, that‘s the truth!“

The words cut so deep, deeper than any knife could do. Aaron wondered, if  _ he _ really, truly believed that. That it had been something like a good deed. He felt sick again.

“And how is that, Mister Livesy?“

“Because I kept him in line!“  _ he _ snarled and the ice cold piercing blue eyes met Aaron‘s.

Aaron let out a choked sob. Hearing those words that echoed for years and years in his head out of  _ his _ mouth after all this time triggered his darkest, most painful memories. 

And then he realised something. Had Gordon just admitted it? More or less, at least?

The Jury tensed up, a murmur went through the crowd. Aaron‘s stomach felt hot and heavy, pulling towards the ground. His heart was beating rapidly somewhere up in his throat.

Robert squeezed his shoulder and stroked with the other hand his leg. He leaned over to Aaron‘s ear. 

“He‘s going down, Aaron. He‘s so going down for this!“ Robert whispered. 

Chas smiled grimly and wiped away some tears, Adam nudged Paddy in the side. But Aaron didn‘t dare to hope. Hope was dangerous. Hope often meant disappointment in the end.

But Gordon had shown his true colours for a moment and the atmosphere had shifted. Others had seen it too, what was hidden under the smarmy facade of his fake smile. His lawyer Harris tried his best to change tack, but even Aaron could feel the desperation now in Gordon‘s behaviour.

The final speeches were being held and then the trial was halted until the Jury came to a decision. All that was left now was to wait.

They stood in the hallway in an awkward silence, everybody looked worn out.

“We should go home, get some rest,“ Aaron pressed out with a raspy voice.

Knowing that it was almost over left him in a strange state of feeling numb. He didn‘t know how he was supposed to feel, relieved, tensed, scared, or what. Reality was, he just wanted to sleep for a whole week. Preferably curled around Robert‘s body. 

Everybody agreed with small nods, Chas offered Liv a ride home. Aaron looked at his little sister, saw her red rimmed eyes and knew she had cried. She tried to be that tough kid in front of others, but she was just as vulnerable as he was. Aaron pulled her into a tight hug and buried his face in her hair. 

“I missed you,“ he admitted quietly when he let her go again.

“Don‘t be a sap,“ she said and slapped against his chest, but Aaron noticed that her eyes were glossy again and her cheeks were more flushed than usual.

“Call me, yeah?“ 

She bit her lip and nodded, then Chas gave Aaron a peck on the cheek and walked away with Liv. Adam fist bumped his shoulder and Paddy squeezed him almost to death, before they left. It was just him and Robert now.

“How are you?“ his boyfriend asked, using his soft voice.

“I don‘t know,“ he answered honestly.

All this time he just had wanted it to be over and now it  _ was _ almost over. Only the verdict was to come. It was weird. 

“Hey, look at me,“ Robert pleaded and Aaron did.

Those wonderful green eyes were looking at him with so much love and strength. Robert was smiling.

“It‘ll be fine. You‘ll be fine, we will be fine.“

“I quit my job,“ it burst out of him.

“What?!” Robert’s face fell and he stared at him in shock.

“Yesterday…” Aaron ducked his head sheepishly, “we got the script for the next weeks and I… I can‘t do this storyline, I can‘t. I‘m sorry, Robert.“

He felt awful. His impulsive decision would affect Robert‘s career as well and he hadn‘t even considered that. He was a lousy boyfriend, Robert was probably pissed off. And quite rightly so.

“I read the script and I can‘t do this,“ he kept stammering, just to fill the silence, “and that campaign and all the interviews… I know it might help others and I know how much you love doing this kind of stuff, but…“ his voice broke.

He was a coward. A let down. Not brave enough.

Robert‘s hands grabbed his face and pulled it gently back up. Aaron wasn‘t met with anger or disappointment, Robert‘s face was all soft again.

“It‘ll be fine,“ he repeated.

Aaron was pulled into a hug and only then he allowed himself to relax.

“You can‘t know that,“ he pressed out despite feeling utterly relieved.

“Psh, I‘m always right, idiot.“

Robert kissed his temple and then they stayed like that, softly swaying in a tight embrace in the middle of that ugly hallway in the courthouse.

_ It‘ll be fine. _

  
  
  
  


They got the call one day later. It was the 5th January, Aaron‘s birthday, when fate decided it was time.

The Jury had reached a verdict.

Gordon got 18 years and his friends and family were cheering beside him, but Aaron stayed on his seat and looked at his father. Gordon looked back at him, his eyes full of shock. Full of  _ surprise _ . He had truly believed until last minute that he would walk out free. 

_ You‘re going to rot in there.  _

The verdict would not magically make his depression disappear, would not erase his anxiety days, but it was another step on the way to get there.

And yes, that felt good.

Aaron took a sip of his beer and smiled. They were in Robert‘s apartment now. The others insisted on being there as well. Aaron wasn‘t too keen on birthday celebrations usually, but bloody hell, this year everything was different. Music was playing-

_ Some 90s playlist, really Robert?! _

-and Chas had even bought a cake. 

Aaron had been 14 or so when he last had a birthday cake.

His mum and Paddy were talking and yup, there were definitely little looks between them. Oh dear, Paddy and his mum?! What a strange pairing. Aaron was torn between laughing and crying. 

Adam‘s laughter boomed through the living room. He stood there with Robert, his boyfriend grinned smugly into the neck of his beer bottle. He must have said something funny, because Adam kept laughing and clapped his shoulder.

Aaron snuggled into the sofa cushions and pulled his phone out. The news of the verdict was spread everywhere and the notifications went through the roof again.

He didn‘t read the articles and only skimmed the messages on twitter, because there were  _ hundreds _ of them, but he typed in tweet himself:

**Dingle** @justaarondingle 

Thank you for your support in the past few weeks, it means a lot to me. ❤️

Twitter got closed quickly after that and he opened whatsapp instead. His colleagues congratulated him for his birthday and the trial. He was going to reply to them tomorrow, because there was only one message that peaked his interest right now.

It was from an unknown number.

‘Happy birthday.’

That was all it said. He clicked on the little profile pic. It was a head from behind, a head with a long ponytail. Aaron would recognize that ponytail everywhere. He smiled and saved the contact.

**to little sis**

Surprised you remember the date.

He used her words from the day before and he really was. His heart clenched at the fact that she remembered it after all the years. Her reply came just seconds later.

**little sis**

😝

He snorted, because it was such a Liv answer and then Aaron put the phone away. 

So he was in contact with his sister again. 

He was in contact with his mum again. 

He had faced his past and put Gordon behind bars.

_ And I have Robert.  _

That was probably the biggest wonder of it all.

What a freaking year it had been. And the future was a blank sheet, ready to be written. 

Adam sat down beside him, slapped his thigh and pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Ey, birthday boy!“ his best friend beamed at him.

“Sup Ads?“ Aaron asked, smiling back.

“Not gonna give you some sappy speech now,“ Adam started, “because I can‘t handle making you cry-”

Aaron snorted and flipped him off.

“-but honestly,“ Adam sobered up, “I‘m proud of ya, mate.“

And fuck! Of course Aaron teared up at that. How could he not?

“Thanks. And fuck you,“ he laughed and wiped his eyes.

Adam was the worst best friend ever. They clinked their beer bottles and took a long sip.

Aaron‘s eyes wandered back to Robert, who stood with Paddy now. Paddy was rambling about something and when he turned around to grab some crisps from the counter, Robert stifled a yawn. Aaron chuckled and Adam followed his gaze.

“You actually pulled a good one there, who would have thought,“ Adam joked and clapped his shoulder, “Robert is a keeper.”

“Aww, so do we have your blessing?“ Aaron grinned, feeling butterflies in his stomach.

It wasn‘t that Adam had told him some news, of course Robert was a keeper. 

“Lol,“ Adam said - he actually  _ said _ lol - and Aaron snickered at that, “you‘re laughing, but your lad told me earlier that he‘s gonna ask you to marry him one day.“

Aaron‘s laughter slowly died. What?

_ What? _

He looked over to his beautiful boyfriend. Robert looked stunning with his stupid paisley shirt, the arms rolled up to the elbows, offering a good look of his muscular lower arms, the thick thighs covered in slim fit jeans, the hair styled perfectly. 

Right in that moment, he looked back at Aaron and their eyes met. These perfect lips slowly transformed into a soft smile. The lines on his face softened. 

There was this connection between them, so deep and pure, as if Robert could look right into his soul and vice versa. And all the bloody rom-coms had been true, this all consuming love  _ did _ exist. 

Aaron‘s breath hitched and his heart stumbled and stuttered, the physical reaction to Robert's sheer presence was intense as always. He loved this man so much. 

“Well,“ he quietly said to Adam, his eyes not leaving Robert‘s, “not if I ask him first.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG ONLY THE EPILOGUE IS LEFT!! 
> 
> Before you switch over, leave a comment please ❤️


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We reached the end.  
I have written that Epilogue in my head before I posted the first part here.  
Can‘t believe I finished it!! 🥵

5 years later

“You‘re staying here, until auntie Vic comes this afternoon, okay?“ Robert said.

Sly, their German Shepherd, stuck his tongue out and laid his head to the side as if he understood what had been said. Robert smiled and patted his thick fur. 

“Good boy.“ Robert looked at his watch. “Aaron?“ he shouted.

They were late already. If they wanted to make it to London in time they really had to leave now. Robert stood on the back porch of their house, which they had added when they renovated it. They had a lovely view over the fields from here and loved to spend their summer evenings sitting outside and watching the sunset. He waited for another minute, then he sighed and went upstairs.

“...yeah, I‘ll tell him,“ he heard Aaron say.

His boyfriend was sitting in front of his laptop and skyping with Liv. Robert stepped into the camera frame.

“Sorry to butt in, but we really have to go now or we‘re going to be late,“ he said. “So either you‘re coming or you‘ll have to stay here alone.“

Aaron grinned at that empty threat, his blue eyes shining. 

“And miss you getting your first BAFTA? Ha, don‘t think so!“

It was still unreal. Robert was nominated for a BAFTA as best supporting actor along icons like Steve Carell and Javier Bardem. After quitting ‘Forbidden Love’ one year after Aaron, Robert first smashed a leading role in a successful Netflix series and then he somehow got the role in Christopher Nolan‘s latest movie. It had been like a fucking dream come true. 

“Yeah, good luck, looser!“ Liv said on the screen and stuck her tongue out. 

Robert laughed and they ended the call. Aaron‘s little sister was just like her brother. His boyfriend got up from his desk.

“How did it go? Did you make progress?“ Robert asked.

Aaron had switched sides, he was a filmmaker now, making documentaries for the BBC. Currently he was working on a movie about street kids. He had spent weeks out there, talking to them to earn their trust.

“Looks like we start filming next week,“ Aaron told him and closed his laptop. 

His boyfriend's work life was dedicated to the youth, helping teenagers, telling their story, that was Aaron‘s thing. With Robert‘s support he had founded a charity as well. ‘Reclaiming childhood’ allowed kids who suffered a traumatic abuse to make new memories in a safe and loving environment. The charity organised camps, parties, trips to the zoo, excursions in the woods, hiking adventures and stuff like that. They started it two years ago, when Aaron finally felt stable enough to do interviews with the media again.

Aaron had taken huge steps. He didn‘t have panic attacks anymore, he was bursting with energy for his projects and damn, was he fitter than ever. Boxing and healthy food had shaped his toned body even more and yes, Robert was that lazy bastard that loved sitting on the couch to just watch his boyfriend doing sit ups and squats.

Especially the squats. Sweet Jesus.

Now the blue eyes sparkled at him, full of pride and love. Aaron kissed him and automatically Robert‘s hand had to cradle the scruff, that Aaron had neatly trimmed extra for today.  
Robert knew stories about other couples who lost their spark or got lost in the treadmill of everyday life. He couldn‘t imagine that ever happening to him and Aaron. There were still butterflies in his stomach. His knees still got weak when he kissed his boyfriend. 

“C‘mon, let‘s go!“

Robert knew that he still wasn‘t a big fan of red carpet events - some things never change - but he was just as excited about this BAFTA award show as Aaron. 

Probably because George Clooney is going to be there too.

He chuckled quietly. They went down the stairs, passing all the pictures they put up there.

Sarah, who he still missed every day.

Chas and Paddy, who actually had started dating after the trial. Aaron and Robert had given them six months tops, they had even bet money on it. But surprise, surprise, the couple was still going strong.

Vic and him. It had gotten much better between them. Andy was a sore subject though and would probably always be, they would never be ‘family’ again.

Vic and Adam. The thought that his sister was dating Adam now was still weird. Robert already had threatened to rip Adam‘s testicles off with his bare hands, if he would hurt Vic. Robert was determined to keep that promise.

Liv, who had been a hard nut to crack. It had taken almost a year until she warmed up with Robert, but ever since then, they had a real connection. He definitely got a second sister with her.

Bobby and Aaron. They had contact from time to time and met him maybe twice a year. Seeing Aaron with the little boy had tugged at Robert‘s heart in a weird, almost painful way. Kids had never been part of his plan for life, but Aaron chasing the squealing kid through their living room? Oh yeah. That had shaken Robert to the core. 

And of course there were pictures of them. From their holidays. From the day they moved in here, into their home after they had rebuilt it. Well, Aaron had rebuilt it mostly, because Robert had been working long days as a cast member of ‘Forbidden Love’ back then.

There was still space for new pictures and Robert already knew which one he wanted to add to their collection next.

They grabbed their suitcase and the bags with their suits. He chose a navy blue one, whereas Aaron‘s was a black three piece with a white shirt and he looked incredible in it. 

Robert checked mentally if they had packed everything they needed, when he pulled the door shut. 

“Wait! I forgot something!“ Aaron shouted and went inside again.

Robert packed the car, while he waited for his boyfriend to come back. He wondered what he could have forgotten, as far as Robert remembered correctly they had put everything in the suitcase.

Aaron stepped outside, petting Sly‘s head softly before he closed the door. Robert frowned when he saw that he was empty handed.

“Didn‘t find it?“ he asked when they got in the car.

“Oh, no. I found it,“ Aaron said and he had a mischievous smile on his face. 

Huh. Whatever it was, it seemed to fit in his jeans pocket. Robert‘s hand wandered down to his own pocket and he relaxed when he felt with his fingers the small box. 

The small box with the two silver rings in it. 

Tonight‘s the night.

He smiled at Aaron and started the engine. No matter if he got that BAFTA or not - he was definitely already a winner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Jo for giving it the flow!! 🙏🏻  
And also to Jase for sorting out my errors in that last monster chapter.
> 
> I hope that ending didn‘t disappoint.


End file.
